Thunder

Happy Birthday!!

. With one week of sims down, is the team performing as you’ve expected? Saskatoon was doing great but now on a 3 game losing streak. Trueno needs to step up. 2. Who do you predict will be Davos’ MVP this season? That’s easy…. David Jokenin @Ahma 3. What are your thoughts on our current prospect pool? Alex was a genius once again. 4. If you are participating, what does your VHFL or Super Coach team look like? If you aren’t participating, any reason why you chose not to sign up this season? Not very good. I picked Logan Ninefingers, @Scurvy only so I could blame him for my lack of success. 5. What is your most controversial VHL opinion? Huh? I guess this question would be!! 6. If Davos had a mascot, what would it look like? Ahma 7. What sports do you enjoy watching besides hockey? Curling, chess, synchronized flag twirling, 8. What was the last video game you played? FIFA - take that @Scurvy, biatch!!!!

1. How are you feeling about the team after the 9-3-0 start? Cant complain. The team is strong. We have some good goal scorers and the goalies are incredible. 2. If you could take one player from the NHL and put them on our team right now, who would it be and why? Radko Gudas because we’d be teammates!! 3. What is your go to drink when you're relaxing? H2O 4. Are you pleased with your player's first dozen games? My player would like to be contributing with more blocked shots and more hits. It’d also be nice to have a fight or two under his belt. 5. What team do you think looks like the biggest threat to us early on? Cant think of any. We have held our own every game. I dont see anyone getting in our way. 6. Is the playoff field in the NHL set, or do you think that someone is going to sneak in with only a few weeks left? I know the Sharks arent getting in. As long as the Penguins stay out too, I’m happy. Otherwise I dont care. Boston better not disappoint though

Have to ask Trudeau!!!!!

Transaction ID: 3E560381GD934211Y $1 million player store 5 uncapped TPE 6 TPE doubles week

