Doomsday

Content: 3/3 - Interesting perspective on taking a look ahead at the future strengths of World Cup teams. Could we be seeing an end to Scandinavian dominance? Grammar: 2/2 - Just two small errors, which is pretty good for the length of this one. VHL Entry raft = VHL Entry Draft The skill level of Canadian players has never been questions = The skill level of Canadian players has never been questioned Appearance: 1/1 - Oh yes. Overall: 6/6 - Good job sir.

Content: 3/3 - Pretty amusing story about how the Meute spend their nights out. This certainly explains how we beat you guys last night though. Grammar: 2/2 - Pretty good for the most part. Only really one thing and for all I know it's not even an error. Holy shit you guys are trash. = Holy shit you guys are trashed. (I think this is what you were going for?) Appearance: 1/1 - Definitely. Overall: 6/6 - Well done!

Landry Named Captain, Misunderstands Role DAVOS - Before the beginning of the 36th season of the Victory Hockey League, the members of the HC Davos Dynamo took a vote to elect their new captains. The first vote showed the faith the team had in each other, with a three-way tie the final result. However, after another vote, Thomas Landry was voted as the captain of Davos, with Sergey Brovalenko and Matt Bentley as assistant captains. Nearly immediately, it became clear that Landry was not quite clear what being a captain meant. "Avast ye, mateys!" bellowed Landry following a team practice, steering around the ice on a Zamboni. "Set the rig to the starboard port and set sail for a championship!" Apparently believing that he is now the captain of a ship, Landry has been spotted wearing a naval officer's uniform around team facilities, sometimes sporting an eye patch. Online records show that he has purchased a parrot from Guatemala and is eagerly tracking his new acquisition. However, that isn't the most endearing of Landry's new behaviors. "He has this whistle he uses every single time he makes an announcement," said Shane Baker following a team practice. "Which just so happens to be very often. It has this peculiar way of piercing your ears and making you utterly powerless to resist his bizarre orders. Last time it happened, I ended up having to scrub the "deck," which is bogus because he already has the ice in pristine shape from driving that Zamboni everywhere." But is Landry's eccentric behavior a positive influence? The Dynamo have won their first two games, including their season opener at home against the Quebec City Meute. Winning cures all ailments, so will this hold true for Davos? "Tom is just having fun out there," said Davos' general manager, Victor Alfredsson. "I mean, just look at the way he has played so far this year. He's having fun, making him able to stay loose and focus on playing to the best of his abilities. He's done a great job so far and his line mates have really responded in a positive manner to his presence and abilities. You can't ask for more than that out of your captain. Did I mention we're winning?" Alfredsson, however, refused to elaborate on rumors that Davos gained an edge on their competitors due to Captain Landry leading daring raids on the visiting teams' locker room, distracting them and robbing them of their focus and some critical supplies. "I'm not going into detail about that," huffed a clearly agitated Alfredsson. "Those rumors are unfounded, baseless and completely untrue. Landry did no such thing and no proof will be found to prove he did any such thing because none exists." Center Davey Jones, teammates again with Landry after being line mates for the Season 33 Founder's Cup champion Bratislava Watchmen, has been ecstatic since joining the Dynamo and it has become increasingly clear why. "It's great to hang around and take the ice with Tommy again," said Jones after a practice. "Just like at Bratislava. We practice hard, then have fun off the ice. It's critical to have fun if you want to have any success in this league and Thomas Landry is a great guy to have around in order to make that happen." Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, always a safe haven for scurvy swashbucklers. He enjoys rigging the mast, broadsiding Spanish galleons and teaching his parrot Jack fine swear words.

Davos marches on!

Very positive way to start the season, already beginning to get my linemates fed!

And the B!

Onward, Dynamo! To the promised land!

Doubligné a Hidden Gem? OSLO - When the Oslo Storm selected Penis Anthony Doubligné with the fourth pick in the second round of the Season 36 VHLM Dispersal Draft, few expected that he would make a big impact on the team. However, Doubligné has been a positive force for the Storm during the team's pre-season workouts and could prove to be a difference maker down the stretch. "Last year we got a great impact player in DuJuan Cook," said Thomas Landry, the general manager of Oslo. "Doubligné could very well prove to be made of the same mold. Last year the strength of our team was absolutely our defensemen and if Penis Anthony Doubligné can really turn into a hardened warrior, he could really pound the competition hard." While the Storm came up short last year, Oslo certainly likes their chances of going long this year, with some excited fans believing they could even go all the way this season. Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, your source for quality sexual entendres. He enjoys being a viking, observing Thor's Day and smashing all dissenters with hammers.

Productive game for Landry, 17 PIMs is definitely worth beating up a CPU. :3

Let's get there first before we think about that.

THIS IS SO AWESOME! :D

Considering the Eagles barely beat a Cowboys team with their putrid defense and a backup QB, got a good lol out of this.

On the bright side, the game did give us this awesome moment:

Oslo welcomes goalkeeper Lebron King Gonzalez.

