DoktorFunk

Review Really neat, especially for doing on mobile. Damn. I like the layout with the darker colors on the left and the brighter ones on the right. I think the name and logo could take up a little more space to fill out the picture. Very cool edit.

Review Love the animation. That's cool as hell. It makes it feel very vintage and Soviet. The silhouette of the Kremlin in the background is a nice touch. I think a few more flicker effects could've added for a longer loop, but i'm only saying that because I'd like to see more. Very Cool!

Sundqvist and Greene had great games

You'll respond to what I call you

35. My mac and cheese. Its legendary 37. Hold his family hostage 38. It's pretty perfect as is. Some locker rooms like playing games, and it can be fun, but it's a bit overrated. 39. I prefer Turkey Bacon, actually 40. Scott Greene, hopefully 41. Vancouver. Knock them out early

The Seattle Bears have been a surprise team in the VHL standings this season, in my opinion. Despite there not being any one rockstar player, the depth of their offense and defense has carried them pretty far. They definitely have a bright future ahead of them. But are all of their prospects growing as hoped? And how do they compare to their previous seasons? I am by no means a statistics guy, but let's take a look at each of their currently signed players and see how they’ve grown! We’ll start alphabetically with: Acyyyyyyd Burn (Totally a Bust) One of the Captains of the Bears, Burn has so far performed up to expectations and then some. Last year, Burn had 22 goals and 32 assists over 72 games. As of this writing, he has 9 goals and 17 assists over 27 games. If we project this to the end of the 72 game season, Burn should outperform how well he did last year by a few goals and points. His growth seems to be continuing to advance his scoring ability. Overall, he continues to be a first-line forward and a valuable member of the Bears. Ambrose Stark One of the top defensemen on the Bears, Stark has continued his steady performance. In Season 67, Stark had 12 goals and 31 assists over the full season. So far, he has 3 goals and 17 assists. He is definitely more of a scoring presence, although he might end with fewer goals, he should have more points overall. With 44 shots blocked, he should continue helping out goalie Rayz Funk when it comes to stopping the opposing team’s momentum. Berocka Sundqvist The Thunda from Down Unda, Sundqvist has been an outstanding addition to the Bears. As one of the Season 68 rookies, Sundqvist doesn’t have any previous experience in the VHL, but was coming off of an astounding 100 point season in the VHLM. He has provided 13 goals and 12 assists so far for the Bears, and is one of their top scorers, a fact that hasn't been lost in his demeanor in the locker room recently. Expect to see Sundqvist on the ice a lot more as the season wears on. Boone Jenton Jenton hasn’t been a presence at all on the ice this season, and thus can be ruled a bit of a disappointment for the Bears. After having 13 points in the previous season, his 0 points this year is a bit sad. As we will see further into the list, Seattle has a few players taking up bench space that aren’t quite producing as they should. One of the few players on Seattle that seems to have lost their fire for the game, Jenton probably won’t be on the Bears roster for much longer, and definitely not in a prominent role if so. Carles Puigdemont Similar to Boone Jenton, Puigdemont has lost a bit of his zeal for the game in Seattle, but has been far more effective. Currently sitting as one of the Top 2 defensemen for Seattle along with Hulk Hogan, Puigdemont has 4 goals and 13 assists over the season so far. This is very much in keeping with his last season where he had 11 goals and 25 assists. He has yet to really advance beyond his level though, so expect to see him drop down the lines as Hogan and Stark improve their game. Henrik Zoiderberg One of the other rising and talented left wingers on the team, Zoiderberg has distinguished himself so far with outstanding games and performances. Zoiderberg has 20 points this season, with 9 goals and 11 assists. At this rate, he should FAR exceed last seasons 30 points. Zoiderberg happens to also be a very important figure on the team, as he is an active and excited member of the locker room, Zoiderberg should stick around on Seattle for a good amount of time. Why not Zoiderberg, indeed? Heavyweight Champion of the World, Hulk Hogan The champ is going strong, brother brother. Compared to his 43 points last year, Hogan has 2 goals and 22 assists, showing amazing growth so far. Not too bad for Seattle’s