Aimee

Hello VHL, 

I know it’s been a few weeks since I last contributed a media spot and I’ve just been claiming Welfare because of everything going on in real life. Wedding planning has taken up about 80% of my time and energy so I think it’s fair to say that the sim league in my life was one of the first things to fall by the waist side. But the good news is that my wedding is almost here so in a few weeks life will be back to normal; only I’ll be married. So, I thought that since today I have a little bit of free time and some creative juices, that I would just talk about my thoughts on what has been going on in the VHL. I’ve been lurking so I have kept up with the happenings and I thought I’d just talk about some of them.

So first off, my article from forever ago about relocating London. Has there been any movement on that? Because I was like, only 40% kidding. I really do think that relocating London would be good for the team and the league. I think picking up from a meh location with a meh logo and seemingly no mascot and moving it to a beautiful location with a badass name and amazing logo would be great. I know a lot of change is always proposed around here with shrinking the M or abolishing the E but I don’t see it hurting anyone to move London to Scotland. I think being able to inject a new location and some new color and life into the league would be something worth doing. 

One topic I’ve been reading the many (oh my god please stop there’s too many) articles on is the recruitment team. I’ve been reading a lot of points from both sides while keeping my own thoughts to myself. While I do think that there is some improvement to be made to the way the recruitment team utilizes the Instagram account, I also think that there is only so much they can do with a budget of $0. It’s not like we spend a lot of money on ads outside of YouTubers and I read that prices are going up for those. So if the budget is non-existent and they are just people who get paid in pretend points to do the work, what can be expected of them? I agree with some that maybe we need to move from repurposing member content to creating original content to work as ads. I also wonder if maybe the hashtags should be played around with in order to get to a wider audience. Then that of course leads to the argument that you can only pull from a well for so long. Maybe the sim league interest isn’t what it used to be, at least for people who want to stay active. Or perhaps we need to find a new method of outreach. Should we attempt to get the subreddit active? There are only 2 posts and 4 members. Maybe we should encourage people to share there. More clicks equal more views.

And I guess I’ll finish off this catchup by freaking out a little about how Jesse is doing. Honestly after last season I really didn’t think they would get their shit together. I am blown away by their stats and their current placement at the top. I mean honestly. Jesse has never had this good of a record this far into the season. I hope it keeps going and maybe we can get another cup under their belt. I think it would be so badass to be a first gen with 2 cups with the same team. I don’t know if that’s common or rare or somewhere in the middle but it would for sure be a point of pride in my player.

650 words for week ending 11/19/2023
 

Jesse Teno is on a tear this season with their best ever record at this point of the season with 20-4-6. While approaching their height for over time losses, Teno is having their most winning season at this moment. They have helped London to their current 6 game winning streak. For most of the season, Teno has held the top spot for save percentage and goals against average. Currently they have a 0.945 save percentage and 1.82 goals against average. They also are tied for first in shutouts with 3 along with Fuuka Rask and close friend Lachlan Summers of Davos.

“I’ve been feeling really good and I’m happy with how I’m playing. The whole team has been amazing and I’m really proud of all of us. Jacob is making really good decisions, and the guys are just making good moves. This is definitely my best season so far, at least to this point.”

154 words for week ending 11/19/2023
 

On 11/12/2023 at 9:59 AM, JCarson said:

So this is for the week of Nov 19

 

1) Rank your player against your own expectations on the season?

2) Rank your TPE earning against your expectations for yourself?

3) Rank how London is doing against your expectations?

4) STHS has produced some odd situations this season, tell us one things that has happened that has made you say SIMON WTF?

5) As Simon is now prone to producing the improbable, what one thing would you like to see in a future Sim, that would be improbable but not impossible.

6) There is a statistical term called reversion to the mean, do you expect that Simon will correct some of this unlikely events by season end, which oddity do you expect to correct first and why?

1. Better than I expected. With Jesse's drop in performance last season I'm surprised to see them still sitting at the number 1 position for goalies.

