Banackock

The search for love is never easy and often comes with much trial and error Prior to successfully finding the one person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Now, thanks to us, the option for some people has become a lot easier as we embark on a journey to help people find true love. On the first ever season and episode of the VHL Bachelor, we introduced our strikingly handsome, wealthy and bad ass bachelor in @Draper (who just also happens to be from Canada, ladies - just in case you missed it, well remind you again). Unfortunately, due to budgeting reasons, we've decided to cut the contestant amount of 10 down to 6, however, this will only help Draper eliminate skanky whores in the process. These women will be pursuing his interest, his heart and his credit cards. However, the trick is that he just like you. He hasn't the slightest idea who the contestants are, but that's all about to change. Now, for the moment a very few limited of you have been waiting for, your Season 1 VHL ladies. ADwyer87 @ADwyer87 ADwyer resides in Denver, Colorado and currently works for a modeling agency. Along with that, she compete in hot dog eating contests throughout the year (so we can imagine her deep throating skills are up to par) and loves to get down and dirty. You can find her wearing very limited clothing on the back of a boat catching some rays, or wearing tight as lulu lemon pants walking her Yorkie puppy, Duckie. She enjoys the odd bong rip on a Saturday night while sharing a bowl of cereal with her girlfriends and has been giving guys boners since 2007. We feel it's safe to say she's a shoe in for the Top 3, but what the hell do we know. If Draper knew what was good for him, he'd keep her around. Boubabi @boubabi They gave us Croissant's, the hair dryer and this beautiful thing. Bonjour, all the way from France or whatever. Brunette, blue eyes and the body perfected by Zeus himself, she could very well be another potential top 3 candidate. What's that? This shows like soft core porn, get used to it. Boubabi works and owns a small bakery on the streets of Montreal, Quebec now and may have already won the heart of Draper simply for being from his native land. She spends her Saturday nights in front of her 55" TV, yelling "For fuck sakes PK. Do something!" and "This is what happens when Price gets fucking injured", as she roots on her Montreal Canadiens on hockey night in Canada. She's bilingual and will French kiss more than just your tongue. We'll see how she works on Draper with those skills. JPL @JPL Then we have our 3rd contestant who is currently walking up to the house. JPL lives in the big Apple and is employed to pour coffee for your average, everyday folks and one of the many Starbucks in the city. One of the first thing she said when she walked in was "I wasn't sure if I would be able to bring my cat, so I brought both. They eat their own shit though, so you don't have to worry about the mess". She enjoys playing the flute, tuba and cow bell and is currently trying to make her own wine in her grandmother's basement. Those close to her say she's "never on time", can go missing for weeks and has multiple personalities. "It's like she recreates herself everyday" said her mother. EaglesFan036 @eaglesfan036 Her personality and skin is as thick as those eye brows. She has an "I don't give a fuck what you think about me" attitude and does whatever the fuck she wants. She lives in Tennesse, and is a single mom to two, both children coming from separate fathers and she's currently unemployed. When asked about her employment situation she stated "My little girls baby daddies pay 300 bucks each a month. That's enough to pay for my hair, to get my nails did and enough green paper left over to get them kids some mac and cheese for suppers". Her father is an alligator farmer and her mother is a an stay out home mother, who still tries to compete every year for the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader squad. If she's anything like her mother, the hair dye has fried the fuck out of her head and she's a complete dumb shit. Hopefully for Drapers sake, that's not the case. CowboyinAmerica @CowboyinAmerica CowboyinAmerica is in the best shape of her life and by shape we of course mean she's perfected the perfect circle. She's currently a yoga instructor at her local gym in Edmonton, Alberta for elderly and plus sized women and says that she's on fire for dropping the pounds. "Ever since I stopped eating those chicken nuggets from McDonald's, I've felt better and have lost 6 posts in the last 4 months. Even my ex has started responding to my tweets and he never used to" she implied. With the amount of evident baggage she already has, there's mom. She lives in her moms trailer with her and pays rent in groceries and back massages. Hopefully she's able to steal Draper's heart and can move into his big old pad in Cali. He best buy another deep freezer though! Da Trifecta @Da Trifecta Every show has their one black person at every moment it seems and the Bachelor is no different. She's fierce, tough as fuck and if she doesn't get what she wants, her brothers will come beat your ass with a pipe wrench or baseball bat. Her family grew up in the rough neighborhood's of Detroit and her father was collecting welfare for her entire childhood. She lost her mother to a murder case when she was 12 years old and since, her brothers have been her guardian angel. Despite the troubles, shes turned out to be a sexy black panther and she's looking to come in here and literally steal Draper's TV while he sleeps heart. Now that you've met the women, we'd like for you to predict and tell us who you'd like to see Draper end up with. Although it won't alter the show in anyway, your opinion always matters. If you have ideas or anything to add to the Bachelor, feel free to message us VIA my inbox yo. ANNNNNNNNND on next weeks, The VHL Bachelor: No Homo Edition Episode 3, We hear Drapers thoughts on the women, we get to see the first moments that each of the women meet one another and we get to see the girls live one on one first conversations with Draper. Stay TUNED for next Saturday. GET HYPED! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The VHL Bachelor: No Homo Edition, Episode 2 (Claimed for the week of April 25th to May 1st)

Good work, man. Glad to have you aboard with the Watchmen for a playoff rush! VHLM teams for next season - have this guy on your radar!

Noted and done, mate.

