Doomsday

HC Dynamo Spending Time Practicing Marksmanship DAVOS - Although it only recently became official, fans and players alike have known that a playoff match-up between the Davos HC Dynamo and the Cologne Express was inevitable. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that the members of the HC Dynamo have been seen logging in extensive amounts of hours practicing their marksmanship in preparation of the series. The surprise is the location of the training: a private firing range, not the Davos practice facilities. "I figure that if they can shoot a gun, they can beat Chekhov," said Davos' head coach, Terence Fong. "A lot of thought and planning goes into aiming and shooting a target, especially at long ranges. If they can figure this out, they will figure out how to beat the goalies they face." "This is f&$king awesome!" exclaimed center Sergey Brovalenko while manning a 1919 Browning .30 caliber machine gun with teammate Thomas Landry. "I can't wait to see what happens when we win this series!" Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, the gift that just keeps on giving. He enjoys performing hyper combos on homeless people, consuming American soil and being so real with Jeff Buckley.

317 more hits than last season needs to count for something, eh?

Username: Doomsday Position: RW TPE: 373 Team Name: Defosse Wins Championships

Yes. Yes you are.

Content: 3/3 - The switch to the website was pretty damn deflating, it still doesn't feel the same yet. Might take a damn long time for that too. Grammar: 2/2 - Appearance: 1/1 - I've got a passion in my pants and I'm not afraid to show it. Overall: 6/6 - Sterling... do you play baseball? FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - If you aspire to be Eric Lindros, you're A-OK in my book. Grammar: 2/2 - Flyers gotcha covered, broseph. Appearance: 1/1 - Because Lindros. Overall: 6/6 - YOU NOT COOKIN'! FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - You probably don't have access to our locker room, do you? Shit, I don't know why I'm posting this here since I'm going to lock it, but damn man. Now I feel like an ass. Grammar: 2/2 - YUP. Appearance: 1/1 - Could probably look better, but I'm not in a nit-picky mood tonight. Overall: 6/6 - Who wants a body massage? FINAL: 6/6

Making A Movie With VHL Talent NEW YORK - So it's Thursday night and I'm an incredibly bored individual tonight. So I'm going to do something that apparently many members of the VHL seem to enjoy: thinking of an incredibly absurd premise and running goddamn wild with it. So tonight, I will be coming up with an idea for a movie, but I cannot use real actors to cast the parts. Instead, I must use players and personalities from the VHL (and VHLM). Interesting, right? Well, I'm only just getting started. THE PLOT: Set in a VHL city (New York, Riga, Davos, etc.), a vicious killer has been making headlines with a spree of rather disgusting, despicable crimes. Worst of all, the killer is openly mocking the police, seeming to always be one step ahead of them and more or less making a mockery out of the force. Ideally, this gives the commissioner the idea that of course the killer must be one of their own (holy shit!). But how will he be able to investigate his officers without alerting the killer? He'll have to assemble a team of his very best, most trusted men in order to keep their department from unraveling whilst the perpetrator runs amok. THE PARTS: The Commissioner: Victor Alfredsson Really, did you see anyone else getting this part? Victor is perfect for this part, with him able to constantly delegate menial tasks to other people, vent off about taking a loose cannon's badge and, of course, being too old for this shit. Now, the commissioner can assemble a smorgasbord of cop movie cliches for his team, those being the seasoned veteran, the no-nonsense cop, the loose cannon, and the rookie. The Seasoned Veteran: Mitch Higgins With his professional attitude, a proven track record of getting things done and being a team player for the VHL, Higgins is the absolute personification of a seasoned veteran for the commissioner's team. He'd be the guy calling the shots when the team is in a situation where the commissioner doesn't want to get his hands dirty. The No-Nonsense Cop: Joey Kendrick While he is certainly one for humor from time to time, when it gets down to business, Joey Kendrick doesn't fuck around. His serious, unflappable manner is more than a match for criminals who have the information he wants. He will consistently have conflicts with the loose cannon. The Loose Cannon: Sergey Brovalenko In regards to protocol, the only protocol is that there is none. Brovalenko gets results his way and he simply does not care what people think in regards to how he gets those results. He will undoubtedly shoot several perps he did not need to, along with coming up with creative, likely illegal ways to get the perps he didn't shoot to talk to him. The Rookie: Davey Jones Hand-picked by the no-nonsense cop to join the squad, this rookie has shown some excellent skills while at the academy, but is untested in the field and has some growing up to do. Despite the danger the loose cannon presents to derailing his development, the rookie respects his peers and shows a constant desire to improve. Now, we need some other characters too, don't we? The Killer: Mikey Blade Come on, that's totally the name of a killer. Not to mention he's a devious son of a bitch who nearly loophole'd his way out of playing for the team that drafted him. Lock your doors around this madman. The Enforcer: Xin Xie Xiao He's 6'8, 250 lbs and fulfills the role of a token minority as well. Absolutely no contest for a guy leading a pack of thugs in a shootout/fight scene with our heroes. The Dispatcher: Motherfuckin' Noah Because someone with a soul-crushing job needs to have an unexpected sense of humor to add comic relief from a completely unexpected angle, right? Guy Arrested For Public Drunkenness: Jardy Buncleworth Because I'm contractually obligated to make at least one joke about Jardy in every media spot I write. Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, who are helping lots of young singles meet every day. He enjoys engaging in torrid love affairs with spambots, watching GI Joe PSAs and saving the children, but not the British children.

