okochastar

@okochastar Thanks for coming to the team. I appreciated our recent brief talk regarding this and am grateful you were okay with taking a hit on your ice time and would stay with us. It happened last season after the deadline in playoffs and it’s just not my style. Everyone deserves to have fun on here and I don’t want to limit you and your experience and risk losing you as a member. 
 
Tough trade. The return is good and I’m glad member retention was the #1 goal with this deal. 
 
Thanks, @Spartan easy talks but sorry for the run around and being busy!! 

Hello everyone,
 
Not gonna bother with a members tag on this, if you see it then great, you will be rewarded for that. If you don’t then…. Well why am I writing this because if you don’t see it how can you read this part?
 
Anyway, today marks 5717 days (that’s 15 years, 7 months, and 26 days if you’re curious) since the VHL opened its doors. What a random number you might say, why does that matter? Well if I do the math, and I have, I was born 5717 days before the start of the VHL. Given that I joined on day one and have been here ever since that means today marks the official day that I have been in the VHL just as long as I was outside of it. Is that a stupid thing to celebrate? Probably but that won’t stop me; so please let me indulge in a bit of sentimentality for a moment.
 
When the VHL started I had not yet completed high school, I had never had a girlfriend, hell I had never kissed a girl. I was a lonely nerd turning to the internet to find something to do; and I found it. The VHL was not my first sim league, wasn’t even the first one I joined ran by the people who ran it, but it was the first that felt different and felt like it had a good chance of surviving which so few at that point had done. I found a community here. I cannot honestly say that everything went perfectly or that my start in the VHL was without fault; I very nearly left for good within 2 months, but I stayed. I have now not only finished high school but university and going on 10 years working post-schooling. I have now not only had a steady relationship but a wife and two children, a life. All the while the VHL has been there, constantly evolving with the times sure but present. Over 5 years ago I took up the mantel of commissioner. I did it not because I thought I was necessarily the best person for the job but because I thought the league needed something, it was in trouble and I didn’t want to see it fail. I like to think that in these 5 years of growth I have at least stalled that failure.
 
5717 days likely means nothing to any of you, just as that paragraph likely means nothing to any of you, but it means something to me. This league, this place, this community has been a standard in my life for longer than most anything else. I’m not going anywhere right now, that’s not what this is, but I did want to mark the occasion because this league does mean a lot to me.
 
So if you’ve made it this far feel free to take 5 uncapped TPE for your troubles, on me. I’m not sure the insane total I’ve had over the years (probably over 10k by now) so 5 for everyone that I bored with this story should suffice as a thank you for being my weird extended internet family.

HEY, HEY , HEY!
WELCOME BACK EVERYONE. 
I AM PROUD TO CONTINUE BEING TEAM EUROPE GM AND AS A REIGNING CHAMPION WE HAVE ONLY ONE GOAL:
BACK-TO-BACK CUP
SO TO ACHIEVE THAT I HAVE CHOSEN THE BEST GUYS AMONG THE CONTINENT TO REPRESENT OUR TEAM. 
 
GOALIES:
Fuukka Rask -  ( @Jubis )
Karl Pedersen -  ( @JeffD )
 
DEFENCEMEN: 
Jens Lekman -  ( @Bobcat )
David Jokinen - ( @Ahma )
Elias Lampi - ( @Pifferfish )
Michael Shotter -  ( @TacocaT9 )

FORWARDS:
Nikolas Kauppi -  ( @Tetricide )
Sunglasses Joyo -  ( @JetsGoalie101 )
Wann Kerr -  ( @VattghernCZ )
Left Alone -  ( @okochastar )
Alex Bridges III - ( @Oatex )
Halvar Torbjorn -  ( @Rayzor_7 )
Alexander Stroheim -  ( @Stroheim )
Brayden Albrecht -  ( @Gage2 )
Kobe Johnson -  ( @Vkobe-v )

Everyone who was mentioned above feel free to join the server! https://discord.gg/Z3PfgsaV
 
WE ARE GOING FOR THE GOLD!
 

