Thunder

1. Have you got London or DC to win the Continental Cup? neither, just got back 2. Is a team’s winning record the best reflection of their success? Or another attribute? Its about the hardware as far is history goes, but teamwork goes a long way for satisfaction 3. Which VHL team is due for a rebrand? HC Davos, why, I dont know, just saying it! 4. What is one suggestion you would offer to make the offseason more interesting? tourneys, tpe bonuses, etc 5. Will you be participating in the ProAm? gonna have to see if I can sign up 6. What is your favorite type of point task to do? Kirbithan press conferences. Only reason I came back!! 7. Favorite ice cream flavor? Quarterback Crunch 8. Any upcoming films you would like to see this year? Bambi Goes Down for a Buck

If a player in the VHL were to be a real life player in the NHL, there is one particular NHL player who can be mirrored to a specific VHL player. Both players are particularly gritty, hard-working, tenacious, and dedicated to the game of hockey. Granted, there could be several NHL players who this particular VHL player could be associated with; however, after several minutes of reviewing players and their history, along with statistics, physical attributes and psychological attributes, I kept coming back to one player specifically. The next few paragraphs are going to describe the players in particular, and then at the end, and only at the end will the names be revealed. The reason for revealing so late in the article is because if it was known in the first paragraph, someone would stop reading! The VHL player in mind is a solid defenseman. He’s on his second player and it appears that his second player is going to be just as good as his first player. The retired defenseman was inducted in the VHL Hall of Fame; he was a beast, he won several awards, and he thrived on teamwork and allegiance. This player is active in his team locker rooms, has a devotion to the game of hockey, and really enjoys being involved in the VHL. His new player is finishing up the VHLE, and has demonstrated his desire to continue to be a top defender and contribute as his first player did. Statistically speaking, the quality of play by each VHL player is closely matched. Defending his team with a good number of hits, blocking shots, and sticking up for his teammates come to mind; but the one that sticks out is penalty minutes. The sin bin is a favored seat for this VHL player. Now, I could add Xbox as a similarity to how he plays, but thats another time. With 1684 penalty minutes over eight seasons in the VHL, not including playoff penalty minutes, it is clear that the referees zero in and look for an excuse to send the player into the box. Included in these amazing statistics is 2064 hits from this retired player. The punishment is obvious and the impact is a moment of revelation. And as the 2nd gen player continues to impress, we’re sure to see these statistics continue to rise in a satisfying progression. Now, the NHL player who mirrors the style and play of the VHL player…. First off, this NHL player is not a defenseman. He is actually much more disciplined than the VHLer. He recently played his 1000th game and has over 900 points. Like the VHLer, this NHL player is a lefty, although he has all ten of his fingers. This player is a target to opponents; he is feared, and revered, just like his specular in the VHL. Committed to his team and never slowing down, this NHL player is a local hero to his team. OK, time to divulge the players so that the shit talking can begin…. Yes, @Scurvyy, I’m talking about you and your players. Brian Payne and Logan Ninefingers possess the same quality of play, demonstrate an equal commitment, and have a genuine love for the game of hockey as this Boston Bruin hero, Brad Marchand!!! 550 words

Player Information Username: Thunder Player Name: Bollos de Trueno Recruited From: Member (Scurvy) Age: 17 Position: D Height: 75 in. Weight: 213 lbs. Birthplace: Mexico Player Page @VHLM GM

The voice of reason. Ugh!!

Right there with you. Gets old!!

1. Still a lot of games left! Which player on our team has been impressing you the most so far this season thus far? Skor McFleury, but I expected him to impress me! 2. What is your player’s preferred number? 22 3. For graphics, which NHL player represents your player/who is your preferred player render? Radko Gudas 4. Which is more crucial to the success of a team: offense or defense? Cant succeed without both 5. What are your thoughts on the league’s TPE earning system? Is there something you would add or change? Not a fan of having to do weekly tasks. Its getting old. I’d pay to have max every week 6. Will you be buying NHL 24? Ahhh, no. When it changes for the better, I’ll buy it again 7. What other sports do you watch other than hockey? won’t be watching any sports pretty soon. Getting rid of tv 8. Have you ever traveled internationally? If so, to what countries? Being an international man of mystery,,, groovy baby.

RIP Wheeler is SHIT!!

