DoktorFunk

This should be a good series

GG New York! Go win a fucking cup for once, you fuck heads!

Claim week 4/4

Repost from the Seattle Discord

Oh, we're making playoffs!

A domestic-violence charge was dismissed Tuesday against Clevin Baer, the Ottawa Lynx center who was captured on video knocking out his fiancée in a car last year. An Ottawa judge signed an order dismissing the charge after Baer completed a pretrial intervention program, discussing not only domestic abuse, but also Baer's abuse of steroids and alcohol. The program required Baer to submit to anger-management counseling and check in with a probation officer for a year. It allowed him to avoid formal prosecution on a charge of third-degree aggravated assault. Baer's behavior came as a shock to his teammates, who usually describe him as a "good person" and a "team player". Just last week, in a press conference, Baer said his main goal is "showing up everyday, ready to play, while putting the team success ahead of my own." He has recently been playing with the Ottawa Lynx, but missed out on making captain. When reached for comment, General Manager Scott Greene had this to say: "Clevin is a very gifted player, and we here in Ottawa believe he has changed. He deserves a second chance."

After QUITE a long delay, I’m finally here to announce the captains for the Ottawa Lynx for Season 72! We put it to a poll, and, after much himming and/or hawing, we came to a consensus. Once again, STHS will not OFFICIALLY allow us to make a goalie a captain, so we have two lists! Season 72 Ottawa Lynx Captains C. Ajay Krishna @Hooperorama A: Joromir Jogr @Temppi A: S. Kuchar @S. Kuchar Now, for the purposes of the simulation, the list will ACTUALLY be: C. Joromir Jogr @Temppi A: S. Kuchar @S. Kuchar A: Markus Schauer @Plate Congratulations to all four of our nominees here! LET'S GO LYNX!!!!

Rematch? ?

I actually approve this use of the members tag

Claim 3/4

Hey there @Arch4ngelTyr4el! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! It's a bit different from a real hockey league, but it's a lot of fun! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time for you to join. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star player like you in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. We 100% need you on defense and you will immediately be our star defensive player I’m not going to sugarcoat it: if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and success together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” I'll then send over your contract to sign! Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! Ready when you are! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

@Platewanna get smashed in Ottawa? Let me know!

?

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! It's a bit different from a real hockey league, but it's a lot of fun! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time for you to join. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star player like you in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance I’m not going to sugarcoat it: if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and success together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” I'll then send over your contract to sign! Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! Ready when you are! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Oof, the members tag is BRAVE

You know New York has lost most of its fight when Jubis has to celebrate their win

Well, GMing has been fun thus far! It's never fun to have to say goodbye to players that we won the cup with. Losing Defenz Mann, Adam Syrek, Big Chungus, and McFudderdudder was sad but necesary. I am hopeful considering the influx of new players @S. Kuchar @Temppi @Severnnin @ebay12 @Crstats23 @Clarkey23 and, as always, the incomparable @Hooperorama. They have all shown a ton of promise, haven't been afraid to ask questions, and fill in so many of the gaps that were left when we lost our old core. As the saying goes, one door closed, and new ones opened! I hope they continue to look at me and @DarkSpyroas mentors and leaders that can help them succeed! So, with some luck, and some smart GMing, hopefully we can find some playoff success AND be able to help develop the next generation of talent here in the VHL. Each of the players that I mentioned are future stars waiting to happen!

Hey wanna sign with the Ottawa Lynx? We need a backup!

I'll take it

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! It's a bit different from a real hockey league, but it's a lot of fun! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time for you to join. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! We can only off Backup minutes at the moment, but we would love to help develop you. In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star player like you in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance I’m not going to sugarcoat it: if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and success together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” I'll then send over your contract to sign! Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! Ready when you are! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Great stuff, man!!!

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! It's a bit different from a real hockey league, but it's a lot of fun! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time for you to join us. We can immediately find you a place on one of our top lines! If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star player like you in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. Perks of signing with us: 1. You will be one of our main players! 2. You'll be a member of one of the best locker rooms in the league. 3. You'll receive second-to-none training and guidance. I’m not going to sugarcoat it: if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and success together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” I'll then send over your contract to sign! Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! Ready when you are! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! It's a bit different from a real hockey league, but it's a lot of fun! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time for you to join us. We can immediately find you a place on one of our top lines! If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star player like you in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. Perks of signing with us: 1. You will be one of our main players! 2. You'll be a member of one of the best locker rooms in the league. 3. You'll receive second-to-none training and guidance. I’m not going to sugarcoat it: if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and success together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” I'll then send over your contract to sign! Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! Ready when you are! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! It's a bit different from a real hockey league, but it's a lot of fun! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time for you to join us. We can immediately find you a place! If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star player like you in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. Perks of signing with us: 1. You will be one of our main players! 2. You'll be a member of one of the best locker rooms in the league. 3. You'll receive second-to-none training and guidance. I’m not going to sugarcoat it: if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and success together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” I'll then send over your contract to sign! Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! Ready when you are! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx