DoktorFunk

1. I would relocate them to THE SHADOW REALM 2. I would allow multiple players for user 3. I wasn't drafted but I'm happy to be here! 4. I guess now it's @Berocka now. I want my defenseman to be better than his! 5. I haven't spoken with Peace very much. 6. Hogan and Dil actually do a lot more than people think.

Hey there! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time than now. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! We're making a run for the Cup this year. In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star center in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. I’m not going to sugarcoat it; you get back what you put in in this league, and, if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and excitement together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Hey there dude! You know who I am! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time than now. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! We're making a run for the Cup this year. We need a top line presence and you'll get top line time. We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star winger in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. Let's go! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Accepted!

Hey there, @DoktorFunk! My name is DoktorFunk and I am the General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx! Welcome to the league! We need star players to make a name for themselves in Ottawa, and there is no better time than now. If you’re looking to prove yourself and really put in the work for a chance at glory, this is the team for you! We're making a run for the Cup this year. In return, we can promise you a locker room experience and training tips that are second to none! We have some of the brightest and most talented people in the Victory Hockey League available to you whenever you want. We could use a star defenseman in Ottawa! If you sign with us and let us help you develop, we have an even better chance. I’m not going to sugarcoat it; you get back what you put in in this league, and, if you’re willing to put in a little time, I promise we can have an amazing amount of fun and excitement together! If you’re interested, please quote this post and say “accept!” Whether you decide to sign with us or not, I hope you have the very best of luck in your career, and I look forward to speaking with you very soon! DoktorFunk General Manager of the Ottawa Lynx

Jolly “Greene” Giant Junior Review Jolly “Greene” Giant is the botched clone of Seattle Bears center Scott Greene. Created in a lab in Seattle Washington by a rabid Seattle Bears fan, the creator desired to create a Scott Greene that was immortal, but he failed and ended up adding too much growth hormone. As a result, Jolly “Greene” Giant stands at an imposing 6’10” and weighs 300 pounds, and has an unusual green tint to his skin. He has been this large ever since his creation. His creator was arrested for his crimes against humanity, but the Giant was put into foster care. As he is the same as Scott Greene from a genetic level, the Giant fell deeply in love with the sport of hockey. Because of his size, he has mostly played defense his entire life, but will sometimes play forward. He can’t speak very well because of his enlarged vocal chords, but his signature “ho ho ho” is well known to his friends. The Giant has played hockey for the last 10 years of his life, and, being a gifted natural, has helped various junior and beer teams be led to championships. The Giant There is some debate as to his age, which has led to some controversy. Upon being entered into a league for children age 10 and under, Greene led his team in penalty minutes and fights, but was the main offensive threat for his team, notching 800 points in just one season with his squad. Recognizing that he needed some real competition, his foster parents immediately sought to have him join an adult league. After finding one where an 8 year old would be allowed to play, Greene’s play was elevated by having competition near his skill level. He played 3 years in this league on the Aberdeen Abdicators, notching an average of 20 goals and 80 assists each season. Finally, the Giant set his sights on the VHL, the league in which his “father” played. The Giant’s foster parents called up Scott Greene and asked for him to get a tryout for the VHLM. As Greene is a GM for Ottawa, he pulled some strings to allow his failed clone an attempt to play for the league he has spent the last 11 years of his life watching. The Giant looks to be an extremely physical and fast player with good hands. He has a very short temper and will drop the gloves at a moment's notice. Expect him to play defense unless he doesn't.

This is still very nice! I'll hopefully play in Miami with a player one day, but this one goes North.

Thanks dude! I really appreciate it, but yeah, headed to Ottawa!

I'll cut you off at the pass, but you definitely deserve a response. I appreciate the nice pitch, but I am definitely going to Ottawa, everyone. This kinda sucks cause there are definitely a bunch of teams I want to play for ?

Player Information Username: DoktorFunk Player Name: Jolly Greene Giant Recruited From: Returning Age: 16 Position: D Height: 80 in. Weight: 250 lbs. Birthplace: United States of America Player Page @VHLM GM

#MakeCowAnUpdaterBecauseHeWillDoItForFree

Transaction ID: 5LS16611CJ509021Y Free Week - Later 5 TPE Uncapped - Now Doubles Week - Now

1. Actually, I didn't lose. And I plan on not losing here in Calgary! I will say, it was such an amazing series and I'm excited to play with you guys. 2. Rooted for Seattle. Was not disappointed. 3. They selected who they could, although Lexi Glass or Lee Xin would've been good pickups. 4. Get settled in here in Calgary 5. Win an individual award. Leading the league in scoring would be nice! 6. Barry Trotz, because its funny.

Scott Greene: Leaving Home September 10th. 6 am. The sun rises over downtown Seattle. The sounds of the city waft lightly through the open penthouse window. Suddenly, his alarm goes off. The same sweet jingle he's used for years. The one that means get up and go. Time to meet the media. Or, more specifically, me. I'm DoktorFunk. I’ve worked for the Seattle media for 10 years now. And I've been following Scott Greene ever since he first got drafted by the Hounds. I've spent countless hours writing about him and the Bears, and eventually he and I became good friends. I’m meeting him in a local cafe today. It’s his last day in Seattle. "I was up late," he says, as we sit in the diner’s booth, slowly sipping our french roast. The waitress asks if Scott wants to be topped off. He laughs and she pours more coffee. “Thank you. I promised myself I'd take it easy, but we still celebrated like it was the first time." "Funny that it's the last." "Yeah that's funny. It’s weird, that’s for sure. I still can’t really believe it” Greene out with the Bears celebrating their fourth Continental Cup win ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Soon, Scott Greene will be the 1st line center man for the Calgary Wranglers. A team he spent a significant amount of time playing against in the Season 73 North American Conference Finals. He was surprised by this information the day after winning the Continental Cup. I ask if he’s excited and he smiles broadly. “Despite my history with them, I’m absolutely hyped to join them.” Calgary is a team he knows all too well. After going down 3-1 in the series, the Seattle Bears came back by winning two games to force a game 7. They were up against the wall. After game four, I interviewed Scott Greene inside the Bears locker room. “Hey there Scott! Tremendous performance by you and the Bears tonight. Are you happy with your performance?” "Yeah, I think we played great, you know? Definitely brought our game to them. Just hoping we can keep going. It’s tough. Calgary… they’re impressive. But, as long as we go 1-0 each day, I like our odds.” Calgary had fielded a very impressive team. They had taken it to the three time champs with outstanding play from their center, Kris Rice, and record-breaking play from their goalie, Jacques LaFontaine. Many people were quiet in the Seattle media, and the fans were even quieter. The fabled “3-1” curse could still happen, but it wasn’t likely. After all, the Wranglers were cleanly outplaying the Bears. How could it happen? “It’s probably the most stressed I’ve ever been,” says Greene. The Bears General Manager, Blake Campbell, would sit down and look at the tapes for the next 24 hours. He wouldn’t sleep, he wouldn’t eat. He crunched all the numbers in the hopes of cracking the code. “It was pretty wild to see,” says Greene. “He barely said anything to us until game day. Then, he essentially came out of all of that and said ‘follow my lead’. So we did, and we hoped we could do it.” The Bears would do it. For the fourth time in six seasons, the Seattle Bears were on their way to the Continental Cup Final. “It really is an amazing feeling,” said Greene. “I don’t think any of us expected this to happen in our careers. I had plenty of moments where I thought we were completely out, but we’re just playing really great hockey.” “What was it like coming back from that big of a deficit?” I asked. “It was incredible,” he said. “None of us stopped believing, none of us stopped working. We really went out there and played our hearts out. We had fun. We played… well… we played like the Bears! We played the game we always like to play. And that includes Rayz. You could tell he was having an amazing time out there.” “And how do you feel about Calgary?” “They’ve sort-of become friends, you know? A very friendly rivalry there.” “That’s good to hear. Their goalie was giving you a tough time!” “Oh yeah, Jacques is a phenomenal goaltender,” Greene said. “He’s in the same conversation as Rayz for sure! An amazing talent. I know their time will come, for sure. “ “Well, Calgary gave you a tough time. Are you relieved?” “Absolutely.” “And how do you feel going into this series with Helsinki?” The Helsinki Titans One of the most decorated franchises in the history of the Victory Hockey League. If there was going to be any team to face the Bears this year, it was the Titans. Both teams had the same number of wins and the same number of points. The Bears were a little older and more experienced, but the Titans had been playing their own, unique brand of the game all season, and had shown why they deserved to be the dominant team in Europe. The stage was set for an amazing finale, and the question was this: Can the Bears…….. do it again? