Tagger

Newly-appointed World Cup GM Victor Alfredsson, of HC Davos fame, has been busy plotting the demise of his opponent which what looks like a loose 4-3-3 formation:



You will note that only one goal is shown on the diagram, with Team Western Europe unlikely to see their opponents' net. If they do, it will be thanks to the extremely lopsided nature of the team with McQueen and Janssen providing the thrust down the left.

Down the right, space will be opened up by Klose seeking to reclaim his striker position from the static GIYGAS and will likely be exploited by selfish and ultimately fruitless runs from right-back by Matt Bentley, in the best spirits of English football, who is expected to overlap nervous youngster Kurtis Hunter.

This in turn, should leave the team vulnerable at the back, with their veteran leader out chasing glory. Expect fouls galore from midfield destroyer Kez Kincaid and intense sweeping from goalkeeper Brookside and captain Villeneuve.

YEAH! Let's get fucking excited about hockey!

Is it possible that the worst ever hockey player in VHL history is going to also become the worst General Manager in VHL history?  Edwin Encarnacion, the former baseball superstar turned vomit-inducing hockey player, has put his name forward to become a General Manager in the upcoming Season 40 World Cup for Team World. While we are willing to hold our judgement on the GM ability of Encarnacion, who had previously represented Team World in the Season 37 World Cup and proceeded to lead the tournament in hits on the way to a fourth place finish, it is worth pointing out that he will have a monumental task ahead of him should he be appointed as a GM, as currently the team has all of six eligible participants, three of which were playing in the VHLM last season. On top of that, the team actually doesn’t have a goalie, so they will be hoping, like in Season 37 with Blaine Olynick, that they can borrow a goalie from another nation. 

World can borrow any nation tbh.

A vote for Encarnacion is a vote for your life!

Is it possible that the worst ever hockey player in VHL history is going to also become the worst General Manager in VHL history?  Edwin Encarnacion, the former baseball superstar turned vomit-inducing hockey player, has put his name forward to become a General Manager in the upcoming Season 40 World Cup for Team World. While we are willing to hold our judgement on the GM ability of Encarnacion, who had previously represented Team World in the Season 37 World Cup and proceeded to lead the tournament in hits on the way to a fourth place finish, it is worth pointing out that he will have a monumental task ahead of him should he be appointed as a GM, as currently the team has all of six eligible participants, three of which were playing in the VHLM last season. On top of that, the team actually doesn’t have a goalie, so they will be hoping, like in Season 37 with Blaine Olynick, that they can borrow a goalie from another nation. 

It doesn't take a Continental Cup in order to have a successful season, and that's precisely what we had. It was a fun way to end Landry's career, even with no cup. I got to lead the VHL in two statistics and had a lot of fun here in Calgary. But now it's time to start the next career.

Travis, if there is any justice. In the VHL, you will win a Grimm Jonsson before your career ends. You're the rock of this team. I'll be rooting for Encarnacion to destroy the penalty minute records and for you guys to hoist the cup before whatever team I end up on is ready to compete.

Wranglers gonna wrang!

"Who would want to go to Manchester?" is right.
 
If you guys get rid of rivalry games though, know that I will set fire to the BOG. 

Donated $20 for S40, I'll take an extra Doubles Week. 

YEAH! GET FUCKED AUSTRALIA! 

3-1 again, let's fuck them up like we fucked those Meute up! And also PIM a lot!

YEAH! GET FUCKED AUSTRALIA! 

YEAH! GET FUCKED AUSTRALIA! 

YEAH! GET FUCKED AUSTRALIA! 

YEAH! GET FUCKED AUSTRALIA! 

3-1 again, let's fuck them up like we fucked those Meute up! And also PIM a lot!

There's a few reasons as to why they wouldn't report it right away, probably one of the bigger ones is that considering Cosby's stature, they don't think the authorities would listen, or in fact have tried the authorities only to have them not take them seriously. It's a lot more difficult for authorities to dismiss a lot of complaints that come at the same time.
 
Here in the UK, over the last few years there's been a somewhat frightening amount of celebrities whose height of fame came in the 60's, 70's and 80's found guilty of sexual abuse during that period. One in particular, who was knighted (given the rank of Sir) was found to be involved in over 500 sexual abuse cases, lots of them in hospitals and most of them under-age. Even though it spanned from the 50's to the 2000's, this was only exposed after his death in 2011 because people had been either too scared or ignored by authorities prior to his death. 
 