Getting to the VHL for Mario Juan Huerto-Villa was a bumpy road to say the least. Born in the Miguel Higaldo barrio of the City of Zitácuaro, Michoacán. He never knew his mother nor his father; at just three months old, they were gunned down in a cartel rivalry bloodbath between the La Familia Michoacán and the Los Zetas, while on their way to Morelia. Mario and his maternal grandmother, Eunesia Balastar Huerto Gonzalez, were swept up by surviving Familia members and brought to an undisclosed location where Mario’s fate began. An infertile wife of a prominent member in the cartel took him in as her own. In doing so, Eunesia had to choose death or exile to walk the beaches of Puerto Vallarta and sell wooden alibrejes dolls. Mario Juan Huerto-Villa soon became nicknamed Bollos de Trueno, due to his gastric issues as a baby, having a propensity to fill his diapers with explosive force. As he grew, every child associated with the cartel familia, knew him and identified him as Thunder Buns, to the point that Bollos preferred this name to his birth name. Living in a communal campo gave Bollos a fierce instinct for survival. The older kids abused the younger ones and the higher status kids abused them all. But as statuses changed, so did the abuse. For Bollos de Trueno, he learned to stand up to kids, regardless of age or power, often times leading to fighting with sticks, rocks, and anything else they could find as a weapon. After every fight however; those involved always made up and continued on as friends, or somewhat on friendly terms. As the La Familia Michoacán and Los Zetas cartels fought and turmoil found its way into the campo again, one day chaos erupted and five year old Bollos de Trueno found himself in a tractor trailer loaded with one and a half tons of pure methamphetamine hidden in watermelon crates, headed for the United States. Once inside the U.S., Bollos de Trueno was passed off to a human trafficking group and was illegally sold to a wealthy Canadian couple desperately wanting a child. False documents afforded Bollos de Trueno’s new family to get him into Ontario without issue. The only hitch in this scheme was that Mario Juan Huerto-Villa no longer existed and Bollos de Trueno, the snot nosed five year old with a gastric disorder moved into a mansion in a neighborhood that was named North York, which later became known as The Bridle Path, in Toronto. Trueno’s new parents immediately hired translators to teach Bollos English, French, and Mandarin, and even provided him with a piano teacher to give him some aesthetic appreciation and shake off some of his unpolished personality. As it turned out, Trueno’s new adoptive mother was a professional ice skater when she lived in China, and Trueno took an interest in ice skating in the massive indoor rink on the property. Trueno was being taught figure skating for months until the NHL season started up and he and his new adoptive family attended the first home game of the Toronto Maple Leafs, in their family suite. Trueno fell in love with the game of hockey, especially the physical part of the game. He was impressed with the speed and agility of these skaters, and the gamesmanship with a stick and puck. He especially enjoyed the roughness and fights, wishing he was with his friends back in Mexico only playing hockey. Trueno gave up figure skates, much to the chagrin of his adoptive mother, but not the father, put on hockey blades, grabbed a stick and his mother’s skating rink was turned into a hockey rink. Over the next few years, Trueno was provided with trainers and developed his skills rather quickly. It became apparent that hockey was Bollos de Trueno’s future, and he was given every opportunity to excel. He couldn’t get enough hockey. He went to every home game and spent time on the ice hours before the games with some of the Maple Leafs kids. The kids seemed to have unfettered access to the Air Canada Centre. To this day, Trueno doesn’t know the relationship his new father had with the Leafs, even after the arena’s name changed to Scotiabank Arena. The first sign of trouble for Trueno came when he joined the Atom League. He was granted a waiver to play under age, most likely due to influence from his adoptive father, and clearly demonstrated his abilities to earn a first line defender position. Considerably smaller than the other players, he resorted back to aggressive behavior from his childhood days in the cartel camp, and was suspended for using his hockey stick as a weapon after being called a derogatory name by a smart mouthed 10 year old. Given the unlimited money by his family, Trueno was provided a sports psychologist to overcome his anger and he was able to rejoin the Atom League the following season, and without surprise he became an instant successful hockey youth. Trueno also shined in the PeeWee league, Bantam, and Midget. Trueno was drafted by the Niagara IceDogs in the first round, but never made it to training camp because his adoptive parents were killed in a private plane crash outside of Banff National Park, returning from a business meeting in Vancouver. Trueno’s desire to compete and play hockey disappeared overnight. Confused, alone, and in emotional despair, Trueno sought out the only blood family member he knew, his abuela. He had a sizable amount of cash along with a debit card, and convinced a young couple who were already going to Mexico to allow him to tag along, at no cost to the couple. Trueno promised to not be a bother and did not disclose to this couple he had no intention of returning to Canada. Once they landed, Trueno helped the couple with his translation to ease their process through the airport and to their beach condo. It was then that Trueno broke the news to them that he would be on his own from there, and thanked them for their help. In addition, he gave them an extra thousand dollars for their silence. Trueno wasted no time getting onto the beach and felt completely out of place, even though this was his country. On the sand, he walked among the poverty of vendors trying to scrap for pesos, all the while he looked over ropes, small walls, and other barriers where he saw people he related to more, those with money and means to thrive. The contrast stupefied him. He spent his first three days walking the hotel zone, asking every vendor he came across, before receiving promising information for him to try the marina. His hopes were shattered however; after two more days of searching came up with no abuela. Left with no other choice, he continued south back past the hotel zone and began inquiring along the Malecón and then entered the Romantic Zone. By now, it seemed that every vendor was aware of his quest for an elderly woman named Eunesia. After a week and a half, Trueno was about to step off the beach to find some tacos; tired, hungry, and emotionally distraught, a vendor came running towards him screaming he had seen Eunesia. Trueno quickly got the information and began running the beach south looking for her. Trueno spotted a tiny woman carrying a board with alibrejes characters, and was convinced it was his grandmother. He started shouting, “abuela” and as he got closer the woman turned and immediately teared up. Fifteen years later, her prayers were answered. They embraced for what seemed like hours before speaking. Eunesia’s legs gave out with the excitement and she insisted on learning everything about her grandson. Eunesia knew nothing of what hockey was, but listened intently about the sport as Trueno described it. When he finished explaining his life, Eunesia was adamant that Trueno return to Canada and live there, play hockey, and enjoy his life. This turned into hours of discussion and disagreement. In the end, Eunesia promised to collect the proper documents for her to go to Canada if Trueno returned to Canada as soon as possible. Eunesia did not have a cell phone but she told Trueno that she has access to a public phone and they agreed Trueno would call the number every Sunday morning at 6 AM PV time. They parted and Trueno sought out the couple who got him into Mexico for an unexpected return. Upon his return, Trueno met with the IceDogs management and was given the opportunity to try out again the following year. In the meantime, he rejoined his team in the Midget League, and spent the season dominating the Midgets. Trueno spent two seasons with the IceDogs racking up a plethora of hits and blocked shots, as well as contributing to several wins, even though Trueno struggled somewhat as his sudden growth caused him to skate awkwardly for a few months. In addition to that, a lower body injury prevented him from competing in the playoffs. At VHLM draft time, it was explained to Bollos de Trueno that the draft pool was deep with defensemen and it would likely be that Trueno would be selected in the late second round or early to mid third round. Trueno didnt mind, he just wanted to be selected so that he could prove to be a valuable hockey player. Trueno was thrilled when he was selected 19th by the Saskatoon Wild. Trueno hopes to enjoy a successful season with the Wild and contributes as best he can learning from his teammates, and hopes on winning the championship. He calls his abuela every Sunday morning and updates her on his weekly performance. Progress for gathering appropriate documentation to leave Mexico has been a struggle for Eunesia, but she does not tell Trueno anything other than things are moving along fine and she should be in Canada soon, which in reality is very unlikely. 1674 words

