Gustav

After a fresh new team vote this season, HC Davos is proud to present... C - David Tavau @Ahma A - Marshall James Frostbeard @FrostBeard A - Isabella Campbell @Banackock Congratulations to our captains!

ANYTOWN, USA (also possibly Canada or elsewhere I suppose): the annual question has been raised, to the surprise of absolutely nobody but the people asking it. "Where's our trivia?" "Is there no trivia in the offseason?" "Why is there no trivia in the offseason?" "Why haven't we brutally murdered those responsible for the lack of trivia in the offseason?" "In fact, why haven't we done it in broad daylight?" MURICA, because I'd like to invalidate the earlier fine print involving Canada and others. For no reason whatsoever. The answer is one which confirms a long-standing rumor and invalidates the league's claim that those responsible for trivia (and, in turn, those responsible for making it so this reporter doesn't have to write articles such as these) are simply afforded a break in the offseason. Anonymous sources within VHL trivia headquarters have confirmed to this outlet that the trivia people aren't taking a break at all--in fact, the offseasons are devoted to attempting to root out the cause of the complete and total annual disappearance of all league historical archives, which lasts about three weeks on average and ceases to be a problem just as abruptly as it becomes one. "You can word your question as many different ways as you want," said one worker in the league's historical department. "Put in as simple a manner as possible, we don't know where the books go. We've got it down to either ghosts or aliens or a really good thief with too much time on their hands." In 2018, the league attempted to figure out the cause of this disappearance by hiring a private security company to stake out the building. However, the next day, the guards were found asleep on the floor with the lights on and all the records gone, and a check of the surveillance footage showed that the system had been mysteriously offline for that night. When asked why the league doesn't simply digitalize its data and back it up in different locations, our source had this to say: "Yeah, we've brought it up before, but our boss is this weird dude who's stuck in the '50s or some shit. He still wants us to do everything with a pencil and paper and the occasional slide rule." It remains to be seen what may come out of this story, but for now curious minds can do nothing but wonder. (Hi @Victor I love you)

@Spartan yeet

@ajwllmsn you can go as well if you'd like since Moon only needs a defenseman and you need a forward.

