bigAL

Shit I thought we were fighting coven but a notherfucking PIRATE jumped me in the middle of the night. Luckily I backpedaled away from danger and survived. Salem is a scary place.

We will take our talents back to South Beach soon enough, but not without some coven scalps

Who should we tp tonight? @Alex Bridgesis unusually quiet... let’s kill him

+4

Yee haw, lets lynch some coven!!

I wanna play!

hoo rah

Lets do this, I'm in!

1. It's gonna be a wild offseason. New teams, new players, new potential for trades! 2. Those Lynx from Ottawa were so surgical in their dismantling of our team, I'm sure they'll be looking for a long playoff run to defend their title. 3. 12 teams - FINALLY! Miami as a VHLM market is a fascinating case study. It's not a hockey hotbed - yet - and so the challenges our players face playing in Miami will be different than playing in a northern or Canadian VHLM market. Will the fans recognize the players in public? (no.) Will hardcore South Beach partiers pre-game in a VHLM arena?? (probably not.) Will my grandma come watch the team when she snowbirds in Florida??? (god I hope so.) 4. I think the contract and money thing is an oddity in the league. There's not so many things to buy with cash, and so negotiating more salary isn't as essential. I think if we were to ramp up the VHL economy with contract negotiations, we should also revamp the VHL store. 5. I grew up in a family with a history of dairy farming. I drink milk with breakfast, lunch, and supper. I've never broken a bone in my life, and haven't been injured in hockey in my 3+ seasons of playing! 6. Sandwiches - real sandwiches - are works of art that require immense focus, passion, and creativity. Sandwiches need two pieces of bread, buttered lovingly, a melange of toppings piled carefully on top of each other, a rich sauce to add some burst of flavour. Great sandwiches include meat, cheese, greens, and an extra lil crunch (toasted bread, or plain chips, or crunch pickles are great crunches). Hot dogs are not sandwiches, but you can take the philosophy of sandwich making and apply it to a hot dog. You don't have to take a pig anus and boil it in water; spice it up with a sausage or an all-beef or all-chicken dog. You don't have to use cheap white hot dog bun as a carb; get funky and use real bread, or a fun sesame bun. You don't have to stick to just ketchup as a topping (don't even suggest mustard you disgusting animal); add cheeses and BBQ sauces, or spinach and salad dressing, or fries and gravy. Hot dogs aren't sandwiches, but if they try really hard, they might become a sandwich when they grow up.

Great article @Spaz! 9/10! I like how you made a story of being called up and reflecting on your first season in the VHL. That's a big transition for anyone, and especially since you seem so self-aware of the role and responsibilities required in being called up to a rebuilding team. I wish you expanded on that last paragraph a bit more. You hit your goal, but still aren't happy about it? What happened that caused you to only score 16 points? Was there a specific area or skill you wanted to put more energy into developing to help with last season or prepare for next? I love how emotional your writing is. I really get a feel for Jared Spaz's life. I know what he was feeling last season in the minors, how excited he was to get called up at the end of S70, how disappointed he was in leaving his VHLM team and friends with a mission unfulfilled. I love the insight and detail into Spaz's offseason routine, because that helps humanize these players. Great job Spaz, keep it up!

This kid's got potential!

?there’s only room in this town for one Alex ? Thanks @Alex Bridges, I appreciate the love from everyone who applied too. Good to know there’s no shortage of high quality leaders around here!

Thanks all! An expansion team is a huge opportunity for me and the league, and @Ricer13 and I know we have a big job ahead of us. I'm looking forward to jumping into VHL life fully!

If you're not in a position of authority, you should be. I like the cut of your jib.

Many thanks @Enorama, these look great!!

I want to take my Welfare +4, but I did my Junior Review today. I don't think that's a weekly task, so can I claim welfare?

hot take: Ottawa will win the Cup in the next 5 years, or they won't win it for the next 25. Their window is RIGHT NOW with superstar kids taking peanuts, and in 5 years, Melnyk can't afford to have so many Top 5 picks on his team at once.

TLDR: I apply Alrighty then, I'd make a great AGM because I'm learning things alongside all our new draft picks. I'm a great organizer and community builder who can build an energy around a team through discord messages, forum posts, and articles. I'm working from home so I'm active online a lot. My first article - a junior review of "Groovy Dood's Excellent Adventure" - went live today and best summarizes my general philosophy towards life: do things well and hold yourself to a high standard, but don't take yourself too seriously and have lots of fun. I apply

Are there benefits that come with being AGM? Does each team only have one AGM? I'm too new to apply but genuinely curious about the role!