I'm not saying Cosby is guilty or anything, I'm just saying that just because people are only coming forward now doesn't necessarily make it "fishy"

It turns out that the folks at EA Sports are no fools. After reports of a record number of copies of NHL 15 (which includes the VHL as a selectable league) being pirated, they decided to install a nasty surprise to those who planned to do the same thing for NHL 16. Anyone who obtains a pirated copy of NHL 16 will open the game as usual and all of the menus will retain the same aesthetic.
 
However, once they get onto the ice, they will find that there is quite a big difference in the gameplay, as they will find themselves sharing the ice with not just their opponents, but also an invincible, super-speed version of Edwin Encarnacion. Even if the Dominican shouldn’t be on the opposing team, or is in fact on your own team, whichever one of your players has the puck will immediately be checked and forced into a fight with Encarnacion. As this happens every time your player gets the puck, games don’t just become unwinnable messes, they take FOREVER to finish with all the stoppages. As Be a Pro mode might not necessarily see you set foot on the ice, EA Sports decided to give pirates more of an Edwin Encarnacion Simulator, as you will instead find yourself in the penalty box for the entire game. 

It turns out that the folks at EA Sports are no fools. After reports of a record number of copies of NHL 15 (which includes the VHL as a selectable league) being pirated, they decided to install a nasty surprise to those who planned to do the same thing for NHL 16. Anyone who obtains a pirated copy of NHL 16 will open the game as usual and all of the menus will retain the same aesthetic.
 
However, once they get onto the ice, they will find that there is quite a big difference in the gameplay, as they will find themselves sharing the ice with not just their opponents, but also an invincible, super-speed version of Edwin Encarnacion. Even if the Dominican shouldn’t be on the opposing team, or is in fact on your own team, whichever one of your players has the puck will immediately be checked and forced into a fight with Encarnacion. As this happens every time your player gets the puck, games don’t just become unwinnable messes, they take FOREVER to finish with all the stoppages. As Be a Pro mode might not necessarily see you set foot on the ice, EA Sports decided to give pirates more of an Edwin Encarnacion Simulator, as you will instead find yourself in the penalty box for the entire game. 

It turns out that the folks at EA Sports are no fools. After reports of a record number of copies of NHL 15 (which includes the VHL as a selectable league) being pirated, they decided to install a nasty surprise to those who planned to do the same thing for NHL 16. Anyone who obtains a pirated copy of NHL 16 will open the game as usual and all of the menus will retain the same aesthetic.
 
However, once they get onto the ice, they will find that there is quite a big difference in the gameplay, as they will find themselves sharing the ice with not just their opponents, but also an invincible, super-speed version of Edwin Encarnacion. Even if the Dominican shouldn’t be on the opposing team, or is in fact on your own team, whichever one of your players has the puck will immediately be checked and forced into a fight with Encarnacion. As this happens every time your player gets the puck, games don’t just become unwinnable messes, they take FOREVER to finish with all the stoppages. As Be a Pro mode might not necessarily see you set foot on the ice, EA Sports decided to give pirates more of an Edwin Encarnacion Simulator, as you will instead find yourself in the penalty box for the entire game. 

I have sympathy for you on the award front from my own experience. In my first VHL season, I was on pace to break both the hits and shots blocked records for a single season pretty handedly, but then I was traded at the deadline and had quite a few games where I wasn't on the ice at all, followed by much reduced ice time afterwards, and in truth that pretty much killed my interest in the league for a bit, so I can fully understand where you are coming from on that perspective.
 
Unfortunately though, the "suck it up" approach is pretty much the only way to take it. I'm sure those that run the league feel bad when mistakes like those that have affected you come up and would much prefer to amend anything that did go wrong, but in these kind of instances, for the sake of progress, there's not really anything that they can do. 

ARGH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!
 
Just when we thought we were finally getting close to being able to close the book on the VHL’s horrid Encarnacion chapter, we were dealt with the horrifying news that the former baseball superstar intended to play for the full eight seasons allowed in the VHL. In short, that means that we still have two more years of woeful hockey play to endure. Fuck.
 
Perhaps the most worrying aspect of this decision though is that despite being unquestionably the worst hockey player to ever skate (if you can call spending half the game on your backside “skating” that is) on a VHL rink, Encarnacion is actually getting dangerously close to becoming historically relevant, something that the VHL will look to prevent at all costs. For the most part, Encarnacion will at least not be close to making an impact on the statistics that matter, like points and assists for example. However, as it currently stands, Encarnacion currently ranks in the top ten in all-time penalty minutes, in the top twenty in all-time hits and in the top thirty in all-time shots blocked, and this is still with the Dominican having two full seasons to play before he hangs up the cleats. Should Encarnacion continue on the pace that he has already set to this point, he is on course to end his career in second place in all-time penalty minutes and third place in both the all-time rankings for hits and shots blocked. Even MORE concerning for the VHL is that Encarnacion is apparently actively seeking to join a weaker team when he enters free agency in this upcoming off-season, which would see his stats in these categories be even greater.
 