At that point I forgot it was about first gens and was focused on steals 😏 😂

You ought to catch up on scouting, Boss.

It is THEME WEEK, and this week we're talking about FIRST-GENERATION PLAYERS (or, pretending to care for 5 minutes before going back to not caring and saying you do. Please do the former). It's no secret that the league thrives on a steady influx of noobs, and that's the sort of thing that makes the league what it is today. As a former GM in both the VHL and the VHLM, I know just how important it is to not only get your first-gens in the league in the first place and help them, but to really get to know them. Good first-gen scouting can make or break a VHL team, and it can REALLY make or break a VHLM team--you can either have a capped player or no player at all at the season's end, and sometimes that's a direct function of the work you put in to help the people that need it.
 
As a VHL GM, sometimes you can tell who's about to take off. You message a player who's mostly been on welfare and get a full paragraph in response. You see a clicker start doing press conferences, or drop a beginner graphic. Sometimes it's even as simple as happening to be online to notice that someone who hasn't yet become visible in the community has just commented on a forum thread or come into Discord to ask a question. And sometimes, it isn't even clear what might make someone a steal when the draft comes up. You could even just get lucky and happen to pick up the right player at random who gives you that rush of serotonin when they actually join your locker room and start talking. 
 
It's particularly important to talk about this now, as we approach the S87 draft, because we've got an uncharacteristically weak draft class on our hands. Outside of the top 10, the numbers drop hard--veteran-but-basically-just-a-clicker Reinhard von Kongming wouldn't be a first-round pick in most modern VHL drafts, but he's currently #13 in the TPE rankings and could even end up going higher if a GM values the consistency of a recreate over some of the potential risks involved in taking on other players. There's absolutely no luck to be had at the top--GMs know who all the good players are, and positional needs are pretty well-defined in some places, so it's almost not worth writing a mock this season (which I enjoy doing when I've got both the time and the inclination). But what about everything that comes after the top? What about our 15th, 20th, 30th picks? Every GM worth their salt will be determined to prove that you can get something from nothing, and I'm here to (try to) show you where that might be true.
 
Anyway, my intro is a media spot in itself. Behold!
 
 
Keno Akara
C |  | 🇳🇬 | 130 TPE | @Keno | TPE rank: 14
 
Akara's agent has 10 posts on the forum, 3 of which have come in the last week after joining in early October. To add, this isn't a welfare player but an affiliate, who's got the usual 6-point tasks and has put out some additional stuff (including some this week). Though somewhat casual affiliates usually aren't outright expected to become max earners, it's at the very least possible (see my first career in the EFL) and even if not, a team can always pick up a consistent earner who knows how to get around a sim league. Regardless, we've got a player who will easily crack the first round, and might actually live up to what that's actually supposed to mean in most other draft classes.
 
 
Jarkko Laakkonen
LW |  | 🇫🇮 | 115 TPE | @Xdjk93 | TPE rank: T17
 
Laakkonen hasn't earned anything yet and hasn't posted since creating. That said...both times I've checked the account associated with the player, I've seen a visit to the site in the last handful of hours. It's worth it to note that we're only technically dealing with a first-gen (in terms of this being a first-gen by definition as someone coming back after a hiatus), but it's still someone with less than 50 posts who probably hardly anyone remembers. Things like these are going to be intriguing questions for GMs heading into the draft--there's no earning history at all yet with Laakkonen, but we've also clearly got someone who remembered the site and wanted to come back and has checked in, at the very least, three times this week. Cases like these are what makes scouting so important, as GMs will need to sort through a great deal of mystery to get the bottom line--but when that's reached, the results could be intriguing.
 