Fair

D - Zeedayno Chara G - Kunibuni UnGuri @Greg_Di

Ah yeah that's it I think I'm getting old

Hi there, it's been a while... ...a while since I've made an in-depth media spot with actual league content, at least. I've written "dream team" articles before, but never one quite like this. In this article, however, I'm not picking players who have never won an award or whatever--rather, I'm going to set some rules for myself, as follows: -My team must be a 6-4-2 lineup and it must conform to the salary cap. -I can pick only one asset from each team. -From the teams not in my active lineup, I will select one prospect each, in lieu of selecting draft picks (because that would be boring). As is most unfortunately occasionally necessary when writing articles having to do with TPE numbers, all of these numbers are where they were when I initially saw them. Don't freak out if you're 10 over what I say you are. So, let's get into the team selection! FORWARDS Alex Johnston | S78 | RW | 600 TPA | Cap hit: $2.5m | | @Alex_J32 The goal of picking one player from each team does not necessarily mean picking the highest-TPA player from each team. To fit under the cap, we need a mix of players at different TPE levels, and Johnston represents a very solid young player who's already reached mid-level status. In a world where 800 TPA costs $5 million, 600 for $2.5 million is an absolute bargain, something that this team would be looking for. Julian Nousiainen | S74 | C | 781 TPA | Cap hit: $4m | | @okochastar Chicago stuck out to me as a team with quite a few weird choices, and if I chose to invest in draft picks rather than players or prospects (which I almost did), I likely would have gone with a pick. There's a decent share of players with a decent amount of earning, but there's also a decent share of players who--like Nousiainen--are nearing the end of their careers. This shouldn't be taken as a knock against either Chicago or Nousiainen, though, as his last few seasons have been very statistically strong and there's no reason to think that he would play any differently here, as our dream team's #1 center. That Dude | S77 | C | 660 TPA | Cap hit: $3.5m | | @Cornholio After wondering why the London emoji is as big as it is, the next logical step is to wonder what prompted this selection. It was difficult to come up with places to pick our centers from--I spent longer than I'd like to admit trying to rationalize forcing myself onto this list from Davos, but that would have taken away from something else...and London didn't have many of the sort of player I'd want on this list. That Dude is our second-line center, and as he's three seasons younger than Nousiainen, he'd have room to grow into the #1 role with time. He's also a relatively low-cost, mostly-developed player, giving us another bargain as we negotiate with the cap. AJ Williams | S79 | RW | 404 TPA | Cap hit: $1.5m | | @ajwllmsn And along the lines of bargain players, and up-and-coming young players, we find someone who's both in Williams, one of the league's latest shining stars in the new-guy department. Obviously, this isn't a contribution for now, but down the road, Williams could end up being a major asset for any team, this one included--and it doesn't hurt that he's light on the wallet. Gunnar Odinsson | S76 | RW | 989 TPA | Cap hit: $5.5m | | @BOOM This one should come as absolutely no surprise--last season's most talked-about player earned his reputation then and should continue to earn it here. As one of Malmo's most instrumental players en route to a championship win and a serious contender for MVP, Odinsson was the very first player I thought of when I was getting this list together. He's got everything a team should want, so we're very happy to dish out the money to make his place here happen. Duncan Idaho | S77 | RW | 910 TPA | Cap hit: $5.5m | | @OrbitingDeath If there's any such thing as an underrated 900-TPA player, it's Idaho, who much to my chagrin was selected in my fantasy group before I got the opportunity. As half of the Idaho-Atreides duo going to the Menace at the top of the S77 entry draft, he's the higher earner and more powerful hitter of the two, and this season will be completing his build at a level no doubt higher than most or all others. An impressively valuable tool for the present and the future, he's our second-ranked forward here and should put up the stats to match. DEFENSE Kristof Welch | S76 | D | 857 TPA | Cap hit: $5m | | @Juice Welch is a player who just recently broke into premium territory, with a 102-point effort in S79 to match his rapid build development. Though 850-something isn't top-top-end, it's certainly close enough to count and Welch already has a good amount banked for depreciation. With a 5-millon-dollar cap hit, he also manages to save the team just a little bit for other purposes while contributing just as much as anyone else. Zeedayno Chara | S77 | D | 771 TPA | Cap hit: $4m | | @Jubis These days, Calgary's former GM is a main contributor for New York, and is set to make a move into premium territory himself over the next season. Though he hasn't been overly impressive so far on the stat sheet, he's in a decent environment for improvement and could see himself follow a Welch-like career arc this season. In fact, hot take: Chara WILL break out this season. If that assumption holds true, he'd end up being easily the best choice possible from New York, who had only a small handful of players I'd consider good for both now and for a few seasons to come. Nathan Powers | S78 | D | 538 TPA | Cap hit: $2.5m | | @JB123 Much like AJ Williams listed above, Powers is an up-and-comer with tons of potential both as a player and as a member. With two very good players selected on defense, my first instinct was to try and see if I could force in Prague's Battre Sandstrom, but obviously the cap happens to exist, and the Phantoms have a very solid asset in Powers anyway. With a low cap hit and a high earning rate, he's mostly a future consideration, but could end up being a solid player now as well as he's almost at the point around 600 or so when many players start to become truly good. Corey Kitson | S80 | D | 366 TPA | Cap hit: $1.5m | | @Nykonax This one is all about two things: the future and the cap. Kitson is one of a few rookies playing up in the VHL this season, which should speak to both his earning and his potential. Nyko is an accomplished creator of both Chicago favorite Kyl Oferson and someone else whose name I definitely know but which I'm too lazy to look up, and Kitson should fit right in with the others. While not costing much, he'll fit right in and would likely be this team's #1 defender down the road. GOALERS Kunibuni UnGuri | S75 | G | 775 TPA | Cap hit: $4m | | @Berocka Davos, for the first time in a long time, has a very wide array of possibilities for this list. I could go on about that, but the one I've chosen to put in here is UnGuri, for a couple reasons. A solid goaltender in their prime is actually more difficult to find than you might think, especially on this list where I've already picked many players from elsewhere and eliminated quite a few possibilities from those teams. UnGuri has a few seasons left and hasn't broken the 800-TPA point where he'd cost $1 million more, leaving us with a player in net who's very good and doesn't break the bank. Ajay Krishna | S73 | G | 326 TPA | Cap hit: $0 (due to backup goalie rule) | | @Hooperorama Krishna is long inactive, and retiring this season, but he's still a cup-winner in Warsaw and leaves our team with a usable backup for one season. What's nice is that he doesn't count against our cap at all, and on top of that leaves us with room for an upcoming star in the prospect department... PROSPECTS Xavier Booberry | S80 | G | 385 TPA | | @CowboyinAmerica You may recognize this name if you've been around the league for more than 5 minutes--Cowboy is a well-known builder across multiple sim leagues and has not disappointed in the slightest in our own, most recently creating defenseman Lance Flowers and here representing one of the league's strongest prospects in Booberry. With Krishna out next season, Booberry has room to move up, and the eventual departure of UnGuri will make way for him to start long-term. Hari Singh Nalwa | S80 | D | 340 TPA | | @Dil Though we've already got Kitson on the roster, prospects need to come from somewhere, and Riga has a very strong option in Nalwa. With this team's defensive core at a very high level, a decision would have to be made next season as to what to do--whether that's retooling or moving the hot prospect out for current success--but either way, this team would be well set up with Nalwa in the minors. Sven Eightnine | S80 | D | 280 TPA | | @BarzalGoat With the above being said, it's unlikely that Eightnine would be able to fit onto this team's roster. He is, however, an active league veteran and a very strong prospect and one which many teams would be happy to have. A likely trade would leave our dream team with a very solid pick in some draft. Kyle Peace | S80 | LW | 350 TPA | | @Peace Moving out of forward land, we come across Toronto, who last season made the decision to rebuild after their sim luck turned. Peace is a very solid prospect who projects to be a valuable long-term contributor in the right environment--much like in the case of Nalwa, this team would need to decide which player to ship out next season to make things happen, but if Peace stays, he would be well-placed on this team. So, our final lineup, organized in a clearer manner and this time arranged by TPA: Gunnar Odinsson - Julian Nousiainen - Duncan Idaho Alex Johnston - That Dude - AJ Williams Kristof Welch - Zeedayno Chara Nathan Powers - Corey Kitson Kunibuni UnGuri - Ajay Krishna Prospects: Xavier Booberry - Kyle Peace - Hari Singh Nalwa - Sven Eightnine TOTAL CAP HIT: $39.5 MILLION ($0.5m under cap) Of course, this team would dominate! I'm curious to see if anyone else is interested in trying this out, because I had quite a bit of fun with it--if you do, let me know! 1,866 words | 3 weeks

