Renomitsu

Are we the Sedins, @Renomitsu?

1. I just want to contribute. Don't need first line minutes, don't need PP1 time, just want to help us get further.
2. Us! We were ranked 3rd and I think we can easily be 1st.
3. Whatever rory tells me to, to be honest. I don't know what any of these new-fangled skills do.
4. I went to Bermuda! That was fun. Otherwise I've been working like a dog.
5. I don't think Spanish Moon has very good person or social skills. I think they probably just wore the team uniform to the arena.
6. Thai. Thai is always the answer.

1. We added two great defencemen to the team in the draft, filling a big hole in the roster. Do you think we look like one of the best teams in the league now?
I don't know what a typical VHLE roster looks like, but ours looks pretty dang good.
2. Vasteras had 10 picks in a row this draft! Who do you think was their best pick?
Weirdly, I think defender Didier Verhault is their best pick. He's at a TPE value where he's likely to stay in the E for a couple of seasons, but is still higher in TPE than most, if not all of the current S91 class. From an E standpoint I think that's a wise pick.
3. We also managed to pick up rory's player WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Are you glad to have the GMs own player on the team?
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWho are we talking about again? JKJK, I think rory is a cool person, glad to have their player aboard  
4. If you had to play for any other VHLE team which would it be and why?
None, because then I'd have to be away from Sunset Moth and that would be less fun.
5. If you're planning a getaway where is your ideal spot?
Honestly, a staycation. I think adventuring is cool but I have a lot of travel ahead in the next 2-3 months and would love to just hang out at home instead of work or traveling.
6. Are you prepared for the eventual heat death of the universe?
Yes. I've determined how to reverse the trend in enthalpy and entropy in a limited space. Don't ask me how.

On a warm summer morning in Slovakia, the doors of Samsung Arena are propped open for the arrival of the Bratislava Watchmen, ready and eager to kick off training camp. After an off-season of change that sees only four players returning from the previous season, it will be imperative for the Watchmen to bring their group together quickly in a year with high expectations. After playoff appearances in six of their first seven seasons in the VHLE, it's been three seasons in a row with no action past the regular season. That combined with a six season Championship drought leaves Bratislava plenty hungry for success coming into this season.
 
Bratislava is hoping to reap the benefits of back to back solid drafts, with four picks from the S89 draft and three picks from the S90 draft expected to be solid contributors. The forward group should be led by returning LW Otis Boudreaux Jr., who had a 53 point rookie campaign for the Watchmen last season. Key to the scoring success of the group will be three graduates from the VHLM: Harry Callahan, Mikko Borisyuk and Carson Walker Jr. It is imperative that Bratislava get contributions from these young forwards, and that they continue to progress into key performers as the season moves on. S91 free agent signing Spanish Moon Moth enters the season as one of the youngest forwards in the E, but should not be discounted for contributions this season. Rounding out the forward group are a trio of veterans, C Loki Baker DMD, C Luke Glendenning, and LW Johnny Kalamazoo. Glendenning is returning to the Watchmen for a second season coming off a 59 point season, while Baker and Kalamazoo make their debuts for the squad.
 
On the blueline for the Watchmen there has been a youth movement, one that might see growing pains to start the season, but should flourish into a solid group as the year goes on. Only one of the blueliners on the roster for Bratislava has seen more than one season of VHLE action, and that is veteran D Nagy AL. After stops in Istanbul, Cologne, Stockholm, Rome, Oslo, and Geneva, they hope to bring some veteran experience after eight seasons in the league. D Tobias Weiss is the lone returning defense for the Watchmen, coming off of a very solid rookie season that saw them put up 52 points from the blueline. Continued production on a similar level would help Bratislava immensely. The biggest growth on the back end for Bratislava is expected to come in the form of a trio of defenders making their VHLE debuts this season. S90 first round picks Jebediah Big Ol Doinks in Amish and Walter Fitzroy Jr. are both coming into the league in a good spot to contribute this season, while S91 free agent signing Sunset Moth has a chance to do so as well.
 
Finally, in goal for the Brats this season is a pair of goaltenders who look to backstop the Watchers to a season of success. Jonny Elgar returns for their second season following a rookie year that saw them make 63 starts, posting a .905 save percentage and 3.07 goals against average with 2 shutouts. Looking to push Elgar is goaltender WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. While they're unproven, coming up from the VHLM after just 2 starts last season, they look to forge a solid tandem in net that Bratislava can count on.
 