 
Keita Kouru
LW |  | 🇲🇱 | 110 TPE | @woog | TPE rank: 20
 
Another West African player who's claimed affiliate point tasks leads me to question whether there's any connection with Akara. Regardless (though that's something that could be a potential boost to any GM willing to pick up both), this is more than just a clicker. It's true that in most weeks, Kouru will just claim welfare, but last week we saw something even more important--a media spot written and claimed for the VHL. I can (obviously) sit down and spill out 500 words of nonsense any time I want to, but I still viewed a media spot as a commitment when I first joined, and that's still true today. Anyone willing to make that commitment even once out of a sea of players who have never gone that far has broken a barrier that could lead to a lot more--I've seen players continue earning like that when given the proper encouragement, and a GM who takes note of that could even end up making Kouru a late 1st-rounder.
 
 
Ziggy Dupree
LW |  | 🇺🇸 | 101 TPE | @Ziggy Dupree | TPE rank: 23
 
Dupree is an interesting case because his earning has actually declined in recent times with just a practice facility claimed last week. That said, we only need to look a week further back to notice some first-gen player store stuff and a full 10 capped TPE, including a 6-point task. Contrary to some other players on this list who are starting to show some potential, Ziggy has already shown it, and we're waiting to see if he can follow up. If so (something that GMs can hopefully establish one way or another with a good pre-draft interview), GMs will be happy to have kept their 2nd-round picks.
 
 
Zechariah LeFevre
C |  | 🇺🇸 | 80 TPE | @Zechariah | TPE rank: T40
 
LeFevre is our second Saskatoon player to make the list, and does so in a curious manner. He's never claimed welfare, and never done a 6-point task, but has done some other things--trivia, press conferences, and player store purchases on top of the weekly practice facility claims. What this says to me is that we've got a player who is willing to put in some time to learn and to do things for the league but hasn't necessarily gotten past the typical first-gen learning curve that we all experience one way or another at the beginning. Even by taking the extra five seconds to claim welfare every week, LeFevre would be at 100 TPE and much higher up on the TPE list--so with the proper coaching from GM @Bulduray_1, we could see a player with newfound knowledge of the league who's ready to take off.
 
 
 
There we have it--it's very true that our upcoming draft is far thinner than some others we've had in the past 20 seasons (have I been here that long?), but I do think there's just enough in it to keep it interesting. With less availability, GMs across the league will be far more devoted to taking everything they can get from what they have--and I hope that leads to players like these getting all they need to become great. Here's to a wonderful theme week!
 
 
1,333 words | 2 weeks

Shout out to @Pifferfish and @okochastar. Taken a little higher but they fire. 
 

JST - Game 20 - Delhi Pickles vs Brigade (vhlportal.com)
JST - Game 21 - Brigade vs Delhi Pickles (vhlportal.com)
 
Index: Junior Showcase Tournament S85 - Index (vhlportal.com)

Game 1 - Team Clue vs Steel
 
Game 2 - Brigade vs Royals
 
Game 3 - Delhi Pickles vs Warriors
 
Game 4 - Delhi Pickles vs Brigade
 
Game 5 - Steel vs Team Clue
 
Game 6 - Brigade vs Delhi Pickles
 
Index: Junior Showcase Tournament S85 - Index

*Note, I was asked NOT to do a jersey change, this is why it's standard. 
 

@okochastar

Oh, boo! Best of luck to the winners then.

+10 Left Alone cool

+10 Left Alone cool

I like good ice time so #jointhebigfish and so forth

I like good ice time so #jointhebigfish and so forth

Oh, boo! Best of luck to the winners then.

Player Information
Username: okochastar
Player Name: Left Alone
Recruited From: SisterLeague
Age: 20
Position: LW
Height: 78 in.
Weight: 204 lbs.
Birthplace: Czechia

Player Page
@VHLM GM

Player Information
Username: okochastar
Player Name: Left Alone
Recruited From: SisterLeague
Age: 20
Position: LW
Height: 78 in.
Weight: 204 lbs.
Birthplace: Czechia

Player Page
@VHLM GM

Ahoy there @okochastar. Welcome back to the VHL! I am nurx GM of the Miami Marauders. As management in the VHLM it is our job to make sure you don't get tide down. Well, inorder to make sure this doesn't happen all you need is a little Vitamin Sea! You can get plenty of that on the beaches of Miami. In Miami, we are looking to make playoffs and make a playoff run. We can offer you 2nd line minutes with 2nd line special teams. If you are interested in joining our crew we would love to have you! To join the Marauders quote this message and respond with #FeelingNauti-cal

Player Information
Username: okochastar
Player Name: Left Alone
Recruited From: SisterLeague
Age: 20
Position: LW
Height: 78 in.
Weight: 204 lbs.
Birthplace: Czechia

Player Page
@VHLM GM

Player Information
Username: okochastar
Player Name: Left Alone
Recruited From: SisterLeague
Age: 20
Position: LW
Height: 78 in.
Weight: 204 lbs.
Birthplace: Czechia

Player Page
@VHLM GM

Julian Nousiainen has announced their retirement.

15th Annual Unofficial VHL Regular Season Awards – S80
Another exciting regular season has come to a close. That means we can dole out some regular season awards! Welcome everyone to the 15th Annual Unofficial VHL Regular Season Awards honoring the highs and lows of S80! Thank you to everyone that reads this.
 
These awards have been created by me. There is no voting process and they are not officially recognized by the VHL Board of Governors. I wrote descriptions for most of these award names in the original award post.
 
For each award, I list the winners from the last 5 seasons. If you want to check out the award winners from every season, use this link: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1sAZtX3bxVpPTIsKe1rSRVOenH1-iyWzbQEdR9ZvYOdU/edit?usp=sharing
 
I also document the “all-time” record for each category. Of course, by that I mean all-time for the existence of these awards, not all-time, all-time. Clear? Ok, good. Let’s get things underway!
 
 
The Pylon Award (worst +/- rating) – Nathan Steele @73MPL4R
 
For the first time in a while bots got a lot of lot of ice time and they challenged for this category. Humans showed the bots whose boss and won this award in a spectacular fashion. Nathan Steele beat out teammate Lenny Sanderson @Gally by -1 to not only win the award but become the new all-time record holder with a -77 on the season!
 
All-time record: S80 - Nathan Steele -  -77
 
Last 5 Pylon Award Winners:
Season
Player
+ / -
S80
Nathan Steele
-77
S79
Jared Carter
-49
S78
David Tavau
-40
S77
Ove Dyrdahl
-43
S76
Tyler Walker
-35
 
 
 
The Gandhi Award (least penalty minutes, min 1,000 minutes played) – Jakob Sosa @TMGSosa 
 
For the first time in 3 seasons, someone not on London wins this award. Sosa had 0 PIM in 2,052 Minutes Played. London’s perennial favorite The Terrible Trivium @der meister ruined their chances at this award when they received a fighting major after being goaded into a kerfuffle. Presumably after being slapped by the opponent’s glove and challenged to a bout of fisticuffs. 
 
All-time record: S67 - Diljodh Starload - 0 PIM, 2091 Minutes Played
 
Last 5 Gandhi Award Winners:
Season
Player
PIM
Minutes Played
S80
Jakob Sosa
0
2052
S79
The Terrible Trivium
0
2084
S78
Sven Reikkinen
0
2007
S77
The Terrible Trivium
4
2136
S76
John Brewitt
0
1320
 
 
 
The Major2 Award (most major penalties) - Julian Nousiainen @okochastar 
 
In what will likely be the most amazing stat line to ever win this award, Nousiainen had 50 PIM from 10 major penalties yet only had 1 minor penalty the entire season to end with 52 total PIM. Now that is someone committed to winning this award!
 
All-time Record: S77 – Randy Marsh - 14 Majors
 
Previous Major2 Award Winners:
Season
Player
Major Penalties
S80
Julian Nousiainen
10
S79
Henry Tucker
11
S78
Bob Tristan
11
S77
Randy Marsh
14
S76
Riley Knight Gee
9
 
 
 
 
The Timex Award (received most hits) – Asher Reinhart @rjfryman 
 
Reinhart took a beating this season, setting the all-time record by getting hit 360 times. Last season’s winner, Dakota Lamb @dlamb finished in a distant second place, receiving 59 fewer hits.
 
All-time Record: S80 - Asher Reinhart - 360 Hits taken
 
Last 5 Timex Award Winners:
Season
Player
Hits Taken
S80
Asher Reinhart
360
S79
Dakota Lamb
310
S78
Aloe Dear
312
S77
Taro Tsujimoto
307
S76
Thomas Landry II
329
 
 
 
The John Wayne Award (most shots on goal) - Asher Reinhart @rjfryman 
 
Gunnar Odinsson @BOOM destroyed the previous all-time record last season. Their reign was short lived as Asher came in this season and shot their little heart out. Asher set the new all-time record by taking 637 shots!
 
All-time record: S80 – Asher Reinhart - 637 Shots on goal
 
Last 5 John Wayne Award Winners:
Season
Player
Shots on Goal
S80
Asher Reinhart
637
S79
Gunnar Odinsson
614
S78
Muffbeav
531
S77
Lexi Glass
570
S76
Andrew Su
483
 
 
 
The “Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award (most own shots blocked) - Asher Reinhart @rjfryman 
 
I don’t think it’s much of surprise that Asher took home this award and set the all-time record while doing so (169 own shots blocked). What is surprising is how close the second-place player was. That Dude @Cornholio was only 5 blocked shots behind, with 164 of their shots blocked.
 
All-time record:  S80 – Asher Reinhart - 169 Own shots blocked
 
Last 5 HtBotB Award Winners:
Season
Player
Own Shots Blocked
S80
Asher Reinhart
169
S79
Groovy Dood
165
S78
Aloe Dear
161
S77
Patrik Laine
150
S76
Chris Hylands
165
 
 
 
The “Can’t Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award (most own shots missed) – Asher Reinhart @rjfryman 
 
Ho-hum, another award another all-time record set by Asher Reinhart. They set the mark with 455 own shots missed. Of special note, Asher beat out their brother(?) Tyler Reinhart @Zetterberg (428 shots missed).
A special congratulations to Asher Reinhart for winning all three “shot” awards, the first player to do so since Mikko Lahtinen (@beketov) accomplished the feat in S75.
 
All-time record: S80 – Asher Reinhart - 455 Shots missed
 
Last 5 CHtBotB Award Winners:
Season
Player
Shots Missed
S80
Asher Reinhart
455
S79
Gunnar Odinsson
433
S78
Aloe Dear
407
S77
Lexi Glass
424
S76
Andrew Su
373
 
 
 
The New Shin Pads Award (most blocked shots) – Chicken Wing @chikn 
 
Chicken Wing showing they have some meat on them bones by leading the league with 235 shots blocked. I’m not sure if it makes sense to give them the New Shin Pads award, maybe we’ll temporarily rename it to the New Wing Pads award.
 
All-time record: S79 – Han Jae Kuk - 242 Shots blocked
 
Last 5 New Shin Pads Award Winners:
Season
Player
Shots Blocked
S80
Chicken Wing
235
S79
Han Jae Kuk
242
S78
Robin Galante Nilsson
229
S77
Viktor Alexei Kamenov
223
S76
Hulk Hogan Jr
188
 
 
The Tired Legs Award (most minutes played) - Chicken Wing @chikn 
 
Three consecutive seasons of the Shin(Wing) Pads Award winner also picking up the Tired Legs Award, or should I say Tired Wings Award… ba dum tiss. Chicken Wing wins the award for the 2nd time in their career with 2,333 minutes played, over 100 more than the last time they won the award.
 