An artist's depiction of a thoroughly burnt Edwin Encarnacion
 
Luckily however, it sounds like the VHL are fully prepared should a situation arise where Encarnacion threatens to lead the league in a statistical category. A statement made by the Board of Governors read as follows:
 
“Should the unfortunate situation arise where our worst hockey player in history threatens our integrity, we have come up with a counter measure to ensure that his fullest potential is not reached. When Encarnacion reaches a point where he has just ten games remaining in his career, we will set him on fire. Should he be capable to play hockey in such a state, he is more than welcome to do so, however, we feel confident that this will be enough to stop him from attaining any league records. If it’s clear that Encarnacion will not be able to challenge for any records when it comes down to his final ten games, we’ll still set him on fire because fuck that guy.”
 
Because Edwin Encarnacion is incapable of reading, he is not aware yet of this plan, however when we asked him about his career winding down, he had this to say:
 
“Oh man, it’s been a hella ride, nahmsayin’? It’s been, what, six years now? Lemme tell ya, I have ripped the shit out of the collective VHL anus since I came, nahmsayin’? Stuff that was considered unbreakable, man I came in and just stood on that shit like it was dog shit, nahmsayin’? Like I’m not sayin’ I’m gonna be considered the greatest of all-time when I leave, but what I’m sayin’ is that, when I eventually leave, they’ll be sayin’ I was the greatest ever, nahmsayin’? I’m like Jesus, man. We both admired, we both drove hybrids, we both set the world on FIRE, man! LEGIT SHIT SON! But it ain’t over till it’s over nahmsayin’? And these two seasons, I’ll be comin’ for the records, I’ll be comin’ for the PIMs, I’ll be comin’ for Tom Fucking Pussy Slaughter, I’ll be comin’ man, WATCH ME!”
 
In other news, after the internet documented a story on how a high school hockey player deliberately racked up more penalties so he could masturbate in the penalty box, the VHL has launched a similar investigation into Encarnacion’s “infatuation” with the penalty box.
 

I have sympathy for you on the award front from my own experience. In my first VHL season, I was on pace to break both the hits and shots blocked records for a single season pretty handedly, but then I was traded at the deadline and had quite a few games where I wasn't on the ice at all, followed by much reduced ice time afterwards, and in truth that pretty much killed my interest in the league for a bit, so I can fully understand where you are coming from on that perspective.
 
Unfortunately though, the "suck it up" approach is pretty much the only way to take it. I'm sure those that run the league feel bad when mistakes like those that have affected you come up and would much prefer to amend anything that did go wrong, but in these kind of instances, for the sake of progress, there's not really anything that they can do. 

While Edwin Encarnacion has faced many monstrosities on the ice over his storied career, it seems that his biggest enemy is not anyone that he faces, but in fact the season that he plays in. While the former baseball superstar has been able to lock up the PIM championship in all of the odd-numbered seasons that he played, every even-numbered season that he has set on the ice has been the equivalent of a walking bowl of faeces.
 
 Season 34 – Edwin’s first season on the ice came with Saskatoon Wild in the VHLM, and one would have thought that would have been the easiest time for him to secure the PIMs but, nope, he somehow managed not to even break the top ten in PIMs, although one could say he was hindered by a strange management decision to have an inactive player play on the starting line ahead of him for over half the season.
 
Season 36 – Spending half the season in Seattle and Cologne respectively, Encarnacion only just squeaked into the top 10 in shots blocked (10th) for the season, which can be put down to Encarnacion’s stalled development in Seattle.
 
Season 38 – Although Encarnacion managed to make his first all-star game, it meant absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things as he was marginally pipped to the PIM championship by current teammate Godvari Yumalatopinto.
 
Season 40 – Could end up to be Encarnacion’s worst season yet, as he doesn’t yet feature in any top 10 of note, though most of this could be put down to Edwin playing with similarly physical players (such as Thomas Landry and Yumalatopinto) for the first time in his career.
 
So yeah, fuck even years, but Season 41, I’m coming for you tosspots! 

I'm in the top 10 in all-time PIM minutes! Fuck Yeah!

I'm in the top 10 in all-time PIM minutes! Fuck Yeah!