Groovy Dood, the 25-year-old left winger out of the backwoods of northern Ontario, has declared for the S73 VHL draft. Dood grew up in a hippy commune somewhere far enough north that he became an expert in rocks and trees, but far enough south that his family had a viable farm. Groovy spent his winters playing shinny on the frozen pond behind the hemp field, and spent his summer mastering his hand-eye coordination as a competitive hackey-sacker. From an early age, Groovy was identified as being a special athlete. Groovy was hacking sack before he was out of his diapers. By age four, he could keep a streak going higher than he could count. It was during his first year at lil’ hippy school that Groovy discovered competition, and the pure joy that comes from beating others at sports. Soon, he was training to be the best, and challenging anyone he could find. He was out-sacking 12 year old boys when he was in third grade. He was six when he first hackey sacked his dad, and six plus one day when Groovy finally defeated him. By the time Groovy Dood was ten years old, he had travelled to every hippy commune on the planet and defeated their reigning champions. Without anyone left to beat, Groovy hung up the ‘sack for good. He decided to pour his time, energy, and natural athletic abilities into his other passion: hockey. Through his teenage years, Dood spent every waking winter second outside on the pond. He was happiest when he was playing with the other hippy boys, hippy-dipsy-doodling around everyone, dodging swinging dreads, leaping over the red line made of doritos, enjoying the hockey hippy lifestyle. In the early 2010s, Groovy’s hippy commune got raided by the RCMP. Apparently, not all of the plants being grown in Dood’s ranch were “legal”. Every hippy over the age of 18 got shown the backseat of a cruiser, and all the hippies-in-training would be sent to a different hippy commune. Except Groovy. It turns out that the RCMP had been watching this particular hippy commune for quite some time. The drones watched through the growing season into the harvest time, searching out drugs, but they stayed hovering above the encampment all throughout the winter. One of the officers had noticed Groovy grooving around his outdoor rink. This officer, luckily enough for Groovy Dood, was also a part-time scout for the local senior men’s team. Groovy Dood was wearing his first real set of equipment six weeks later, skating on the first line of the Hicksville Darts of the Northern Ontario Bush Whackin League (NOBWL). His free-wheeling, no-darns-given attitude complemented the Darts perfectly. They were all goons who wanted to foil their knuckles and collect opponent’s teeth, and Groovy became the goal-scorer that allowed the goons to play face-punch, rock-em-sock-em playoff hockey. Groovy put up absolutely ridiculous video-game numbers that season with the Darts. He averaged 37 minutes of ice time, because by the third period he was often the only left winger remaining on the bench. He scored completely at will, and ended up with 164 goals in 32 games. Groovy only got one assist that year, when a shot of his missed the net and deflected in off Goondawg’s helmet. He was playing men’s hockey in the bushes of the Canadian Shield, competing against meaty lumberjacks and wild whiskey drinkers, but Groovy Dood didn’t know anything different. He probably could have been drafted to the OHL that season, if he knew the OHL existed. But he didn’t, so he spent the off-season. Ever a student of the game, Groovy saw his Cy Young-esque stat-line and began to work on his passing. With the Darts being the Darts, his passing ended up being more like shooting at his teammates sticks, but his assist totals went up the next season. Groovy Dood spent the next decade of his life repeating this cycle. Tearing up the bushwhacking league with the Darts all winter, training on one specific aspect of his game all summer. Hackey sack before and after games to warm up and cool down. It was all he knew, and all he did. Groovy Dood became a goal scoring, hackey-sacking machine. Season Team League GP G A Pts PIM +/- 2012-13 Darts NOBWL 32 164 1 165 6 1 2013-14 Darts NOBWL 32 1 164 165 12 -1 2014-15 Darts NOBWL 32 32 32 64 24 5 2015-16 Darts NOBWL 32 50 49 99 46 10 2016-17 Darts NOBWL 32 0 1 1 1268 1 2017-18 Darts NOBWL 32 121 24 145 58 36 2018-19 Darts NOBWL 32 74 26 100 79 44

Awkwaaaaaaaaaaaard. My heart breaks for the OGWAC Chershensko, poor guy never got the Cup he deserved.

More like the Halifax 25th... 21 + 4. Playoffs were fun though.

Haaaaappy birthday to you! Haaaaappy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Quiiiiik! Happy birthday to you! and many moooooooooore!

1. Halifax is going to win the draft lottery. I'm the Taylor Hall of the VHLM. 2. Off-season means I can switch from exclusively vaping weed to smoking the occasional joint. Smoke sits heavy in my chest and isn't good for the cardio, so it's not an in-season thing. 3. This off-season, I want to work on my faceoffs. Coach has been putting me in the C spot since I made the team, even though I'm a LW, so I better be prepared to be versatile up, down, left, and right of the lineup. 4. In my mind, we did win the playoff series with Ottawa. Everyone knows that a sweep only counts if you win by the exact same score in all four games, and since we got that third goal in Game 2, we effectively nullified the sweep. And taking away the super sweep from the top team in the league is basically a win for a ragtag bunch like the 21st. 5. Why not both? My large salary is tied to my huge skillset, and therefore a team with my contract on it has cup potential. I can get paid, and bank shots in off the asses of random Bobs, Gords, and Dougs all the way to the finals. 6. I don't know either of the commissioners, but when I win the trophy, I promise not to Sheldon Keefe you okay?

Are the blackjack, hookers, and VHLM writing gig still available?