bigAL

I learned that lots more people like chess than I ever thought - let's keep this rolling!

Groovy Dood had some pressure on him. He was a member of that Minnesota Storm team that dominated the regular season but flamed out in the playoffs, letting the expansion Miami Marauders drag them to 7 games in round one before losing round two. His stats were good, not great, on that stacked Storm team. In the S74 VHL Draft, there were some very big names at the top of the prospect ranking, and Groovy Dood wasn’t always among them. bigAL was hoping that a VHL franchise would take a chance on Groovy Dood in the first round. Welp, now we know that a team did take a chance on Groovy Dood in the first round. In fact, the D.C. Dragons took the rookie first overall, ahead of perennial competitors like Tyler Walker and Micah Adrienne. First overall comes with some heavy expectations. The Dragons were not the worst team in the league last season; their GM @Enorama would tell you matter-of-factly that they were the “third most skilled team in the league” despite their finish outside of the playoffs. This D.C. team has been consistently underperforming for years, and a lottery win was expected to vault the Dragons into immediate contention. Initially, Groovy Dood wasn’t up for all that stress. He had dreams of playing another season in the VHLM; hopes of getting traded to his beloved Miami Marauders and leading his rag-tag group of groupies to a Founder’s Cup. The plan with his agent all along was to spend one more season marinating in the minors with the expectation of being a beast of a rookie in S75. Dragon’s management wasn’t about that plan. The owners and fans in D.C. have had enough of their mediocrity and are demanding a quick return to the playoffs. Another losing season could have disastrous effects on the front office and the roster. A first overall super-rookie was to be the final piece of the puzzling puzzle that puzzled the Dragons for seasons. Again, that’s a whole lot of pressure for a rookie to handle. Despite some serious off-season training, Groovy Dood wasn’t yet mentioned in the same breath as his S74 rookie brethren. Through the first half of the season, Dood was struggling to adjust to the VHL. His pass-first mentality that earned him praise from coaches and linemates alike in the M wasn’t translating to the VHL. Groovy worked with Skills Coach @fonziGG to develop a lethally accurate wrist shot, and rumours are floating that an off-side one-time slap-shot is the next tool being sharpened. Management gave the new and improved Groovy Dood opportunities to shine, and slotted him in the first powerplay unit. Since developing that shot, Groovy Dood has developed the confidence needed to assert himself as a force in the VHL. Dood’s great coming-out party happened on August 4, in a matchup with the expansion Phoenix Chicagoes. In a 7-1 game the Dragons absolutely dominated, it was the young Groovy Dood that led the way. By the end of the second period, the Dood had a hat-trick and two assists. Doubters bemoan that anyone can rack up points on the powerplay against bad teams, but two of his three goals came at 5 on 5 even strength. The powerplay time was the spark that ignited the competitive flame in Groovy Dood, D.C.’s super rookie. As of now, the D.C. Dragons are in the final playoff spot. Groovy Dood is expected to lead the team into the playoffs and beyond. If all goes well, he will be the last top-10 pick the Dragons make this decade.

I don't wanna toot my own horn, but isn't it amazing that when I returned from mild inactivity the team turned around...?? Hmm, wouldn't it be the worst if one team came down with a organization-wide case of covid? Hmmmmmmmmm.......... His hockey butt. GROOVY DOOD FIVE POINT NIGHT WOOOOOOOOOOOO Why stop at one five point night?! My wife is a die-hard Leafs fan, but I root for maximum chaos. TOR/EDM/PITT all in the draft lottery was *chef's kiss*, and now I can't wait to see how far this blue collar Blue Jackets team can make it and how many other extremely well-built franchises they can completely and utterly demoralize and destroy.

