Doomsday

REFS GONNA REF

Was wrong here, but I'm kind of on the right side for the Civil War. Unless you're colorblind, then I can forgive that.

Just one more now!

Awesome to steal one on the road, now back home to Oslo!

Excuse me? I think you must be confused. I am Oslo's GM.

Instant Classic IMO.

Can it still be November?

Nah, it's Elliot. When he messaged me he referred to me by my name, which some random hacker wouldn't know, but he himself would.

Hire this man!

Overview: 3/3 - Very impressive job here for a first generation player! Hope to see you around some more, because you could be off to a great start here! Grammar: 1.75/2 - I didn't see anything else, but overall not too bad. You'll fix all that in no time! Presentation: 1/1 - Beautifully done, sir. Pros: 1.75/2 - A bit short, but what you do have is good. Cons: 2/2 - Perfecto! Overall: 9.5/10 - Great start to your career with 10 TPE! FINAL: 10/10

BRAND NEW SERIES HERE STORM GONNA STORM

Content: 3/3 - I have an idea for a column, it'll be up to Boobsabi if it's wanted though. Grammar: 2/2 - Some sentences were rather long, but this is more or less it: LeBeau rather watches young prospects play = LeBeau would rather watch young prospects play Appearance: 1/1 - INDEED SIR. Overall: 6/6 - You know what's funny, there's these people they go to sleep thinking everything's fine, everything's good. They wake up the next day and they're on fire.

Content: 3/3 - Awesome to see what a stacked first round this year's class has! Well done with your research, it shows you did your homework! Grammar: 2/2 - The Fly Guy got this. Appearance: 1/1 - Just as pretty as Christmas lights! Overall: 6/6 - Johnny... do you play baseball? FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - We wouldn't have made it this far without Brookside, your job is safe my good man. Grammar: 2/2 - Perfect! Appearance: 1/1 - Adorable! Overall: 6/6 - Does your mother still hang out in dockside bars? FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - Too bad Labatte has been statistically the worst goalie in the post-season after four games. Ouch. Grammar: 2/2 - Looks good here. Appearance: 1/1 - I should not give you anything for not only using Comic Sans, but making it red. Overall: 6/6 - Nice catch Blanco Nino, but too bad your ass got serrrrvvvvvvvvvved.

Romo has actually done a hell of a job closing out games this year. Really, the worst claim against him this season is that he "choked" against Denver, but shit, the guy threw for franchise highs in yards and TDs that game. If you lose a game in which the other team scored 51 points, the QB isn't why you lost.

Awwwww yiss!

Sorry guys, thought this was an MMA match.

Content: 3/3 - Awesome look at the progress of the rookie class of this season. Crazy that a good amount of them actually played in the VHL for their rookie season to boot. Grammar: 2/2 - FLAWLESS VICTORY! Appearance: 1/1 - Moher is a thief! Overall: 6/6 - It is perfectly acceptable to not call the fire department when it is your ex-wife's house that is on fire. FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - That's enough of them vidya games, Bobbeh! BWWWWUUUAHHHH! Grammar: 2/2 - That Fly Guy got 'em. Appearance: 1/1 - The hell are those logos? They look like rejected Olympic logos. Overall: 6/6 - Whores are no good! FINAL: 6/6

Content: 3/3 - Some of those team names are something else. Where did the name Medicine Hat come from? Grammar: 2/2 - Didn't see anything. Appearance: 1/1 - Nice pictures! Overall: 6/6 - FINAL: 6/6