resident goon. Hogan should be a Hall of Fame defensive player if his career continues on the trajectory that it has taken. As long as he can stay off the juice and not get too steroided up that the VHL starts to question it, expect Hogan to be leg dropping goalies on Seattle for the rest of time, brother. John Frostbeard A mid-season acquisition from Calgary, Frostbeard has really found his own and settled in to be an amazing team player in Seattle. Beloved by his teammates, his is not just a nice locker room presence. Frostbeard has 28 points with 10 goals and 18 assists, half of his 56 points from last season in only 27 games. Frosty is expected to exceed his performance and be a very dominant presence on the ice. His kind, calm, and collected attitude lends itself well to the Seattle Bears locker room and he adds a lot to the team. Kevin Low Consistently getting better and contributing to the team, albeit a quite player, Kevin Low has put up quite a few points for the Bears, and is looking to exceed his 38 point rookie season. He is constantly improving, so his performance improving shouldn’t be too much of a surprise. Low has already taken more than half of the shots on net that he did last season, so expect a bunch more of those to find home. His numbers won’t stay Low for long. Maxim Kovalchuk The first line center for Seattle, and formally a Hall of Fame talented defensive player, Kovalchuk filled a hole in the Bears offense that was very needed. He put up 78 points for the Bears last season, and seems to be slowing down a little bit this season. This is to be expected, as Kovalchuk is sitting a little bit on the older side for players in the Victory Hockey League. Still, he’s filling a very necessary position on Seattle while it figures out what to do and where to look for it’s new center, which is an important question going forward for the Seattle Bears. Scott Greene Speaking of the future of Seattle Bears centers, we come to Scott Greene, the second line center for the Bears. Greene had a decent first year for a rookie, putting up 53 points over 72 games. The Bears need a talented center, but Greene hasn’t been quite as impressive so far this year. He’ll need to step his game up, particularly in the face-off circle so that his team can keep possession of the puck more. A little more muscle on his frame should reap some rewards, so expect him to be hitting the gym a little bit more this season. Greene isn’t the perfect player, but even still, the future does look bright for Greene if he can address this issue. Shane Mars One of the great sad stories for the Bears, Mars just doesn’t have the same fire in his game that Seattle was hoping for when he was drafted in season 66. Not enough can be said about Shane Mars from two seasons ago. After coming off of an unbelievable rookie season, Mars put up 60 points for Seattle over 72 games. Not bad, but not what they were hoping for. He’s done very little for the Bears in season 68, and doesn’t look to be doing much more in the near future. Thorny Underyew Another one of the rookies for the Seattle Bears, Underyew has put up 8 points at the time of writing, and looks to keep contributing to the bottom six for Seattle. Overall, should be a good player going forward. Rayz Funk In my opinion, the backbone of the Seattle Bears and their star player, no offense to anyone else. Rookie of the Year winner and a franchise goalie for Seattle, Funk will absolutely be a Hall of Fame player in the future. The tough part is gauging his performance this year. His save percentage is looking better, and it’s actually the highest it’s ever been as of the writing of this article. He has half of the wins he had from last season, and if the team in front of him can stay consistent, he should be golden. This team has a very bright future ahead of it. I think this Seattle team could be one of the strongest teams in the Victory Hockey League, and if all of the players can stick around, they could be contenders for their entire careers. The issue is going to be addressing payment. All of the Season 67 draftees for Seattle have remained active and around, and have been constantly improving. Seattle isn’t going to have much cap space after season 69, so Banackock will need to take a hard look at the roster and see what pieces he can keep around. @Acydburn @Banackock @berocka @HenrikZoiderberg @Rayzor_7 @jack @Smarch @FrostBeard @HulkHogan Sorry if I missed everyone. 1500+ words, claiming for the next three weeks

Thank you DC, very cool!

Oof

Wow. I can't believe it. Losing to CALGARY? REALLY? THIS SIM IS RIGGED. Time to retire my account. I'm fucking done with this site.