Ten games into the VHL season and things are upside down. Shit is all screwed up. When I say screwed up, I’m talking about Rip Wheeler, @ScottyP, and Logan Ninefingers, @Scurvy. Apparently Logan Ninefingers has seven of those nine fingers up his ass. Ninefingers should be scoring goals, making assists, hitting hard, and blocking shots. Rip Wheeler should be sucking, barely producing, and maybe blocking a shot or two. Rip Wheeler had a whopping 16 shots block last season, and after only ten games this season he’s already got 9 shots blocked. Meanwhile, in Vancouver, Logan Ninefingers has blocked the puck only twice in ten games. But wait, Ninefingers is a heavy hitter, while Rip Wheeler is a big pussy. Oops, things are backwards again. Ninefingers has counted for 22 hits this season, while Wheeler has already racked up 34 hits. My world is in crisis mode. I should be trashing Wheeler every week and bragging about Ninefingers, instead I’m laying out Ninefingers slow, sad, pathetic performance. In fact, things are so messed up, I can barely think right now, so I’m gonna finish up and list the other successes of Wheeler before I puke. Wheeler has 3 goals and 9 assists through ten games, while Ninefingers has 2 goals and 3 assists. Luckily, this anomaly is going to be short lived, so you better do all your shit talking this week at the office while you can Scottyp, because scurvy earns a hell of a lot more TPE each week and his diminished stats are only a small hiccup, and I’ve got a hell of a lot more faith in Ninefingers than in Wheeler. Hopefully next week, I’ll be able to get back on track and write about how Logan Ninefingers smashed Rip Wheeler’s face. 297 words

Claim week 3 of 4

How’s your progress going?

Ha ha…. That is one recommendation I will not follow. @Berocka help!!! Getting bad advice!!

Do ring dings have protein?

Thanks you very much @OrbitingDeath . Another great signature. Appreciate it.

You got it dialed in @frescoelmo

Demanding proof?? Ha ha. Saint Berdoodle named Hazel.

So far walked dog 4.5 miles. Still gotta do 30 minutes on peloton.

Good idea Berocka. My goals are cardio every day and drop at least 5 pounds a month until I dont drop anymore. Problem is too many distractions. This chat might help, especially if you flip me shit for not achieving goals.

