BluObieZ

Oh there is nothing wrong.  Since i'm back on my team.  Time for hype.  Make people hate us

Hello everyone, to say this is a hard choice would be a lie. My time playing in this league is over. After this season, I will be taking my talents elsewhere. Where you ask? well with my name you would think that I would go into drugs. Well that assumption would be wrong, I am taking my talents and going to make Ko Kane juice. No not liquid Cocaine, but it might as well. I am going to be a professional apiarist. I will raise the best of the best bees. I may or may not have plans to raise a bee army and take over the world. But this all maybe a front for my cocaine trafficking and this was all a lie up to this point. To throw off the authorities. Now they don't know which is the truth,

Hello everyone, to say this is a hard choice would be a lie. My time playing in this league is over. After this season, I will be taking my talents elsewhere. Where you ask? well with my name you would think that I would go into drugs. Well that assumption would be wrong, I am taking my talents and going to make Ko Kane juice. No not liquid Cocaine, but it might as well. I am going to be a professional apiarist. I will raise the best of the best bees. I may or may not have plans to raise a bee army and take over the world. But this all maybe a front for my cocaine trafficking and this was all a lie up to this point. To throw off the authorities. Now they don't know which is the truth,

'Twas the night before Orion, when all through the VHL
Not a player was stirring, not even a @Ahma;
The Contracts were hung by the table with care,
In hopes that Orion Slade soon would be there;
The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of goal celebrations danced in their heads;
 
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a man in a tight suit and cape
With a little O in the middle, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Orion.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted
"Now, be gone all you evil and lost souls.
Tis my day and not yours!
Then he swung around the sky
Drinking and laughing as he sang a song
The Cheer it was lacking
To the windows! To the walls!
Till the sweat drips down my balls!"
He landed at the door with ground shatter
and kicked open the door like no matter
All the little Gm's lined up
He looked at them all with a scoff 
And asked where his Whiskey is
No rocks
 
As he sipped away he looked at his options
Yukon sucked so it was plucked
Saskatoon had the room but not much else either
Leaving Vegas with all it's lights and beer
Halifax with all its shitty weather
Leaving Oslo for last because...
Well what does it have?
 
For it does not matter
Because tis was Orion Eve
And everyone must wait for the morning
To see where he lands
Till then Fuck Off
 

'Twas the night before Orion, when all through the VHL
Not a player was stirring, not even a @Ahma;
The Contracts were hung by the table with care,
In hopes that Orion Slade soon would be there;
The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of goal celebrations danced in their heads;
 
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a man in a tight suit and cape
With a little O in the middle, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Orion.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted
"Now, be gone all you evil and lost souls.
Tis my day and not yours!
Then he swung around the sky
Drinking and laughing as he sang a song
The Cheer it was lacking
To the windows! To the walls!
Till the sweat drips down my balls!"
He landed at the door with ground shatter
and kicked open the door like no matter
All the little Gm's lined up
He looked at them all with a scoff 
And asked where his Whiskey is
No rocks
 
As he sipped away he looked at his options
Yukon sucked so it was plucked
Saskatoon had the room but not much else either
Leaving Vegas with all it's lights and beer
Halifax with all its shitty weather
Leaving Oslo for last because...
Well what does it have?
 
For it does not matter
Because tis was Orion Eve
And everyone must wait for the morning
To see where he lands
Till then Fuck Off
 

He said it on the internet, it must be true ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

1) Yeah Once Orion hangs up his skates, I am gone. No more me round here.
2) I promised it if someone won the lottery. No one did. I did plan on doing it every week but I got busy with work and forgot till now. Surprised you didn't ask about "Nice Robbie"
3) Suicide Squad, Shazam, IT, IT2, Robocop (newest one), Shape of Water, Pacific Rim
4) Leaving. Oh wait that's the soon future... SWC3 was fun.
5) My first goalie. Forgot his name.

