Bone Crushers!

[Thunder 1,165]

It is certainly getting tougher and tougher each week to come up with a topic to write about.  I’m about to the point of just clicking welfare and training just to avoid having to write anymore.  This shit’s gotta change, especially now that I’m only earning so that depreciation coming up doesnt hit me so hard.  While searching for something to write about, I came up with a list that beats all lists.  And with a little filtering I came up with an idea.  To narrow it down, I had to pick out only active players and went from there.  From this list of 300, I took the top 20 active players who impact games with brutality, bone crushing, show no mercy skills.  If you were tagged for this, you made the list, and I can pretty much guarantee that you will never be even remotely eligible for the Lady Byng Trophy.  So, congratulations to all of you!  Keep in mind, these are active players as of the time of my research and by the time this is in print, your stats likely changed for the better.

 

Vinny Detroit @dasboot, leads all players, active and retired, with 3099 hits in 629 games played.  Vinny started VHL in season 80 and has been crushing opponents for 5 different teams.  By the end of season 88, Vinny will have a record that will be incredibly hard to beat.  In addition to his outrageous hits, Vinny spends a fair amount of time in the penalty box, with 1704 PIM.  At an average of 5 hits per game, Vinny Detroit is the biggest bad ass of powerful bad asses!  He deserves the #1 ranking.

 

Vasile Lamb @dlamb, is #2 of active players, pounding opponents with 2177 hits in only 487 games played.  Vasile is on pace at 4.47 hits per game and started bone crushing in the VHL in season 82, and has played for 4 different teams.  Vasile has spent 1011 minutes in the sin bin.  Vasile has some time left in the VHL to attempt to get closer to Vinny’s record, but its not likely he’ll match it.

 

Zach Kisslinger II @Kisslinger, ranks #3 on the hit list of active players.  Zach started the VHL in season 81 and is at the end of his career, so he will move down on the list.  Zach is able to boast 1678 hits in 557 games, all with Warsaw, at 3 hits per game.  Zach has spent much less time in the penalty box than other bone crushers, but still has a respectable 685 PIMS.  Zach’s career is a definite plus.

 

Saku Kotkakoivu @DollarAndADream , records 2.9 hits per game and currently holds the #4 rank of active players who like to hurt opponents.  Saku started earning stats in season 81 and has played for 4 different teams.  Saku has hit opponents 1607 times in 557 games.  Saku will overtake Zach by the end of season 88 and move up to the #3 spot.  With 699 PIMS, its likely to see that number increase slightly by the end of the season.  What is it with you players with long ass names making it a pain in the ass for me to type the correctly spelled name?

 

Brendan Marner @MetalToday, now that’s a nice easy name to spell.  Brendan holds the #5 slot of active players for heavy hitters and is another leader who has played only for Warsaw, and records 3.2 hits per game.  Brendan has 1566 hits in only 485 games.  Brendan started in season 82, and has some time left to move up in the power ranking before retiring.  Sitting in the penalty box 693 minutes has only slowed down Brendan’s pace to come close to Vinny’s hits.

 

Nico Pearce @Spartan , is #6 on the active list of all time hits.  Nico has played on 4 different teams in the VHL, starting in season 81.  Nico is right on Marner’s tail with 1551 hits, although he’s played 558 games.  Nico is a little better disciplined than Marner, with 660 PIM.  At 2.7 hits per game, Nico has a slight chance of moving up to #4 someday, but unlikely to move above that.  It’s obvious that Nico’s Jersey lifestyle has contributed to his meanness on the ice.