As training camp goes and the Watchmen look to settle in, they get to see the results of their work in just 6 days, when the new season begins.
 
Mentions: @Otis Boudreaux Jr @dstevensonjr @Minebro @Cwalker @Renomitsu @Bayley @ColeMrtz @KzooJohn @bigAL @jfaly @hylands @Moon @McWolf @Jonny @rory

Mississauga, Canada – Sometimes changing leagues can be a little bumpy – a rapid transition from the VHLM to the VHLE seems to be starting off that way for Sunset Moth and her Spanish Moon Moth compatriot.
 
After an uneventful season with the Hounds where the two Moths participated in a few points but largely failed to move the needle for the Ontarian team, the group opted to mutually part ways. The Moths would go on to the VHLE – forcing a big move back to Europe after its contraction to six teams – but as that decision was made, it was determined that the two couldn’t be on the same team (and also wouldn’t be participating in the draft yet). Their agents, two long-time users in the league making a return after a prolonged hiatus, weren’t aware of the rule that would make the Moths free agents… and more importantly that they couldn’t come to the same team.
 
“This was a devastating bit of information for the lot of us, really,” the agents commented in a joint conference, “our hope was that they might be together for their whole careers, not just a few weeks as their VHLM stint. But we also know Sunset & Spanish Moon are very motivated players who want to progress rapidly in the VHL structure. That they’re able to progress at this early a stage is reassuring, but we’re all worried the split may affect their trajectories.”
 
Spanish Moon Moth, the forward half of the moths, has received communications from a few different teams regarding candidacy prior to joining the VHLE Draft next season and is still working on a decision, but reportedly has been mortified by the forced separation. It’s not surprising – especially given the mystery and extreme privacy the two have kept regarding even their identities/species (?), though they’re definitely, totally, absolutely human and not a giant collection of moths holding a hockey stick and helmet up. At the time of writing, neither Spanish Moon nor Sunset Moth were available for comment and there was minimal additional commenting the agents wanted to do outside of their specific conference.
 

 
I’ve also been requested to write about “Yo momma” in this article by an important person in the VHL. It’s at this point that I would like to point out that your mother is a very pleasant person, so are you, and your mother should be proud of all the things you’ve done, VHL and otherwise. On the other hand, if your mother is a VHL alumnus and you’re just starting your career, you’ve got big shoes to fill. The VHLE will be forced to field higher quality players on a per-roster basis given their recent contraction, and as a result the stakes are going to be a little higher just to get to the big leagues by themselves. If you’re struggling on your way up and don’t know what to do, consider seeking out your mother for guidance. Alternatively, if you don’t want to talk to your mother with regards to sim leagues because she has no idea what they are, I’m happy to act as your stand-in VHL mother. You've got this, kid.
 
A media spot also seems to be an appropriate venue to ask questions about rules specific to the E, although it may be a moot point at this stage. Were there any rules regarding the E (or any of its transitions in or out) that surprised you, dear reader?

ffo poppy electronic djent 
 
Getting back into a management has been smooth so far. I said I wouldn't do it, but how else am I going to burnout if I don't take multiple jobs. I don't think it was announced publicly, but I'll be helping Thad as his AGM in New York for the foreseeable future, or until there are more GM openings and I can't resist throwing my name in the hat. Although, to be fair, I don't think I'd be the first choice in either leagues, following the last couple seasons during which I dangled between welfare and completely inactive. The commissioners might save me from myself.
 
So yeah, it feels good to be back in the GM corner. I've been hitting some prospects for the upcoming draft this weekend, and I've been looking at the trades that happened in they last couple of days to give me an idea of the value of players right now. It hasn't changed all that much in 5-ish seasons, I'll be alright. Plus I'm just helping Thad, if it goes sideways, we just blame him. Or is he gonna blame me? Was I hired to be a future scapegoat? How dare you, Thad?

