Kesler

Next time just move the mic away from your mouth.... 

The only word I see is 'cup'.

Well damn, first series win and it feels good. Toronto is my least desired opponent so we shall see what can be done.

HAHA LOL JK.
 
 

Fucking wrecked his netflix dating ass.

Aren't you dating Netflix?

IMO permaban all members with the first name Kyle
 
 
 
IMO

HAHA LOL JK.
 
 

HAHA LOL JK.
 
 

HAHA LOL JK.
 
 

HAHA LOL JK.
 
 

Rookie Profile: Joseph Baker
 

Name: Joseph Baker
Position: Left Wing
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 198
College: University of Wisconsin Madison
 
Growing up in Canada, sports were a huge thing. Most men, with the exception of curling, partook in street hockey games as young children. There was nothing like a nice Mylec stick and Franklin rubber ball to get everyone excited. Joseph S. Baker was certainly one of those playful young children. HIs parents always made him come inside before the street lights came on, and Joseph would always toe the line with that rule. In his neighborhood, he made sure his friends and he would set up the net next to a couple of street lamps that were broken so just in case, he could use that as an excuse.
 
However, little Joe always desired something different. He didn't want to slap shot the ball as hard as he could. It was just the opposite in fact; he wanted to defend those 30 mile an hour shots. So when his friends and some of the other neighbor kids would set up a game, he always made sure to run in the net so no one else could beat him to it. Right off the bat, he was a natural. Albeit some black eyes and bloody noses, Baker would block everything that came at him, usually with his face because he didn't have the right equipment. Even the adults would come outside to watch the game, and some would even bet on how many times Baker would get hit in the face with the ball.
 

 
As time progressed, Baker got more and more into the game. Once he got into high school, he got a job as a waiter. Being a waiter, he always had cash on hand, and after every shift, he would drive over to the sporting goods store to pick up new equipment for his friends and himself. He never joined an official league until his sophomore year in high school, when he tried out for his high school team: the John Rennie Rascalz. At age 16, Baker tried out, figuring he would make the junior varsity team. However, much to his surprise, the coach called out his name when he was selecting everyone that made the final cut for the varsity team. Last season's starting goaltender had just graduated and there was a spot available. Baker quickly made it his goal to win over the competition and he did just that.
 
After 3 years in high school, maintaining a 3.2 grade point average, and winning the County Championships once in those 3 years, Baker accepted a scholarship offer to the University of Wisconsin. I find it important to add that during his high school career, Baker ended up setting several school records with 1.97 goals against average, 72 career wins and 3 goals (most by a goalie in season).
 
During his collegiate career, Baker got into trouble several times, to the point where he almost got kicked off of the team. Drugs, alcohol and missing curfews would set the bar for Baker in his big league career to come. However, before that, Baker was an absolute stud in college. He wouldn't end up starting until his junior season because of the trouble he got into and a man by the name of Scott Gudmandson. In 2010, Gudmandson went 16-11-1 with a .921 save percentage, which was 2nd best in the Big Ten Conference. However, once he graduated (and did not make it into the NHL draft), Baker took over the reins. In 2 seasons, JoBa would go 29-7-4 and would make it to the Frozen Four both times. In his senior year, the Badgers would win it all beating UMASS-Lowell 3-0, Baker's final shutout of his collegiate career.
 

 
Ironically, 2013 would be the NHL's final season ever. With their lockout lasting 453 days, a record in any professional sport, that would be the end. There was only one other professional hockey league that was being nationally televised and that was the Victory Hockey League. Baker received an e-mail from Commissioner Higgins. Their first season had just ended, and Baker had been scouted several times by Higgins and several other General Managers from the VHL. Baker would almost immediately accept the offer.
 
Season 2 came and went, and Baker was a top prospect. He started off as the reserve goaltender for his team and after a horrid start to the season; Baker would take over the starting job. Baker would finish his inaugural season 12-4-2 with a .937 save percentage and a 2.7 goal against average number. However, unknown to anyone else, this would be Baker's final season in the VHL.
 
Baker never stopped using opiates but because he had a prescription, he would always pass the team's drug tests. However, he would quickly go through his prescription and end up having to buy more off of the streets. His life had slowly but surely turned into hell because of that and his failing mental health. After several years of high school and college, the money would ultimately be the end of Joseph Baker. That is, until 34 seasons later.
 