2. Lower than expected. But I feel like I should have expected this with my wedding coming up. I've definitely dropped from being a max earner and I didn't participate in VHFL or Super Coach this season. But hopefully next month after things calm down again I'll be able to go back to my old self on here.

3. Better than expected. Again after last season I thought we were going to struggle with a long re-build phase but Jacob really did a great job pulling this team together.

4. I think we can all agree with Chicago being a super power but I'm also surprised to see Moscow at the bottom.

5. A more well-rounded win/loss ratio all around. I know that IRL hockey can have a big difference between top and bottom but when we're such a small league, I feel like the gaps shouldn't be that big.

6. Maybe? I mean it's possible that Chicago for unknown reasons continues to dominate just based on the numbers Simon is being fed.

Mid-day yesterday, Jesse Teno and their fiancé stepped off of a plane coming into JFK Airport in New York City from Bermuda. The couple took a weekend trip for a family event to the island with an extended stay prior to their wedding. Local reporters in Bermuda saw the couple swimming in the ocean, hanging out by the resort pool, trying out a very expensive restaurant, and even caught them swimming in one of the island’s many caves.

They spent four nights at the Grotto Bay resort with family and friends before having an additional day to themselves after everyone else departed back for the mainland. It’s rumored that the couple may have been house hunting on the island for their additional day, though there is no reliable source for this information.

Either way, it looks like Jesse and their fiancé had a wonderful time, coming off the plane looking tired but tan.

153 words for week ending 11/12/2023
 

Ever since the article written by London United goalie Jesse Teno about the idea of relocation, this office has been swarmed with letters and petitions to do so. While it is a promising idea and one that many fans have gotten behind, we must remind our readers that we are simply a media conglomerate with billions of dollars which can only be used to lobby the VHL, not to actually make the changes ourselves. While we do encourage you to write and welcome your thoughts on the matter, we would also like to encourage our readers and London United fans to write to the VHL itself and address the Board of Governors regarding this matter.

It also seems that with all of this interest, many in Scotland have started their own petitions to bring the United across the border and they welcome the idea of the Highland Nessies and their Highland cow mascot.

We can only continue to wait and see what the VHL will do.

166 words for week ending 11/5/2023
 

1 minute ago, JCarson said:

As we have a number of new players (returning) this season we are going to do a more basic get to know you sort of press conference.

Please ensure all answers are in sentence format

 

1) If your player could be hired for one company/product for endorsement purposes, which company would it be and which product?

2) If your player could change to any other position on the team which would they choose and why?

3) If you could give the GM a nickname what would you call him and why?

4) If you had the responsibility to choose the pregame meal, what would everyone be eating, why did you pick this?

5) What is your expectation for personal production this year (Goals and Assists) - I even want the goalie to answer this one?

6) What is one positive thing you could do in the locker room to help the team?

1. Probably Starbucks. Jesse is very happy to hit it up every morning on their way into the arena.

2. Probably defense. Given that Jesse is the goalie, I think they would better take to defending the goal than trying to score.

3. The Bestest GM Ever in the History of the Whole of the World and the VHL.

4. Spaghetti with meat sauce. I mean, who isn't happy when twirling some pasta?

5. I'd like Jesse to get 40 wins and 7 shutouts. Would break a lot of personal records if they could pull that off.

6. Hide tiny little ducks all over for the team to try and find. There are 200 of them. Good luck!

For the third season in a row, Jesse Teno has been named the starting goalie for Team USA in the VHL World Cup. Teno will be backed up by Matt Murdock from Prague. Last season Teno failed to make the top 10 goalies for the season while Murdock was 3rd overall behind Lachlan Summers and Art Vandelay. While Teno had a rough season, it’s encouraging that GM Alex is putting faith in them to be the starter. We suppose it’s Teno’s overall performance over the last 5 seasons that keeps them at the top of people’s minds for successful goalies.

Jesse won’t be playing with any familiar faces this time around but hopefully they can still create some chemistry with the team during the short tournament. 

“I’m excited for the tournament. It’s always a good time and I never have to take it too seriously which is nice after such a tough season.”