bigAL is *so hot* right now; everyone wants a piece of him. First-gen agent bigAL has had a field day managing the antics of Groovy Dood since his arrival in the VHL. This singular focus on hockey operations meant that other talents signed by bigAL – notably those playing in the EFL – were left more-or-less on their own. The colossal failure of bigAL Enterprises’ expansion into other sports only reinforced the notion that it’s better to go deep into one league than to spread yourself thin across multiple businesses. With that laser-focus on hockey in mind – and the S74 trade deadline just around the corner – it’s worth exploring the next generation of bigAL sponsored hockey players. Disclaimer: the following players are all currently active in minor hockey. These are kids we’re discussing. They may or may not ever make it to the bigs, or play professional hockey at all. But they’re signed by bigAL Enterprises, and that gives them a leg up on the competition. Expect these kids to make the VHL, with the caveat that scouting six seasons in advance leaves lots of room for growth and turbulence. Without further ado, let’s meet the little bigALs! Biggly Alberto Biggly Alberto Age: 12 Nationality: Italy Position: G First up is Biggly Alberto. Alberto hails from the Alps in Italy, where his youth was spent frolicking in the winter wonderland of the mountains. Biggly’s father, Tino, played semi-professional football for the local club, and hoped his son would follow in his footsteps. Biggly, much to the chagrin of his father, went with the more expensive and more dangerous sport of hockey. Not content to give his father a single shock of grey hair, the young lad also chose the most expensive and most dangerous position to play in hockey. The little goaler found he had a knack for stopping projectiles during the epic, full-day snowball wars waged by the local mountain kids. Alberto would dress up in his puffiest parka, his slipperiest shoes, and his safest scarf to charge into battle. He was often the oldest kid in the wars, and saw himself as a big brother to the rest of his army. This protective instinct led to one of the most creative battle plans ever seen in snowball warfare. Conventional strategies include trying not to get hit by chunks of flying snow and ice, but Biggly Alberto was not a conventional little Italian boy. Alberto realized that his sharp reflexes, high pain tolerance, and overall disregard for his own well-being could be harnessed in a way that guarantees victory for his snowball fight squad. He played goalie, and wouldn’t let any snowballs get past him and hurt his lil’ buddies. Watch for Biggly Alberto in the S80 VHLM Dispersal Draft. Big ol’ Alamo Big ol’ Alamo Age: 12 ½ Nationality: Texan Position: F Yeeeeeeehaw! Big ol’ Alamo is one of the more exciting prospects in the bigAL stable. Alamo grew up in south Texas on a big beef farm. Since the tender age of five, Big has been BIG for his age. While not cognitively advanced enough to do so, Big ol’ Alamo skipped kindergarten completely. This was only because there was no blanket big enough for him to nap on in his small rural school. His school peewee football coach noticed the boy with the oversized frame, the beard, and the temper tantrum rage of a toddler, and immediately foresaw stardom. Big ol’ Alamo didn’t get much in the way of schooling once his athletics coaches got a hold of him. His football coach used Alamo as an aggressive linebacker; when Big ol’ got mad at an opposing quarterback, no one in the U10 football league could stop this hyper-aggressive six year old linebacker from scoring his sacks. Unfortunately for his minor football coach, a freak medical condition ended Big’s football career before the age of eight. Sometime during the offseason, Big ol’ Alamo developed a severe allergic reaction to heat. He couldn’t physically withstand the grueling demands of football in the hot Texan sun. The Alamos searched for another outlet for Big ol’s perpetual tantrums, and discovered the great sport of ice hockey. Alamo joined his local house league team, and within one season, was playing on the top line for his county’s travel team. Big ol’ Alamo has been delivering crushing hits, protecting his star linemates, and keeping the puck away from his goalie in minor tournaments all over Texas. Watch for Big ol’ Alamo to punch in and punch up at the S80 VHLM Dispersal Draft. Biggio Alomar Biggio Alomar Age: 13 Nationality: Dominican Republic Position: F Biggio Alomar is another client who hails a less-traditional hockey market. Born in a small Haitian village near the Dominican border, Alomar was destined for a life of poverty. His parents worked long, grueling hours harvesting sugar cane, and had little to provide for their son Biggio. Until he was old enough to work, Biggio spent his days playing with the other boys. These kids played every game under the sun, but all of them dreamed of being recruited to a Dominican baseball academy. One by one, as his peers showed talent in one or two of the five tools, the scouts would come calling and the boys would be whisked off across the border in hopes of becoming a rich American baseball player. Every kid with big-league aspirations had some sort of baseball skill they could take to the bank. Any kid under 12 who had any sort of pitching skill was scooped up quickly, but that wasn’t Biggio. The kid who could sprint across the gravel outfield and make diving catches was courted by multiple teams. Biggio Alomar had a very specific skillset: he could absolutely crush pitches that were below the strike zone. To any other player, a ball thrown at the shins would be just that: a ball. But Biggio would windup and take a big vertical cut, smashing the ball with precision and power rarely seen outside of the strike zone. Pitchers kept pitching him lower and lower, hoping that Alomar would chase bad pitches and fly-out to the fielders, but it didn’t happen. Eventually, Biggio Alomar’s hottest hitting zone was down around his ankles. Scouts from the big leagues discounted him, because his very specific skillset was really no use in competitive baseball. However, the Toronto Blue Jays saw Biggio swinging the bat and put a call into a friend at the Greater Toronto Hockey League. GTHL scouts showed up to Alomar’s next game. Where the MLB scouts saw Biggio hacking and chasing balls that shouldn’t be swung at, the minor hockey scouts saw a kid rocketing slapshots 300 feet and over the fence. Where the baseball minds saw an undisciplined base runner who was tagged out a lot, the hockey people saw an aggressive player who wasn’t shying away from body contact. The very next week, Biggio Alomar and his whole family were on a plane to Toronto, Canada, to start their new lives as a hockey family. Catch Biggio Alomar knocking goals out of the park in the S80 VHLM Dispersal Draft.