All-time record: S73 - Alex Bridges - 2401 Minutes played
 
Last 5 Tired Legs Award Winners:
Season
Player
Minutes Played
S80
Chicken Wing
2333
S79
Han Jae Kuk
2343
S78
Robin Galante Nilsson
2398
S77
Andrew Su
2248
S76
Chicken Wing
2213
 
 
 
The Snap! Award (most power play minutes) - Scotty Kaberle @fromtheinside
 
A Malmo player wins this award for the 3rd consecutive season. Malmo players occupied the top 4 spots in this category. Kaberle take home the award with 391 minutes on the power play, barely beating the previous award holder, Muffbeav @.sniffuM by 3 minutes. 
 
All-time record: S79 - Muffbeav - 454 power play minutes
 
Last 5 Snap! Award Winners:
Season
Player
PP Minutes
S80
Scotty Kaberle
391
S79
Muffbeav
454
S78
Muffbeav
412
S77
Onde Sandstrom
422
S76
Alex Letang
351
 
 
 
The 1 vs. 100 Award (most time on penalty kill) - Sven Reikkinen @Devise 
 
It’s a little surprising to see a player from London win this award because London players are regularly in the hunt for the Ghandi award. But the numbers don’t lie, Reikkinen wins with 346 minutes killing penalties.
 
All-time record: S79 - Gustislav Nasherov - 447 penalty kill minutes
               
Last 5 1 vs. 100 Award Winners:
Season
Player
PK Minutes
S80
Sven Reikkinen
346
S79
Gustislav Nasherov
447
S78
Kevin Wu
368
S77
Viktor Alexei Kamenov
418
S76
Mikeal Keef
359
 
 
 
The Sean Archer Award (highest face-off win %, min 1,000 faceoffs) – Dakota Lamb @dlamb 
 
Lamb takes this award back into the 60%+ range by winning 60.66% of their 3,432 face-offs. Last season’s winner Pistil Stamen @DMaximus finished 2nd with 59.42%.
 
All-time record: S74 - Brock Louth - 63.72% face-offs won
               
Last 5 Sean Archer Award Winners:
Season
Player
Face Off Pct
S80
Dakota Lamb
60.66%
S79
Pistil Stamen
59.00%
S78
Aloe Dear
57.89%
S77
Christian Mingle
58.42%
S76
Benny Graves
59.91%
 
 
 
The Castor Troy Award (lowest face-off win %, min 1,000 faceoffs) - Frank Funk Jr @Rayzor_7 
 
Funk funked it up in the face-off circle with a league low 39.19 face-off winning percentage.
 
All-time record: S79 - Gustislav Nasherov – 29.60% face-offs won.
               
Last 5 Castor Troy Award Winners:
Season
Player
Face Off Pct
S80
Frank Funk Jr
39.19%
S79
Gustislav Nasherov
29.60%
S78
Luc Tessier
42.80%
S77
Pietro Angellini
44.71%
S76
Nero Endrizzi
43.87%
 
 
 
The Triple Deke Award (most penalty shot goals) - Calvin Hobbes @2hawk 
 
Hobbes tied with Christian Mingle @Quikwith 5 penalty shot goals scored. Hobbes wins the tiebreaker because their 5 goals came on 7 shots, compared to Mingle’s 8.
 
All-time record: S67 - Veran Dragomir and S78 - Thomas Landry II - 8 penalty shot goals
               
Last 5 Triple Deke Award Winners:
Season
Player
Penalty Shot Goals
S80
Calvin Hobbes
5
S79
Nathan Perry
5
S78
Thomas Landry II
8
S77
Arthur Dayne
5
S76
Kris Rice
5
 
 
 
The Rocky Award (most fights won) – Jared Carter @jaredc7 
 
Carter won this award outright with 4 fight wins. Their fight record on the season was an undefeated 4-0-3.
 
