bluesfan55

ST. LOUIS BLUES vs. BOSTON BRUINS Winner: St. Louis Blues # of games: 6

ya yeet everyone finna get beat go europe

i like dat hes a bloos fan but dat's a needless tag, ice cream man

1. Canada 2. Europe 3. Asia 4. Teagan Glover

hell ya

The Riga Reign have received many plaudits for their most recent draft class. They drafted (or traded for) the following rookies: RW Mikko Aaltonen (360 TPE), C Hunter Hearst Helmsley (493), RW Arnor Sigurdsson (320), LW Chico Smeb (302), D Apollo Hackett (281) and D Aron Nielsen (313). They are all part of a class which is heralded as Riga’s future. However, the rookies all seem to be struggling. Here’s a look at why they might be failing to adapt to the league this season. Better Competition All of these players were considered the best of the best in the VHLM last season. Helmsley led the league in points. Aaltonen and Sigurdsson were point-per-game players. Nielsen was a great scoring defenseman, and Hackett put up a lot of points in his limited time last season. Yet, with better players both on their side and against them, there seems to be a struggle. These boys haven’t played against a Veran Dragomir or a Brick Wahl or a Maxim Kovalchuk yet before this season, so adjusting to the higher level of play has been a challenge for these talented rookies. A Lack of Performance Another reason they’ve struggled has been a lack of performance. They’ve all struggled with scoring. Sigurdsson, who was a noted point per game player in the juniors last year, has scored a mighty 7 points this season, good enough for second worst on the team behind Hackett, who has 6. Nielsen, Smeb, and fellow rookie (from S65) Anthony Matthews are all on 7 points. Aaltonen has been able to produce a bit, with 11 points, and Helmsley has a very solid 17 points, catapulting him to the top of the rookie leaderboards. The lack of good play for the bottom 6 forwards (including Smeb and Sigurdsson) should be a bit of an alarm for the Reign management, but I wouldn’t be worried. Discipline? Oh Yeah, I Sure Hope They Have It Sigurdsson and Hackett particularly have struggled with a lack of discipline. Sigurdsson has 28 penalty minutes, which pales to Hackett’s 64, which leads the team. These two notoriously had problems with discipline last year, as Sigurdsson had 74 penalty minutes in the VHLM with Yukon last season, while Hackett had 56 penalty minutes with Saskatoon. If they don’t curb these issues, they’ll be in for a world of trouble, as their GM will probably lecture them on their bad discipline. These Men Don’t Hit Nobody While Hackett (with a nice 69 hits), Sigurdsson (41), and to some extent, Nielsen (21) haven’t been hesitant about throwing their bodies around, the same can’t be said for the other rookies on the team. It’s obvious that Aaltonen, Helmsley, and Smeb are finesse players, but it doesn’t mean that they can’t have an edge to their game. Yet, here we are, with the three boasting a combined 19 hits. Aaltonen has THREE. Helmsley leads them with NINE! Any good team has good power forwards, and Sigurdsson is developing into one, but if these guys are two-way forwards, they need to add an edge to their game, or else they’ll have a target on their back as a guy who won’t hit back if he gets some. In closing, the Reign have a bright future with a young core. Sigurdsson, Smeb, Aaltonen, Helmsley, Hackett, Nielsen, and Anthony Matthews are all fresh out of the VHLM, and Aleksander Rodriguez (218 TPE), Anthony Amerback (194 TPE), Milan Griffin (199 TPE) and goalie Sunny Burst (140 TPE) are all waiting in the wings for a call-up that may come next season. This is a team built on youth and steady experience from Ryan Kastelic, Podrick Cast, Edwin Preencarnacion, Kallis Kriketers, and Randoms. They’ve got all the potential for a run at the championship this year, and if the rookies, bar Helmsley for the most part, ramp up production and turn into some great players right off the bat instead of flashing their potential (but not fully unleashing it yet), Riga should be regarded as favorites for the Cup. Y’all should be fearing us. We’ll be coming for you.