152 words for week ending 10/29/2023
 

I’m here with Jesse Teno on locker clean out day and they are looking a little worse for wear. As they finished packing up their bags, I approached and was able to get a short interview with the goalie.

“I know this season wasn’t easy for you. It was your worst record since entering the league. How are you feeling looking back at it?”

I feel okay, I suppose. I’m not sure what happened this season that caused such a downturn but I’m hoping that next season I can come back and prove that this season was just a hiccup. I’m sure overall I still look good, but this season has me feeling not the best.

“That’s understandable. What do you think you’ll be doing this off season to prepare?”

Same as always, I think. Just keep working at it with both professionals and with kids. I know it makes for an easy practice at the community rinks, but those kids really do keep me on my toes. It certainly helps with reaction time when some kid comes out of nowhere and is screaming bloody murder to try and scare me.

“That does sound like an interesting way to do it. Hopefully it will help this off season. So other than the usual, anything new to add to the routine given the hit this season?”

Possibly, yea. I haven’t really thought it out all the way just yet, but I think I’ll talk to the goalie coaching staff and conditioning coach and see what else I can do that either I don’t do a lot of or haven’t yet done before. I’m always looking for something interesting to add to spice things up a little bit.

“With only a few weeks to go before the start of the next season, do you think a new tactic or training regimen will make an impact in that short of time?”

I mean, I hope so. It would be easy to sit here and be confident that trying something new will suddenly improve my playing but honestly, I spent many years getting to where I am today and nothing over two weeks is going to have that kind of impact on my game. But I can try it and then hope that down the line it provides some sort of benefit whether that’s in game one of the season or in my last game in the VHL.

“Speaking of your last game, you’re rounding the corner into the backend of your VHL career. You’re entering season six of eight. How do you feel about that?”

Won’t lie, I can’t believe I’m already this far along in my career. It’s almost scary how far along I’ve come and just how long I’ve been playing for London. It feels like just yesterday I was being drafted. But I’m going to make the best out of the next three seasons that I can. 

“Do you think you’ll be spending the rest of your career in London?”

Well, if we can move to Scotland before my career is up, then I guess technically not. But yes. I would love to finish this out with London over the next three seasons. My teammates are amazing and while we had to say goodbye to a lot of them this season due to retirement and free agency, the core are some of my best friends and I don’t know where I would be without them. It would be a dream to retire with the team that drafted me. But if things change, I guess I can’t blame the math or the politics of the sport.
 

605 words for week ending 10/22/2023

Welp, today will officially be my first ever depreciation hit. I can’t believe my time with Jesse is on the backend as we head into their 6th season. My hit is going to be 189 TPE and I currently have 182 banked. I can cover it with this article, 2 trivia, and another task. It’s going to be interesting seeing what I can manage to recoup over the next 6 weeks so save up all over again. And under the advice of Jacob, I won’t be buying any depreciation fighters until the next off season. I’ll admit, it’s been hard not being able to apply especially when Jesse has been struggling a bit. But I do look forward to my last season in a few months when I can start building them up again. I’m just hoping that Simon will be kinder this season and allow Jesse a more successful season than the last.

154 words for week ending 10/22/2023

With a nice long off season in progress for Jesse Teno, it seems that wedding planning has ramped up for the goalie. There have been a lot of trips back and forth between London and Vermont as the planning has swung into full gear. While their fiancé has been doing most of the work, we hear that Jesse is very interested in taking a bigger role now that the season is over. 

Also, it seems that rumors have been going around that Jesse is in support of London relocating to Scotland. While it’s not clear who began the talks, Jesse has not yet confirmed or denied that they were the beginning of this discussion, but that they would be interested in seeing if the league would end up moving them to a new market.

For now though with hockey, Jesse is once again taking the time to work out at local rinks with kids and beer leagues in order to keep them on their toes.
 

165 words for week ending 10/15/2023

BAD. FUCKING. ASS. 

Always a pleasure to have my player be the subject of your work. Amazing graphic. Thank you! 