Great fucking name and story 

Most hockey players stories all sound the same, all sound like cookie cutters and it's just bland and lame. They all start with them loving hockey from a young age and they always wanted to grow up to play for their favorite teams. They had parents that supported them in their dreams. Moms that drove them to hockey games and practices, dads that would give them pointers, build backyard rinks and siblings they may have looked up to. All that shit that expect to hear from players. They also always had at least one coach that believed in them, that made them push themselves further. People like that is why they are playing hockey today. Yada yada yada... Yawn.
 
 Well Orion Slade the god, the myth, the legend is truly a Robbie player. All players that played for the agency have had stories. The agency have had drug cartel kingpins, Cuban refugees, A kid born in space, the rightful heir to the British Crown and much much more. To have a proper life story you must live life and not shelter yourself from actually living life. You must think grander and bigger, you must think about what would be great. Well these players all had great lives if you can remember. But for this one last player, this story will truly be one you will want to follow to the bloody end. If you chose not to believe the story, well that's up to you buddy. But this dude is truly mythological fuck and his story will captivate you to your fucking core. Orion the mythological god drops on Chritmas Eve. Enjoy!

Most hockey players stories all sound the same, all sound like cookie cutters and it's just bland and lame. They all start with them loving hockey from a young age and they always wanted to grow up to play for their favorite teams. They had parents that supported them in their dreams. Moms that drove them to hockey games and practices, dads that would give them pointers, build backyard rinks and siblings they may have looked up to. All that shit that expect to hear from players. They also always had at least one coach that believed in them, that made them push themselves further. People like that is why they are playing hockey today. Yada yada yada... Yawn.
 
 Well Orion Slade the god, the myth, the legend is truly a Robbie player. All players that played for the agency have had stories. The agency have had drug cartel kingpins, Cuban refugees, A kid born in space, the rightful heir to the British Crown and much much more. To have a proper life story you must live life and not shelter yourself from actually living life. You must think grander and bigger, you must think about what would be great. Well these players all had great lives if you can remember. But for this one last player, this story will truly be one you will want to follow to the bloody end. If you chose not to believe the story, well that's up to you buddy. But this dude is truly mythological fuck and his story will captivate you to your fucking core. Orion the mythological god drops on Chritmas Eve. Enjoy!

and failed

@Quik told me to post this in here because I was having issues declining my PO. He had to manually do it for me so this is a reminder to the GM's that Ko Kane is a Free Agent. Please submit pitches via PM, if no pitch received I will not even consider offers. @Banackock @Devise @hedgehog337 @Beaviss @Spade18 @ShawnGlade @Bushito

Orion Slade is known for many things in his life and on the ice. His dominating personality, his strength, his so called superpowers that some people swear he has. But this should not surprise anyone. The Robbie Agency is known for searching for odd balls, great personal stories and people that will dominate on and off the ice. SWC3 probably was the agencies last pure dominant player, and that's not taking away anything the Ko Kane has done in his career. Ko Kane has lived up to his hype and then some, he stuck out a rebuild in Seattle but then was dealt like trash. Ko Kane now enters the last season of his VHL career looking for a cup to close out his career. Robbie has turned his attention to the future already. The agencies last player. Orion Slade. He trusts Ko Kane knows what he has to do to get it done. He is still widely seen as a dominant force on the back end. 
 
Orion on the other hand, not much is known about him. Other then his blazing speed, his amazing puck control that would leave you just guessing where he has the puck, his scoring. People have called him the puck whisperer, because the puck seems to change direction in mid flight without hitting anything. Trust us when we say this, he never hits anything with the puck other then the back of net. The final thing that he has is Strength, you think you can hit him and force him off the puck? you can think it all you want but trust me, when you hit him you will bounce off and fall down as he continues to skate. Oh when he hits you, well prepare yourself to feel like a pancake. All these tools will help him to be dominant and the best player the Robbie Agency has ever seen. 