A majority of the female population in North America spend their Sunday evenings sipping a glass of wine, with the lights dimmed and candles lighting up each corner of the living room. On the television, the theme song plays, the introduction comes on and you know it's finally time. The long wait is finally over and the Bachelor has officially returned to TV screens all across North America. Along side their beautiful women, sits their male companion. There they sit with their hands on their laps, their minds in the shitter and their eyes fixated on their significant other. The thoughts of "Pizza", "Beer" and "I wonder what James is doing? Is he having pizza and beer while watching the game in his man cave?" crosses their minds as they pretend to have interest in the show. Ladies, we're happy to say the Bachelor has finally returned but this season has a significant, exciting twist to it. We're escaping the everyday world and have taken our interest into the hockey world - specifically, the Victory Hockey League. Men, we said the word hockey so I'm sure we have your captured your interest now. Let's move forward! Now, about the show. Each season, 10 guests join us in the house while one person puts it all on the line to find true love. Here, we have a male who is in search of his soulmate and the one person he can spend the rest of his days with. Also sharing the house, 10 other contestants who will battle it out and try to convince him that they are that one person who is truly compatible with him. They will try to show him that they're the one person that he should and would happily be able to spend the rest of his life with. Without further delay, let's meet your Season 1 Bachelor. DRAPER @Draper Age: 29 Height: 6'2" Weight: 210 Cash in the Bank: $55,000,000 estimated (55 M) Firstly, we'd like to give a moment for the ladies to catch their breaths. Not only is he a tall glass of water, but he also resembles David Beckham a whole fucking bunch. Prior to moving, Drape lived in the cold, white, and polite nation of Canada. Draper, now however, resides in the sunny state of California where he owns a beach front home right off the ocean. It's there where he spends a majority of the year, catching some wicked sun, drinking anything that has liquor in it and taking out his personal yacht for a fishing trip with the boys. What's that? You're screaming he's a total heart throb, drop my panties to the floor type of guy and he has money? Fuck, your gold digging ass must be ecstatic as your dream guys has finally appeared before your eyes because yes, he has a whole lot of money and plenty more toys where that came from. Take it how you want to ladies, but there's a butt plug in his sock drawer just for that lucky girl. For starters, Draper is a well known person among celebrities and is one of the most famous people currently in any sport in North America. He currently holds the position of commissioner in the Victory Hockey League with a reported yearly salary of 23 Million dollars. With that large sum of pocket jingle, Draper hasn't been afraid of flaunting his cash. In his 5 lot garage, it's packed to the tits with custom, rebuilt cars, trucks and old bikes. His go to vehicle is the Ferrari F12Berlinetta with an old, rebuilt 68' Chevy truck to go along with it. This well known Bachelor has been documented by TMZ as being single now for nearly 4 years and is always seen coming to and leaving from important celebrity events without anyone wrapped around his arms. Last week he was seen leaving Kevin Hart's pool party stumbling across the lawn with Kevin Hart's cat in his arms. Amazingly, this is the first time in 4 years he's left a party with some pussy. His drought without lust and love very well be over though. It's all about to change! Now that you've met the Bachelor and have likely fallen in love with him, it would only be fitting to meet the people who will be contending and potentially fighting to the death for his hand in marriage, but as I'm sure you know, that's not how TV works. We like to end shit on cliffhangers and keep you wondering until next time and that's exactly what we're going to do. Who will be entering the house from the VHL/VHLM to try and win over the sexy, powerful and ever so wealthy Draper? Stay tuned and find out TOMORROW OR SUNDAY. Afterwards, each episode will be available for the fans every Saturday evening. Until then, remember boys, fuck your women immediately after because they're loving this shit right now. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episode one, The VHL Bachelor: No Homo Edition

7. Goalie Achievements (All APPLICABLE) WINS/540 Games Started = 5 TPESave % 0.900+ = 5 TPESave % Sub 0.900 = 2TPEShutouts = 3 TPE per SO ------------------------------------ Sven Wolf's Achievement Stuff 7 Shut outs x 3 TPE per ---> 21/20 TPE Earned MAX 20 TPE.

Nice

good job

Bratislava claims John Syeschel

Atta boy. Klingberg has been a wrecking ball the last two games. @Mr.Baller 1g, 6 A lol

Heh, so uh, do you prefer these lines now?

Fire commish plz for rooting for one team. Should be rooting for all.

I do what I can, babe.

Hey, I'm Blake Campbell. Did I just win game @eaglesfan036

It safe to say that his career has been full of a lot of crazy shit. From winning the Cup and Aidan Shaw trophy last year to being forced into retirement, Campbell has gotten the really shitty end of the stick to say the least. He's also the guy that pulled the huge pull out move on Stockholm during Free agency but hey, at least he pulled out and didn't leave his crabs in the locker room. Blake Campbell signed a deal with Calgary to finish his career off there and it seems to be more shit. What a poor way to end a career but atleast he did so happily-ish. While announcing his retirement, he cried his tits off and it seemed as though Winsgate @CowboyinAmerica had finally gotten the last laugh and the extremely minor rivlary could finally die with Winsgod being the greatest between the two. However, TMZ reported last night that they seen Campbell shagging Winsgates mom at the Four seasons Hotel in a large city that can't be disclosed. Who got the last laugh now?

Thnx bb

Claim 3.

Storm makes the putty cat wet. Kitties hate water.

Ban.

You're #1, You're #1.

You've been hanging around with @Da Trifecta, haven't you? xo

#1 in my heart!

34-17 outshot Oslo, 44-16 outshot Brampton. Could be that. Or shitty luck

Bratislava claims Balders.

come on beaaaars