Transaction ID: 3W670775G7577231W

1Million

Doubles Week

5 Uncapped TPE

2 hours ago, jacobcarson877 said:

legendary Goaltender Jesse Teno

Hell yea!

2 hours ago, JCarson said:

So here is this week Press Conference.

 

Make sure to answer all questions with full sentences

 

1)  Offseason can be boring, what do you do to keep it interesting?

2) Which career task did you enjoy doing the most?

3) What is the worst part of the VHL experience?

4) What is the best part of the VHL experience?

5) What was London's biggest accomplishment in season 90?

6) As Halloween is approaching, what is your player going to the London United Halloween party as?

1. I've recently become addicted to Merge Dragons. I also play a little Minecraft here and there. But mostly this off season I'm wedding planning.

2. Depends. Some days its trivia, other days it's the media spot. Really depends on my mood.

3. I think the unnecessary drama and favoritism that happens sometimes. It pushes newer players away pretty easily.

4. The social aspect, for sure. I love the people I would now consider my friends.

5. Not shitting the bed completely and making a comeback into the playoffs.

6. Jesse is probably going to be going as a D&D ranger.

The S90 playoffs have officially ended for Jesse Teno. After a successful 3-2 run through the wildcard round against Helsinki, London fell to defending champions Davos and Lachlan Summers 2-4. After failing to make the playoffs last season, it was good to see the United back and fighting like they had in their championship run back in S88, only 2 seasons ago. Though this time was nowhere near as successful. While Teno had some good games, their overall this season in the playoffs was weak. With a 5-6-0 record, 0.900 saver percentage, 3.63 goals against average and no shutouts, Teno had their weakest performance yet. Not only was this well below their last playoff appearance but was also way under their regular season stats. 

With London losing Molotov and Board Game Clue on Skates to retirement, and 6 others to free agency, it’s possible that this could have been London’s final chance at the playoffs for quite some time. The only members of the current team that are guaranteed to be back next season are Leonard Triller, Molly the Cat, and Jesse Teno. 

“It’s not how I wanted us to go out as a team, but I know we all gave it our best. I hope the fans can forgive us for letting them down.”

215 words for week ending 10/8/2023

15 hours ago, JCarson said:

Okay we have had a few strange press conferences so I am going to go back to something a little more normal.

We are going to play a game of Team awards, but they are not going to be traditional awards

 

Name the London United Player who wins the following awards and why you chose them:

 

1) Which player can eat an entire buffet restaurant by themselves?

2) Which player is most likely to forget their phone on the plane?

3) Which players sings the loudest in the shower?

4) Which player is most likely to swear at the refs?

5) Which player is most likely to own a horse?

6) Which player is most likely to pee in the swimming pool at the hotel?

 

Remember use full sentences and explain your answer.

1. Triller. I don't know why but something tells me that guy can pack it away.

2. Thor Odinson. First name suggests he is the god of thunder and therefore lacking in knowledge like the Thor in the Avengers movies lol.

3. Jesse Teno. Sorry guys but this player has a set of pipes on them like you wouldn't believe.

4. Igor Molotov. I mean, have you seen his last name? For sure most likely to blow up.

5. Board Game Clue on Skates. That many rich people inside of you? One of them has gotta own a horse. I bet it's Colonel Mustard or Mrs. Peacock.

6. Molly the Cat. She would get in, realize it's actually water, and pee herself scared while getting out.

Just now, JCarson said:

Article Review:

 

I tend to pick articles that I can give very positive reviews about but in this instance I need to put my foot down. Early in this article the Author notes:

 

The London United locker room Discord avatar has been a picture of a cat for the last three seasons.

 

I must make it known that the cat in the locker room is the actual Molly the Cat, that cute muted Calico is the one and only Molly the Cat and as Empress of Everything must remind the author to show the proper respect.  

 

Now that this has been fully noted, we give this article a 9/10, great article, great idea and great teamwork getting Triller to make a logo.

 Please forgive me for my unintended sleight against Molly the Cat. I hope she can forgive me and also rate this article a 9/10.

