All-AGM Dream Team

[bigAL 2,176]

All-AGM Dream Team

 

We all know the common refrain:

 

AGMs hAvE nO rIgHtS

 

Ugh. UGH. What a slap in the face to the hard work the AGMs do assisting the general manager. If we’re being real here, what does a GM even do? Collect the paycheque and delegate, I say. But I digress.

 

Today, the Assistant General Managers of the league are going to get their due with this All-AGM dream team. AGMs are the backbone of the spine of the VHL. They assist when no one else will; they support the managers, captains, and players emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Without AGMs, GMs would be nothing. AGMs are better than GMs - they are GMs who could afford to buy an extra vowel.

 

Methodology

Of course, AGMs aren’t actually players. Instead, I’ll choose their VHL surrogates. The historical records for AGMs are literally non-existent, so I could only look at current AGMs. That’s okay, because the current crop of AGMs are all literal and figurative beauties, but really prevented this from being an “all-time dream team”. Instead, it’s just my dream team, which is fine - I wouldn’t dream of playing with AGMs from lore that I never met. 

 

Tenure matters. Most of the people chosen here are excellent AGMs and probably will be for as long as they want. I don’t see any of these people as resentful of their lack of rights, or chomping at the bit to “get out of here and get promoted”. Being an AGM takes humility, an understanding of your position on the totem pole, and the unwavering ability to be the butt of jokes. People who can do that for multiple seasons are noteworthy.

 

I’ve chosen a collection of good people, great players, and superb managers. Every AGM could have made the cut, but there’s only a limited number of spots on the team. If I didn’t pick you for the dream team, well, maybe you’ll make the nightmare team.

 

Let’s get started!

 

F - Onde Sandstrom
AGM: @fonziGG ()

 

Onde Sandstrom is fine. He’s aight. There’s not a whole lot to say about a VHL rookie. After a season and a half in the minors with Las Vegas, Sandstrom put up a NICE 69 points in 94 games. That was enough to catch the eye of the Vancouver Wolves who drafted him sixth overall.

 

The real reason Sandstrom makes the Dream Team is because The Fonz is a model AGM. The guy started from the bottom, Assisting General Managers in Halifax for time. He earned a promotion to the D.C. Dragons, probably right from expansion but who knows, there’s no damn record of AGMs. If I was Enorama starting out a brand new franchise, I’d want an AGM like Fonzi on board. Fonzi makes his hay by keeping activity in the locker room, making sure the team knows what’s going on in the rest of the league, and (usually) asking press conference questions.

 

He’s my current AGM and unless he sexually harasses someone or gets caught embezzling funds, he’ll be the AGM for the Dragons for as long as he wants.

 

F - Dakota Lamb
AGM: @dlamb ()

 

Wait whaaaaa? dlamb the AGM? Yup that’s right - currently serving as the Drunk Bird’s emotional support sidekick, dLamb got a sweet gig with the New York Americans this season. He’s in his first managerial job in the VHL, but we all know he spends an ungodly amount of time playing Eastside Hockey Manager. He’s going to be in management with our league for a long, long time.

 

But I guess this is supposed to be about the on-ice product. DLamb started his career off as an inaugural member of the Miami Marauders, and the kid showed up. All he does is score, score, score. Lamb is the franchise leader in goals, and the Miami goal-scoring trophy is named after him. For two years in a row, dLamb won the dLamb. That’s just legendary.

 

F - Ray Sheilds
AGM: @Zetterberg ()

 

First off, I have to say: I’m so mad about this typo every time I see it. The rule is i before e, RAY.

 

Anyways, Z’s been a standup guy since I joined the league. When I showed up out of nowhere and swiped the Miami AGM job, it was pretty well known that that was going to be Z’s job. After bouncing from team to team for a while, the career AGM has settled into his rightful seat in Miami and has been just killing it. 

 

Zetterberg is a graphics wizard. He creates literal magic every time he opens up photoshop. That’s a great skillset for AGMs to have. Nothing makes you feel welcome to the league like getting a custom sig from one of the best in your first few weeks. I’ve noticed he isn’t posting press conference questions, but that’s fine - he’s a graphics guy, not a word maker. Word.