Allow myself to uh... Reintroduce Orion Slade. The greatest player not in the VHL, the greatest VHL story ever told. He may or may not be a super hero...? Villain? One thing is for certain is that he will be Robbie Agencies last ever player and will be the greatest player to play for them. Now I will not go over his backstory because for that you can read his Bio and Rookie Profile that I posted like a half year ago? I don't fucking know. Consider this a more of a refresher course that he is coming. 
 
But what does that mean? where will he play? will he be loyal? All good questions. It means that as of Dec 24th I will be no longer working towards another player beyond him. I will be focused on making great and that't that. He is the Christmas Present the league gets to open a whole day early. You can literally thank me now. Go ahead. I'll wait. 
 
Where will he play? the teams that the best shot at winning the cup. Sadly I am not the Vegas GM this time around like how I would have liked it, because I would have destroyed the VHLM yet again. But I doubt he ends up in Vegas because they don't seem like the team to beat this season. But once again I ignore many things so I can be wrong. Beyond the VHLM he will have the same attitude cups a plenty will be his motto. But I will not go into that grand plan just yet because that's something I feel like unveiling when his VHL draft nears. For now I will let teams salivate over maybe drafting him. Let them think they can keep him beyond a rookie contract that may or may not have a player option on the 2nd season.   
 
For now just enjoy the wild ride. Oh and this isn't the only thing for the first day of Orion. Because this is a bit lackluster for a hype piece

Allow myself to uh... Reintroduce Orion Slade. The greatest player not in the VHL, the greatest VHL story ever told. He may or may not be a super hero...? Villain? One thing is for certain is that he will be Robbie Agencies last ever player and will be the greatest player to play for them. Now I will not go over his backstory because for that you can read his Bio and Rookie Profile that I posted like a half year ago? I don't fucking know. Consider this a more of a refresher course that he is coming. 
 
But what does that mean? where will he play? will he be loyal? All good questions. It means that as of Dec 24th I will be no longer working towards another player beyond him. I will be focused on making great and that't that. He is the Christmas Present the league gets to open a whole day early. You can literally thank me now. Go ahead. I'll wait. 
 
Where will he play? the teams that the best shot at winning the cup. Sadly I am not the Vegas GM this time around like how I would have liked it, because I would have destroyed the VHLM yet again. But I doubt he ends up in Vegas because they don't seem like the team to beat this season. But once again I ignore many things so I can be wrong. Beyond the VHLM he will have the same attitude cups a plenty will be his motto. But I will not go into that grand plan just yet because that's something I feel like unveiling when his VHL draft nears. For now I will let teams salivate over maybe drafting him. Let them think they can keep him beyond a rookie contract that may or may not have a player option on the 2nd season.   
 
For now just enjoy the wild ride. Oh and this isn't the only thing for the first day of Orion. Because this is a bit lackluster for a hype piece

Meh S65 Draft will have Slade 

If you think this will be informative in depth look on the VIKING brand then you are sadly fucking right. Nah you are wrong but wanted to lead you into a false sense of hope and wonderment? I don’t fucking know. Anyways…
 
Viking is the best of the best, everyone knows if they want to win the tournament they will have to go through Viking. Am I saying this because I have a player on Viking? Sure maybe that is partly the reason. But just look at their fucking roster.
 
Starting at D you Malenko and Kane the tournaments best duo by far. If you think that you will blow past these two guy, then you must be on blow because these guy shut down people for breakfast and make teams cry for an afternoon snack. Kane might be in his 2nd last season in the VHL and you would think that he would slow down but you would sadly be wrong if you thought such foolish things. Kane the king of defense can make you cry by hitting you, taking the puck away or those things combined with scoring goals. Kane’s partner in crime (pun intened) is no slouch and can hurt you just as much as Kane. Some might even argue that he can hurt you more.
 