All-time record: S77,S78 - Riley Knight Gee, S74 - Kristopher McDagg, and S67 ACL TEAR - 6 fights won
               
Last 5 Rocky Award Winners:
Season
Player
Fights Won
S80
Jared Carter
4
S79
Calvin Hobbes
5
S78
Riley Knight Gee
6
S77
Riley Knight Gee
6
S76
Cabe McJake and Randy Marsh
3
 
 
 
 
The Glass Joe Award (most fights lost) – Magnus Verlander @Jbeezy76 
 
Verlander tied with our Major2 winner, Julian Nousiainen with 3 fights lost. Verlander wins (or loses I guess) on the tiebreaker because they had 0 fights won with a record of 0-3-2, compared to Nousiainen’s somewhat more impressive record of 3-3-4.
 
All-time record: S74 - Lee Xin and S69 Rusty Shackleford - 5 fights lost
               
Last 5 Glass Joe Award Winners:
Season
Player
Fights Lost
S80
Magnus Verlander
3
S79
Rusty Knale
3
S78
Matt thunder
3
S77
Randy Marsh
4
S76
Riley Knight Gee
4
 
 
 
The Stars Award (most stars won) – Duncan Idaho @OrbitingDeath  
 
Duncan served House Moscow well by winning a league leading 28 total stars. Special recognition to Jean Pierre Camus @solas for leading the goalies with 18 total stars.
 
All-time record: S76 - Mikko Lahtinen – 34 total stars
               
Last 5 Stars Award Winners:
Season
Player
Total Stars
S80
Duncan Idaho
28
S79
Gunnar Odinsson
32
S78
Robin Winter
26
S77
Jim Bob
26
S76
Mikko Lahtinen
34
 
 
 
The “Always a Bridesmaid” Award (most stars without winning 1st star) – Nicholas Mariani @Mistxh J 
 
Mariani won 12 stars this season without winning a single 1st star. 8 2nd stats and 4 3rd stars.
 
All-time record: S72 - Lewis Dawson and S67 Dan Baillie - 13 stars
               
Last 5 Bridesmaid Award Winners:
Season
Player
Stars
S80
Mistxh J
12
S79
Tim Waters
11
S78
Jim Bob
8
S77
Mikeal Keef
9
S76
Dan Baillie Jr
12
 
 
The Biggest Backpack Award (player with the largest difference in points from the rest of their team) - 
Nathan Perry @tinafrombobsburgers  AND  Julian Nousiainen @okochastar 
 
Both Perry and Nousiainen recorded 22 more points than their closest teammate. I couldn’t think of a good tiebreaker, so we have a tie. Sorry to everyone who hates ties. Also sorry to everyone who dislikes large columns in spreadsheets.
 
All-time record: S79 – Red Lite - 40 points more than nearest teammate
           
Last 5 Backpack Award Winners:
Season
Player
Point Difference from nearest teammate
S80
Nathan Perry and Julian Nousiainen
22
S79
Red Lite
40
S78
Taro Tsujimoto
22
S77
Groovy Dood
26
S76
Chris Hylands
36
 
 
 
The Anniversary Award (rank in total points matches season number) - Frank Funk Jr @Rayzor_7 
 
This is season 80, so the award goes to the player in 80th place in total points. Congratulations to Frank Funk Jr. their 71 points is the most ever for an award winner.
 
Last 5 Anniversary Award Winners:
Season
Player
Points
S80
Frank Funk Jr
71
S79
Tim Waters
64
S78
Erik Killinger
63
S77
Vin Calia
62
S76
Jonas Stormsson
59
 
 
 
The Eggshell Award (goalie with most overtime losses) - Aksu Maronen @aksuko 
 
Aksu had a rough go at it with 10 Overtime losses this season.
 