Nearing the end of season 36 in the VHL, longtime friend and former competitor Sergey Brovolenko had called up Baker telling him he needed to come back home to the VHL. Just like when he got the e-mail from Commissioner Higgins, Baker just as quickly obliged and took Sergey's offer. However, this time, Baker would not be a goaltender. After scoring 3 goals in a season at his high school, Baker always remained with the itch to shoot. The thing that had separated him from the rest when he was playing street hockey in the city of Quebec, turned him into just the opposite.
 

 
Baker would come back into the league and signing up as a left wing. Baker always loved watching Pavel Datsyuk of the Detroit Red Wings play. And after Datsyuk's career being ended by the NHL lockout and eventual closing, Baker wanted to pay homage to him. Over the years Baker had lost his weight that helped him be a goaltender, and was now the exact height and weight of Pavel when he played his last season for Detroit!
 
Baker is now being heavily scouted once again by VHL general managers, and many people, including Commissioner Higgins have already praised him for his immediate hard work. Only time will tell if Baker is for real this time. But after claiming he has been clean for quite a while, and now on medication for his anxiety and depression disorders, it seems like after tens of seasons later, Joseph "JoBa" Baker is back, and better than ever.

Statistically Advanced – Week Five: HC Davos Dynamo
 
Statistically Advanced is a weekly feature which will give an in-depth look at a VHL team, discussing said team's weaknesses and strengths, using fancy "advanced" stats to predict trends. Each week, I'll analyze a different VHL team. Warning: If you hate numbers, this post will likely not be for you.
 
This week will focus on the HC Davos Dynamo.
 
In honour of Valentine's Day, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you guys how much I love you (The answer is this much). As I'm sure you know, writing last week's post was not very enjoyable. The Wranglers, quite frankly, have sucked this season. So, I basically had to reiterate over and over again that they suck, and that there are very few silver linings.
 
When I asked you guys to pick a team for me to look at, the vast majority of you responded with cries of “Davos!”. HC Dynamo are good at hockey, and therefore a fun team to write about. For this I thank you guys. <3.
 
This has been a fun week, both for writing about and for watching hockey. Because the Olympics started this week, allowing Canadians to return to our great tradition of watching Team Canada hockey games instead of working:
 

 
So get ready, you're in for a treat, as I get to say good things about a team this week!
 

 
Team Overview
 
This week I have an interesting advantage in writing about a team: the season's over! This means I have a nice large sample size to see how Dynamo have performed over the whole season, and make predictions for them going into the playoffs.
 
In season 36 of the VHL, Davos have been by far the best team in the European conference, with a 54-16-2 record, good for 110 points. They've been relentless all year, losing consecutive games only once. Still flying high, they've gone 7-3 in the last 10 games of the season.
 
Dynamo are probably the league's best offensive powerhouse (this is why I like writing about good teams – I get to use words like powerhouse). They lead the league in goals for per game with 3.67 (as always, an NHL comparison: the Chicago Blackhawks lead the NHL with 3.3 goals/game). They also lead the VHL in shots per game, with a whopping 42.17 (the Blackhawks have 34.1. Yeah. Take that in).
 
So I hear this team is pretty good, eh?
 
Advanced Trends
 
In the ten games I looked at, Davos went 8-2, with close losses to the Iron Eagles and Legion (both previously featured on Statistically Advanced! Can I say I told you so about Vasteras, now?). In this stretch, Dynamo had a Corsi For% of 61.7%; their Close CF% and 5v5 CF% coming in at 66.2% and 63.27%, respectively. That's absolutely stratospheric.
 
One point I'd like to stress about this team is their sustainability. Their shooting percentage of 8.7% is actually lower than one would think it'd be. What does that mean? Well, it means that there's actually room for Dynamo to score even more goals, and for the shooting % to rise further toward average. Of course, this wouldn't be a Statistically Advanced post without a screengrab from a chart to compare the NHL to this VHL team, so here's the NHL's top 15 team shooting percentages:
 

 
As you can see, Davos wouldn't even crack the top half of the league. There are some pretty lucky teams up in that top 15, most notably the Leafs, Avalanche, Lightning and Flyers. I'm not entirely sure what my point here is, actually. Maybe I should stop waking up at 2 in the morning to watch the Olympics. Just take it from me, Davos have a relatively low shooting % and could score even more goals if their luck turned a bit.
 