Louth, Smirnov, Harding and the rest of the forwards just make you look at them and think “well… damn how will we shut them down? The answer is harder to come to then you would think because how in the bloody hell do you shut down this offense, get past that D and maybe score? It’s a mind blowing task that will baffle other teams. They will not have enough time to figure them out and they will be left in the dust while these boys skate past them and score on their shitty little goalie.
 
Speaking of goalie Sterling is the beast of the fucking best in the tournament world and sure you can be like fuck you Robbie you have no idea what you are talking about because my goalie or our goalie is the best. Well you know what? You can eat your own ass and you will see in the tournament who is right. Trust me when I say this. You will be wrong and you will be left thinking damn Robbie was fucking right.
 
I tend to leave morons in the dust like that because come on, I am an asshole and I make wild predictions and I tend to be right. I went FA hopping just for fun and I kept getting cups so when I say Viking is the best I mean they are the best. You can try to deny it and hope that I am wrong but that would be foolish of you to think I am wrong about this. The other people picking Viking could be wrong, its statistically possible but me being wrong is not. I am right even when I am wrong.

If you think this is going to be a puff piece then you are sadly mistaken. Sure TLO is my “friend” and I don’t want to make fun of him too much… Wait a minute, YES I DO! This will not be written by “Nice Robbie” this is the normal asshole you all know and love… to hate. So let me get started.
 
To start the season Davos was expected to be the championship favorite and things took a hard slice right from there. Why? Well I have a theory and it starts in net. Shawn Brodeur, sure he is 3rd in the league with wins. Only because he plays for the 3rd “best team” His Save Percentage is just horrible at 0.909 which puts him in 5th best. Two goalies on shittier teams have a better Save Percentage. His GAA is not outright bad but could be better at 2.38.
 
Now why do I point all that out? Because my theory is the Shawn is pretty much thinking about retiring and gave up on bettering himself. His agent a man that just lives on a whim and has an attention span of a peanut. Probably was distracted by a butterfly as his client said he was giving up. Thus brought on the beginning of the end of Shawn being one of the best goalies in the league.
 
While his team mates would go “GTL” (Yes a Jersey Shore reference and no I do not watch) Shawn rather now be seen at the local burger joint in Davos that claims to have 100 different burgers. He is on a mission to eat all these burgers. Not only once but enough times to taste every spice every ingredient. You see, his new life goal is to become a food critic. His first “job” has made him fat. All those burgers have slowed him down.
 
To the point the team has welcomed a long road trip to keep him away from the burgers that he loves so much. Team captain Ko Kane has been spotted punching his goalie square in the head each time he would suggest going to eat somewhere that would sell burgers.
 
The problem has gotten so bad that the players now call him Jughead. The burger loving Archie comics character. Not the character from Riverdale. The team is also is said to have held an intervention trying to stop Shawn’s self-destructive behaviour. Players told him that if he does not stop getting fatter they will no longer invite him to team outings and after they all move past the VHL he will be forgotten.
 
Ko Kane’s speech sounded something like this “Shawn you and I used to be close friends. Remember going around town and throwing pies and homeless people then laughing. It was charity because we were feeding them but they had it all over their face. I often think back to times like that and think why don’t we do things like that anymore. Looking back I see that was a team bonding exercise and it brought us together. Like family.
 
But now you are different. You are distant and you don’t care anymore. Is it because Elinor left you for that bouncer named Rick? Is she really the reason why you don’t care anymore? Fuck her. She aint worth the time. She is a dirty little (Altercation breaks out before Ko Kane can finish what he was going to call her)
 
Okay… I see maybe that was too far. But all I am saying is that it’s a good thing that she is gone. She was a dirty fuck slut. Hell she offered me head and I acc…(Shawn dives to attack Ko Kane but his weight slows him down)
 
