Gustav

Note to self: never write an article about why I deserve an award; apparently that's taken as direct proof of why I don't...

@McWolf @fonziGG EXPLAIN

Shush

553

Welcome back to the league @Frank! You don't know me, but I'm Gustav, GM of the VHLM's Mississauga Hounds. The best of luck to Slavik going forward!

FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY

Hi @DilIsPickle, I'm GustavMattias, GM of the Nuuk Nukes, and even though I see you've already agreed to sign with another team, VHLM GM chat hasn't seen enough drama lately, so it's my legal duty to attempt to tamper. Greenland is kind of India-shaped, so Nuuk is the logical choice for you. We can't take you on as a goalie, but if you'd like to be a water boy, we'd love to have you! Just be sure to quote my message and tell Brisbane to suck it. P.S. @berocka sucks. You don't want to play for him.

TORONTO--Legion goaltender J.B. Rift had one heck of a season. With 47 wins, a .927 save percentage, and a 2.30 goals against average, the all-star led the league in each of these three categories, exhibiting pure dominance throughout. Except for one thing--you know how I said he was an all-star? Yeah, no. That determination was left up to the players and managers of the VHL, who placed two goaltenders in the game through the all-powerful choice of GM voting and furthermore democratically elected perfectly-respectable-but-as-far-as-this-season-goes-not-as-good-as-Rift netminders Alexander Pepper and Brick Wahl by a wide margin--after all was said and done, Wahl, the closest contender above Rift, had almost 150% of his votes (wow, that's a long sentence. I've got to stop doing that). Rift, understandably, was not incredibly happy with the collective decision of the league. "You know, after we got knocked out of the playoffs, I thought I'd at least have something to look forward too. But I guess not; the league decided they'd rather see someone FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY." His offseason plans don't include the All-Star Game, but that certainly doesn't make them interesting. "I've decided to declare independence from the Canadian government, because this league makes me hate democracy," he said in a separate interview done via video call. "My apartment is now a micronation known as El Gran Valle del Rift, and I am its Overlord Supreme." When asked for details, Rift was happy to elaborate. "I've done everything I can to establish my own national identity. I've got strict border patrol and just yesterday I did a background check on the pizza delivery guy. Our national flower kind of depends on my mood, but our national anthem is "All Star" by Smash Mouth and our national animal is a circus monkey." @Devise

546

Is it too early to preemptively offer a roster spot with the Hounds?

I was expecting something along the lines of "Advantage now has the power to veto any of Advantage's trades," but it looked too good to be true I guess...

Here we go!

539

TEAM VICTOR

WAS?

There's got to be something to this other than switching places in the second round...

I agree that it's a weird situation, and I understand your point, but I gave my own AGM permission to apply for this job if he wanted to (which, luckily for me, he doesn't). Besides, any eventual GM hire, regardless of who's hired as AGM, would have to go through the commissioners, so no matter who eventually gets the GM job, AGM or not, it will be someone who deserves it. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your successor to have some sort of background with their team before taking the job, and, besides, given how volatile the league is--I can't speak for the commissioners, but I think you'll be hired as a GM before S71 anyway. Thran became a GM after three seasons of AGMing, and for someone actively involved in the site, this was considered an inordinately long time. If Peace hires someone and they stay interested and engaged in the team for two full seasons, that's more than enough qualification for management by the time he leaves, imo.

Hit & Run is led by Big Chungus and Robert Fripp. The other guys don't stand a chance.

Only reason why I didn't? Berocka lives 14 hours apart from me, time zone-wise. So, availability for recruitment and such was more widespread. Otherwise, I don't know what I would have done; maybe resorted to a literal coin flip...

530

@McWolf last won the day on March 15th. Therefore, it can be safely said that when he came back and wrote about it, nobody cared.

Won't ping him twice but COME BACK TO THE GM WORLD SONNET ME BOY

Boi My first team was Houston. The "Halifax is a Satanic cult" articles started in Houston. @Sonnet told me which team to go for but I was one of the main forces behind the rivalry at the start.

Don't try to sneak in ahead of @Thranduil

I can promise that this guy is exactly what you're looking for. Solid article writer and great in the locker room; one of my favorite unemployed alumni. He'll keep your new guys engaged and developing.