fight records
 
Kiss Kisslinger 3-0-2 Severus Targaryen 3-0-2 Grunkle Stan-dingyouup 3-0-1 Marty Byrd 2-0-2 Catia Goncalves 2-0-1 Joe Block 2-0-0 Jorji Costova 2-0-0 Baby Moo Moo 2-2-0 Conference Prince-de-Galles 1-1-2 Tyler Swift 0-1-4 Anthony Simmons 0-2-4 David Rashford 0-2-3 LeBen Aky 1-0-0 Obuz Schneider Canet du Bocage 1-0-0 Simons Worst Nightmare 1-0-0 Sjin 1-0-0 Carson Walker Jr 0-0-2 Savaisk Tzesar 0-0-2 Xiver Ziller 0-1-2 Brad Marchand 1-4-0 Bryce tyrone Johnson 0-0-1 Mikko Borisyuk 0-0-1 Stan Par 0-1-1 Howdy Doody 0-2-1 Jebediah Big Ol Doinks in Amish 0-2-1 Eno Velvson 0-1-0 Walter Fitzroy 0-1-0 Robert Boldy 0-2-0 Aurora Skylight 0-3-0

tradition

dont ever tag me again

oh no.

UNKNOWN – In an undisclosed-yet-discovered location, the infamous VHL leadership makes decisions that send ripples throughout the entire league. A few select individuals have found their way to the VHL HQ, where the league’s “Commissioner” crew ultimately decides the fate of dozens of players that populate their league.
 
Less than an hour ago, the public side of an announcement affecting a very large number of entry-level VHL players was introduced without much of a chance for response. Indeed, the 400-500 “TPE bracket” – another undescribed metric leaving players mystified as to exactly what they’re using to grade players’ talent – had their salaries summarily slashed by $250,000, from $1.75m to $1.5m while on the rookie scale. Sure, prime players who don’t find their way past the 400 “TPE” hump will find themselves still paid the same $2m base salary,  but players in their first couple of seasons will be out another quarter million dollars.
 
“I think it’s ridiculous,” one anonymously surveyed player said, “the MAN is trying to keep us down with these salary cuts. $250k is a huge amount of money for a new VHL player just trying to make it in the big leagues, especially if we’ve been struggling through the M and the E to get there in the first place. It’s not easy to move my family back from Europe after all’s said and done. Why would @Spartan  do this?”
 
On an unrelated note, VHLM Commissioner Spartan was seen purchasing a third private jet, a second yacht, and, like, three bubble tea shop franchise locations. Rude.
 

UNKNOWN – In an undisclosed-yet-discovered location, the infamous VHL leadership makes decisions that send ripples throughout the entire league. A few select individuals have found their way to the VHL HQ, where the league’s “Commissioner” crew ultimately decides the fate of dozens of players that populate their league.
 
Less than an hour ago, the public side of an announcement affecting a very large number of entry-level VHL players was introduced without much of a chance for response. Indeed, the 400-500 “TPE bracket” – another undescribed metric leaving players mystified as to exactly what they’re using to grade players’ talent – had their salaries summarily slashed by $250,000, from $1.75m to $1.5m while on the rookie scale. Sure, prime players who don’t find their way past the 400 “TPE” hump will find themselves still paid the same $2m base salary,  but players in their first couple of seasons will be out another quarter million dollars.
 
“I think it’s ridiculous,” one anonymously surveyed player said, “the MAN is trying to keep us down with these salary cuts. $250k is a huge amount of money for a new VHL player just trying to make it in the big leagues, especially if we’ve been struggling through the M and the E to get there in the first place. It’s not easy to move my family back from Europe after all’s said and done. Why would @Spartan  do this?”
 
On an unrelated note, VHLM Commissioner Spartan was seen purchasing a third private jet, a second yacht, and, like, three bubble tea shop franchise locations. Rude.
 

Absolutely infuriated by these allegations. Never before in my life have I been so insulted by such accusations.
 
I fucking despise bubble tea and would never own 1, let alone 3 bubble tea locations. 

UNKNOWN – In an undisclosed-yet-discovered location, the infamous VHL leadership makes decisions that send ripples throughout the entire league. A few select individuals have found their way to the VHL HQ, where the league’s “Commissioner” crew ultimately decides the fate of dozens of players that populate their league.
 
Less than an hour ago, the public side of an announcement affecting a very large number of entry-level VHL players was introduced without much of a chance for response. Indeed, the 400-500 “TPE bracket” – another undescribed metric leaving players mystified as to exactly what they’re using to grade players’ talent – had their salaries summarily slashed by $250,000, from $1.75m to $1.5m while on the rookie scale. Sure, prime players who don’t find their way past the 400 “TPE” hump will find themselves still paid the same $2m base salary,  but players in their first couple of seasons will be out another quarter million dollars.
 