Podcast Review Your podcasts are always enjoyable, and this one didnt disappoint. You speak clearly and with speed so that it doesnt drag on and you dont bore the listener. I like how you picked your topics and provided examples and information which validated your topics. When you pulled stats from the VHL, you did not miss a beat and there were no awkward pauses. You have a good introduction and you finish off strong. Overall your podcast is a top contribution because your podcasting expertise is demonstrated in this podcast. Nicely done! Score 10/10

Podcast Review Once again, you made an interesting podcast. You spoke with feelings and your topic was interesting. You provided good examples and your speaking was clear and gave me a visual of what you were encountering while doing the podcast. The topic was interesting and you provided a personal touch by having your player involved in the topic. As far as profanity, keep it in your podcasts, it brings in reality and truthfulness. As far as your vaping pen, we all know you got weed in that vape, who are you trying to kid! Score 9.5/10

Ever since he joined the VHL, he was deserving of the name of Jimmy Hurdstrom, and had no business making a mockery of the name Rip Wheeler. @ScottyP has changed all that this season and is now worthy of the name Rip Wheeler. Now, his scoring numbers may not be the greatest, but he is improving and this season he will definitely have some somewhat impressive numbers in that department. It’s not the increased scoring that makes him worthy of bearing a name such as Rip Wheeler, its his hitting. For whatever reason, Rip Wheeler decided to actually make contacts with opponents this season and is currently tied for the most hits in the VHL. Rip continues to impress, as he actually earned enough TPE so that @Scurvy could get his recruitment bonus. Scurvy may not appreciate Rip’s lackluster dedication to the league, but there has definitely been some recent improvement. There could only be one thing that would bring this season to an epic status as far as it involves Rip Wheeler. That would be if Rip were to fight with Brian Payne or Jake Thunder. There has to be some bragging rights to go along with Rip’s success. Drinking excessive amounts of whiskey is not one of them. All I can say is Rip better take a picture of his face before the fights because when the fight is over, his face will never look the same, but you get to keep your name. 248 words

Keep saying fuck!! Good podcast, as always

And we will never hear the end of it when he wins the trophy. We have to pound his ass. He’s still your pussy.

It’s once again time to step up and write something that no one will read in order to pick up 6 tpe so that it eases the pain of depreciation. $15,000,000 paid out before the season began so that depreciation would not hurt so badly… A lot of good that did! With all that being said, try and guess what this word mumble jumble is going to be about. Starting with Ronan Lavelle, @Arce, who is probably the best hockey player in the VHL right now. Lavelle has been a point scorer and leader for his team throughout his career. In season 89, Lavelle deservedly took home the Kevin Brooks Trophy and the Mike Szatkowski Trophy. Stepping into season 90, Lavelle purchased $19,000,000 in depreciation cutting, and still took a hit. As of writing this, Lavelle has earned an extraordinary TPE, that being 1963. His current TPA is 1347. Even with the percentage reduction purchase, Lavelle was hit with 230 TPE depreciation to start season 90. In season 89, Lavelle was blasted with 188 TPE, and that was after purchasing the “Still Kicking” depreciation blocker. With all this being said, how much has this affected Ronan Lavelle’s ability to be a superstar? Based only on statistical data comparing last season to this season, Lavelle’s performance has reduced a whopping .02 points per game. The problem with this study is Lavelle is no longer on Moscow and therefore any comparing on statistical data is useless, other than the fact that Lavelle continues to be in the top 10 in the league, so for all of you who picked Ronan Lavelle on your VHL fantasy team, or your super coach team, rest assured, you picked a winner and can’t go wrong. The next player to research is none other than Brian Payne, @Scurvy. Knowing scurvy and his propensity to want to jam an ice pick in his brain when there is a discussion about numbers, percentages, and statistical data, I’m going to try to dig deeply into how depreciation has affected Brian Payne, if nothing else but to frustrate the shit out of Scurvy and make @ScottyP smile when he sees scurvy. So… looking at Brian Payne’s TPE earnings, which is currently at 1791 TPE, and since this is Brian Payne’s final season in the VHL, one can only expect him to apply all his TPE as he earns it. That being said, he’s currently at 1173. Now that’s a depreciation hit. Just like Ronan Lavelle, Brian Payne purchased $19,000,000 of deprecation suppression to start season 90, and the “Still Kicking” blocker in season 89. Paine felt the pain when he was hit with 237 TPE depreciation to start season 90. He lost 188 TPE to start season 89, and another 193 to start season 88. In three seasons of depreciation, Brian Payne lost 618 TPE, for a 34.5% depreciation. Brian Payne has been a defensive superstar his entire career in the VHL, and even with deprecation taking a toll on his TPE, he’s still got the hockey skills to contribute to his team, which I hate to see! In fact, last season, Payne contributed an average of 1.16 point per game and this season he is contributing 1.5 points per game thus far. Even though Payne has been spending less time at Curve’s and has been drinking a whole lot more Whiteclaw with Rip Wheeler, @ScottyP, Payne’s hits per game has jumped up to 4.05 per game, from 3.625 last season. At this current pace, Brian Payne is likely to land his name on the top 25 all time hit list, which is quite respectable. Rip Wheeler is getting late in the hit game, but kudos Rip, as you are hitting opponents 5.05 per game this season. Had your nuts dropped last season, you could possibly be as good as Brian Payne. As much as it hurts for me to say this, even with Brian Payne’s depreciation, he’s still a top VHL player and for those of you who picked Payne on your fantasy team and super coach team, you made a good choice. 685 words

Cant be raggin on Rip when he’s doing good. Proud of that boy…. Only rag on him to light a fire under his ass and get him building his player. Or if Rip fights, but havent seen that happen. You’ll know a rip-flaming session when you read it!!

