Shitposting Because Portal is Dead

[Spartan 4,699]

Portal's dead so I'm going to stir the pot on forums, woohoo!

 

My uneducated and unresearched takes on each VHL team's future:

 

CGY - Looking like a rebuilder with a 4-4-2, dunno if they forgot that we run 6 forwards in the VHL but that's not a great sign. Oven retiring this season, Reingaard in S99, Dassler in S100. Prospects don't seem exciting. Tall order for them to be competitive with VHLer, Sakic and Panda, fully expect a sell coming down in the next couple seasons.

 

CHI - Straight ass, no defense, Victor von Doom in hell for the majority of his career it seems. Interesting choice to build a team from the goalie out, and CHI has no prospects to work with. Better hit on their S100 picks and pray they don't run into cap hell in S103 when those ELCs expire.

 

DCD - Thinking like a contender by adding short term vets, while not quite yet being a rebuilder. Prospects should be able to pitch in from S99 onwards, but the team as of now looks largely uninspiring and most likely to be the best of the lotto teams this season. Maybe should have embraced the suck for another season and focused on prospect development.

 

DAV - Prob the best positioned EU team to compete consistently for the next 2-3 seasons before everyone gets old as hell. 5/6F and 3/4D are pretty uninspiring right now, top guys will need to carry consistently. But they play in the EU so they're fine, Sheppard and Gingy will help justify moving out older forwards before they get too old.

 

HSK -

 

LDN - 3oa trade was questionable, the team hasn't quite developed as you'd hope by this point but the S96-S98's will have to really grind to get this team somewhere respectable. With the EU being as bad as it is, maybe the top guys of Carti/Bolivar/Groenvold can get them United into a consistent playoff bid, but their prospect pool just doesn't look like it'll offer much reinforcement. Don't even have a pick stockpile to work with.

 

LAS - I've been outspoken about my thoughts on a 2 goalie tandem while you have other pressing needs, and I stand by it. I'm glad 2 people are having fun but there are 0 promising forwards on this team and 0 promising forward prospects either. Defense will be fine between LaFleur and Tuomala and welfare prospects, but man this forward unit just belongs in the M.

 

MAL - Luckily had players that weren't retiring in S98 that could be traded for picks. Feels like they made a million trades, but only 3 1sts in the next 2 seasons and Bek as a prospect to show for it. Tottingham will be a fine 3rd winger, no one else on the roster really shows immense promise beyond maybe Middletoe or Shaw if they decide to step it up and not just be welfare earners on a tanking team.

 

MOS - lol goodbye forward unit, probably selling after this season depending on the market, but no prospects ready to come up for S99. The players that remain after the S90's are talented but dunno if you can make up for an entire forward line just disappearing.

 

NYA - Probably mid as usual, Richmond and WWWW can't compete with PIM machines on defense. Mantzz and Hughes were good picks, maybe STZ can get the decent looking prospect pool to develop into something useful down the line. They hold picks worth something so can try to restock a bit.

 

PRG - Idk why they thought they needed Leitner, another team overfocusing on the back end while their forward unit needs help. Still, the team isn't all that old but some are on the cusp of depreciation. Where did all their picks go lol. Tough times ahead for PRG if they don't decide to sell off after S99 or S100 to recoup assets.

 

RIG - Malmo pt 2, V.2 full sending it to give Gunner and Targaryen a chance before retirement and Blues taking too long to hire a GM when everyone else finished trading. No S99 picks, some S100's, 0 prospects whatsoever. Probably going to need to get good value for Raikkonen after this season, along with Shotzky and Robinson. Just a tough look, defense is really bad too.

 

SEA - No picks no prospects Seattle wins the cup in S100 with 3 forwards and 4 defensemen

 

TOR - I don't think they're wrong to full send it, but they seem like a lighter version of Moscow with half their forwards due to retire in the next 2 seasons and no replacements waiting. At least the timing of their sale won't line up with ours. Defense isn't bad, Dalkr is falling off a cliff. Need a new goalie badly.

 

VAN - 4-3-1 LOL. Frank went MIA this offseason after clearing some cap. 3 mil to play with for 3 roster slots, might actually be GG for VAN unless they move some of their high earning folks. Don't know how no one saw what was going on here, but this is a team of 5 6mil players and only 7 total skaters. Guess we'll see if 5 max earners can beat other teams with full rosters?

 

WAR -

[N0HBDY 1,152]

Ltb 

[Ricer13 2,911]

This was an incredibly satisfying read hahah 

[Spartan 4,699]

Just now, Ricer13 said:

This was an incredibly satisfying read hahah 

I aim to please

[LucyXpher 1,812]

…but I’m going to take it for the forum content fun

 

14 minutes ago, Spartan said:

MAL - Luckily had players that weren't retiring in S98 that could be traded for picks. Feels like they made a million trades, but only 3 1sts in the next 2 seasons and Bek as a prospect to show for it. Tottingham will be a fine 3rd winger, no one else on the roster really shows immense promise beyond maybe Middletoe or Shaw if they decide to step it up and not just be welfare earners on a tanking team.

