bigAL's Superlatives Awards Ballot

[bigAL 2,176]

Big props to @DMaximus  for sharing his amazing community awards ideas with us and asking for nominations. Superlatives are hilarious and, as long as we don't take them too personally or negatively, can be a lot of fun to nominate and be nominated.

 

In the spirit of that (and not gumming up his original thread with nominations) here's my ballot based on the awards he created. As always, disclaimer: if you think you should've won an award, you absolutely were the next person on my list for that one.

 

Most Likely to Succeed – One of the all-time classic yearbook awards can work in the VHL universe as well. Nominees would be first-gen VHLM players.

This is a toughie. I'm a VHL Commissioner, and unfortunately don't pay as much attention to the M as I should. I'm going to expand this to first-gens as a whole, even though so many of those people are already successful though, so maybe I'll just punt this one. The first five people that went through my head are VHLM GMs or AGMs already. I'll go with the one who's accomplished the "least", he's just an AGM, but @JB123 has potential. I can peep in the VHLM GM CHAT on the discord, and he hustles crazy hard. He keeps everyone else honest with waiver signings, and puts Ottawa in a good position to grab active players. With @16z as a mentor, JB is highly likely to succeed.

 

Biggest Flirt – There’s a thin line between flirting and being in horny jail. Who can toe that line the best? Who has the best pickup lines in the league?

It's @frescoelmo for sure. This dude swipes right hard. 

 

Class Clown – Who can cause an entire locker room to laugh hysterically? They’re the nominees we’d want for this category.

A good class clown is someone who is still in class, but takes it just the bare minimum amount of seriously. They're present, contributing, doing actual good work, but just with a tongue-in-cheek, stickin-it-to-the-man attitude. You know when the class clown is there because things are lively and things rarely go the way you were expecting them to. Maybe they start a VHL podcast where they don't talk about the VHL and instead just rank things on a tier list? Yeah, you know it, it's ya boi @rory , he of the JEFFREY PINES MEMEORIAL LOTTERY TOURNAMENT MVP (rip, he didn't even make the tournament this year, the loser). He's got some decent takes sometimes, but as the class clown, shares them in the goofiest ways: no, Rory, we're not "nuking the bog", but you raise some good points about awards voting. Class is more fun with a clown around.

 

Best Dressed – Who has the finest threads in the VHL? We could probably use player graphic signatures to figure out who to nominate. Or even better, people post pictures of their players in great looking outfits to get nominated.

Best Hair – This is a lot like the Best Dressed category except for hair.

I'm going to combine these together because, in the words of Jack Donaghy, "your hair is your head suit." The winner has to be the one and only Cowboy Prout. @Prout This country boy shows up to every game looking like Alan Jackson waterskiing in the Chattahoochee video, wearing his full denim warrior suit, sickest flow ready to party but only in the back, and capping it all off with some snakeskin boots and a 10 gallon hat. In any other town, he might get laughed out of the rink daily, but playing for the Calgary Wranglers, he's instantly a fan favourite.

 

Most Unique – When it comes down to it, aren’t we all unique? But these nominees are more unique than others and one is most unique.

This is the one that's easiest to take the wrong way, but it's absolutely a complement. Also, it's not a tough pick at all: it's our resident old soul @GustavMattias. When you see a new Gus post on the forums, you never know what it's going to be. It could be a detailed critique of an aspect of the league that we didn't know needs critiquing, but he's absolutely right about. It might be a deep, philosophical pondering on the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. It's probably him hosting the longest-running and most fun forum game out there in his Town of Salem subforum. This guy's a college student who is such a Dead Head that he named his first player Jerry Garcia, and such a deep-cut Sabres fan that his recreate is the mythical Taro Tsujimoto. Us staff are thankful that he fully committed to his bit as the HORNY POLICE in gen chat as long as he did, but of course, only Gus could pull that off. We're a better place with our most unique person here, Gustav. 

 

Best Name – With so many great names in the VHL we should be ashamed of ourselves that this award doesn’t already exist.

You should never vote yourself the most anything, but it has to be Groovy Dood right? It cracks me up every time I see it. I always say it like "Groooovy, duuuuuude" with half-closed red eyes, my hand flashing a peace sign, and give myself a chuckle. The symmetry of the double-o in Dood just adds to the mystique of the name. I'm pretty proud of the name, so I'm voting for The Dood.

 

If you disagree and think my ballot should be spoiled for that, I'll toss out another. I friggin love Taro Tsujimoto because of the Legend of Taro. But again, Gus already won. Next on my list would be Pistil Stamen, because anything science-y is a win in my book. Naming your player after the reproductive organs of a plant is a hilarious meme name and I'm here for it. Even if you didn't know that's what a pistil and a stamen is, it's still a badass sounding name. I guess that means @DMaximus  gets my vote.

 

Best Dancer – This might be the toughest to figure out, because we don’t see our players move. But still, I feel like this is a good category to have and we should be able to make it happen.