“I think it’s ridiculous,” one anonymously surveyed player said, “the MAN is trying to keep us down with these salary cuts. $250k is a huge amount of money for a new VHL player just trying to make it in the big leagues, especially if we’ve been struggling through the M and the E to get there in the first place. It’s not easy to move my family back from Europe after all’s said and done. Why would @Spartan  do this?”
 
On an unrelated note, VHLM Commissioner Spartan was seen purchasing a third private jet, a second yacht, and, like, three bubble tea shop franchise locations. Rude.
 

“OK, but what is wrong with this ‘Mothra’ in your popular forms of media? Does it not help a giant dragon-lizard take over cities? Is this not advantageous?”
 
Spanish Moon Moth has been consuming American media at a rate that some may consider concerning. Since emerging from his (metaphorical, totally not literal) cocoon on the Isle of Man with Sunset Moth, there has been roughly equal time spent hovering around (er… on) the ice and consuming popular Hollywood- and foreign-country-produced media, all oddly with a similar theme. Pokémon, the Godzilla series, and The Silence of the Lambs have all been on Spanish Moon’s projector and television in the last few weeks, and some nearby reporters have even suggested The Mothman Prophecies movie has made an appearance. The VHL’s brightest minds have yet to understand precisely why Spanish Moon has been so avid about pursuing these specific forms of media, but some hope to catch on soon.
 
In the meantime, the Moths’ Mississauga Hounds have unfortunately been eliminated from the playoffs before even making it to the conference final, ostensibly a goal far short of their plans of winning the championship. Is Spanish Moon’s lack of 100% practice to blame for the Hounds’ lack of success?

@Renomitsu

Name: Spanish Moon Moth
Position: C
Number: 37
Height: 6’0”
Weight: 175 lbs
VHLM Team: Mississauga Hounds
 
Spanish Moon Moth is a centerman from the Isle of Man, a tiny island nation nestled between the United Kingdom’s many nations recognized only as a Crown Dependency. Spanish Moon is, without a doubt, a human – I mean he’s from the Isle of Man, come on – with a variety of skills that allows him to serve as an excellent two-way forward. Though some would call his defense ‘soft,’ he does dispossess opponents rather frequently without needing to resort to huge hits or body checks while also maintaining possession and creating plays for a variety of teammates on the other end.
 
Strengths
Puck Handling – Spanish Moon takes care of the puck better than most around him. Whether that’s because he has two massive wings, a terrifying visage (only periodically) beneath his helmet, or simply has the sheer talent is yet to be determined. This is an attribute that will develop quite rapidly for Spanish Moon, as being able to hold on to the puck leads to better positioning and fewer lethal counterattacks.
 
Defensive Positioning – As noted above, being in the ‘right place at the right time’ is certainly a strength for Spanish Moon. You can’t dispossess an opponent or be in your goaler’s good graces without being physically present (even if Spanish moon isn’t the burliest of figures), and that means sacrificing aggressive positioning in a measured capacity to make sure you don’t get burned.
 
Offensive Vision – It’s not all about shooting – or at least it shouldn’t be. Some of the greatest players in the NHL and VHL have been fantastic passers while others have been sharpshooters. Spanish Moon can certainly do both and does so with relative frequency. This versatility means that opposing defenses should respect Spanish Moon’s passing and shooting and can’t just crowd him (or ignore him entirely, as would be the case if he didn’t have a shot). Sag off and he can punish you with a powerful shot – hang too close and you’re giving up the equivalent of a power play by allowing him to move on from your spot on the ice.
 
Weaknesses
Physicality – This one’s not surprising. Spanish Moon just doesn’t have the same density that a human other player with his defensive chops would typically have. As a result, players aren’t really scared of his body habitus or risk of big hits per se.
 
Discipline – This isn’t a big deal since Spanish Moon doesn’t hit a ton anyways, but at times he can suffer from bad discipline that gets him more penalties than a finesse player generally should. This also means he’s got a long way to go with faceoffs and controlling his own strength, which is unexpectedly high for his stature and weight. While this isn’t a red flag and can theoretically be taught, it’s a significant area for improvement.
 