 

On the ice, Sheilds has been an absolute beast. Drafted by Seattle, he played poo poo on purpose so he could get out of there as soon as possible. Once he got to Malmo, Sheilds remembered how to play hockey and tore it up. He’s in the middle of his second straight point per game season and still has many seasons ahead of him. Sheilds is just going to get better and better.

 

Damnit Google, stop autocorrecting Sheilds to Shields - you should’ve autocorrected that seasons ago when Z was creating his player!1!!

 

D - Tyler Walker
AGM: @Advantage ()

 

Well wouldn’t this be a S73 Draft dream team? Tyler Walker was taken 2nd overall behind some groovy dude, even though Walker was the highest TPE player in the draft, with the highest ceiling, and the longest and most successful VHL resume. Walker in his own right is an amazing player, putting up offensive offensive numbers from the blueline, but ADV might be the real star here.

 

Advantage is one of the coolest dudes on the site. He’s a tenured legend, who’s been popping in and out of the league for almost a literal decade. He’s a Governor of the league, and has recently put himself front and centre as the spokesperson for the formerly-shadowy Board of Governors. He led the charge on the Fitness support group on the forums and Discord, encouraging all of us keyboard warriors to do a warrior pose every once in a while. All in all, he’s made life around the league better for everyone he’s interacted with. Malmo’s real lucky to have this guy in their corner.

 

D - Shawn Glade III
AGM: @ShawnGlade

 

I don’t know Shawn Glade at all, but jeez there’s slim pickings on the back end. What I do know of Glade is his reputation - and let’s just say it’s not Glade Fresh.

 

Third time’s the charm for ol’ Shawn here. With III, he started off his career as a champion. The always-stacked Minnesota Storm signed the big Dman from waivers, but Missassauga sneakily swiped him in the dispersal draft. The G-Man got traded back to his old haunt and promptly helped the Storm win the Founders Cup. That was good enough for Vancouver to use a first round pick to grab Glade in the S73 VHL draft.

 

On the managerial front, again, III time’s the charm. After a revolving door of assistants left Dil feeling sad and lonely, it was Shawn Glade who accepted the challenge of reviving the 12+13 locker room. Since joining the team, Halifax has gone an absurd 37-5 and has a 13 point cushion atop the VHLM standings. That success, of course, is completely and entirely because of Shawn Glade’s assistance. 

 

G - Raymond Bernard
AGM: Mr_Hatter ()

 

How could it be anyone else rounding out this AGM Dream Team?! Bernard is the premiere goalie of the league, and Hatter is objectively the greatest AGM in the VHLM. 

 

Bernard the goalie is a living legend. He’s won individual trophies. He’s won fantasy leagues. He’s been a champion in both the VHLM and the VHL. Kids grow up wanting to play goalie because of Ray Ray. Men grow up and want to be rich, manly, and successful like St Bernard. There’s not much else to say - Raymond Bernard might be the best player-AGM ever.*

* I have no proof of that because of the administrative discrimation against the profession of the AGM

 

And what about the manager? Hatter is a league legend. He’s a staple of stability in Minnesota. AGMs come and AGMs go, but Hatter’s tenure with the Storm is a testament to his communication skills, his eagerness to support his team, and his slew of free time. Hatter might also have one of the toughest AGM jobs in the M. His boss is a cutthroat statistician that builds his team with a spreadsheet. The job of managing the people behind the numbers falls to the Hat Man himself, and he does a great job. I’ve seen it first hand when Groovy Dood spent his M season in Minnesota. Hatter keeps the small but mighty LR in high spirits, in the loop, and consistently in the playoffs.

 

And that's the team!

Are you happy with the results? Great!
Are you rattled you got left off the list? Get bent!
Are you a historical AGM upset you didn't make the dream team? Get angry at the blues for neglecting us as a real profession!

Are you just a fan reading this for fun? Get a life!