Im training for a 1 K. Might be able to finish it if it’s not too hilly.

Who are you trying to kid…. You’ve been hitting Ben & Jerry every night for 3 months, watching anime porn and playing xbox. If it werent for your wife, that garage would be all dust.

1. As per tradition, what is your one bold prediction this season? There will be one champion, a few close ones, and several not so close. 2. Who do you think will be this season’s league scoring leader? The player who gets the most goals. 3. What have you done to keep yourself busy this offseason? Crashing press conferences and giving useless answers 4. What keeps you active and motivated as a member of the VHL? Hockey hockey hockey 5. What are your thoughts on meme player names? Have at it 6. Are you following the league on its social media platforms? Nope 7. Creamy or crunchy peanut butter? Creamy and to go further I prefer Skippy but my wife wants Jif. Guess which brand is in the cupboard. 8. What are your thoughts on reality TV? Ha ha. I like Below Deck. Dont think its all reality though!! Although when the one guy almost lost his leg from the tender rope, it sure looked real.

1. Are you pleased with which pick number you were taken in the draft? Absolutely. Got selected at a good time and to a good team. Looking forward to the season 2. What goals do you have for your player this upcoming season? Build up defense and support with passing, puck handling, and if need be fighting. 3. What is the best snack food to go with a movie? Popcorn with plenty of salt and butter, non-parallels, mike & Ike’s, fruity good and plenty 4. If you were making a locker room pump up playlist, what song would be the first added? Tres veces Mojado (live version) and then go out for chili relleno burritos 5. Which of your new teammates are you looking forward to playing with most this season? Laslo Holmes 6. What is your most commonly used emoji?

Graphic Review The graphic explains itself. This is a unique graphic because it is the season 93 captain, and alternates, yet they are all the same player. Starting with the players, they are proportionally balanced and also are slightly to the right of center which makes the graphic even more appealing to the eyes as the last name coincides with the player in the middle. The symmetry at the top adds to the graphic and defines the graphic. The background of clouds and mountain enhance the graphic to make it even better. to top it off with the captain carrying the torch, it just brings about a finality to the graphic that points out exactly what this graphic is all about. Once again, you did not disappoint! Score 10/10

Rip Wheeler, @ScottyP is changing sweaters after being traded from the Calgary Wranglers to the Prague Phantoms. The trade also saw all-star defenseman Skor McFleury, @Alex move to Prague with Wheeler. Calgary picks up Kyle Toms, @Ktoms22 and Moritz Stauffer @GoodLeftUndone in the trade, along with a season 95 Prague first round pick in exchange for a season 95 Calgary second round pick. Dissecting this trade, it appears that both teams come out winners. Starting with Calgary, they pick up a first round pick in season 95, which will boost their roster in the future. Trading McFleury also frees up some salary cap this season. Adding Stauffer to the defense with Phil Strasmore, @Phil will definitely make it tough to score on the Wranglers. With Randy Bobandy, @AJW in the lineup, Toms will have someone to look up to and help develop into a top forward. For Prague, adding a record breaking defenseman and an up and coming forward will surely keep Prague in the hunt for the cup, especially with the retirements of Nikolas Kauppi, @Tetricide and John Jameson, @Frank. Skor McFleury will be a good mentor for the young Prague defensemen. Both Calgary and Prague will be making some more decisions before the season begins. On a side note, with Wheeler going to Prague, he will be expected to step up and not be the slacker he is so accustomed to. Hopefully he learns how to block shots with Prague. He also better hit the gym because Logan Ninefingers, @Scurvy is looking for some toe to toe action, especially now that Wheeler moved out of the North American Conference. Ninefingers was so looking forward to getting multiple opportunities to smash Wheeler’s face. 286 words

Claim week 2 of 4

Cant wait for season to start. And I’m going to spend the season convincing Lazio Holmes @Gustav to want to smash Logan Ninefingers’ face when he gets into the VHL!!

He’s a thug!!