Groovy Dood is *so* hot right now. The S72 project has had a meteoric rise to the VHL. The kid left his hippy commune to pursue his dream of being a professional hockey player at the end of S72. He joined the Halifax 21st for a short orientation to the league (6GP) before entering the VHLM Dispersal Draft. Scouts didn’t quite know what to make of Groovy Dood. As a rookie agent, the legend of bigAL hadn’t quite coalesced at that point. Groovy Dood slid all the way to the round. bigAL, Miami AGM at that point, wasn’t able to convince his bosses to take Groovy, and the Dood was snapped up by Minnesota one pick before Miami was due to select him. This proved to be a draft-day coup by Minnesota Storm manager Rayz. The ultra-deep S73 Storm added a powerful playmaker who could move up, down, left, and right in the lineup. Groovy Dood saw time at LW – his natural position – but made a mid-season change to centre. This position shift got Groovy more ice-time, and complemented his play style well. Line juggling meant Dood spent time bouncing back and forth between the wing and the middle, but the inconsistency didn’t bother him. Groovy Dood, always with the friendly smile and desire to help others, passed the puck lots in S72. His final tally of 57 points doesn’t tell the whole story – 48 of those points were assists. Groovy Dood played the role of a second-line playmaker well. He used his big body and strong defensive instincts to make sure the ice was tilted toward the opposing net. He hit, he shot, and he fought: 88 HIT; 136 SHT; 43 PIM. While his team didn’t get the playoffs results they wanted, Groovy Dood showed the league that he was willing and able to be a complementary role player on a star-studded team. Fortunately for Dood, he graduated from one top-heavy team to another. The D.C. Dragons, winners of the S73 Draft Lottery, saw the potential of Groovy. GM Enorama was blasted in the media for the pick, with certain commentators stressing that Dood would only ever amount to a depth player, not worthy of spending a first-overall pick on. Where Negative Nancys focused on the low ceiling of Groovy, D.C. instead made their decision based on his high floor. With studs like Benny Graves, Xavier LeFlament, Luciano Valentino, and Stone “Cold” Wolski, Groovy Dood is under little pressure to perform statistically immediately. His job is to control play, make space for his teammates, and draw defenders away from the hot scorers: all things that don’t show up on the boxcar stats. That’s not to say that Groovy Dood has no offensive production – his breakout five-point game against L.A. earlier this season showed that the Dood is starting to learn what to do with the puck. Groovy Dood is going to succeed in the VHL. He may not be up for any individual awards, and he may not have the fanciest hockeydb page, but he makes his team and teammates better by being in the lineup. Keep an eye out for Groovy Dood’s name on the Continental Cup very soon. Strengths: - Defensive awareness - Silky smooth hands - Big broad shoulders Areas for Improvement: - Skating - Shooting - Winning in the playoffs

can I still get in on this??

What if I don’t wanna?!

Big ups to @IamMOOSE for the presser last week - he'll keep up that great work as he AGMs his new team too! 1) The VHLM standings are divvied clearly into two tiers. We lead the CONTENDERS tier with 42P, but the 7th place team has 35P and there are six teams nipping on our heels. Now that we're about a third of the way through the season, what can we do to separate from the pack? 2) Our 2 OTLs lead the league, and we haven't won a game that extended past 60 mins. Why have we struggled to close games out in sudden death? 3) Last season, the Marauders dragged the top-seeded Minnesota Storm to Game 7 of round one. Now that we've seen some of what the Beast of the East can do, what are your expectations or hopes for S73 playoffs? 4) At some point, the trade deadline will sneak up on us. What should management do at the Trade Deadline to improve our team? 5) Which bubble hockey do you prefer: bubble hockey or hockey in a bubble? 6) I've been out of the VHL loop a bit this summer - what's your early contender for Graphic of the Year or Media Spot of the Year? Players:

There’s no real job description, manual, or instructions on how to be a Assistant General Manager in the VHLM. By the end of this article, there still won’t be a real job description, manual, or instructions on how to be an Assistant General Manager, but I’m out of the loop on the VHL over the summer and need to whip up a few hundred words, so I’ll try. There is no perfect personality or style for AGMing. Each team, General Manager, and locker room has their own unique strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats – and an AGM must be chosen carefully to fit the situation at hand. For example: bigAL got brought on to the Miami Marauders management team ahead of their inaugural draft in S72. Kris Rice, the real General Manager of the Year S72, had a blank slate ahead of him. He’s been around the block in the VHL, but was stepping into his first GM job. Ricer has a strong sense of his skills: he’s a people person, an active Discord user, and a brilliant hockey management mind. Really, he’s such a superstar that he doesn’t necessarily need an AGM. bigAL brought computer skills and information management to the table, and quickly impressed his boss with powerful Excel spreadsheets and an eye for scouting unproven VHLM waiver players. These skills aren’t flashy, but helped make Miami’s inaugural season one to remember. The only unofficially-standardized task of the AGM across both leagues is the posting of the press conference. In most franchises, the AGM asks all six weekly press conference questions. This helps to take some weekly (sometimes menial) tasks off the plate of the GM. But, don’t think the press conference is busy-work that the big boss doesn’t want to do. In my mind, asking the team the presser questions each week is how I earn my keep as an AGM. Each week, I earn 2 capped TPE for asking those questions – that’s the same pay as Ricer gets for being the Miami General Manager. The press conference is an invaluable tool for AGMs looking to reap some tangible benefits from their position. Every AGM, whether they’re a graphics guru or a gooder word maker should strive to post six good questions each week. Beyond this “mandatory” task, the role of the AGM is completely up to the personalities involved. To bring value to their franchise, the AGM has to complement the skills the GM already has and fill in the gaps where the GM can’t/doesn’t want to do things. The General Manager and the Assistant will discuss the things they like to do, want to do, and don’t want to do, and find ways they can pool their skills and resources to help the team best. Our league has a diverse group of AGMs. We have the outgoing social locker room leaders who are the emotional leaders of the team, like Hatter in Minnesota; there’s the goofball AGMs who like to keep things light and fun in the room like Twists; and the T-Swift-thirsty managers like Viper in San Diego. There’s also the shadowy AGMs who do their best work behind the scenes, like Selsby of the Philadelphia Reapers was before he had to step away. Unbeknownst to many in the league, Selsby was authorized to negotiate trades at the S72 trade deadline, and worked the phones hard for his GM. Perhaps the most exciting group of AGMs are the rookie managers. These hot up-and-comers, like Ferk in Saskatoon, Zetterberg in Yukon, Moose in San Diego, and Laine in Houston, have the opportunity to carve out a niche for themselves. I’m sure next time this how-to-AGM column gets written, these four will be superstars worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as Hatter, Twists, Selsby, Viper and the other VHLM AGM staples. Until then, & VHLMers!

can i has tpe plz?

Wow. Just, wow. Thanks for everything Quik. Sounds like S73 wouldn’t have happened without your hard work over the past many, many moons.

Review: 8/10 Nice one Rook! I like all this data, and appreciate you scraping it, compiling it, and formatting it nicely. Adding some colour or tables to help organize things would be helpful. Maybe you could include graphs or charts - Excel/Google Sheets does a great job of turning numbers like these into graphics. Keep up the good work!

Review: 9.5/10 Great work you hockey guy you! I like how you've found your voice as a reporter, the style and voice and flow is fantastic. I like that the article is timely and relevant to games happening now. I like that you're not afraid to criticize your own player publicly. Adding a picture spruces things up a bit too. It's a damn good article!!

Serious Michael Jordan in the Last Dance vibes, and that worked out pretty well for him

1. What's the it? I'm not worried about this season so much as this franchise. Last year was supposed to be a fluke eh...? 2. Isn't it still the off-season? I'll start training when the summer's over. 3. Maaan, like, aren't we all expansion teams if you think about? 4. All the way to the top of the lottery again! 5. My favourite takeout is a great gourmet pizza, the place has fun ones like a Big Mac pizza or a blue cheese one. But my favourite favourite take out is pho with a bubble tea, mmmmmm. 6. It'd be neat if I'm in the top rookie conversation, but maybe next year.

Last claim for this one!