2 minutes ago, jacobcarson877 said:

Kinda just gives off the same vibes as NYA as a center of red white and blue patriotism. Nothing really original, but if the city is what holds BOG up then that would be the first concession I'd make haha

OG logo is just boring and jarring compared to the quality of the newer ones.

Agreed. If I had to keep them in London to please whoever, then that's alright. But either way the team needs a serious rebrand. But unless we want to be the London Fish 'n Chips, I'm not sure what a more creative alternative would be lol.

12 minutes ago, fishy said:

I don't, generally speaking, track page count on books I've read, but I just started a 987 page book. what're the longest books y'all have committed to?

Upcoming in the next few months I have Inheritance by Christopher Paolini which is 860 pages. That's definitely going to be my longest book.

28 minutes ago, Zetterberg said:

@Triller amazing logo!!

@aimkin What would this new team be called? Also I gotta agree, London United is just the British New York Americans. Same colours, same logo, and much like NYA it feels more like a soccer team’s branding more then a hockey team.

The Scotland Nessies! 

Actually, maybe the Highland Nessies now that I think about it.

Hello there guys, gals and non-binary pals. It is I, Aimkin. Your resident whatever you think of me and I am here today to propose to you a proposal like no one has ever proposed before. There will be a picture and words and hopefully they will all be good ones.

I come to you today to propose a relocation. But not just any relocation; no. A relocation that would be super expensive, weirdly specific, and result in the most amazing mascot that any VHL team could hope to have swing from the rafters and get stuck, forcing personnel to try and figure out how to get them down without killing the person inside the costume. Yes kids, I admit it. It’s not a real large fluffy animal; it's probably an underpaid intern who was able to dance and walk on ice without breaking their face.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I, and others, think that it is time to relocate the London United. Have they only been around for a little over 10 seasons? Yes. Have they managed to overcome all odds and win a cup? Also yes. But none of that really matters and I am going to use this proposal to tell you why. I am going to show that it will be expensive but worth it, and that the mascot idea alone will win over the board of governors to take me seriously. Not only that, but a slogan has been chosen. Much like the Kraken in the NHL, we are putting the cart before the horse and doing all of the marketing before even knowing for sure that people are going to want it. Though, I think people will.

First Proposal Point:
The London United locker room Discord avatar has been a picture of a cat for the last three seasons. Prior to that, it was the Indian flag for god knows how long. No one has even seen the London United logo or colors truly for some time now. No one reps them beyond jerseys and the red white and blue is just so 1700’s. It’s beyond passé. This location however, will allow us to match the national football (soccer) team and bring some much needed brilliant life and color into this team. 

Second Proposal Point:
Why the hell is a flag the logo for the team? It’s so boring and kinda funky. It’s also small and is more likely to invite opposing teams to tour the city instead of being afraid of us. We want our logo to strike fear into the hearts of our opponents. We want them screaming for their mommies when they hit the ice or look at our jerseys. I want them wetting their pants then claiming it’s just from falling on the ice a lot. So I give you….a logo mock up….

Third Proposal Point:
We can have a slogan. One which can be changed based on the GM at the time. It’s simple, really. A single sentence that tells people who we are and what we can do. How we will dominate and destroy. I give you….the slogan…

Fourth Proposal Point:
Because why not? I mean things like this happen all the time around here so it honestly couldn’t hurt to move one measly team to another city. I’m sure the cost will hover in the tens of billions of dollars but honestly, who cares? I’m sure those seasonal donations are more than enough to rehome an entire team and all of its facilities. Besides, I’m sure it wouldn't cost that much to build a new state of the art arena in a country not all that known for hockey. And how hard could it really be to grow interest and fans in said country? I'm sure it’ll be fine. No worries there.

And now that you have read my proposal, I am sure that you are 100% in agreement with me that London United should be relocated to Scotland and be renamed the Nessies, the arena called The Yard, and with the mascot being the majestic (and very fluffy) highland cow. 

logo and slogan brought to you by @Triller

691 words for week ending 10/1/2023
 

And so ends S90 for Jesse Teno and the London United. The regular season, at least. They will be facing off against Helsinki in the wildcard round. They managed to pull it off fantastically in S88 to make it from barely in to a cup. Is it possible that they could do it all over again?

