NSG

Aww UNVOTE SCOOP

I gotchu VOTE SCOOP

Well, even in the midst of the World Cup, Vancouver Wolves right winger and 3rd season captain Henry Tucker is hyped to head back to work. The faithful attacker signed his last deal with Vancouver and looks to go out with a bang in this new, meta-free era. The hockey hitmaker has many milestones within reach, and with Vancouver selling, Tucker looks like he could lead the rebuilding Wolves in his final year. His World Cup debut (and finale) with the U.S. boded somewhat well, as he had 27 hits, 3 goals, and 9 assists in 10 regular season games against the league’s finest. However, since he’ll improve throughout the season, I expect a bit more from him. And for @Shindigs, a reminder of where Tucker stands on the Vanny leaderboards, because a VHL.com article from me without stats is not truly a VHL.com article from me. Games: 432 (T-5) - Sadly I can’t break this record, I will get to T-3 at the end of the season, though! Goals: 211 (4th) - Will for sure finish in 2nd place. Zolnek and I are 1 goal apart heading into our final season, and with the Reinharts reportedly being shipped out, 1st place is surprisingly reasonable. Assists: 260 (7th) - Top 5 is virtually assured, as I am 9 assists from 5th, but I’m 59 off of 4th, so that seems like a bit of a stretch. I had 59+ AST in 2 seasons, but that was back in my prime. Old man, I am now. Points: 471 (4th) - I need 72 points to take over 3rd. Can I do it in old age, though? Perhaps that’s an intriguing storyline. RGN and Zolnek are still rostered though, so beating them is virtually impossible. PIM: 805 (1st) - Y’all losers smh. I no longer have anything in fighting, so I prolly won’t get lots and lots of PIM, but ya never know. I still romped everything else, though. Hits: 1436 (1st) - I’ll definitely get 1500 and won’t get 2K. Regardless, this is another stat where I can just take a little victory lap as Vancouver’s all-time big bopper. Shots: 2230 (4th) - I will be in 2nd when this is all over, since I sit 95 off the current record, 2,325. That blasted bum Zolnek has me by 41 shots, though, so 1st might or might not happen. Zolnek has 0 APE, though, which would make things a lot easier for me. Game Winners: 29 (3rd) - 2nd takes 3 goals to get to, 1st takes 12 GW. I’m not even sure we’ll win 12 games ngl. That said, though, I think 3 GW is very achievable for this final year. And that, my friends, does it. See ya next week.

1. Yeah, I know exactly what I’m doing this final season. 2. As our AGM, I can confirm that we are selling. 3. Tragically, I have not. If I did, though, I’d prolly just do a basic red. 1. What’s been your greatest VHL achievement? 2. Any saucy things you’re gonna do this summer? 3. Do you believe in free will and if so, why?

Salutations

Yo

Also I’m the world’s most useless AGM.

Some notes You spent the first 3:17 talking about literally nothing You said Cal-Gary instead of Cal-gu-ree, but then also some other weird pronouncing things make me wonder. I’m trying to get Nyko to re-sign me. @Nykonax ya bum

Woah I got mentioned

HYEP

Woah I actually did it First time Imma be reppin USA since S76 at the WJC lol

1. Tucker’s 5th season in the bigs (81), when he got nominated for MVP and made All-VHL. 2. Well, he’s my only player, so I’ll say my other favorite, which was the season prior. Won my first ever Continental Cup, scored 100 points, and won Playoff MVP. The previous year (when I led the league in PIM and majors) was also rad. 3. Either a goalie or a defender, creatively named Henry Tucker Jr. 1. What’s your favorite hockey game you ever watched and why? 2. If you got to meet 1 NHL player, who + why? 3. Is pineapple a pizza topping?

I'm really bored rn Jail is kinda snoozer

Henry Tucker - Scoring Only just got approved today so even tho I posted earlier I'm not sure that worked

#freensg

Tucker beats everyone tho

@Shindigs, you only have to read from the second paragraph down, since it actually has the stats. Well, the thinkable has happened: my Vancouver Wolves used meta to do a 3-peat. Shocking. While it’s awesome to win championships, I do hold some resentment for what caused all this prosperity: meta. Tyler Reinhart has 580 TPA, so he should suck. But lucky him, he built completely and utterly meta, so he has 417 points in 4 seasons while I have 471 in 6. I have done really well in my seasons, and yes, I have 90 scoring and defense, but I have 70 passing, checking, fighting, whatever, so I’m not meta. If not for meta, I would’ve actually had a chance to shine in my prime seasons, but no, I got the honor of playing third fiddle to the Reinhart brothers as soon as I became good. So woo hoo. Fuck meta and I can’t wait to actually be the star in my final season. But the title of this says that I won’t talk about meta 100% of this, so here’s where Tucker stands in Vancouver playoff statistics after winning the series. Games: 52 (9th) - Didn’t make a whole lot of progress here after sweeping Moscow, but I did go up a place! Goals: 28 (5th) - Didn’t score any goals that series, and I fell back a place to the other people. Assists: 34 (7th) - I did have 5 assists though, so I broke a tie for 7th, Points: 62 (5th) - No change here, currently 1 behind RGN. PIM: 88 (4th) - No PIM in 4 games? Cmon man! Hits: 157 (1st) - Thankfully, 9 hits was enough to make me Vancouver’s leader in regular season and playoff hits. Guess I’m just a big bopper. Game Winners: 6 (T-1st) - When you don’t score goals in a series, it turns out that it’s very difficult to score game winning goals. Crazy. 325 words

Why am I still jailed Me no likey

Hey look people drafted me

I'm literally not smart

Wait that means I can't vote?

Vote Ben

And that concludes that

RIP my head

Yes