Team Canada GM Addresses the Media Following Day Four of WJC

[bigAL 2,176]

Team Canada GM Addresses the Media Following Day Four of WJC

By: bigAL, Team Canada GM

 

 

And we go live to bigAL speaking at the World Junior Championship:

“OOF. That one hurts, don’t it? It hurts for a lot, a lot of reasons, but the one that hurts me most is that we almost had it.

We were down 3-2 for most of the second period, until O Cap’n SS Hornet decided we weren’t going into the intermission losing and tied it up. We were on cloud nine, we were all looking forward to the intermission pump up speech and a good ol’ fashioned WJC comeback.

But then the fri- then the refs got involved again. I’m not here to argue balls and strikes, but two calls against the same player in the same period seems a bit vindictive. And to call it with 5 seconds left in the period, right after we score? Frickin’ French refs. And not even the good French refs, the kind from France! Again, I’m not here to point fingers or accuse anything, but you have to identify the coincidence of the referee being from Europe in a game against Team Europe where a controversial penalty gave a powerplay to Europe, completely sucked out Canada’s momentum, and resulted in a goal right off the 3^rd period faceoff. You didn’t have to do that Monsiour Le Zebra.

Andre LeBastard, Shite Sports Network:
“bigAL, have you seen the footage from the end of the second period? I heard someone say you had to come running back out of the tunnel to catch the action.”

          “I, uhhh, no?”

Andre shows bigAL a Youtube video titled “Bo Burrows bodyslams Leon Gutzwiler in WJC Semi-final”

          “I, uhhh, I guess it was holding, a little bit. The point is, we’re not going home with the biggest and shiniest awards. That makes me sad, it makes the team sad, and it makes our country sad. The only thing that would make things more sad is if we gave up now. Hockey Canada has invested a lot of time, energy, and RAM towards making us a highly effective hockey team. The least we can do is come home with a medal.

          Since it’s the last game of the tourney, I’ve thrown the lines into a bit of a blender:

Squirrely Dan – SS Hornet – Timothy Brown
Michael Mac – Andrew Su – Joe Exotic                 
Joseph Gainer – JaredN – Remy Moreau                

          This here top line of SS, Squirrels, and Timo is our scoring unit. Squirrel’s got a wicked eye for passing, and Hornet and Brown are known finishers. All three players have got the strong two-way play needed to take on the other team’s top lines. When this line is clicking, we’re winning.

          The Joe SuMac line is another offensive threat line. They’ve got shooters in all three spots. The real beauty of this line is that Su would be a first line centre on any other team, but here he gets sheltered behind the big Horn-dawg and gets to feast on lesser players.

          Now this third line, the Gut Punch, is our sandpaper line. Its sometimes not noticed because of their scoring prowess, but all of Gainer, Jared, and Moreau have some grit and tenacity to them. With everything on the line, it’s time to let those guys go out and do what they do best.

          Defence switches things up, because why the hell not:

Alex Letang – Tyler Walker
Bo Burrows – Liam Flaten            .

          I think this is the only combo we haven’t run yet, so why not give it a go and see what happens.

          Finally, we have to name a starter. You know I’ve hated doing this all tournament, and today’s no exception. Jacob Tonn has done a phenomenal job, but jeez the poor kid’s faced hundreds of shots in four days already. It’s time to give him a break. It also gives our man Woody McPine a shot at glory. I know his name sounds like he should be sitting on a bench, but McPine has been phenomenal in the M this season. If anyone can slam the door shut and guarantee us a W, it’s Woody McPine.

          I’ve got one more change more important than anything line related: I’ve fired the assistant coaches. All of em.

          Those jerks are the ones that set the strategies and the x’s and o’s, and holy hell are those x’s and o’s got big ol’ F’s so far. Can you believe how many shots we’ve given up?? I went and asked them, I says, whaddya think you’re doing, Tonn is drowning out there under 60+ shots every night?! I won’t share what they thought they were doing, because it’s embarrassing and demeaning to the poor men who were just publicly and rather violently removed from their positions mid-tournament, but let me just say that I’m really hoping these new line combos can get us that beautiful bronze medal tomorrow.

              And lastly, I got a few words for Team World ahead of our Bronze Medal matchup. First off, congrats you guys. I know what it’s like to take the ragtag group of misfits and make something magical happen. But, people always forget, the Miracle on Ice wasn’t Team USA’s last game that tournament. You’ve already had your miraculous win over Team Asia, be proud of that, but the Cinderella story stops here.

            Go Canada Go

Wow, another explosive night from bigAL here at the WJC. Tonight, he announces a new starting goalie, he fires three assistant coaches, accuses the referees of national bias, blindly supports one of the most violent minor penalties seen in this tournament, and caps it all off by essentially guaranteeing a win tomorrow over Team World!

I have many, many questions about what he just said. Ask yours below! Players named:

@Andre LeBastard@McWolf@Da_Berr@a_Ferk@Spartan@HearnNation67@jacobaa19@jared@Advantage@flatl99@Walter Fizz@joeg@MexicanCow123@LastOneUp@Da Trifecta@Joe Exotic@Zetterberg