Knowledge About Hockey – Look, Spanish Moth has only been at this for, let’s call it, a handful of years. There are some nuances about hockey that he doesn’t understand (and neither does Sunset). Give him a break, OK? Maybe he doesn’t know every archaic rule and sometimes will slash with the stick, so sue him.

(Okay, maybe don't listen to When Mama Was Moth. I took a listen and it's frankly pretty creepy.)
 
“Ah, you think the moth-ness is your ally? You merely adopted the moth-ness. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see the light until I was a full-grown moth. Anecdotally, I also spent about four hours hovering around the light until some kind human flipped the light off and I was finally able to concentrate on something else. The point here, of course, is that we should consider single bright lights in hockey arenas as a penalty as it seriously disproportionately affects some players compared to others.”
- Spanish Moon Moth, Probably
 
Sunset and Spanish Moon Moth – two mysterious players that recently signed with the Mississauga Hounds – have little known about their past. The two are vaguely human appearing with two massive wings apiece that obstruct the views of others on the ice. They approached the league registration office together, and reportedly demanded that they be allowed to sign with the same team. Something about ‘pairing’ among moths in captivity, though they’re both clearly different species. It’s reported that the pair appeared in the Isle of Man, a nation with a paltry 84,263 (human) population that resides amongst the United Kingdom, with no advance notice.
 
It's purported that the two have some degree of mystical or paranormal aspect to their existence. Indeed, it’s suggested that they may be faerie sprites or spirits that have possessed a pair of Isle of Man inhabitants, gradually warping their appearance to include the aforementioned wings and puzzling ocular anatomy. However, there’s no official record of any two citizens going missing at the same time, and while the Isle of Man is a semi-popular tourist destination (compared to its population, at any rate), there also does not exist any missing persons report for anyone visiting the Isle over the last several decades. As for the Isle of Man people as a whole, the majority simple accept the existence of the gargantuan moths as a matter of fact. They’ve been absolute stars for the league’s junior teams year-in and year-out for some inexplicable reason, and the national teams’ coaches don’t seem to mind the results. Some argue that an internal investigation has been conducted and abruptly cut short, though no official records have been released.
 
What we can say about Spanish Moon Moth is he’s a natural partner for the defensively minded, pass first Sunset Moth. The two play seamlessly, almost dancing across the ice with excellent puck movement and stalwart defensive assets. It’s not exactly clear where they got their synergistic chops with one another, as they seemed to burst into the Isle of Man hockey scene with their paired play already intact. What’s perhaps more remarkable is that the two communicate largely differently, though they were once one and the same; Sunset Moth appears to speak overwhelmingly in monosyllabic, almost segmented and simplistic language in contrast to the more verbose Spanish Moon Moth. Some have played off the significant communication difference by suggesting Spanish Moon has watched more popular media, allowing for more rapid development of language for improved communication with teammates. But we haven’t encountered any specific media coverage – even by the most persistent of paparazzi – that would suggest they spend significant time apart. As a matter of fact, there’s little to suggest that the two even spend much time doing anything other than sitting in the comfort of their own residences and playing hockey, the only difference now being the location (Mississauga instead of the Isle).
 
In addition to those who have laid witness to the Moths in action (please see “Moth Eaten Soul”), noted Swiss writer, presenter, and producer Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, more affectionately known as “Ancient Aliens” Meme Guy With Crazy Hair, had a substantial diatribe to contribute to our coverage of these two ice hockey standouts:
 
“There’s no doubt that the Moths aren’t of humankind. Don’t let their appearance fool you,” says Tsoukalos, who started this interview with a simple cowlick and minimal styling to his hair. “Now, I do have a few theories about what that could mean, not only for their origin, but for the cosmic fate of humanity,” he continued, holding his hands vertically and in parallel next to one another.
 
“My first thought: they’re alien gods who initially inhabited the Isle of Man prior to recorded human civilization and shaped the way that the United Kingdom developed. It’s why they were able to exact an empire despite being an island nation with limited resources. We wouldn’t expect the British to have ever become as dominant a world power as they were two- to three-hundred years ago, and Spanish Moon & Sunset Moon Moth could have been responsible, but they left when the British got too big for the britches,” Tsoukalos continued, now with slightly poofier hair arranged in a nest, “only to return after the British empire had receded and the Moths could return in material form.”
 
