Jericho

Injecting Snake with FoxDie?

The dummy teams would be set to only play each other in that case, and nobody would play them. I may not be remembering the details, this was something Jardy mentioned to the VHLM GMs at the time of expansion so it's been a while.

Devise will be posting it tomorrow

GET YOUR DICKS INTO THE PODCAST!

bringing a porno mag

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/p526x296/1452037_10152059829012706_5969309860042674202_n.jpg?oh=16eb3d1b0fa05a6108b15c57b49e2e9d&oe=54E22DA8&__gda__=1424765092_18c89b6a36d402274aa071dc0f734b08

Barnstormer Thwarts Terrorist Attack by: Moriarty "Games" Dean Excerpt taken and translated from the Bratislava Noviny Little was known about VHLM goaltender Jax Barnstormer when he first declared for VHLM eligibility. He had apparently risen from the ether, a pale man who clearly hadn't seen the light of day in a few years. Nobody knew much about him, except for the Watchmen scouts apparently, who claimed him immediately via waver wire. In under a day Barnstormer had been signed and flown to Brataslava to replace longtime terrible goaltender Soren Douffet. Barnstormer would sit in the stands on that first night, having had complications with his Visa, but was up at the crack of dawn the next day to sort them out. He made his way to the Embassy in order to expatiate his Visa. It would turn out that this simple decision would ultimately save the life of a local diplomat. Barnstormer relaxing on his first night in Brataslava While waiting in line, a local terrorist group known as the Lebka, attacked the Embassy. They burst in through several windows with Sub-machine guns raised. Security put up a resistance, but when the last guard fell there was still one Lebka alive with half a clip left. Barnstormer sprang into action, positioning himself in a hallway which blocked him from going any further. When the Lebka terrorist raised his SMG and fired, Barnstormer was able to block every bullet with his fast hands and something he later called the "Harajuku-bashu technique". Once the terrorist had run out of bullets, Barnstormer snapped both of his arms and tied him up with them. "Yeah, I learned that when I was in my sequester from the great Benjamin Glover. They shot guns at me all the time, and after a few surgeries I was able to block them with my hands. I'll have scars on my hands and arms for the rest of my life, but it makes for a neat party trick." Barnstormer said in an interview about the event. The Watchman goalie was labeled a hero, because unknown to him, the Lebka had been sent to murder the Undersecretary of Commerce, Irena Banik. Barnstormer would later admit that he was unaware of this, not being able to speak the country's language, but this did not deter Banik from rewarding Barnstormer for his efforts. Barnstormer and Banik are too cool to look at explosions during a night on the town "That chick was totally awesome. She took me out to dinner and a club on the government's dime. It was an incredibly night, because she is absolutely gorgeous. She may be the Undersecretary, but she was definitely the Oversecretary that night if you catch my drift." When asked about his visa Barnstormer had this to say, "Irena said they'd be fast tracking my Visa after my deeds at the Embassy, so I expect to be on the ice shortly. Turns out saving lives really puts you in the good graces of the people who put that all through. I don't expect to be on the bench for long". Barnstormer is expected to start as early as tomorrow for the Watchmen and is hopeful of his chances at a Founder's Cup. He comes from an agency with a long line of VHLM success, and that experience isn't something to be taken lightly. *Italics represent Czech words that were left untranslated as they were proper nouns.

IT'S CANNON!