Dynamo Reach Playoffs On Landry's Goal DAVOS - The streets of Davos were packed with overjoyed fans of the HC Dynamo, celebrating a win by their hometown team over the Vasteras that eliminated the Iron Eagles and clinched a playoff spot for Davos, just a season removed from finishing with the worst record in the VHL. After Willem Janssen tied the game with just under ten minutes to go in the third period, it seemed as if Davos was about to let their chance slip away, with the Iron Eagles taking the game into overtime. However, just twenty three seconds into the overtime period, right wing Thomas Landry retrieved the puck after a shot by Steven Stamkos had missed the net. Although Landry had already previously missed the net in this period, he would not miss again. He beat Vasteras goalie Eggly Bagelface, ending the game and the Iron Eagles' chances of reaching the postseason. This is absolutely unreal!" yelled Jackson Bronsky, an avid supporter of the HC Dynamo. "Nothing is real anymore!" With the Helsinki wrapping up home ice advantage throughout the playoffs seemingly ages ago, the long-anticipated match-up between Davos and the Cologne Express is finally set in stone. The only question now is which team will have home ice advantage for the series. The Express currently hold a ten point lead in the standings with eight games left to play, including two games against the HC Dynamo. "We're in," said Landry at the post-game press conference. "And that's all that matters now." Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, Slapboxing Champions in the Tri-State area. He enjoys finding out what the other half of the battle is, riding his motorcycle and high-fiving Israeli commandos.

Win the game. Don't get a star. THUG LIFE

Content: 3/3 - Some pretty damn good rookies in this class, it will definitely be tough to pick Jones or Gallo over each other with how excellent both have been, but neither can be considered the wrong choice. Grammar: 2/2 - Just one thing here: frontrunners -> front-runners Appearance: 1/1 - It wasn't ugly. Overall: 6/6 - Candy and junk food will rot your teeth, make your breath stink.

Content: 3/3 - The Express got some good dudes on their team apparently, but Riley Stevens needs to score a goal because it breaks my heart. See y'all in the playoffs! Grammar: 2/2 - A couple errors, but not too bad considering the length of the piece. who General Manager Joey Kendrick -> whose General Manager Joey Kendrick offseason -> off-season the Express Top-4 is Riley Stevens -> the Express' Top-4 is Riley Stevens a teams success -> a team's success younger Goaltenders -> younger goaltenders Appearance: 1/1 - Pirates? Ahoy there! Overall: 6/6 - Do you hang around in dockside bars?