“Naturally, the second theory I have is that they’re forest spirits who have embodied a niche in ‘nature,’ now skewed by humanity, and exist strictly in that space to become idols and focuses of stories for our posterity. Think about naiads and dryads, or even Irish folklore about leprechauns,” he said, now with a disheveled tangle of hair that could only be described as a living, writhing mass, “Yes, these are generally confined to nature and have some insidious end results, but we haven’t heard any true stories about them or other mythical creatures – like the Loch Ness monster, sasquatch, or yeti – since the advent of cameras and live-streaming services. We have camera proof of these moths.”

If I remember correctly you had batman and bowlman

1- If you had one advice for our new agm what would it be ?
Man, I don't know how to manage in the VHLM. But uh, recruit hard and write good Press Conference questions; that'll get you a long way as an AGM.
 
2- What are your expectations for next season for your player ?
To be the literal best player possible in tandem with Sunset Moth. Like, I want to win an MVP-type-good.
 
3- What would you call our team mascot ?
A hound? Like, some kind of bull-related dog (a pitbull? a french bulldog?). I don't know. Maybe you meant for us to name our mascot, and I wouldn't have anything creative to contribute there, either.
 
4-what do you think of moths ?
I love them 🦋
especially sunset moths 🦋
 
5- Write a joke
Your fa--- ooooooh, I see. Uh...
Interviewer: Why do you have this four year gap on your resume?
Guy: That’s when I went to Yale...
Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Guy: Thanks. I really needed this Yob.
 
6-who has the best player name on the team 
@McWolf with Sunset Moth obviously ❤️ 

Spanish Moon Moth is no stranger to scrutiny – after all, with his giant, hairy thorax, illustrious forewing and hindwing designs, and giant antennae all in the size roughly of a human, his appearance can be somewhat jarring. And for some reason, no professional or amateur league tends to care much about his wings – no, no, those are allowed to hang out in their entirety on the ice, obfuscating the same amount two or three adjacent players might. What people are really worried about are the jarring, neatly sectioned compound eye and coiled proboscis on his face.
 
Personally, he thinks it’s a bit insulting. Why are all of these human people so worried about the appearance of his face? It’s not as if seeing things a bit more sharply or differently gives him a substantial advantage on the ice when every player has to wear garish helmets with funny logos and vibrant colors.
 
“Ooh, you’ll scare the children!,” so he’s told.
 
“Moths don’t play hockey!” he’s heard time and time again. Thankfully, there’s no rule in the book that says a moth can’t play.
 
One can probably imagine the hardship that Spanish Moon and his classmate, Sunset Moth, have had trying to enter the world of hockey. I mean, is Spanish Moon Moth even a singular moth? Is there an issue if he’s a conglomeration of dozens of moths moving very quickly, or dozens of dozens of smaller moths that are also moving very quickly? Does it matter so long as he’s only got one stick, fits in a single uniform, and fits a (specially sized) helmet? It’s commonly believed that moths don’t produce sounds, but many actually produce sounds that are so soft that some other animals can’t hear them. Yes, they’re overstimulated at the sight of a lantern or really bright lights that typically illuminate arenas and ice rinks. But that should be viewed as a handicap the Moths need to overcome, not as a reason they’d have an unfair advantage.
 
The VHL is no stranger to unorthodox players, and that’s precisely why it’s one of the leading hockey leagues in the world. The Board Game Clue On Skates is still playing games for London and has tallied over 500 points in their (nearly) eight seasons in the league. At some point I’m reasonably certain a velociraptor and an amorphous being simply named “Womp Womp Womp Womp Womp Jr.” has taken the ice without so much as an extra comment or fuss from the crowds or coaching staff. Viewers have proposed that there’s a safety concern in allowing moths to play professional hockey – but let me ask you: have you ever been stung or stabbed by a moth? Bitten by one? Suffered any degree of physical injury?
 
The simple answer is: probably not. Moth bites aren't generally venomous, they don't have stingers, and can't bite you in any meaningful way. The only real context in which you can suffer from having a moth around is if you’re intimidated by their appearance – a talent plenty of enforcers use to make their presence known independent of species – OR if you eat them. And this writer finds it unlikely that more than one or two players have ever been eaten while actively on the ice. Save your outrage for someone or something else that deserves it; Spanish Moon Moth and Sunset Moth are here to stay.
 