The Oslo Storm select the fantastically named Penis Anthony Doubligné, defenseman.

Oslo offers: S36: $250k S37: $250k

The Oslo Storm are pleased to welcome Left Wing Johan Hallstrom and goalkeeper Jimmity Kricket!

The Oslo Storm are pleased to welcome defenseman Sami Kravinen!

Oslo offers: S36: 200k S37: 200k

Content: 3/3 - You've certainly found yourself in high demand lately. Enjoy the spotlight and remember that if you come to Davos, you get to play with meeeeeeeeeeee! Grammar: 2/2 - One tiiiiiny thing here. twitter = Twitter Appearance: 1/1 - Pictures, color... oh yeah. Overall: 6/6 - APPROVED!

Content: 3/3 - Good, in-depth look at some topics in the VHL for the upcoming season. Bonus points for the kind words you gave Davos. Grammar: 2/2 - Pretty good with the exception of two incredibly nit-picky things. copout = cop-out longshot = long shot Appearance: 1/1 - Really think that you could've broken up the wall of text with some pictures, but you used colors well so there. One point! Overall: 6/6 - Boom shaka laka!

Content: 3/3 - Kesler has been nothing but positive since coming to Davos and has been an awesome teammate. His grammar can be infuriating, but then again, we all have our own faults. The fact that he can get through all the crap that gets flung at him is nothing short of remarkable. Great piece to shed more light on this topic, sir. Grammar: 2/2 - Pretty good for the most part, just two little things. image search fof Kesler17 = image search of Kesler17 It’s easy to look ‘how the fuck can I ever compare to that?’ = I think you meant "It's easy to think/say," because it comes off as awkward as you wrote it. Appearance: 1/1 - I think this could have used another picture, but it's ok as is. Overall: 6/6 - Well done sir.

Massive Pornography Ring Uncovered In Helsinki HELSINKI - Fresh off of their hometown Titans winning the Continental Cup, the hangover continues for the city of Helsinki. It stung enough when Odin Tordahl left town, but salt has truly been poured into the open wound with the city's task force announcing that they have cracked open an international pornography ring that had been based from and operating within the city. The ring, which had done business with people in over 30 countries had logs dating back three years. Many prominent public figures were found on the registry and over two hundred people were involved with selling the pornography. After years of failed efforts to put an end to it, it ended up taking a joint task force including the Helsinki police and Interpol in order to make a successful sting and put a halt to the production. "It truly is disturbing to find that sort of stuff being run through our city," said Commissioner Dolph Stetson. "This was no small-time racket. This was a massive syndication that was functioning internationally, with clients in Mexico, China, the United States, Canada... pretty much everywhere other than Russia. Fortunately, we can now claim that it has been shut down and operations have ceased." While it has not been disclosed exactly how many clients who did business with the pornography ring have been charged, it was released that 26 people have been arrested for their involvement in the ring. None of them have been publicly identified. Especially worrisome is the fact that while the Titans had a banner year in Season 35, their arena became a favorite place for clients to make transactions for pornography. Millions of dollars were made per night alone while the Titans hosted games during the Continental Cup. "I can't believe that something like that has been going on here in Helsinki," stated Mitch Higgins, general manager of the Helsinki Titans following a team function. "A lot of the guys are pretty disturbed over this and have refused to go anywhere in our facility without a black light. Even the fact that we've washed and sterilized the entire arena from top to bottom isn't enough for them. I truly hope that those responsible are swiftly brought to justice for their affronts against this city." Further disheartening is the fact that the ring leaders of the pornography ring remain at large. While they learned of the sting much too late to save all of their hard work, they were able to destroy many documents and files critical to the police and escaped long before the authorities ever arrived. "I don't think we've heard the last of them just yet," said Commissioner Stetson. "They are unfortunately very smart and clever people who won't let this sting stop them. Their days in Helsinki may be over, but I am worried that in a year or so, these same problems will resurface in a new town. If God has a sense of humor, it will probably be Davos." Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, which apparently now reports on sultry stories. He enjoys wrestling with demonic tomes, laughing at someone different and freedom.

400 Hits? DAVOS - A season removed after recording only two hits, Davos forward Thomas Landry took the entire VHL by surprise with his elevated physical play, racking up a staggering 319 hits. Miles Larsson was the only forward to record more hits than Landry with 335. The HC Dynamo received yet another boost to their physical game with the acquisition of Odin Tordahl, but could Landry surprise the league again and step up his game even more? "I'm going for 400 hits this year," said Landry after a team function. "No one made it there last year, although some did get close. It doesn't matter if I am on the first line, second line, third line, it's irrelevant. My teammates here in Davos will need me to step it up this season and I fully intend to do so." The HC Dynamo returned to the VHL Playoffs in Season 35 after finishing dead last the year before, however they were throttled in five games by the Cologne Express. Spirits remain high, however and the HC Dynamo look to be even stronger this year as they set out to avenge their defeat. Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, the most quality publication in the world... period. He enjoys teaching children how to fly, making evildoers go BOMF and saving the world from irascible women.