Recently, it has been alleged that TPE is a performance enhancing drug. I have a stunning revelation for you all. This may sound crazy, but trust me, this isn’t. I’ve spent hundreds of hours researching this. EVERYONE IN THE LEAGUE JUICES. Not just me. Not just all of the superstars. EVERYBODY! From your top prospects in the VHLM to stars in the VHL, everyone uses TPE. And you can’t tell me otherwise. How the hell do players like Preencarnacion, Ironside, Kastelic, Davis, and Glover score a shit ton of points? It’s not just because they’re all naturally talented players who spend a lot of time in the gym. It’s because their GMs secretly buy TPE from an unknown middleman who lives in the middle of the Pacific Oceans and juice up everybody’s drinks. The league’s scoring numbers are unusually high for a reason. Everybody. USES. T. P. E!!!!!! Everyone here is a god damn juicer. I do it. You do it. Your best friend probably does it. Why? Because we are a league of juicers. It’s like body building. Using PEDs is legal. In hockey, it normally isn’t, but this league seems to turn a blind eye to any allegations of performance enhancing drugs. Make a stand, for fucks sake. Show everyone there that juicing is not ok. It is mentally, physically, and pretty much in every way wrong. Start punishing juicers instead of praising them for their PED use. It’s just like the steroid era of the MLB from the mid 1990s to early 2000s. Everybody that is decent juices. (jk let’s keep using dem drugs)

1) We're 2nd in the league with a record of 15-7-1 - but the Titans have leapfrogged us and the Nighthawks over the past week or so. What are they doing right? Nothing. They’re a shite team who get lucky and should know that we are better. 2) Davos have several star-quality players - like Ryuu Crimson and Veran Dragomir - but aren't even top half of the league. Is this STHS at it again, or is there a more logical reason for their bad record? STHS is a fickle thing, and I’ve seen it tank teams that are filled with stars. I’m calling it as a STHS thing. 3) Kallis Kriketers has an excellent reputation in the goalie world, but is being severely outperformed in terms of save percentage (92.6%) by Chase, the backup 200 TPE goalie for Moscow and league leader in save % (96.4% save). And uh, yeah, it's probably just small sample size (3 games) but how is Chase so damn good? He plays the shite teams. End of question. 4) TPE has recently been investigated as a performance enhancing drug. How much of the league do you think uses TPE on a regular basis? Everybody uses the damn thing. It’s the worst-kept secret around the league that everybody juices. 5) Morpheus of House Destructious, conqueror of ash, burner of bodies, king of obliteration, soul reaping demon of the nothing realm, etc. recently literally crushed a player's face with his fist. Is the VHL getting too violent? No. In fact, I want more violence. Let me fucking crush someone’s balls for fucks sake. 6) We found some loose dice and character sheets in the locker room. Who plays Dungeons & Dragons on the team? Me. For all the tough guy bullshit I put on, I’m basically a nerd at heart. 7) Some have voiced their concerns over the Brand Tournament not feeling very important. How would you fix it? It’s fine as is. 8 ) Who sings in the locker room the most? Aaltonen sings in broken English all the damn time when he showers. I love Mikko but it pisses me off. 9) Which player(s) in the VHL do you dislike, but begrudgingly respect? no one. I either like you or I want to fucking crush your balls. 10) Which two players have the best friendship in the VHL? You’ll never see Randoms and Kriketers without each other. They’re the two best Latvians in the league, and I think they’ve known each other for a very long time.

F - Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Today, the Iceland Monitor is pleased to announce that we have been able to snag an interview with Icelandic VHL player Arnor Sigurdsson. Our very own Thörbjorn Gunnvaldsson flew out to Riga to interview the 18-year-old rookie after practice. TG: Arnor, it’s a pleasure to meet you! Do you mind if I ask you some questions? AS: Go ahead! Fire away. TG: It’s well understood that you struggled in your first stint in North America with the Ottawa Lynx of the VHLM, going scoreless in 15 regular season games before not even registering a point in the playoffs. What are the factors that contributed to this lack of production? AS: Well, I think it was just me getting adjusted to the North American game. I’d just come over from Sweden, where the rinks are larger and the players are a bit less physical, so getting adjusted to the smaller rinks and more physical play was a bit of a struggle. I mean, I was able to register 19 hits in those 15 games with the Lynx, but I wasn’t able to control the game as well as I did back in Iceland and Sweden. That was a huge factor. TG: I remember watching the VHLM Dispersal Draft before last season and watching your face slowly get angrier and angrier after you were passed on by almost every team until Yukon snapped you up with the 19th pick. Were you angry over your draft position? AS: YES! I felt that my TPE production had spoken for itself despite my lack of scoring in the VHLM in S64, so I was hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I still ended up in a good position, as Yukon was building a very good team, and we’d make a playoff run, but I was fuming during the draft and told myself to make a point: prove every single team that passed on me wrong for doing so. TG: Now, to that magical S65 VHLM season for you. Yukon has a great team, with Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Anthony Matthews, and you. And you have a great season, averaging slightly over a point per game as the Rush are eliminated in the second round. How did you feel during that season? AS: It was truly a magical season, as you said. I was just feeling it the entire season. I played most of the season with Matthews and Sami [Van Den Dreissche], and we all had fairly good seasons. I scored 77 points, Anthony had a staggering 101, and Sami had 31. Let’s not discount HHH though. The man scored a massive 125 points, won league MVP, and carried my ass to a point per game status. TG: And now you play with HHH and Matthews again with Riga, who’ve had a great start to the season. They’re currently third in the Europe Division, 1 point behind Helsinki in second and 2 behind Malmo in first. What’s it like to play with them again? AS: It’s fantastic. HHH and Matthews were two of my favorite teammates, even though they seem to have a bit of a friendly rivalry. I myself am playing with Tony on the “All-Rookie” line (My man Chico Smeb is there too), and he’s been back to his old tricks. While he only has 4 points, he’s been a key guy on our line. I have 5 points, which is pretty good in my opinion. HHH has 10 already! He should be a lock for Rookie of the Year. Chico Smeb, my other line mate, actually leads our line in points with 6. He’s been really good since we got him from Davos in a trade. I love playing with them. They’re so much fun to play with, and I really love Riga. TG: Well, thanks for taking time out of your hectic schedule, Arnor. The entire country is rooting for you and Bjorn Scorringson! AS: Thanks, Thörbjorn! It was a pleasure!

It’s been a good season so far for the Riga Reign. The Latvian team is built on young talent (Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Anthony Matthews, Arnor Sigurdsson, Mikko Aaltonen, etc.) and proven stars (Edwin Preencarnacion, Ryan Kastelic, Podrick Cast, Cayden Saint, etc.). Throughout 12 games, the Reign are 8-3-1, with goalie Kallis Kriketers starring with a .921 save percentage and 2.39 goals against average. Kastelic leads the team in points with 16, with Latvian power forward Randoms not far behind on 12 points. When asked about the team’s performance, GM Benjamin Zeptenbergs praised Kastelic. “Ryan has been our top defenseman for the past couple of years, and he looks to have transformed into a league wide superstar this season. He’s led our team to our current record.” The Reign are one of the surprises of the season (Malmo is doing them one better at the moment) and could be seen as cup favorites.

1) We're one week into the season, and Riga is 6-1-1, good for #1 in the league. What about the standings has surprised you so far? Nothing. We're a great team. We should be up near the top. 2) Anthony Matthews, Gucci Garrop, and Randoms are averaging about 1 point/20 minutes. How does that work? Randoms is very good. Matthews and Garrop are a bit... unproved, but it's good to see them producing. 3) Is a 3-line-deep roster the way of the future? Yes. 4) Apollo Hackett's spent 28 minutes in the penalty box, tied for first in the league. What's wrong with him? I TOLD YOU HE WAS A RANDO. I guess he's just angry all the damn time. 5) Which team is the biggest threat to Riga this season? No.One. Cup or bust baby. 6) What's the weirdest thing you've seen a new teammate do since the draft? Hackett wipes his whole body after a Smash Ultimate match. 7) You've got your choice of who to fight in the league, right here, right now. Who do you pick and why? Garcia. The fucking bum was picked before me and I want to knock him down a peg. ? Malmo defenseman Jerry Garcia @GustavMattias has been leaving pints of ice cream in coolers in the team locker room. Is this a come-on or an attempt at intimidation, and has it been successful? Whatever it is, I don't give two shits. I just like ice cream. 9) HHH vs. Hulk Hogan. Who 'wins,' and what crazy KOs happen during the match? HHH triple pedigrees Hogan, winning for the Riga Reign. 10) @hedgehog337 is a reclusive rich Latvian man. What spooky place does he live in? Probably a haunted house or some shit.