(OK but seriously please don't eat my player, thanks.)

Spanish Moon Moth is no stranger to scrutiny – after all, with his giant, hairy thorax, illustrious forewing and hindwing designs, and giant antennae all in the size roughly of a human, his appearance can be somewhat jarring. And for some reason, no professional or amateur league tends to care much about his wings – no, no, those are allowed to hang out in their entirety on the ice, obfuscating the same amount two or three adjacent players might. What people are really worried about are the jarring, neatly sectioned compound eye and coiled proboscis on his face.
 
Personally, he thinks it’s a bit insulting. Why are all of these human people so worried about the appearance of his face? It’s not as if seeing things a bit more sharply or differently gives him a substantial advantage on the ice when every player has to wear garish helmets with funny logos and vibrant colors.
 
“Ooh, you’ll scare the children!,” so he’s told.
 
“Moths don’t play hockey!” he’s heard time and time again. Thankfully, there’s no rule in the book that says a moth can’t play.
 
One can probably imagine the hardship that Spanish Moon and his classmate, Sunset Moth, have had trying to enter the world of hockey. I mean, is Spanish Moon Moth even a singular moth? Is there an issue if he’s a conglomeration of dozens of moths moving very quickly, or dozens of dozens of smaller moths that are also moving very quickly? Does it matter so long as he’s only got one stick, fits in a single uniform, and fits a (specially sized) helmet? It’s commonly believed that moths don’t produce sounds, but many actually produce sounds that are so soft that some other animals can’t hear them. Yes, they’re overstimulated at the sight of a lantern or really bright lights that typically illuminate arenas and ice rinks. But that should be viewed as a handicap the Moths need to overcome, not as a reason they’d have an unfair advantage.
 
The VHL is no stranger to unorthodox players, and that’s precisely why it’s one of the leading hockey leagues in the world. The Board Game Clue On Skates is still playing games for London and has tallied over 500 points in their (nearly) eight seasons in the league. At some point I’m reasonably certain a velociraptor and an amorphous being simply named “Womp Womp Womp Womp Womp Jr.” has taken the ice without so much as an extra comment or fuss from the crowds or coaching staff. Viewers have proposed that there’s a safety concern in allowing moths to play professional hockey – but let me ask you: have you ever been stung or stabbed by a moth? Bitten by one? Suffered any degree of physical injury?
 
The simple answer is: probably not. Moth bites aren't generally venomous, they don't have stingers, and can't bite you in any meaningful way. The only real context in which you can suffer from having a moth around is if you’re intimidated by their appearance – a talent plenty of enforcers use to make their presence known independent of species – OR if you eat them. And this writer finds it unlikely that more than one or two players have ever been eaten while actively on the ice. Save your outrage for someone or something else that deserves it; Spanish Moon Moth and Sunset Moth are here to stay.
 
(OK but seriously please don't eat my player, thanks.)

1.  What did you think of this week's Theme Week 'Commissioner for a Day'?
- The more I thought about it, the more relieved I am that I'll never involuntarily or voluntarily be a commissioner. I enjoy this league as a 'casual' max earner that can come and go rather than someone who has true obligations.
2. The Hounds have really improved over the last few games, what do you think contributed to that success?
- The addition of Sunset Moth @McWolf to be honest. I don't think there's anything else remotely as important.
3. What jersey number did your player pick and why did they choose that number?
- I uh... probably picked a prime number like 37 or something. Divisibility is lame. That's all that went into it.
4. The VHL Mod team is accepting applications, are you interested in applying?
- I was a moderator before and quickly realized how little time I had to devote to it (see Commissioner for a Day answer above too). So nah, I felt as though I did some good work as a moderator but I have very little interest in doing it again.
5. Do you have a favorite ice cream flavor, or if you don't like ice cream why?
- I have a soft spot for mint chocolate chip, which is a rather divisive opinion for some (I've been told it has the background taste of toothpaste).
6. What movie do you love that you would recommend someone watch?
Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (haven't seen the sequel yet!). Ooh, the creative direction was absolutely sublime, and it showcased heavily what you can do if you unleash the artistic and musical efforts of a great creative team.