F - Cabe McJake D - Hard Markinson (I'm an idiot and picked Sandstrom first, sorry for the double ping) @Greg_Di

For the week ending 9/26: 1. It looked like we'd get through the offseason without one of our trademark BIG GUSTAV OFFSEASON MOVES, but that's a false assumption as we just pulled off a trade for Seattle's Isabella Campbell. What are your expectations for this season, now that our roster is complete? 2. Time for one of our usual preseason questions: predict your statline for this season! 3. What do you think about the VHLE, now that it exists? Do you think a low earner would have a better experience in the E league or the VHL? 4. You can pick any one thing in the world to instantly snap out of existence. What is it and why? 5. What is your favorite kind of soda? 6. What's your worst "stupid driver" story? @Berocka@Ricer13@efiug @KC15 @TheCHEESE @Ahma @PatrikLaine @FrostBeard @JardyB10 @tcookie @Banackock

DAVID

Loophole: a team can just give 50% ice time to the first and second lines. Also, something I'm not sure I like here: what's wrong with giving the existing, active players all the ice time they can get until the roster is full? Obviously, someone doing this and not making any offers is going about things the wrong way, but if offers are being made on some sort of regular basis--why not let the players play? Otherwise, good stuff.

F - Taro Tsujimoto F - Gunnar Odinsson @Greg_Di

I guess you can take Bernard and I'll see what info I can dig up on Muff.

Agreed on media spots for sure. Most reasonably literate people can fill up 500 words a lot faster than they think. Of course, other factors can come into play--really good sig-makers can knock one out in no time, and someone who speaks English as a second language may find it a bit more difficult to write (I'm by no means fluent in Spanish, but I'm decent enough and slow as hell when writing in it). And then there are people who find it easy to just talk about things--I don't get it but more power to you.

I can take any one of the above; if anyone else has preferences for the other two I'll just do the third one.

Damn, so many people are yeeting themselves. I know Vancouver never quite went to the heights you might have imagined over the last few seasons, but you've always been one of the cooler people in the league and I'm glad you got the chance while you had the time to take it. Congrats on the promotion, and hoping you stick around here otherwise!

I always love me a good honest reflection piece. This lovely little thing called self-reflection is a great quality to have as a GM. I've seen many people--myself included at one point, so no, this is not me looking down on others--stick with GMing because they want to keep the prestige attached to the role and hate the idea of losing that more than they like the idea of being devoted to a team and actually living up to that prestige. Which sucks for the GM, the team, and the community. It's refreshing to see someone being open about their role and having a realistic sense of what's going on. Whether you decide to stay or go, I appreciate that your decision is informed and comes from a place of good reasoning. Congrats on the cup win--Malmo has done great things so far and will no doubt keep that up for a while.