175 Vancouver Wolves @ Riga Reign 176 D.C. Dragons @ New York Americans 177 Toronto Legion @ Helsinki Titans 178 Prague Phantoms @ Malmo Nighthawks

Vancouver 3-2

1. Switch Hogan to forward, ACL TEAR, and Berocka. That line would beat ass. 2. Yes. We've been lucky, but I don't think our success is purely luck. We're working very hard for it. 3. Our depth scoring is insane. We've seen production from each of the lines, so it seems to me to be golden. 4. Joel Ylonnen. Bring him back! 5. I think finals for our second year as a rebuild team would be amazing. Especially considering the experience level of the team. 7. I think Malmo is overrated. Full stop.

Seattle Bears Host Live Petting Zoo Exhibit For the Seattle Bears’ upcoming games this Friday and Saturday, the team is doing something special. The Bears have brought in bears from a local bear rescue facility for a petting zoo exhibit. The bears are being handled by professional trainers so as to minimize the risk to the attendees at this weekend’s games. All proceeds will go to the local bear rescue facility. “We intend to be very careful,” says the manager for the facility. “Last time we brought bears to this arena, the bears went on a vicious rampage. But it shouldn’t happen twice, right?” The Seattle Bears themselves are very excited to have them. “I love bears,” says center Scott Greene. “They’re very cuddly. They just don’t love flash photography. Gotta careful. Anyone here seen ‘Grizzly Man’?” The event is expected to sell out this weekend. Hopefully tragedy doesn’t strike again.

Shit, that's good.

No! My grace!

Good game, Dav!

Scott Greene of the Seattle Bears has recently inked a dal to adapt the first half of his book, On Ice Down Under: The History of Australian Hockey, into a feature length movie. “It was a subject we found very interesting and we thought would make a perfect winter or holiday movie,” said Paramount Pictures President Peter Pippingsworth. “It’s not everyday we come across a unique story like this, and the fact that it's never been told is astounding." Greene's book was a top seller for 90 weeks straight, and recently was declared "the best book ever written" by famous author Scott Greene. Big words, indeed. When interviewing Greene about the movie, he had this to say: "Well, I was very excited for the opportunity. There had to be concessions made. I wanted extended dialogues between the kangaroos and the Bogan settlers, but the executives at the studio didn't think that the audience would appreciate a scene where people communicate with their minds for two hours. There was also the issue of nudity. Greene wanted the movie to have a hard NC-17 rating with gratuitous sex scenes and long shots of people standing naked. "I think that it's important we think about the historical context of it all. The Bogans were about two things: having sex and cashing checks. That was why they ultimately won the war for Australia," said Greene. "If we can't show that on screen, I didn't want there to be a movie." The studio eventually caved in, and the movie is expected to have a runtime of about 10 hours, 7 of which are graphic, marathon-length sex scenes. Violence, of course, couldn't be skipped. The studio has hired splatter effects king, Tom Savini, to run the effects department. Greene had gone on record by saying that he wants this to be "the goriest movie ever made." This is a tall order, but the studio has already greenlit an effects budget of six hundred million dollars. "I want there to be an hour-long shot of a kangaroo's face, really driving home the horrors of war." Rapper E-40 had been hired to score the entire film. "I think it's important that we have an entirely hip-hop soundtrack. That's authentic to Australian culture," says Greene. "Nothing is more gangsta than shooting kangaroos." The soundtrack is going to be simultaneously released with the film in a cross promotion event. E-40 is expected to perform while skydiving out of a plane onto a giant field full of kangaroos on the opening night of the film. The film is expected to release in one month. Many are concerned with the fact that it releases so soon. "I don't think we have anything to worry about," says Greene. "I believe that we can have it done by tomorrow, if everyone stops slacking. I took valuable time off from playing hockey to direct this film. The least they can do is show the same commitment." We will keep you posted as the film develops. Edit: Now starring @berocka as Bulk Bogan 500 Words, y'all

Truly an amazing experience. @berocka has made it a point to make the stream interesting every single time and also found a way to put up with our ignorance on the subject and our desire to meme the hell out of the stream. Please join this league. It's only going to get more fun.

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Hell of a game by Helsinki

765

Gg Toronto

Da bears