atw2592

I'm like top 15 in the league in goals so suck it Muller

If a rookie is going to make the All-Star game, look no further

As the season enters its second half, the Oslo Storm is gearing up for their quest at capturing the S47 VHLM championship. It has been a season full of ups and downs for Oslo as they’ve consistently been toppled by stronger teams while taking care of the weaker ones. This leaves the Storm in the middle of the pack as a playoff team who, as of right now, won’t be a serious contender for the title. However, Oslo just acquired a new defenseman off waivers who could help their chances down the stretch. Xavier Laine is a big 6’4, 210 pound blue liner from Finland that has the skills to help any VHLM team. While not the quickest defenseman, Laine packs a punch with his outstanding strength and offensive ability from the point. He is likely to become a two-way player who can contribute both offensively and defensively, something highly coveted in the VHLM. After recording 18 goals and 44 assists for the Finland 18u hockey team in only 39 games this season, Laine is testing his luck in the professional ranks for the first time. Oslo is a perfect landing spot for Laine, who won’t have to compete for a starting spot as the Storm don’t currently have any defensemen on their roster. Laine will also jump into a locker room that is filled with talent and activity which could boost his production even further. His agent also produced a talented young player named Mattias Theib who has been helping the first place Ottawa Lynx run roughshod through the VHLM in the first half of the season. It is obvious that his agent produces winners, something that fans in Oslo can celebrate when hearing about their new signee. “Laine has been great for junior hockey in Finland and it is saddening to see him leave” said Finland’s head of youth hockey in a telephone interview. “He has been the backbone of our team since his was 15 and I’ve watched him blossom from a young boy to man who has what it takes to play at the next level. Not only that, but he is a leader. Any team who ends up with Xavier can assure themselves that they have a star in the making. He gets better every day and is hungry to win. He wants it more than the man across from him. He is a special player who is going to work hard to become all that he can be. I could go on and on but to truly understand my appreciation, you have to be around him as much as I was and get to know him as a person. He is destined for greatness where ever he goes.” Xavier Laine will join Oslo for their next wave of games this weekend against the Brampton Blades, Saskatoon Wild, and Moscow Red Wolves. @Jepox

5-3 Dynamo

Yup

Oslo claims Xavier Laine

Reporter: So LeAndre, how has the last few days been now that you can safely say that you have been cleared of all allegations that you murdered that woman? LSP: You know man, it feels great. I knew I didn't do it and I'm glad the police didn't try to frame me for it. All I did was fuck her brains out and then told her to leave. I do that with a lot of girls, this time was no different. Reporter: Now let's talk a little about your job. Do you think with your name being cleared, you will focus more on playing better down the stretch? LSP: I think it will help for sure. I don't have to walk into the stadium every night and have people outside the fence yelling at me as I got out of my car. I really think it's going to benefit my focus on the game and hopefully it will lead me to the rookie of the year trophy. Reporter: One last question, do you think you'll actually do a media spot this week instead of claiming welfare like you have the past two weeks? LSP: If I have time tomorrow or Thursday, I will.

LSP claims 2

Oslo offers Alexander Davidson an active free agent contract as well. We could really use your services to transform us into an elite team for the rest of the season!

So, LeAndre St. Pierre has been pretty drunk the past couple of days. Aside from his ongoing investigation into a missing person last seen at his home a few weeks ago, St. Pierre has been downing a 24 pack and a fifth of vodka every day for roughly the past week. It has really been taking a tole on his play for the Legion, as they have been in skid lately as a whole. Individually, LSP hasn't done much to help their cause. Stuck on 26 points for over 4 games, St. Pierre has been going through the motions on the ice and not really looking to score as much as he did early on in the season. His shot totals are still high, but the scoring is non-existent and he doesn't do enough on defense to make an impact on that end. This may actually benefit the Legion, who aren't looking to compete this year anyway in hopes of receiving a high draft pick in next season's draft which is relatively deep.

Klajums sure earned his pay in this one. Christ.

Son of a bitch.