Adding to that, HC Dynamo have a season PDO of 100.2. That's not terrible, but it is sustainable. For reference, and because I love you guys, I've ranked all the VHL teams in terms of PDO and shooting percentage. Surprisingly, after a full season, there are no teams with a PDO above 102, which could just mean that save percentages and shooting % tend to be lower in the VHL than in most other hockey leagues. Anyway, Davos are out of the top 3 in both categories, which is surprising for such an offensively dominant team:
 
                            
 
This probably means that Dynamo's strategy mostly consists of firing as many shots at the net as possible. As we can see, it's working!
 
Other Notes
 
HC Dynamo may have lots of offensive power, but I don't think they match up to the Legion in terms of defensive strength. They're third in the league in goals against per game, shots against per game, and penalty kill %. Of course, I'm not trying to say they have a weak blue line, just that this team's success is due much more to scoring a lot of goals than to preventing lots of them. (Firewagon hockey is more fun to watch anyway, right?)  
One criticism I have of this team is that they do seem to have a bit of a discipline issue. Davos have the third-most penalty minutes per game, with 10.92. Fortunately, they have a relatively solid PK, but this is one concern that the team should look into going forward. When I was looking through the gamesheets, it did seem that they were shorthanded a fair amount.  
Davos's scoring is lead by superstars Davey Jones, Odin Tordahl and Sergey Brovalenko, who rank fourth to sixth, respectively, in points on the season. In 72 games, Jones has 111 points, Tordahl has 106, and Brovalenko has 104. That's pretty good. Something I noticed is that Davos has more players (3) in the top 10 than any other team, understandably. Also interesting is the fact that Davey Jones, team leader in points, centres the team's second line, between Jarkko Olsen and Thomas Landry. This team does play all its lines the same amount, however this does mean that Jones isn't playing with the team's best players. An interesting strategy. (Jones is also on the second powerplay unit, which does play much less than the first).  
Prediction for the Playoffs
 
Obviously I can't make a prediction for the rest of the season, as the season is over. So, I'll tell you how I predict the playoffs will go for Dynamo.
 
I hate it when sports magazines and blogs do previews, and don't take any risks. So, I'll make an actual prediction for what Dynamo will do in the playoffs. This team absolutely has enough firepower to make it to the finals. Once they're there, it gets more difficult. If they can solve the penalty problem and tighten up ever so slightly on the blueline, they will win the championship (is that bold enough?). If not, well, they still might, but they'll have a tougher time doing it. I'd like that to happen, because Switzerland is great:
 

 
I don't know why, but I wrote this post while listening to a playlist of the worst songs of all time. Just thought you might like to know that. Got it from this Wikipedia article.
 
So ends the fifth installment of Statistically Advanced. Next week, I'm a bit conflicted about what to do. Should I do another team, and include their recent playoff games in the statistics? Should I do a team that finished out of the playoffs? Or something else? Let me know!
 
As always, if I have a gaping hole in my post, or some other cock-up, please let me know so I can rectify it next time.
 
With that, I will now bow out:
 

 
(Hahaha get it? Bow! I'm so funny...)

We caught up with the man, the myth, the legend: Joseph Baker. Here's what he had to say.
 
About resurrecting his career:
 
"I don't know man, it was just time to come home. Obviously, being from Canada, that's my first love. I've dabbled in baseball, baseketball and football, but none of quenched my thirst like hockey always has. I had a lot of issues back when I first joined in season 2. I was always in the media's spotlight because of my transgressions. I had a really bad opiate problem when I was younger. You mix that with depression and really heavy anxiety, and you've got a recipe for disaster. And that's exactly what happened. My boy Brovalenko called me on my cell (which you can read in TSN's most recent article) and just straight up asked me if I would come back. He's a really good friend of mine, and besides that, I've been secretly looking into joining in the last few weeks. After I knew someone actually wanted me to join, I felt like it was a sign. And now I'm here."
 
Why he switched to left wing:

"Well I scored a few times in high school and college, but I never got to do it on the big stage. Now, I have the opportunity to do that. Also, there are a ton of phenomenal goaltenders in the league right now. I was a backup for Team Canada back in season 2 and it felt terrible not being able to play. I think I played like 1 or 2 games in the tournament, and I did really well if I am remembering correctly. However, I want to start and I want to make an impact. No offense to reserves, but you can't really make a huge splash riding the pine. At least with being a forward, you know you're going to play; it just all depends which line you're going to be placed on."
 