Are you thinking about applying to become an AGM? DO IT!

 

Either way, feel free to leave a comment. I know I will. (3 comments, because I made it to 1500 words PLUS theme week, boo yah)

[bigAL 2,176]

Claiming for theme week, I'll come back and claim the real post next week as PT

[Berocka 2,266]

What about Berocka... 

 

Sundqvist would make a great D-man for your team.

[JigglyGumballs 1,056]

1 hour ago, bigAL said:

Are you thinking about applying to become an AGM? DO IT!

It's a fun experience. Plus we get a fun field trip as well! Also can we get paid already? I'm not sure I can last the winter if this keeps up...

[dlamb 1,328]

Nice article Al! Cool idea, but Groovy Dood doesn't even get an honorable mention? What a BUST! 

[bigAL 2,176]

10 hours ago, Berocka said:

What about Berocka... 

 

Sundqvist would make a great D-man for your team.

 

10 hours ago, bigAL said:

Are you rattled you got left off the list? Get bent!

 

[bigAL 2,176]

10 hours ago, Berocka said:

What about Berocka... 

 

Sundqvist would make a great D-man for your team.

Serious though, I don’t know many of the VHL AGMs. Maybe I’ve just talked my way into a spot on the pod!

[bigAL 2,176]

7 hours ago, dlamb said:

Nice article Al! Cool idea, but Groovy Dood doesn't even get an honorable mention? What a BUST! 

bigAL ain’t an AGM no more, gotta give those spots to the people who really earned it

[bigAL 2,176]

10 hours ago, Berocka said:

What about Berocka... 

 

Sundqvist would make a great D-man for your team.

Plus the Shawn Glade redemption arc is a great storyline in the M

[Rayzor_7 741]

14 hours ago, bigAL said:

And what about the manager? Hatter is a league legend. He’s a staple of stability in Minnesota. AGMs come and AGMs go, but Hatter’s tenure with the Storm is a testament to his communication skills, his eagerness to support his team, and his slew of free time. Hatter might also have one of the toughest AGM jobs in the M. His boss is a cutthroat statistician that builds his team with a spreadsheet. The job of managing the people behind the numbers falls to the Hat Man himself, and he does a great job. I’ve seen it first hand when Groovy Dood spent his M season in Minnesota. Hatter keeps the small but mighty LR in high spirits, in the loop, and consistently in the playoffs.

All of this is true @Mr_Hatter

[fonziGG 1,075]

15 hours ago, bigAL said:

The guy started from the bottom, Assisting General Managers in Halifax for time. He earned a promotion to the D.C. Dragons, probably right from expansion but who knows, there’s no damn record of AGMs.

HEH lets clear this one up since it's a fun story!

 

I was AGM of Halifax and ended up taking over as GM in S68. I brought on @McWolf as AGM. He was the best since he was returning (he was ALSO the former GM of Halifax)! He then went on to AGM DC with Eno. I stepped down from Halifax due to IRL circumstances. McWolf got the Saskatoon gig right around the time I was returning to the league. Eno hires me through a series of very tough interviews.

 

Basically, if we follow the trend, I'll take over Saskatoon pretty soon and then I'm coming for your precious London!

 

 

 

 

[Mr_Hatter 1,608]

1 hour ago, Rayzor_7 said:

All of this is true @Mr_Hatter

@bigAL thank you for kind words  Literally making me blush at work you baddie

[dlamb 1,328]

5 hours ago, bigAL said:

bigAL ain’t an AGM no more, gotta give those spots to the people who really earned it

I'll never forget my 1st AGM  the best

[diamond_ace 3,114]

21 hours ago, bigAL said:

Serious though, I don’t know many of the VHL AGMs. Maybe I’ve just talked my way into a spot on the pod!

Seabass Perrin would likely have a case for inclusion if you knew a bit more of the VHL ones. He's been a legend for me in Prague (even though his player is on a gap year in Helsinki)

[ShawnGlade 1,010]

aged poorly

[bigAL 2,176]

Claim 3 of 3, 1500 words fuck yeah