Jesse Teno had their worst season record so far finishing with 27-31-3, also their first losing record. However, they had their second-best regular season saver percentage of 0.927, and a mid 2.43 goals against average. Where they shined though was a career record of 6 shutouts, coming only in second this season to whom other than Lachlan Summers. It was also in assists that they were second to Summers, ending the season with 4. 

While Jesse has managed to be the playoff hero before, it’s unclear as to whether or not they will be able to pull it off given their drop in performance this season.

162 words for week ending 10/1/2023
 

On 9/24/2023 at 6:31 PM, JCarson said:

So I was just watching a show and their was a Dad joke told, Guy turns to his vet, and asks, do you ever get people bringing in dogs with fevers.  The Vet says sure we do.  The guy says, do you ever treat them with mustard. The vet, perplexed says, No, why do you ask.  The guy says because mustard makes hot dogs better.

 

So in tribute of dad jokes and other "pun" ishable statements we are going to play a round of finish this sentence, London United edition.

 

1) Okay so finish this story, Two London United Forwards enter a bar ....

2) Two London United Bot players were sitting around after practice, one says to the other ...

3) It is the second intermission, the game is tied and Jacob is giving a rousing intermission speech.  "Let's go out there and ...

4) The local newspaper prints a headline about the London United it read " London United team caught...

5) I want creativity on this one " Molly the Cat is suspended by team for ..."

6) Lastly I want you to write a limerick about London United or a player on London United  (be nice or at least funny)

1. and one says 'let me buy us some shots' and the other says 'couldn't do that on the ice last season?'

2. 'we have no arms', 'what do you mean?' and then they start screaming at the reality of their existence.

3. 'be kinda good today, okay guys? please?'

4. 'playing a game of Clue while team member lays on the ground dismembered'

5. peeing in the visiting team's litter box and leaving hairballs in all visiting helmets.

6. There once was a player named @Triller

    Whose skill on the ice was thriller.

    But off he would struggle, needed to be wrapped in bubble,

    As he walked himself into a pillar.

2 minutes ago, JCarson said:

We are going to play a game of "No true answers"

Each answer to the following questions must not be true, remember to use full sentences

 

1) Why did you join the VHL?

2) Which team would you choose to never join and why?

3) Why do you think that London has gone on a 12 game win streak?

4) If you had to rename the London United what would you name the team? Any reason why?

5) Tell me your naughtiest secret?

6) If you could eliminate one food from existence, what would that be and why? 

1. I was sent here to infiltrate the VHL by a rival sim league to syphon members away so that we could grow bigger.

2. London. Yuck. What a terrible place to be.

3. Because Loki the God of mischief has demanded that Simon play a huge prank on us in order to raise our spirits only to drop-kick us off the ledge during the playoffs.

4. The Yorkshire Puddings. They are delicious and because posh Londoners need to get their heads out of their britches.

5. I once pinched a teacher's ass while in high school because she was hot.

6. Pizza. Who on Earth needs to eat that much cheese? It's honestly disgusting. The grease however, can stay. Perfectly healthy that stuff.

With London on an absolute tear right now, Jesse Teno is feeling their best this season so far. Of the 12-game winning streak, 10 belonged to the starter. Of those, 2 were shutouts which means that Teno has tied their season high of 5. With 19 games left to go, and all backup games done, will it be possible for Teno to set another personal record?

With this recent turnaround, Teno is finally in the winning column with a record of 23-19-3. They are also sporting their second highest regular season save percentage with 0.931 and lowest regular season goals against average of 2.27. They have also finally made their way onto the top 10 goalie stats lists. Currently they sit in 9th for wins, 9th for losses, 5th for save percentage, 7th for goals against average, in a 3-way tie for 2nd in shutouts (only one behind their friend Lachlan Summers), still lead in assists with 4, and are nowhere to be found on the other lists. According to the index, Teno sits at 9th overall.

177 words for week ending 9/24/2023