Doing good Rip keep it up. You should quadruple last seasons stats by the end of the season. Good luck.

1. We’re already a few sims deep into the season! What are your player’s stats looking like right now? Good, but what’s more important is the win loss 2. Which STHS attribute do you think is most important to dump TPE into when building a player? Fighting 3. Which VHL/E/M team has the worst logo in your opinion? Miami mauraders 4. How do you feel about the VHLE contracting down to 6 teams before this season? Whatever it takes to make things better 5. How would your player fare if they had to use a wooden stick in a game? It’d make it easier to beat Brian Payne in the face 6. Thoughts on Auston Matthews’ extension with the Maple Leafs? He’s overrated 7. Do you have an unusual or hidden talent? I can breathe through my ears 8. If you were an animal, what would it be and why? Shark.

1. Triller updated his amazing Continental Cup graphic to include the names of our historic S89 team! Have you seen it, and if so, what are your thoughts? I’m going to look after I do the press conference, but I can tell you its going to be awesome because Triller does outstanding graphics. 2. How did your player celebrate the Cup win over the course of this offseason? Lots of booze and loose women. 3. The start of the season brings new expectations! What would you like to see from your player as well as the team? Contribute for a championship cup 4. Who do you believe will be our biggest rival for first place in the EU this season? Moscow, but Helsinki is our nemesis 5. Are you participating in VHFL or Super Coach? Yes on both if I can do super coach when I get home. 6. Who is your favorite NHL player currently? Radko Gudas 7. Are you an early bird or a night owl? I’m up early and stay up late 8. Do you enjoy listening to podcasts (other than the VHL’s many fantastic podcasts)? I only have time for one type of podcast. If i listen to vhl, i cant listen to anything else. I prefer vhl.

Claim week 2 of 2

@scottyp paid his teammates to make Rip an A

@FrostBeard had me in tears with that poem!!

This is Rip Wheeler’s season to shine. He’s been in the VHL for a season and with one season under his belt, we can expect Rip to start picking up speed and putting the puck in the net, especially with all the banked TPE @ScottyP is keeping stashed, its looking good for Wheeler to step over the 500 TPE line and get @Scurvy the recruitment TPE. With a stacked lineup on Calgary, Rip Wheeler is sure to contribute in the success this season with assists as well as goals. If he builds some grit and becomes a fighter, it could make the season even more fun. Especially how Scottyp is happy talking about how Rip Wheeler is going to smash Brian Payne and Jake Thunder’s faces. The anticipation for the season to begin is killing us and as painful as it is, I’m on Payne’s side with this one. As Payne would say, “Son, you just dont have what it takes.” Well Rip Wheeler, maybe not, but in due time you could be able to step up to Brian Payne. And of course it will be a little longer before you can match up with Jake Thunder. 189 words

1. Welcome, new and returning members of Davos! The offseason is fully underway. How are you feeling about our roster after all of our trades and signings? As always, the roster looks great. Welcome new teammates. Let’s kick ass. 2. As per tradition, what is your bold prediction for this upcoming season? Champion 3. What are your thoughts on depreciation? I fucking hate it. Enough said 4. Besides Davos, which VHL/E/M team name/branding stands out most to you? I like Bratislava for some reason 5. There have been some massive trades that are shaking up the VHL! Which one has shocked you the most, if any? I never get shocked. We have Alex as GM and he makes cool trades all the time. 6. The league turned 16 years old a month ago! What is the key to running a successful sim league? Participation and easier futching ways to get tpe and get rid of depreciation. 7. Has your favorite NHL team made any notable FA signings this summer? I dont have time to follow the offseason. I pay for the NHL package and watch the Bruins when they play. All the trades and signings is just fluff. Also have to deal with the Everett Silvertips for wife. 8. Do you prefer Spotify or Apple Music? Since I pay a monthly fee that includes Apple Music, that is what I prefer, but I own most of my music anyway so I dont use it like I should.

Rigged

I pissed myself reading this. @ScottyP youre too much!! Good read..

Drove by there and saw a bunch of squatters