^^^

4-3 Legion

LSP 2

It's been a busy week for LeAndre St. Pierre, as a lot of changes have been taking place in his life. He has recently been accused of kidnapping a woman and potentially murdering her, his stats in the VHL have decreased after his torrid start to his rookie season, and he hasn't been putting in as much time in the locker room because of his life outside of hockey. While it is only temporary and should get better in the coming days, it is still concerning that LSP hasn't been making it to the training facility to work on his game. He is a young player who needs to record sufficient training hours each week to keep up with the demand of the VHL competition. While this hasn't affected his minutes on the ice or his status in the locker room, it will be worth keeping track of in the near future. Hopefully next week he can get back on track and lead the Legion to the playoffs.

Klajums huge game

The team with more human players won

Nice win boys. Keep this going.

The December disappearance of a Toronto woman is still unsolved, but now there are a few different people on the radar of police. Sydney Crosby, 22, was reported missing by her family on December 31st after they hadn't heard from her in almost three days. A search for her is still ongoing, but police have started focusing on the people who were last seen with Crosby. One of those individuals is none other than the breakout star of the Toronto Legion in the Victory Hockey League, LeAndre St. Pierre. St. Pierre was first thought to be a suspect after he was seen with the woman on his estate in the early morning hours of the day she was reported missing. Apparently, the Toronto rookie forward was reported to have been at a bar with Crosby on the night of December 28th. Surveillance tapes of the St. Pierre property have recently been confiscated by police and reportedly show Crosby present at his home on the morning of December 29th. While Crosby did not leave the bar with St. Pierre that night, it is not known if they two traded contact information and could have met up later that night. The case is still in the early stages, but all signs seem to be pointing towards St. Pierre as the main suspect. "We don't want to speculate at this point, but the past arrest history of Mr. St. Pierre is disturbing" said Toronto Deputy Ken Penisface. "If he was the last person to have seen her, then he has to be our main suspect at this point." The past criminal history of St. Pierre cannot be ignored. In June of 2014, St. Pierre was arrested for running around naked while tripping on psychedelic mushrooms in public. He spent the night in jail and paid a fine of $450 to the county of Toronto and was released. Later that year, St. Pierre was arrested again for public indecency, this time outside of a bar in downtown Toronto. It just so happens to be the same bar that he was at on the night of December 28th with Mrs. Crosby. "We have to take that into account when dealing with this sick human being" said Mr. Penisface. St. Pierre seems to be an individual who likes taking off his clothes when he gets drunk. Could this be a reason why Mrs. Crosby went missing that night? "We can't know for sure" commented Mr. Penisface. "If he can get drunk or trip balls on mushrooms and run around downtown Toronto naked, who is to say he isn't responsible for why this woman went missing after she was seen hanging out with him that night?" Speaking of "hanging out," it seems that many women have "hung out" with Mr. St. Pierre over the course of his time living in Toronto and playing for the Legion. We received reports of 35 different women who have seen Mr. St. Pierre's penis within the last two years. "It is a sight to see" said one woman, who asked to remain anonymous. "I mean, I've had my share of black dicks, but this guy's dick was something else. It had to have been a foot long, I definitely couldn't fit it all in my mouth." These reports seem to be consistent with those of the other women of which St. Pierre has had contact with. The case is still in its very early stages, but we will likely be hearing much more from LeAndre St. Pierre and his defense team in the coming days.

After a long process to finally get to the VHL, LeAndre St. Pierre has proven that he can not only be a contributor, but a star in the making. He leads all rookies in goals with 5 through the first week of the season, including a game winning goal just last night against the Seattle Bears. It seems as if many current VHL stars are trying to bully LeAndre early on in his career. He has already been in two fights, neither of which were instigated by him. "It's been a bumpy ride so far, I've definitely gotten some initiation in my first week in the pros" said LSP. "I really pissed off Phil Hamilton, so he started a fight with me in the first game. He beat my ass, but got kicked out and I went on to have 4 points. So I think I won that one." Everyone around the league seems to be taking notice of his outstanding play and it remains to be seen how long he can keep up this dominant scoring performance. He is a clear front runner for rookie of the year in the first week of the season, but a lot can change over the course of the season.

Player Name: LeAndre St. Pierre VHL Team: Toronto Cash you have: $7M Purchase Name: VHL.com/Radio Upgrade Cost of Purchase: $2M Cash Left: $5M

5-4 Legion

Express Dynamo Wranglers Americans

I will try to submit lines this weekend, haven't been around a computer to do so. Still, usually the lines set by the computer favor human players. You can blame this one on me.