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- “I was optimistic," Greene takes another sip of coffee. “We had a good record against the Titans. We were over the moon after beating Calgary. To us… Calgary was the Continental Cup finals." Greene had his history with Calgary. “Yeah, when I was younger, me and the rest of the team had some… unflattering things to say about the Wranglers.” “Fortunately, that’s cleared up a bit. I was kind of a hot head when I first started out. I don’t fight as much as I used to. I’ve learned how to use my body better. I don’t want to use the word ‘nuance’, but that’s the closest word I can come up with.” Greene has undergone a lot of changes since going 66th overall in the VHLM entry draft. But one thing hasn't changed: his teammates. "I've played with Rayz, Hogan, and Berocka my whole career. We've talked to each other for years. It's going to be hard for me to imagine anything different. That's why I'm glad we get one more shot at the cup together. It'll be nice to have our names on there four times! And, it’ll be fun to get some of the young guys on there, too!” But first, the Titans. If the bears were going to win, they'd have to be at the top of their game. The first two were split by the bears and titans, and looked like polar opposites. one game, the bears would dominate, the next, the titans. Games 3 and four were the same, and then, the bears had a breakthrough in game 5. "That's when we…. When we really felt the momentum shift." “Overtime 1. Game 5. Scott Greene wins the faceoff. Ola Vikingstad takes the shot! Greene is by the net! And a tip in by Greene! He scores!” The Bears had done it. For the fourth time in six seasons, the Seattle Bears were the Continental Cup champions. A shot from Scott Greene’s teammate Ola Vikingstad had been tipped in by Greene to win it all for the Bears. No team had ever accomplished this feat before, and Scott Greene was the one who brought it home. But, Greene knew he was being traded. To Calgary. “Ya know, I think, for me, this one feels the sweetest. It always feels great to win, but knowing that this is the last time I can celebrate winning with my friends and teammates, I really wanted to make this one count. I really wanted one more time with the guys.” Which brings me back here to the diner. “Are you nervous about going to Calgary?” “I’m apprehensive,” Greene says. “I’m excited too, but don’t tell Campbell that! Hahahaha!” At the time I record this, Greene will leave for Calgary tomorrow. But tonight, he’s taking his teammates to dinner. “I feel like I owe it to them. I’m the captain. I’ve got to treat them.” “They’re so much more than teammates. The bears, I dunno man, they’re like family.” ----------------------------------------------------------------- It’s the next day. My friend, my favorite player, and the man I’ve spent the last seven years talking about, is moving on to another team. He wrote this on an Instagram post of his this morning: “Hey guys, it’s 9:45 AM. I was up all night with the boys, and I’m headed to Calgary now. Probably where my career ends. And I’ve got nothing but a duffel bag of clothes with me. To all the Bears fans that follow me, and even to those that don’t, thank you for an incredible ride. To all the Calgary fans, I hope you welcome me with open arms. Let’s win a cup!” Greene has left his mark on Seattle. He currently holds the playoff points record for the team, and sits fourth all time for points in Seattle. He hopes he can bring some magic to Calgary. I hope he can win an individual award, because I certainly feel like he’s good enough to do it. It's something I KNOW he's been chasing for his entire career. But, to hear him say it: “It’s all about the team. I’m just trying to help out anyway I can. It's going to be a good place to call home." ------ 1537 words Claiming week of 9/20, 9/27, 10/4

@Banackockbig write up coming, but suffice it to say, this one stings. Excited for Calgary, though!

Give me them teeps

What a finals matchup. Two very deserving teams.

What a series

Thanks for a great series, DC!

"Hockey Express" is a good nickname for you tbh

19. You have to fire a commish. Which one are you tossing to the curb? Josh, just cause I guess. 20. You are hired as dictator of the league. What is the first thing you will do? I give myself 99 in every stat. 21. Make a bold prediction for this season. Make it ballsy but make sure it happens. Bears win the Cup! 22. Which Bear will be the biggest factor for the Bears this season? Funk will return to playoff form and dominate! 23. What is something you miss most during these isolating, covid-19 days? Live sports and movie theaters 24. What is the last thing you ate? Chipotle

Lines in! Good luck, everyone!

Syreck continues to be a stud