Okay! Sheesh! Look bro. I know you have been eating a lot because you are alone and you have no pussy to fuck. But how do you expect to get more pussy when you look like that? You want to eat hundreds of burgers because you think you will be taken seriously as a food critic. No one will give a shit about what you have to say. They will laugh at you, much like they laugh at you now because you just flat out suck in net. You fucked us like you never got to with Elinor. You fucked us out of a 2nd title. As team captain I will no longer take this lightly. If you do not seek help I will no longer hang with you, I will delete you off my phone and I will no longer let you come tag along on my wild party nights. You will be the social pariah of the team and you will feel even worse about yourself. When you walk into a room we will leave. When you go for a fist bump it will be smacked away. During games we will leave you to defend for yourself. You want to fuck this team? We will do it right back. How does 100 shots faced per game sound to you? You fat fuck! Huh? ANSWER ME! Stop eating that fucking burger! FUCK! OKAY I’M DONE WITH YOU!”
 
Shawn refused to seek help in the form of a personal trainer and nutritionist. Shawn told them that it is his body and he can eat whatever he wants. As you can tell by Ko Kane’s speech that Shawns issues have cut deep with this team. They do not like what is going on but they cannot do anything about it. The one guy that is supposed to be stopping the pucks is not. The only reason why he has not let in more goals is because he is pure fatness. He takes up too much of the net so the opposing team has less to shoot at.
 
Shawn is so fat not that his reaction speed is non-existent if a puck is shot at his glove side he would only react a full three seconds later. That is pretty sad and very bad. Shawn literally has become just a body in net. A man with no passion for the game and no passion to go forward in life. He has forgotten how to skate, or well… he is too fat to skate is more accurate. The team has to help him glide out to his net. When he falls down or goes down for a delayed save attempt the team has to help him sand back up. To the point he has been instructed to that if he goes down for a save cover the puck with his fat to stop the play. That way the team is not helping him get up while the other team has the puck or they have the puck but two players are helping him up so taking those players out of the rush. Generally you would think the D would stick back in a rush and help him up so that way the D are back when the opposing team comes back down the ice but most of the time it does not work out like that.
 
 Davos has gone from the best team in the league last season to the cup favorite during the offseason to well the laughing stock. They cannot win with Shawn in net because of this horrible depression and self-destructive behavior. Players have threatened to tie Shawn to the net so that way he does not fall down. So his pure mass will just stop the puck. They are coming up with new and inventive ways to keep him happy while tied to the net. Like a burger feeding system which is basically a t shirt cannon firing burgers at him whenever he is done eating one.
 
A season where the team was not supposed to win may have brought on this change. Once Shawn won the cup he thought that he did not have to do anything anymore. He had nothing driving him forward in his VHL career. He won the cup that many players have not hoisted. He thought why try now when he already won the cup. He will forever go down as a champion so why would he need to try anymore. It’s truly sad and makes players that are forced to be on his team very mad.
 
They are mad because they could have been repeat champions this season and their goalie is in “I don’t fucking care anymore” mode. One man has taken the team by hostage and has driven it into the ground. Thanks Shawn you lazy fat bastard. I needed this to break away a bit from “Nice Robbie” your selfish ways have fucked the team this season and I doubt you can correct the course enough now to save the season. Why don’t you go stuff a burger down your throat and don’t use anything to wash it down. We may be better off with our backup goalie at this point. Which would be the ultimate slap to Shawn’s face and maybe would make him snap out of this funk that he is in.

USA's gold medal reign is over. Damn.

So Ko Kane is no longer on Davos, he has been traded. The Kane era is over in Davos and fans don’t know what to think of it. The locker room will never be the same, his stall is empty and his name plate has been removed. The player that was there since he was drafted now is on Toronto. Seeking another cup. Will he get one? Who really knows right now. It is too early to tell if Toronto can compete with some of the heavy hitters in the league.
 