Content: 3/3 - Pretty humorous piece that was fun to read. Didn't have to force myself through it! Grammar: 2/2 - Saw nothing, flawless. Appearance: 1/1 - That's not actually a Civil War re-enactor. Overall: 6/6 - Make sure you don't burn your house down when trying to make pork chop sandwiches. FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - Pretty rad that a guy named World Peace is achieving that by people people the hell up. Love it. Grammar: 2/2 - Very nice job here. Didn't see anything additional. Appearance: 1/1 - Lookin' good! Overall: 6/6 - Pick out one game where you can do it, not a bunch where you have no idea what you're doin'. FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - STATISTICALLY CLUTCH Grammar: 2/2 - NOTHIN' TO SEE HERE Appearance: 1/1 - LINDROS! Overall: 6/6 - YES!

Content: 3/3 - Slander, I tell you! Slander! You should see how those kids looked when I was through with them! Grammar: 2/2 - Nearly flawless! getting up in peoples faces -> getting up in peoples' faces Appearance: 1/1 - ORANGE EVERYWHERE Overall: 6/6 - Look both ways before crossing the street!

Content: 3/3 - Thanks for Brovy. At the very least, we'll have fun for the rest of the season! Grammar: 2/2 - Team Better Than Pittsburgh got them already. Appearance: 1/1 - +1 for Ditka. Overall: 6/6 - Don't try to open doorknobs during a fire, they're usually red-hot. FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - Misleading title is misleading. Anyway, he'll be just fine in the VHL. Probably. Maybe. Grammar: 2/2 - Pretty good for the most part. the Legion where happy -> the Legion were happy an all round defenseman -> an all-around defenseman Appearance: 1/1 - YUP. Overall: 6/6 - I just wanna ride my motorcycle. FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - XXX is more or less going to be awesome. End of story. Grammar: 2/2 - YEAH! Appearance: 1/1 - The pictures don't work unless you click on them. Odd, but I don't think it's your fault. Overall: 6/6 - FINAL: 6/6

Good work broski.

Manmeat Mondays, Weiner Wednesday, Five-Inch Friday, Sausage Saturdays. The rest are reserved for showing off facial hair, food and new purchases.

Honestly, my guess with Manning is that he doesn't really care to work on it. He knows his arm is his main weapon and that he's not going to beat you with his legs, so getting faster isn't a big deal to him. Sort of like how pitchers that are pretty big guys aren't powerful hitters: they don't work on it enough for it to really matter. Always been a big fan of Rodgers. His style of play, his personality, everything about him is what you want out of a franchise QB. Really the only bad thing is that if I remember right, he has an awful record when it comes to comebacks against teams over .500, but then again, can't be perfect at everything. I'm probably so partial to him because his style is an awful lot like Romo's, which I love. Only difference is, Rodgers plays for a franchise whose management isn't stuck up its ass.

I really like Cam Newton. He's one of those rare guys who is actually pretty good both at running the ball and as a passer. But the big trend with him is that his passing has become more and more integral to his game as his career has gone on. This year, he's relying on his arm way more than his legs to get things done, but he can still work his magic on the ground too. He's still a bit too turnover prone, but he's shown progress there too. I think he'll be a top QB within a season or two.

If defenses aren't having to account for his running ability, he doesn't get the huge holes in coverage like he did last year. Just like Kaepernick, if teams force him to beat them with his arm, he can't get it done.

Content: 3/3 - Two of the S33 Bratislava Watchmen are on this list! Glad to see two of my former teammates kicking ass, especially sweet to see Davey Jones getting some credit for how rad he's doing. Grammar: 1.75/2 - You apparently got smited by the head grader, ouch. Appearance: 1/1 - Prettier than Hillary Clinton on a good day. It sounded more like a compliment in my head. Overall: 5.75/6 - A quarter of a point? I wonder where they all go? Where do they all come from? FINAL: 6/6