Groovy Dood (DCD) entered Season 73 with high expectations. As the first overall draft pick, the rookie was hoping and planning on making an immediate impact in the VHL. Well, no one thought his impact would be this immediate. On his very first shift, in his very first VHL game, with his very first shot, Groovy Dood potted his very first major league goal. Says Dood: Well yeah, I mean I wanna go out there and score EVERY shift. Today, Big Man Forest decided to take me up on the offer. Man him and X make for a juicy combo, the old tree carrying the two young lads on his wings. Dood on how he scored his goal: So Boris, being Boris, Boris friggin’ misses the net with a wrister from the hashies. Mmm… hash… I’m up in front, sticking my big ol’ hockey butt in that poor goalie’s face, so I was facing all the way back to Wolski in our own end. Boris’ booming barrage bounced beneficially beneath both bothersome barriers. Those goofy Stars thought I was looking the wrong way! Heh heh nope, when that puck bounced out it was them that was caught with their tongues in the peanut butter jar. Groovy Dood enjoyed the perks of expansion, and made the most of his opportunity on the DC Dragon’s second line. Groovy Dood continues to use his big frame and handling skills to hold onto the puck, buying Boris the Forest and winger Xavier LaFlament time and space to get into scoring position. The 0-2 Dragons look to pick up their first win of the season tomorrow at Vancouver and versus Chicago.

Well isn’t that just a delicious prospect sandwich you’ve built here Reno!

And I guess Triples Week too?

WELCOME TO SEASON 73!! I'm bigAL, AGM for your Miami Marauders, and I'll see you here every Sunday to compile questions from local media. For 2 capped TPE, you can quote this and answer all six questions as your player or your agent. Have fun with it, don't stress about getting the right answers, and answer the questions to the best of your ability. 1. At the start of the season, everyone is always so optimistic! What is your individual goal for S73? 2. But, hockey isn't an individual sport. What are your S73 expectations for Miami? 3. Lots of VHLM pundits have labelled the S73 Marauders as a "heel" team, the supervillain that you love to hate and hate to love. Will you embrace the bad-boy reputation our team has earned this season, or did you prefer the underdog role we had last season? 4. Do you think you'll still be in a Marauder uniform at the end of the regular season? 5. Which team do you think will be our VHLM rivals this season, and why? 6. What point tasks do you enjoy doing most, and why?

Oh it happened!! Let's claim this propaganda again for the week ending July 26!

Since the Minnesota Storm were eliminated in the second round of the VHL playoffs, no one has seen or heard from Groovy Dood the enigmatic hippy. Groovy Dood had a great end of the season. In the first round of the playoffs, he matched up against his favourite VHLM team, the Miami Marauders. He was so happy seeing the series go to 7 games because he got to see all his Miami heroes up close. After stealing a win in Game 7 vs Miami, Dood and the Storm got dispatched by the Mexico City Kings in six games. In his exit interview with GM Rayzor, Groovy Dood stated: “Cool season Storms. It was a great time, I fell in love with Minnesota (it ain’t no Miami though). But, my time here is done.” Done? Yeah I guess so, you’re just too good for the VHLM. “Oh no Rayz, I’m done here,” tapping his head. “I’m going home.” With that, uhhh, interesting statement, Groovy Dood pulled a live, purple toad from his messenger bag. He eyed it up, made kissy noises at it, licked his lips, and dragged his tongue from tip to tail. The toad ribbited and Groovy Dood danced out of the office. Training Camp starts on Monday July 20, you better be there! Groovy Dood flipped two fingers up to Rayz, and galloped towards an apple tree. Rayz called bigAL, Dood's agent: “Dude, Groovy Dood just licked a frog and ran off. WTF?!” It’s a toad, and ugh, he’s licking toads again. He’s on some sort of spirit quest to find himself. “He said he was going home?” I’ll make sure he’s back for training camp. Don’t let this story get out Rayz. The VHL community hasn’t seen much of Groovy Dood since the playoffs ended. bigAL published a pre-written “Draft Me 1OA” article to keep the media satisfied and thinking that Groovy Dood is alive and well. The ploy worked and he went first overall to the DC Dragons. Suspicions were raised when he didn’t show up to the VHL draft. bigAL managed to get him to phone the VHL draft show, but he showed up at the end of the fifth round, long past the point regular viewers have tuned out. With training camp on the horizon, I’ve got to put the story out here and ask for help answering the big question: Where is Groovy Dood?

I was 13 when I got my very first job as a butcher’s assistant. I was making sausages and beef jerky. Jerky is so so so good when it comes fresh out of the smoker!

Mmmmkay

Darren Lamb: “not that weird”