Jax Barnstormer Biography Name: Jax Barnstormer Position: Goalie Age: 23 Handedness: Right Virginity: Questionable Childhood Jax Barnstormer was born to his parents Brian and Jennifer Barnstormer in Fredericton, New Brunswick Canada. The Barnstormers were very big fans of video games, and originally named their son after an old friend of theirs, who'd tragically died of a PizzaDunx overdose. Jax was originally raised in a gamer household, but never really took to the lifestyle the way his parents did. Jax never really found his identity as a person until he witnessed a few neighbourhood kids playing street hockey out his window one day. He played for hours each day, and eventually convinced his parents to enroll him in minor league hockey. Jax spent his first two years as a forward before filling in as a goaltender when his team's starting netminder was suspended for public urination. Jax vastly outclassed his predecessor during his debut and never played a game out of the net again. High School Rather than following in his parents foot steps and going to Video Game High School, Jax made the choice to go to public school in order to continue to play hockey in his free time. Jax attended Leo Hayes High School in Fredericton and spent his grade 9 year as the JV Backup Goalie. Playing only 5 games that season Jax managed to put up a 0.915 save percentage and a 2.1 goals against average, but was unable to put up any shutouts. Jax was made the starter in his grade 10 year, and put up extremely impressive numbers in during the first half of the season, marking a 0.934 SV%, 1.12 GAA and 3 shutout stat-line (13 games played). After that start, Jax was called up to Varsity to play as the backup. Jax didn't end up playing another game that season but admitted he was happy with the decision in the school newspaper because "Practicing with the Varsity team taught me more than stomping the JV circuit ever could have". Jax remained the backup for the first 4 games of the season, until the starter ended up getting RKO'd by an opposing center slipping a coma. Jax started the rest of the season, putting up an admirable 0.922 SV% and 1.99 GAA, but managing only 1 shutout in the following 22 games. In the playoffs, LHHS made it to the semi finals before being single handily dismantled by a Russian import. The Russian managed 4 goals, and 17 shotblocks in the game, completely winning it for his team. In Jax's senior year, he remained the starter. His predecessor had finally awakened from his coma, but had suffered from too much muscle atrophy to compete that season. Jax had a bit of an off-season, managing only a 0.919 SV% and a 2.12 GAA, with no shutouts. Leo Hayes managed to sneak into the playoffs and Jax was able to turn it completely around when the post-season started. Making it all the way to the finals allowing no more than a goal a game, Jax had attracted media attention from the local press. In the finals, Jax managed another shutout, winning the Provincial Finals for his team, in his first televised performance, and shortly after graduated from high school, his future uncertain. College (or the equivalent) Jax had received no scholarship offers from any of the universities in Atlantic Canada, and found himself wondering what he'd do with his future. Jax took a road trip to Quebec with his friends, in order to watch the S35 VHL playoff finals. The newly formed Quebec City Meute were looking to acquire their first Continental Cup as a franchise, and Jax watched the home games live, as well as the away games on TV in his hotel. He was present at the Game 6 finals to see the Meute defeat the Helsinki Titans in a 4-2 series. Shortly after the game, Jax was able to meet with star goaltender, Skylar Rift, a long time idol of Barnstormers. Rift set up a skate with the rest of the Meute the following day. Jax was invited to play as the second goalie in a scrimmage, seeing as QUE G had already left on a vacation. When Jax was suiting up with the team for the skate, he drew a few glances when he put on his highschool jersey. One of the players, a sophomore centre by the name of Wesley Kellinger made note of it. "You're that high school goalie who went on a hot streak in the playoffs right? I saw the finals on TV." After Jax confirmed who he was Kellinger told him he had another surprise after the skate. Wesley had set up a meeting with his agent, Kyle Snow, and former client Daniel Braxton. Jax was floored, Kyle Snow was one of the most successful agents in the world at this time, between Braxton's record setting career and Kellinger's recent cup win. Apparently he was already thinking a few years ahead, towards the end of Kellinger's career. He wanted a goalie, and he'd seen Jax play. The two made arrangements to have Snow represent him once Kellinger retired, and Jax was to spend the next 5 years practicing in secret. Braxton and former teammate Benjamin Glover trained Barnstormer in a highly secure facility below Area 51, away from the public eye. He has only recently resurfaced, the same day Kellinger retired, and declared himself for the S42 VHL Entry Draft. Pros Focus: During his sequester, Barnstormer learned how to shut everything but the game out. Five years without seeing the outside world has taught him the power of absolute focus. Jax has the ability to track the puck at near light speeds, without losing track of its location. Obstacles in his path do not obstruct Barnstormer, so screening is rendered completely ineffective as a tactic against him. Relative Power: It's common knowledge that a player is only as strong as their opposition. Jax has spent the last 5 years taking shots from former VHL legends. Not only this, but he had to compete with a Hall of Fame goaltender as well. Jax has been playing against the absolute pinnacle of talent, and his own skills reflect that. Reaction Time: Jax has spent enough time playing blindfolded that that all of his senses have heightened. When his eyes are open, Jax sees this as playing with training wheels, and sight gives him extra time to react compared to how he trains. He's also known to shut his eyes when playing against weak opponents, in a gesture of hubris. Cons Curse: Jax has been trained by two great players in Braxton and Glover, but history has noted that neither player has ever been able to win a cup. With Barnstormer having no other teacher, he may have missed out on the opportunity to learn how to win a cup from someone who actually knows how to do it. Barnstormer is going to be a statement to the VHL community from Braxton and Glover. If he's unable to capture the cup, they may have to admit to the world that they aren't just unlucky. Hubris: As a result of his intense secluded training, Jax hasn't had any social development in the last five years. Socially he's still 18, and everyone knows that 18 year olds are massive dick heads. Jax has far too much confidence in his abilities, which has cost him victory on more than one occasion. Hopefully his reintegration into the real world will allow him to mature, because he seriously needs to. Potentially Crazy: 5 Years seeing only a handful of people and no time in the sun has driven some people to mental instability. Jax has tested negative for any signs of this, but who knows how close to the edge he really is? The stresses of performing for real could potentially cause him to snap at any moment. Will he be able to bounce back after he acclimatizes to the real world?