Best is subjective, but I am always impressed by the people who can get loooooooow. We know this guy as the most flexible goalie in the league, but Russia's Greatest Love Machine inspired a whole century of people squatting and kicking in time to the tsarist beat. The original influencer of the 20th century, it's our very own, RaRa Rasputin. @Victor

 

Most Likely to be Late to a Game – Pretty self-explanatory one here. If it were possible, who would be late to a game?

Since I moved away from North America, I've learned how friggin hard timezones are. If the game is scheduled at 7pm EST, what time do I have to leave home at? In Europe, the time difference isn't too bad - a player coming from a small Polynesian country, that's upside down, in god knows what timezone, is going to have one hell of a time making it on time. Congrats Kunibuni UnGuri @Berocka, you're most likely to be late to the game. Don't worry, I'll tell you the Awards Show starts an hour earlier than it does, so maybe you'll actually end up on time.

 

Most Likely to Become a Motivational Speaker – Sometimes the team needs a great pep talk. Who the best motivator in the VHL?

This is a tough one because so much motivation happens behind closed doors, and I've only ever played for two teams in my career. With that being said, the winner of the WJC Cheerleader award this past season is an excellent dark horse candidate for this award. Darth Kaprizov Sr @Darth Kaprizov, with his combination of epic powerpoint slides containing hype graphics and powerful postgame speeches, is a strong nomination for Most Likely to Become a Motivational Speaker. 

 

Most Likely to be on a Reality Show – Let’s face it some people are born to star in reality TV. Who in the VHL world best fits that description?

This was the first award that came to mind when I saw DMax's first post. It's absolutely @ajwllmsn.  He's going to be one of those people who's famous just for being famous. His tiktoks will catapult him to influencer status, and every reality show will be begging to have him on. He's going to start off on The Bachelor, and end up choosing none of the contestants because he's a free spirit who can't be tamed. Next he's going to The Circle, where his smooth discord skills and keen manipulation abilities are going to propel him to victory. After that, they're going to choose him as a special guest judge on America's Funniest Home Videos, and he's going to say that they all suck and choose one of his own videos to win the grand prize. He'll be the snake on Survivor that swipes everyone's food, and pees in their shoes in the middle of the night by "accident". The mafk is going to go on The Great British Bakeoff with just the worst British accent and end up burning down the studio because he wasn't watching his muffins closely enough. AJ's will be a career of absolute chaos, but I'll hate-watch every second of it.

 

Best Singer – Maybe a little like the best dancer category, but maybe we could actually hear people sing through voice chat on Discord. If that doesn’t work out, we can just nominate random people and vote.

It's not fair, we've only been visited by two musical angels as a VHL community. Everyone else is saying @Juice, but it's okay to be wrong. The correct answer is @thadthrasher. He carried that duet with his heavenly choir voice. Give credit where credit's due: Thad is the reigning champ. But I'd be very happy to see a challenger step up. Maybe AJ and Thad go on The Voice next??

 

**

 

And there you have it folks, a full VHL SUPERLATIVES AWARDS ballot. Rory will still say it's wrong and bad and want to see more explanations of the picks, but that's fine. I thought for sure I'd have to punt on some of the awards, but I managed to pick a "winner" in every single category. 

 

Feel free to tell me how wrong I am here, but more importantly, go fill out your own ballot and share it back to DMax's original post!

 

PS I'm already capped for this week so I did this for fun, but you can count it as a media spot if you hit your 500 words.

[AJW 2,156]

HAHAHAHHA I loved every word you wrote. Screenshotting this, printing it, putting it on my fridge.

[Victor 10,940]

I'll accept this result.

[diacope 1,696]

You hit the nail on the head with that one, JB is the man and with a little more experience he will be a perfect general manager 

 

Appreciate the kind words and great idea 

[rory 1,916]

REVEAL VOTERS

[Dom 1,445]

Most likely to ping @bigAL?

 

I guess it me

Edited August 29, 2021 by Domg5

[Juice 641]

1 hour ago, bigAL said:

Best Singer – It's not fair, we've only been visited by two musical angels as a VHL community. Everyone else is saying @Juice, but it's okay to be wrong. The correct answer is @thadthrasher. He carried that duet with his heavenly choir voice.

[frescoelmo 1,276]

2 hours ago, bigAL said:

Biggest Flirt – There’s a thin line between flirting and being in horny jail. Who can toe that line the best? Who has the best pickup lines in the league?

It's @frescoelmo for sure. This dude swipes right hard. 

 

 

 

Imagine PRE pandemic

[Prout 373]

WOOOOOOO Yeehaw baby!

[Gustav 6,407]

This made me smile; I needed that today. Much love 

[Renomitsu 934]

4 hours ago, bigAL said:

Biggest Flirt – There’s a thin line between flirting and being in horny jail. Who can toe that line the best? Who has the best pickup lines in the league?

It's @frescoelmo for sure. This dude swipes right hard. 

can confirm, fresco has an A+ bio

[DMaximus 1,046]

I love this. Thank you for taking the idea and running with it! Great job @bigAL!