 

Brian Payne @Scurvy, currently ranks #7 on the all time active hit list.  Don’t let the fact that outside the rink he’s always wearing spandex with the “Curves” logo fool you.  Brian is a monster on the ice.  In only 413 games, Brian has hit 1485 opponents.  At 3.6 hits per game, he’s not about to go after Vinny Detroit’s record, but he could eventually move up the list quite easily.  If Brian could stay out of the penalty box, he might be able to move his hits per game up as well.  The Payne Train has 1251 PIM already and is only 450 PIM behind Detroit.  The undisciplined powerhouse has only played for Warsaw since season 83 and has a couple more seasons to bump his stats.  I’m beginning to see a pattern here that Warsaw produces some serious beasts and promotes heavy hitting and aggressive play, which is right where Payne belongs.  Now, if you are reading this and you wonder why I’m giving Payne so much more ink than others, its because I know him IRL, and he is anything but a tough guy IRL.  He’s a squishy little lamb who pisses all over his leg at the first sign of trouble, so he is able to be tough in the VHL!

 

Sven Eightnine @BarzalGoat, is #8 currently on the list of meat eaters.  He started his punishing in season 81 and has only played for Seattle and New York.  At a shocking 2.6 hits per game, Sven has played 558 games and has 1425 hits. Sven is on pace to maintain the #8 spot but there’s another hitter right on his tail with 1423 hits.  At first glance you would think Alessandro Nano might overtake Sven, but unlike Sven, Alessandro has played out his seasons. Sven has also spent 857 minutes in the penalty box.

 

Alessandro Nano @leafsman, is currently #9 and his stats are so close to Sven Eightnine, you’d think they were twins.  Alessandro has played 558 games and has 1423 hits registered, making an impressive 2.6 hits per game.  He has also been in the sin bin for 881 minutes.  Alessandro started in season 81, and has played for 3 teams, but not for Warsaw.  Alessandro is retiring and his stats will be frozen soon.

 

Daniel Janser @Daniel Janser, rounds out the list of top 10 active hitters in the VHL.  He’s been in the league since season 82, playing for only 1 team, not Warsaw!  At 2.8 hits per game, Daniel has played 485 games and has recorded 1380 hits with 695 PIM.  Daniel is Calgary’s current leader and is the team tough guy.  He’s only a short number from moving up to the #9 spot and dropping Alessandro.  With a couple more successful seasons, Daniel could move up a few spots.

 

Matty Fire @MattyFired, is currently #11 on the all time list of bone crushers at just under 2 hits per game.  Matty has 1245 hits in 631 games.  He started in season 80 playing for 4 different teams.  Matty is somewhat disciplined with only 538 minutes in the box.  There is quite a gap between the #11 spot and Janser in the #10 spot, which makes it unlikely Matty will move up in the ranking.  Nevertheless, #11 all time is a good number to be at.  There are only 10 better than Matty.

 

Tavish DeGroot @rory, is currently #12 on the active list and has some seasons left to boost his stats and move up.  He started in season 82, playing for 5 different teams, Tavish hits no matter where he plays.  With 1223 hits in only 487 games, Tavish has some room to grow with 2.5 hits per game.  And 855 penalty minutes only prove that Tavish doesn’t back down and can hurt any opponent.  It’s probable that Tavish moves up at least 2 spots before he hangs up his skates, or I should say he stops taping his knuckles.

 

Dabnad Shaw @Dabnad started in season 83 and is currently #13 on the active list of punishers.  Dabnad has played in 414 games and has 1160 hits already.  Dabnad could knock down a few above him but his pace of 2.8 hits per game needs to boost in order for him to move up any further on the list.  He spends a fair amount of time in the penalty box with 925 PIM.  Dabnad is a steady player who has been on two teams in the VHL.

 

Igor Molotov @Dom, is currently #14 on the top active hit list.  He started in season 83 and has played for Malmo and London.  Igor has recorded 1114 hits in 413 games.  Igor is a disciplined destroyer with only 541 PIM.  At 2.7 hits per game, Igor can only move up on this list, possibly 2 or 3 spots before retiring.