Hitting us with a sick copy-paste for easy editing: 1. @animal74 F - Brendan Telker F - Justin Lose F - Druss Deathwalker D - Kasper Kankkunen D - Battre Sandstrom G - Rara Rasputin 2. @ajwllmsn F - Groovy Dood F - Aloe Dear F - Vick Fairchild D - L D - Jeffrey Pines G - Artem Tretiak 3. @Moon_50 F - Christian Mingle F - Red Lite F - Duncan Idaho D - Matty Socks D - Cowboy Prout G - Thadius Sales 4. @KaleebtheMighty F - Pistil Stamen F - Paul Atreides F - Venus Thightrap D - Victor Grachev D - Reylynn Reinhart G - Kevin Malone 5. @Greg_Di F - Isabella Campbell F - Robert Bouchard F - Dakota Lamb D - Robin Galante Nilsson D - Tom Eagles G - Sirkants Klamasteris 6. @GustavMattias F - Taro Tsujimoto F - Gunnar Odinsson F - Cabe McJake D - Hard Markinson D - Zeedayno Chara G - Kunibuni UnGuri

Warning: overly negative me wrote this article. If you're having a good day, click the back button. Hello! It's Sunday and I don't have a PT for this week. Well, I suppose I do. Earlier this week, I attempted to record a podcast on my commute. Now, I am not a podcaster and never have been. I hate the sound of my own voice and do not believe in my ability to speak about a topic for as long as recording a podcast should take. And, with that considered, it went fairly well. After a few minutes of getting used to it, I could go on about the championship and this season and everything. And I managed to keep things mostly on-topic for almost half an hour. In fact, here it is. I don't particularly want to share it, but I know if I don't people will ask anyway. There are two reasons why I'm not claiming this as a PT, as follows: -I still hate how I sound. I don't know why. That's just a mental thing. -Practically nothing I said in that recording is new. If you've read my articles, you've already heard what I said, and that feels like cheating. I'm sure getting around the second thing is simple enough--after all, I can come up with cool little article ideas, and podcasting is just an article in audio form. It's just the first thing that bugs me, regardless of how much anyone might disagree with it or have no idea what I'm talking about. It goes beyond just the usual "everyone hates how they sound in a recording" thing, for which there's a perfectly scientific explanation--I know I'm not supposed to sound good to myself. That isn't news. What is news is that recorded me, to me, becomes everything I don't like about myself. I can read an article I wrote a year ago and legitimately enjoy it if I forgot most of what was in it. In fact, I'll even do that sometimes. It gives me ideas for new stuff and helps me remember things from the time I wrote it that I found particularly interesting or funny. But in a recording, all I hear is this loser with no life who can't throw together a coherent sentence and who's reciting already-known things to a group of people who probably won't care, and I hate everything about that. Even though I know most of those things aren't even true, that's what I become to myself in an mp3. Honestly, I respect the hell out of anyone who can make a podcast without thinking any of that. So yeah, I tried it, I didn't like it, and here I am writing an article anyway because that's what I do best. As is always the case with an overly negative self-reflect-y Gustav post, I'm not looking for sympathy or affection, but rather, I find it therapeutic to put my honest feelings out there because I don't really have an outlet for it in real life (especially when it comes to talking about podcasting for a sim league). Hopefully--and it shouldn't be that difficult--I'll have something more enjoyable to read next week.

You're right that it's going to cost more than a lot of other things--once you're able to get a job, you can save up for a few weeks and start playing on a budget, though! If there's a golf store in your area (or even just a sporting goods store), check out their box sets. For under $500 (and for significantly less in some cases) you can get yourself a full set of clubs--if they're still selling the Callaway Edge set in a couple years, that's a great one currently available (and you can probably find a used one out there for less than that). Then buy the cheapest balls you can find--you're going to lose a lot of them. As for courses, look around your area and see if there are any public/municipal courses out there. Those will be your cheapest options. A par 3 course is good too, because it's also cheap and because shorter holes are easier to digest for a beginner. Lessons are THE best way to learn and improve, but they're also going to be a ton of money. For far less money, watch some of the many tutorials by this guy, pay attention, and try to go out to the driving range a few times and apply what you learn before you play a round. If you do your research and put together a list of what you want and what it will cost, you'll find that you can realistically enjoy golf without having to drop thousands on it. Worst case scenario, you get a job and pay for it yourself when you're 16 or so...best case scenario, your parents think it costs thousands and don't know that that isn't necessarily true. I obviously don't know your financial situation--and regardless of what it is, I'm not telling you to ask for money or get mad if you don't get it--but figuring out what you need to get out and have fun is step 1 and it could go a long way.

I play guitar and I also like writing music. I'm not as good at guitar as I'd like and I'm also clueless with recording software so I'll actually do it with a program that lets you write out sheet music since I at least know my theory. It can take a long time to make something I'm happy with (and none of it is written seriously so there's a lot of memes and weird shit) but it's relaxing and really fun when it works. Oh, and I also love golf even though I suck at it.

Howdy doody I can manage and/or fill in if wanted and/or needed