D - Maxim Kovalchuk D - Joseph McWolf @FBR

Edwin Preencarnacion Kallis Kriketers @FBR

EASTERN CONFERENCE  (A2) Boston Bruins vs. (WC1) Carolina Hurricanes Winner: Boston # of Games: 6 WESTERN CONFERENCE (C3) St. Louis Blues vs. (P2) San Jose Sharks Winner: St. Louis # of Games: 6

New York Malmo Helsinki Vancouver

Malmo 4-2

F - Podrick Cast @FBR

me in

excuse me but Hackett is starting already

Malmo and Davos both suck alright Riga is where it’s at

Two days ago, Riga had 4 first round picks in the VHL Entry Draft, and they absolutely knocked all 4 out of the park. Two players, interestingly, were right wingers. Mikko Aaltonen, a speedy Finnish winger, was picked 4th, and brutish Icelandic wingman Arnor Sigurdsson went 9th. They should form a potent one-two punch on the right winger for Riga in the future. Sure, Edwin Preencarnacion is still with Riga, but once he retires, the two Scandinavians will be stars for the Reign. Aaltonen is a great all-round player with 80s in scoring (85), defense (81), passing (80), puck handling (80), and skating (85). He’s going to be a contender for Rookie of the Year on a Riga team filled with rookies (Sigurdsson, Helmsley, Hackett, Nielsen), and should see top six time on a line with Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Connor McDavid. Sigurdsson is more of a raw talent. His main attribute is scoring (90), and is a solid skater (75) with decent strength (73) and checking (70). However, he lacks passing (52) and defensive (60) skill, making him a bit of a liability in the defensive zone. Sigurdsson projects to be a top 9 winger on a line with Anthony Matthews and Gucci Garrop. And let us not forget Aron Nielsen and Apollo Hackett, who most likely be a pairing with 2nd line ice time. They’ll be a great pairing soon enough, and compliment each other well. Nielsen is more of an offensive threat (90 scoring), while Hackett is a shutdown defenseman who focuses on keeping pucks out of the net and playing the body. Look out for these two.

The VHL Draft was a couple of days ago, and I was very excited. Numerous mocks had me ranked around the 8-12 range as a solid late-first round or early second round pick for one of Riga, Moscow, or Calgary. I knew defense was a need for many teams, so players who might’ve had less TPE (think Paddywagon or Nielsen) would be going ahead of me, as they were going to be huge gets. Riga picked first. They chose my old line mate HHH. I loved that. Then Vancouver took Julius Freeman. From what I’d heard, Freeman was gaining on Mars all season, and it was a toss-up between them. Mars went next to Seattle. Riga picked again next, and took Mikko Aaltonen. A right winger, and the first off the board. Another winger in Dimitri Volosenkov went next, followed by two defensemen in Paddywagon and Jerry Garcia. Riga picked for the third time next, and followed the trend by picking Aron Nielsen, an old teammate of mine from Ottawa. I knew my time was coming soon. But where would I go? Let’s just say I was really happy where I was picked. I was sitting in the living room of my parents’ house in Reykjavik surrounded by family, friends, and my girlfriend. I’d already moved out of Yukon, and my stuff was still boxed up. Why, may you ask, did you already pack up? Well, I knew I’d probably be playing in the VHL, so I took a risk. The cameras were ready for when I was to be picked. There were three hats and three jerseys ready for me to wear if I was to be chosen: one each from Riga, Moscow, and Calgary. I wanted to go to Calgary, but Riga had grown on me as of late. I’d had some nice conversations with their GM, and picking HHH, Aaltonen and Nielsen made me happy. I’d played with all three. Riga picked again at 9th. The pick was in. We all watched intently on the screen. “With the 9th pick in the S66 VHL Entry Draft, the Riga Reign are proud to select Arnor Sigurdsson, Right Wing, Yukon Rush.” I couldn’t believe it. The cameras started filming as I broke down crying. My mother handed me the Reign cap and jersey. I pulled it on and grinned. Riga had put huge faith in me. Players like Meyers, Jaguar, and Jagr were still available. Yet they chose me over them. I knew they were huge on me, but to pick me that early was a bit shocking to me (Not as shocking as John Frostbeard going over Jagr and Meyers at 12). Sure, Riga had just picked a RW. But now they had two S66 wingers, and two good ones at that. Do I think I’ll ever be a first line winger for the Reign? No. Am I angry about that? No. Aaltonen offers a more offensive threat to my strength-based game. I’ll start on the third line most likely behind Mikko and Edwin Preencarnacion (VHL legend). I’ll probably get to play with HHH or Anthony Matthews again, which is awesome. We were Yukon’s top 3 scorers last year, and now we might be linemates again. I’m absolutely elated to play for the Reign, and can’t wait to repay the faith they’ve put in my abilities.

this was pretty sick ngl Great work!

I DONE WENT 9TH WHAT