His thoughts on the upcoming draft"
 
"Well I certainly don't think I will be a first-rounder. I think I joined too late for that. But who knows? I could end up going in the first round if there is a GM who is willing to take the risk, and really believes in me. Those who know me, know I have a great work ethic. Hell, I had a great work ethic when I was having all of those problems. The only difference is that I was sporadic with showing up to practice. Obviously, when I showed up, I looked and played great. But with those weeks I would not show up every now and then, it really pissed my coaches and teammates off, and obviously it would piss off anybody! But that's not the case with me now. I'm matured, I'm clean and I am ready to make an impact and kick some ass!"

Many of you may not remember him. He was a former goaltender for Team Canada back in season 2 and nearly won the Rookie of the Year in the same season. His name? Joseph "JoBa" Baker. It's been a very long time since JoBa hung up his skates. He simply did not have the heart for the game like he thought he did. While he built a great rapport with his team mates, a lot of personal issues were the eventual nail in his coffin.
 
Baker had a long history of substance abuse along with mental health issues. He suffered, and continues to suffer from clinical depression and social anxiety disorders. Eventually, both problems turned severe and it forced Baker out of the game he grew up playing, and loved so much. Just a season and a half into his bright career, Baker retired without so much as a word to his teammates. They were caught completely off guard, and no one had heard from Baker for years. Until today. 34 seasons later, JoBa resurfaced out of the blue when he got a phone call from long-time friend Sergey Brovalenko. It was a short phone call:
 
"Hello?"
 
"JoBa, it's me, Serg."
 
"What's up dude? Haven't heard from you in a few weeks!"
 
"Not much man. I uh...have a favor to ask of you. It's, well, a big one."
 
"Dude, seriously? Did your car break down again?! That's like the 3rd time in the last month. For a kid who makes millions of dollars, I don't know why you're still driving that piece of shit."
 
"No, man. It's not the car. I heard about your financial issues man. I wish you would've said something to me."
 
"You know I'm--"
 
"JoBa, shut up for a second. It's the VHL. It's time to come home. I don't want to hear a word out of your mouth unless it's the words 'Where do I sign up?'"
 
"Alright man, I'm in. I've taken enough time out of the game. It killed me I left like that, but you know why I had to do it. Get me a plane ticket to the States, and I'll be over there first thing in the morning. JoBa's back, baby!"
 

 
That's all it took to get JoBa out of a 34 season retirement. Playing his entire professional, collegiate and high school career as a goaltender, Baker lost a lot of weight and bulked up. Although he had great success in the VHL between the poles, Baker decided if he was going to resurrect his career, he would start anew. He scored a few empty net goals in high school and college, and he always loved the cheers coming from the crowd. I mean, who really scores goals as goalie? Martin Brodeur scored 3 career goals in the net with the New Jersey Devils of the now extinct National Hockey League, and Baker always loved watching him play because he was also from Quebec. Baker always regretted not being able to score in a VHL game, so this time, Baker would change his position from goaltender to left wing.
 

 
We've been following Baker since he made the decision to come out of retirement. We've noticed he is a shoot first, past later time of forward. If Baker has any kind of success like he did in the good old days, then expect him to be a top star to look out for in the upcoming season's draft. While many may not remember him, there are still some that do, and he has a few friends in the league. Don't be surprised if JoBa is a second round pick come the start of season 37. General Managers who decide to look past him are making a grave mistake. Everybody, JoBa is back!

You still got a dope sig though!!!

i want him to lead us into the playoffs

Well, as long as Jardy complies, we are in for an insane last 4 games. Good or bad I don't know. We have nothing to lose now that Toronto is just ahead.

Also, guys (mainly Jones and Brovy), some smack talk is fine but make sure not to get too involved. People get riled up by Davos quite easily now and will do the fighting amongst themselves. No need to reply. You can say something mildly provocative (though contain yourselves) but it's the people who post last that usually look the fools.

THE HIT LIST
 
Updated!
 
Only four games to go, so let's stat pad! Kidding, let's go undefeated and carry that into the playoffs.
 
 
WE.ARE.DAVOS.

I just realized, Sheriff has ties to Riga and  Dildo Device has ties to New York

Someone should change Device's name to Dildo Device.

All the crap teams are being jerks this season. Why can't they tank and lose by 5 goals like Calgary and everyone else in every other season?

we are not, but moving closer towards it. Balancing individual and team success is difficult so I'll try to get people to rack up points for the rest of the reg.season but playoffs will be all about them wins.