Game 2: HC Dynamo vs. Express Game 3: Legion vs. Wranglers

Dynamo 3-2

Doomsday/Thomas Landry

Making A Movie With VHL Talent: 2nd Edition NEW YORK - Last week's article about casting the members of the VHL into a cheesy, cliched cop film turned out to be quite a successful venture and was just as fun to write, so I will be following it up with another go this week. This time, however, I will instead be casting members of the VHL into a romantic comedy film, because fuck you. Just like last week, I can only use members of the VHL and VHLM, regardless of how fun it might be to cast them with Richard Simmons just to creep them out. Bonus points if you can figure out which movie I am lifting the plot from. Let's get started. THE PLOT: Jimothy Merrill is a down and out golfer who has not been relevant for several years. Although his age and strained relations with his family have contributed to it, a waning love for the game he so revered as a youth has sapped his desire to play the game. With the PGA Masters looming, Merrill decides to try to qualify for the Masters to make one last shot at finally winning at Augusta. During the qualifying rounds, he meets an up and coming female golfer, Claire Thomas. While immensely talented, Claire is rather immature and cannot handle making mistakes without blowing up and completely losing her composure. Despite the wishes of her overprotective father and the advances of other younger golfers, Jimothy decides to help Claire control her emotions and unlock the potential of her game. Spending time with her revitalizes his love and passion for golf, resulting in a surprising qualifying round that puts Jimothy's dream in sight and sparking a romance. Will he be able to win both the Masters and Claire's love? Find out by watching... AUGUSTA THE CAST: Jimothy Merrill: Michal Wozniak A player who seemingly never seemed to quite play up to his potential, Wozniak probably assumed he was heading into this season to ride the coattails of his teammates and Calgary and end his career in a decent manner. Instead, something has lit a fire under Wozniak, leading to an absolute career year for the veteran center, who has led not only the Wranglers, but the entire VHL in scoring with a ridiculous 154 points. Michal may be able to get the storybook ending that Jimothy desires, making him the absolute perfect casting choice. Claire Thomas: Naomi Young The amount of female prospects in the VHL/VHLM are rather limited, although the young, talented Naomi Young makes for a good parallel. While the center doesn't really have the rage issues that Claire does, Young can be awfully lazy and has not really shown off her massive potential this season, making her the natural choice to have an older, veteran center on his way out in Michal Wozniak the perfect guy to be her Jimothy Merrill. Randolph Manderbach: Sebastian Ball Jr. A young, promising golfer who also vies with Merrill/Wozniak for Claire Thomas/The Funk Trophy. While Manderbach has had himself a good campaign that made him among the frontrunners, the old veteran's sudden emergence has put him on the back burner and he is not particularly fond of it. It will make for an interesting showdown when the two show down in a tiebreaker round with the PGA Masters title on the line. Scott Thomas: Skylar Rift Claire's father, who believes that Merill is only a distraction to his daughter and who will only hurt her chances of winning the Masters. While initially vehemently opposing everything Jimothy does to attempt to help her, Scott eventually sees the good nature and intent behind Merill's actions and in the end warms up to him and allows Claire to learn from the crafty veteran. This transformation from black to white, cold to friendly can absolutely be personified through Skylar Rift's adoption of the "Two-Face" moniker. His imposing nature only adds to the appeal of the choice. Jay Montra: Robert Gow III A humorous, insightful and helpful caddie who has faithfully served with Jimothy over the course of his career. A guy who can always be counted on for a laugh, good advice and the sort of wild ideas that really get this plot moving. Robert Gow III is just the sort of guy you can count on for comedic value. BIT ROLES: Color Commentary: Wesley Kellinger While golf commentary is usually dry, dull and about as exciting as using sandpaper as lubricant, that's not the kind of guy we want here. We want someone who is full of bizarre, colorful and entertaining commentary during the golf scenes of this film. While the work that led me to make this choice did not occur in the VHL, I never said that it had to, so suck it. Wesley Kellinger has just the sort of bizarre humor and wit to make something dull like golf or MMA matches that turn into dry hump sessions on the mat into comedy gold. Washed-Up Veteran: Alexander Labatte Jealous of the success of his peers, this old veteran has tried to shout louder than the publicity that Merrill has attracted, trying to get the attention back on him. In the meantime, his game continues to spiral downward and more or less prove to be the polar opposite of the man whose attention he craves. While Labatte has been good this season, he sucked some serious shit last season in New York, so fuck him. Missing Guy on a Milk Carton: Austin Hickey Seriously, where the fuck did this guy come from? Holy shit dudes. Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, which once actually covered football simulation leagues. He enjoys stepping into Christmas, playing with bobble heads and masturbating with sandpaper.