All-time record: S78 – Calvin Harvey, S75 - Doug Dimmadome, and S71 Jaxx Hextall - 11 OT games lost
 
Previous Eggshell Award Winners:
Season
Player
Overtime Games Lost
S80
Aksu Maronen
10
S79
Kevin Malone
8
S78
Calvin Harvey
11
S77
Thadius Sales
7
S76
Doug Dimmadome
9
 
 
 
The Jason Voorhees Award (most PIM by a Goalie) - Tater Tot @Trunkxolotl 
 
Tater Tot burned some mouths, maybe even broke a ketchup packet or two with their 14 penalty minutes.
 
All-time record: S76 - Doug Dimmadome - 29 PIM
 
Previous Jason Voorhees Award Winners:
Season
Player
PIM
S80
Tater Tot
14
S79
Jean Pierre Camus
23
S78
Michael Olson
15
S77
Rara Rasputin
10
S76
Doug Dimmadome
29
 
 
 
The Poke Check Award (highest % of penalty shots stopped, min 10 penalty shots against) - Kunibuni UnGuri @Berocka 
 
Kunibuni won this award stopping 81.2% of the 16 penalty shots they faced. You do the math if you want to figure out how many stops that is.
 
All-time record: S75 - Grekkark Gyrfalcon – 88.9% penalty shots stopped.
 
Previous Poke Check Award Winners:
Season
Player
Penalty Shots Stopped
S80
Kunibuni UnGuri
81.2%
S79
Zamboni Driver
85.7%
S78
Grekkark Gyrfalcon
78.3%
S77
Jacob Carson
80.0%
S76
Grekkark Gyrfalcon
79.5%
 
 
 
That wraps it up for this season! Another year, another successful award ceremony! Congratulations and/or condolences to all the winners! As always, please provide any suggestions, insights, or thoughts in the comments. Thank you all for reading and continuing to make this a successful column!
 
2,000+ words. Will claim for 4 weeks.

Camden, NJ (PP) - Our universe has been around for an untold amount of time. Throughout the aeons of our existence, few things have stayed entirely constant. That being said, one of the things that has managed to stay persistent throughout our entire history is the coolness and hilarity of the number "69". The mere utterance of the integer will result in at least someone believing it is "nice."
 
As a league that tracks statistics, the VHL is rife with 69 opportunity. Just today, @okochastar Julian Nousianen of the Chicago Phoenix managed to be the first player in S80 to net 69 assists. Hockey experts unanimously agreed that this was nice, and it will likely be a handful of games before another player can manage this feat. Here are some other important nice figures from around the league at this exact moment.
 
- There are currently two players in the VHL that are sitting at 69 points, and appropriately enough, that honour belongs to sexual duo of @rory Jeffrey Pines and @Quik Christian Mingle.
 
- @Mistxh J Nicholas Mariani, the league favourite to win the Dustin Funk Trophy this season, has been doing so by scoring at a 9.69% rate. Nice.
 
- Speaking of stellar young players and award favourites, rookie of the year candidate @MattyIce Matty Fire currently sits at 69 shots blocked as a forward. Very nice.
 
- Keeping up the theme of excellent young players, but this time one who ISN'T a little bitch, Moscow Menace standout @Seabass The Seabasstard is slugging up the league with 269 hits. Nice.
 
- The second most overworked forward in the league is @Tate Red Lite, who is averaging 30.69 minutes per night. Nice.
 
Most impressively of all, however, is the production of @16z Kasper Kankkunen. As was exposed on the latest Chodesode, the Swedish defender has posted 69 assists in the past THREE SEASONS, and his current pace puts him within range of a 4th. Speaking with General Manager @JeffDowney, the team's plan is to have the defender on the ice as much as possible until he reaches the milestone, and then scratch/rest him for the rest of the season to have him in prime shape for playoffs, and also to keep this illustrious achievement intact.

No, I’m just a regular black coded member with no extra permissions!
 
Isn’t that right, @Members?