Damien?

Yeah that's generally how those work. If you're given a community PT boost, your personal ones stall for that week,

You may never have lived up to the glory of your predecessor, but you still hold a special place in my heart. Also, thank fuck I finally won some cups. For real though, Kellinger taught me several lessons I never learned with Braxton. Coming back 100% after being taken away for a time is incredibly difficult. I was without internet for about a month, and completely unable to earn TPE during that time, I found it so difficult to keep motivation up during those "Oh fuck, it's Sunday and I'm not ready" moments like I did with Braxton. I hope the next player is a return to form. Kellinger was a fun time, and definitely a different experience. I felt much more like a lone wolf who could get away with making selfish choices than I did before. He may never make the HoF, but I still enjoyed the time I had with him.

Am I eligible to I like dicks this? If so I I like dicks. What the hell is a quadruples week?

what planet are we on?

Something is really wrong with this.

Been there guys, it's a rough time. Hope everyone stays cool. Good luck.

While I obviously don't have any kids of my own, I work in a restaurant. Many of the waitresses think that pulling out is a valid form of birth control, so I've spoken with many of them on the subject. Apparently the infancy is the easy part. You just have to care for the child. When they get to 2+ years is hard because then they move around, and you have to teach them things. You have to argue all the time and everything takes 100X longer to get done because it's super important not to give in to their demands. So you've gt a few more years of maturing before the hard part, and that's the part you're experienced with.

The Walls of Jericho not the wrestling move, the actual walls of the city of Jericho.

A lot of it is luck. Trophies go a long way, but really the only thing you can do is get a lot of TPE and build smart. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

:'(

Damn, they ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3!

Player Name: Wesley Kellinger VHL Team: Cologne Express Cash you have: 11.25 Mil Purchase Name: Two Attribute Points Cost of Purchase: 5 Mil Cash Left: 6.25 Mil Player Name: Wesley Kellinger VHL Team: Cologne Express Cash you have: 6.25 Mil Purchase Name: 10 Experience Points Cost of Purchase: 5 Mil Cash Left: 1.25 Mil Player Name: Wesley Kellinger VHL Team: Cologne Express Cash you have: 1.25 Mil Purchase Name: Magazine Cover/Article Cost of Purchase: 1 Mil Cash Left: 250k (I guess I spend it on a party?)

It's Cologne. not Seattle. Waived.