As for Ko Kane he moves into unfamiliar territory. New team, new locker room and new fans. The soon to be retiring D-man is known for his hardnosed brand of playing, is said to be looking to see how the season plays out before deciding on if he will pick up his player option or not. If does not then he would entire his last free agency. This time it would be intentional, not like last time where he and Davos forgot about the option.
 
With all these changes, Ko Kane is also in discussions with a few brands to sign on with them and become the face of their brands. There is no saying which brands he is in talks with but with his agents close ties with Fong the man behind VIKING the logical pick would be them but who knows. Maybe Fong thinks Kane is too old and does not want to sign a player who is that close to leaving the VHL. Maybe they are talking about Orion the next and last player for the Robbie Agency.  Lots of speculation going on in the league because with the introduction of the brands they will be looking to sign marque players first which leaves the soon to be retiring Kane in the second group of people that the Brands will consider signing. This all could be one big bluff by Kane and Robbie to draw up some Brand offers. We will have to wait and see next week if it truly was a bluff.
 
There is no telling what Ko Kane’s second last season will be like but right now at least he is on a team that will be competitive and maybe aiming for a cup run. That is all he asked for when Davos approached him if he would be open to a sign and trade. Ko Kane re-signed in Davos so they could get something for him. They got a plethora of picks in exchange for Kane and a few other players. Helping kick start their rebuild.  
 
Sure Ko Kane would love to finish his career with two more cups but something tells me he will be happy with one more, this season he seems to be going with the flow. Seeing how everything goes, if Toronto can pull off a cup with it will be a “happy accident” because going into Toronto Ko Kane has no idea what to expect. We like him will just have to wait and see.

I do waive. Tough to leave Davos. But they need the picks not aging D. Thanks @Tyler

I do waive. Tough to leave Davos. But they need the picks not aging D. Thanks @Tyler

Ko Kane’s days maybe numbered in Davos, with the team looking to probably rebuild they have resigned their star defenseman with the probable intention to trade him for assets. If and when the deal goes down he may go down as a Davos legend. Greatest D to play for the team? No but a legend. He has stuck around with the team through thick and thin. The team sucked in the early years which lead people to believe he would probably force his way out. Well he stayed with the team.
 
The team awarded his loyalty with naming him the captain and since then the team took off. The team started seeing results on the ice. Finals appearances which finished with the team winning a cup and Kane hoisting the cup above his head as the Davos fans going crazy. Something not all Davos greats can say they did. Sure the team have had some real good teams but not all of them won the cup. Not all the great players on those great teams finished with cups on those teams. It’s not their fault, but it’s just a stat that is a fact.
 
Ko Kane bringing the cup home to Davos fulfilled his promise that he will stick it out with the team till they won the cup. He knew that they would win and they did. Now that their last season is done with no cup the team most likely will be sellers and looking at a rebuild. Actually can be a possible landing spot for Orion Slade.
 
If and when a trade happens Ko Kane will have to waive his NTC which I am sure he will not waive for just any team. He controls his fate and maybe will just opt to not waive it at all. He may just want to retire as a member of Davos even though that would mean that he will not get another cup. Which I am sure he would love to get another one before he retires. He can actually get another two matching SWC3’s cup haul. That’s if he becomes greedy and goes cup hunting. We right now have no idea what he is planning and how he intends to handle a potential trade.
 
Ko Kane knows that he does not have much time left in the VHL and that he staying with Davos would be viewed as a form of respect for the team that he won the cup with and the team that he stuck it out with. But he also knows that the team and the fans would understand if he would hunt for more cups and a bigger payday. He does have a player option on the 2nd year of his contract which would be his last in the league. This may all be an epic setup for one last free agency fuckery and to hop onto one good team this season to another good one for his last season. He may actually be setup pretty well to win another one if not two cups before he hangs up his skates in the VHL. We will just have to wait and see how this all plays out.

So sad that I wasn't brought back to GM for a 3rd time in a row to get a 3rd Gold in a row. Team fuck you is dead