Luckily?  It’s not that hard to look ahead one season, but okay . I’d say 4 1sts coming in this offseason including 1 OA is pretty nice, not to mention a couple of younger depth pieces like Tottingham and Bachman.  lol tell me you haven’t clicked on middletoe’s update log without telling me you haven’t clicked on middletoe’s update log… smh  

 

I’ll take Shaw and Middletoe for a 99 1st and two 2nds any day… oh the difference a season makes

[Pifferfish 755]

17 minutes ago, LucyXpher said:

…but I’m going to take it for the forum content fun

 

Luckily?  It’s not that hard to look ahead one season, but okay . I’d say 4 1sts coming in this offseason including 1 OA is pretty nice, not to mention a couple of younger depth pieces like Tottingham and Bachman.  lol tell me you haven’t clicked on middletoe’s update log without telling me you haven’t clicked on middletoe’s update log… smh  

 

I’ll take Shaw and Middletoe for a 99 1st and two 2nds any day… oh the difference a season makes

Yeah I mean, like 1oa (Copia), and a lotto first, and two additional picks (one is Bazooka), and Hater, Middle, Shaw, Bachmann feels like a good place to be.

 

People tend to judge welfare prospects but like, you can't have 10 max earners, I feel like having those good-build, low-earners that just fill out depth well is also important.

Edited Monday at 10:04 PM by Pifferfish

[Spartan 4,699]

22 minutes ago, LucyXpher said:

Luckily?  It’s not that hard to look ahead one season, but okay . I’d say 4 1sts coming in this offseason including 1 OA is pretty nice, not to mention a couple of younger depth pieces like Tottingham and Bachman.  lol tell me you haven’t clicked on middletoe’s update log without telling me you haven’t clicked on middletoe’s update log… smh  

Sure but you didn't draft those players and you're fortunate that they're spaced out like that. Even if they were retiring in S90, I don't think that'd have changed your "all in" last season, so yes, I'll say it's luckily. And no I didn't click on their update log because I clicked on the roster page and draft pick page for each team and didn't put in any additional effort for a shitpost.

[CowboyinAmerica 2,987]

52 minutes ago, Spartan said:

DAV - Sheppard and Gingy will help justify moving out older forwards before they get too old.

 

And that's why you get a NTC kids I'LL NEVER DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE

[Spartan 4,699]

Just now, CowboyinAmerica said:

 

And that's why you get a NTC kids I'LL NEVER DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE

i'll just make the cap 90 mil gg man

[LucyXpher 1,812]

19 minutes ago, Spartan said:

Sure but you didn't draft those players and you're fortunate that they're spaced out like that. Even if they were retiring in S90, I don't think that'd have changed your "all in" last season, so yes, I'll say it's luckily. And no I didn't click on their update log because I clicked on the roster page and draft pick page for each team and didn't put in any additional effort for a shitpost.

lol you make your own luck… and sometimes Simon makes it for you.  And you have no idea what would have changed my all in season   And somehow people assume I didn’t consider tearing down before S97

 

Anyway, I’m just a middletoe truther here to tell you about the truth

Edited Monday at 10:30 PM by LucyXpher

[Spartan 4,699]

7 minutes ago, LucyXpher said:

And you have no idea what would have changed my all in season

I do not and didn't claim to know I did, I just don't think (that's my opinion) Rave being an S90 instead of an S91 would have changed the players' outspoken desire to compete last season

[LucyXpher 1,812]

1 minute ago, Spartan said:

I do not and didn't claim to know I did, I just don't think (that's my opinion) Rave being an S90 instead of an S91 would have changed the players' outspoken desire to compete last season

Well the players may have wanted to compete and stay, but it wasn’t a foregone conclusion that it was the only way forward.  My hands weren’t tied lol, I made that choice too

[Spartan 4,699]

11 minutes ago, LucyXpher said:

Well the players may have wanted to compete and stay, but it wasn’t a foregone conclusion that it was the only way forward.  My hands weren’t tied lol, I made that choice too

Sure but that's what happened so I'm just commenting on what happened lol

[LucyXpher 1,812]

27 minutes ago, Spartan said:

Sure but that's what happened so I'm just commenting on what happened lol

But was it lucky

[v.2 1,449]

I am exempt from these types of articles until next off-season.

[N0HBDY 1,152]

Does a malmo post ever come with piffer disagreeing 

Edited Tuesday at 12:41 AM by N0HBDY

[Pifferfish 755]

3 minutes ago, N0HBDY said:

Does a malmo post ever come with piffer disagreeing 

Did I respond to Spartan though? I did not disagree with anyone, just gave an opinion on Malmo's future outlook.

[rory 1,998]

5 minutes ago, N0HBDY said:

Does a malmo post ever come with piffer disagreeing 

If you even dare mention the nightcawks you better bring your boxing gloves!

[Pifferfish 755]

Just now, rory said:

If you even dare mention the nightcawks you better bring your boxing gloves!

Only if you are grape

[Banackock 8,361]

"SEA - No picks no prospects Seattle wins the cup in S100 with 3 forwards and 4 defensemen"

 

[Frank 5,354]

[Nykonax 1,618]

5 hours ago, Spartan said:

CHI - Straight ass, no defense, Victor von Doom in hell for the majority of his career it seems. Interesting choice to build a team from the goalie out, and CHI has no prospects to work with. Better hit on their S100 picks and pray they don't run into cap hell in S103 when those ELCs expire.

ignoring that Eno Velvson is now giga op since he's playing on a team with Eno and Velv. league is over just go S99 already.

[qripll 547]

6 hours ago, Spartan said:

NYA - Probably mid as usual

Best line of the article

[Victor 11,172]

Spartan exposes that all GMs are incompetent.

[McLovin 489]

On 3/3/2025 at 2:18 PM, Spartan said:

HSK -

the safe answer cause either we finish dead last in the standings or we win the cup. there is no in between