 

Cadmael Ixazaluoh @Vice, hits opponents on average over 2.2 times per game, currently ranks #15 on the VHL all time active hit list.  Cadmael has been with Toronto since season 82 and has recorded 1089 hits in 486 games.  In addition to hitting for Toronto, he has spent 799 minutes in the box.  Cadmael has a small chance of moving up in the ranks, with a little aggressiveness and attitude.  And here’s another name that was hard to spell causing my eyes to blur!

 

Perry Laperriere @KaleebtheMighty, currently ranks #16 on the hit list, and #1 or #2 on making it difficult for me to type without a misspelled name.  Perry L has only played for one team, not Warsaw, since season 83, and has registered 1056 hits in 412 games.  At 2.6 hits per game, it won’t take long for Perry to move up in the ranking.  Perry has also spent 439 minutes in the penalty box for Prague.  Quite frankly, the more time in the box when Perry is facing Davos, the happier I will be!

 

Maximus Decimus Meridius @Beaviss, WTF, another long ass name to screw with me.  Maximus is currently ranked #17 on the active hit list and has played 453 games hitting opponents 1028 times.  At 2.3 hits per game, Maximus will not pass Perry but may overtake Cadmael before retirement.  Maximus is a disciplined player with 401 PIM, playing for 3 teams since season 82.

 

Cobalt Burns @Ledge, averages 3.8 hits per game and is currently ranked #18 on the active hit list.  There is only one place to go for Cobalt, and that is up on the list as Cobalt has played in the VHL since season 85 and is still building his TPE.  With only 270 games under his belt and registering 1023 hits, Cobalt is a menace to be watched.  Playing for 3 teams thus far, I can see other teams looking to latch onto Cobalt for the help to raise the cup.  Cobalt already has 406 PIM, and although he doesnt have a chance of breaking Detroit’s record, he will hold onto a PIM leaderboard spot.

 

Ronan Lavelle @Arce, is currently #19 on the active hit list.  Averaging 2.4 hits per game, Ronan has plenty of time to move up on the list of active hitters.  Ronan has played in 414 games and has 1010 hits registered to his name.  Playing on two teams since season 83, Ronan has also spent 444 minutes in the penalty box.  Now, Ronan may not pass Cobalt, he will likely move up at a steady pace until he retires.

 

Nezuko @Baozi, finishes the list of the top 20 active bone crushers.  I don’t think Nezuko will stay in the top 20 with an average of 2 hits per game, but while Nezuko is on the list, Nezuko gets credit.  Nezuko has played on 4 teams since season 82 and has registered 989 hits in 486 games.  Nezuko is the most disciplined player on the top 20 active list with 361 PIM.

 

It should be noted that this list is fluid and by tomorrow there may be a different player holding the #20 slot, and eventually there will be more than 20 active players in the top 300 list.  Pay attention to Phil Strasmore @Phil who has a career average of 3 hits per game and is currently #2 on season 88 top 10 hitters.  In addition, Joey Coaster @FANTEIGE, averages 4.1 hits per game as a rookie.  Mo Probert @Yahtzee, is in the top 10 hitters for season 88, and has a career average of 3.2 hits per game.  These three players will be rising up the list quickly as they get more games under their belts.

 

Damn, this took a long time to write.  Too much work makes one want to stop earning TPE!

 

2165 words

 

Will claim multiple weeks

[JCarson 723]

Article review:  I generally avoid larger articles when i am doing reviews but in this instance i found the topic interesting.  Looking at how the top physical players fit into the teams and the league provides a unique perspective.  It would be interesting to take this article further and compare the physical nature of certain players and look at how statistically they place in relation to points for both their team and the league.  Great article, I give it a 8/10.

[Thunder 1,165]

Claim 2/4

[BarzalGoat 728]

On 5/3/2023 at 1:35 PM, Thunder said:

is #8

Why was 6 afraid of Sven? Because Sven EightNine

[Thunder 1,165]

Claim 3/4

[Thunder 1,165]

Claim 4/4