Official Drunk/High Thread

[Phil 5,119]

SUPRESSING FIREEEEEEE @JardyB10

[Phil 5,119]

@JardyB10

 

MOTHER! HE THINKS HE'S PEOPLE!

 

[Will 4,660]

[Foehammer 14]

[Baozi 1,658]

@frescoelmo tell them about the time that you were telling me you were banging someone's grandma and her dentures fell out.

[frescoelmo 1,276]

2 minutes ago, tfong said:

@frescoelmo tell them about the time that you were telling me you were banging someone's grandma and her dentures fell out.

 

[JardyB10 4,865]

I drank two bottles of wine last night and now I'm shitting liquid.

[Devise 4,475]

41 minutes ago, JardyB10 said:

I drank two bottles of wine last night and now I'm shitting liquid.

 

I was going to like this until I realised how gross that is. But rule of wine is stop after you've drank a bottle lol. 

[stevo 793]

14 minutes ago, Devise said:

 

I was going to like this until I realised how gross that is. But rule of wine is stop after you've drank a bottle lol. 

You sir are a weak example of mankind.

[JardyB10 4,865]

3 hours ago, Devise said:

 

I was going to like this until I realised how gross that is. But rule of wine is stop after you've drank a bottle lol. 

I simply just followed that rule twice!

 

People always rave about how terrible a wine hangover is, but I generally just sleep through my hangovers so it's no big deal...but my body just wants nothing to do with last night now. It's the worst. It's almost as bad as Baby Duck poisoning.

[Devise 4,475]

12 minutes ago, JardyB10 said:

I simply just followed that rule twice!

 

People always rave about how terrible a wine hangover is, but I generally just sleep through my hangovers so it's no big deal...but my body just wants nothing to do with last night now. It's the worst. It's almost as bad as Baby Duck poisoning.

 

If you don't experience the wine hangover as much as everyone else, I say it's because you haven't done enough haha. I've only ever downed a bottle of wine, except for that one night in Newfoundland where I did a bottle + a bottle of Gibsons Finest. I was pretty hungover the next day, but mixing alcohol especially with wine always does that. 

[JardyB10 4,865]

23 hours ago, Devise said:

 

If you don't experience the wine hangover as much as everyone else, I say it's because you haven't done enough haha. I've only ever downed a bottle of wine, except for that one night in Newfoundland where I did a bottle + a bottle of Gibsons Finest. I was pretty hungover the next day, but mixing alcohol especially with wine always does that. 

Nah, I just stay in bed and close my eyes until the hangover mostly leaves.

[eaglesfan036 4,603]

One time I was pretty drunk with a friend at a Target buying Risk (and no, we never finished playing the whole game). This little mexican 5-7 year old with a mohawk, was being an insufferable little shit in the action figure section. I heard him from like 5 aisles over and it was like nails on a chalkboard. I tell my friend, "I'm gonna fart on this kids head. Watch and learn."
I saunter on over to the aisle in question and see the vile little prick calling his mom an "idiot" for not buying him a huge fucking G.I. JOE The Movie vehicle (which pissed me off even more considering how awful that movie was. BUY SOME GOOD TOYS!) "I already bought that one for you and you broke it by throwing it down the stairs" "SHUT UP. I NEED IT. IT'S THE ONLY ONE I DON'T HAVE NOW." The mother was younger than me (I'm mid twenties) and gave a defeated look, "I don't have enough money right now." "YOU ARE AN IDIOT," and continued to just berate and publicly shame this woman.
At the time, I was on a strict Chipotle carnitas burrito diet. And while I was watching all this, my stomach gave me an initial warning gurgle (very courteous stomach) telling me I was about an hour away from punishing the toilet. Serendipity! Destiny!
I inch a bit closer to my prey, inspecting some wrestling toys and pondering the weird homoeroticness of the whole 'sport' in general. The kid shouts "FUCK YOU, I HATE YOU!" The mom rolls her eyes and turns her back to the kid to ignore him. And could you believe it, the kid gets on his hands and knees and starts taking the toy out of the box. It's go time, motherfucker.
I position my back towards him and at this point am like 2 feet away from him. His head is down, getting frustrated with those god damn twisty tie things, and I go for the kill. I bend down to reach for the one of the toys on the lower shelf. At this point, my ass is INCHES away from this kids head.
Now, generally speaking, the best way to go about this is to act casual, drop your belly bomb, then walk away after a few seconds like nothing is out of the ordinary. I usually go one aisle over and listen to the kid's reaction in delight. However, today I couldn't help myself. I have my head tilted back looking at this kid out of the corner of my eye, to ensure accuracy.
I'm so close that from a distance it looks like I'm about to sit on him,. My friend sees this happening and can no longer contain himself. He's covering his mouth, but his 'hee-haw' hyperventilating donkey chortle is fairly audible over the late 90's pop muzak playing on the loudspeakers.
The kid immediately looks up towards the laughter, but can't help but notice there is an ass now directly in his face. Now, I'm trying not to laugh but also panicking as I just made eye contact with him. He furls his brow and I look over in the mother's direction, still back towards us. I relish in the moment and the look on this child's confused and naive face.
The initial blast was mighty and boisterous. I swear I saw his hair blowing in the wind (so to speak). If I wasn't wearing jeans, I think it could have probably blown over an empty soda can. I would call it "a very fun fart" (A++ would buy again). However, what immediately followed that out the chamber was truly horrifying. The fart's implication changed without notice and swiftly. It went from a joyous, dry airhorn squeal to a nefarious, hissing mephitis. I think the little moppet noticed the hateful metamorphosis before even I did because he wretched his neck violently trying to get away from the personified evil being fumigated into his soul. Because of his positioning (hovering over the toy, hands and knee), it was all in vain as the only way out was forward...and forward would mean certain death. I had positioned myself well on the higher ground, free to escape or relent at any time and him, poor and immobilized: biding his time until the cruel attack was over. Obviously, this child needed to re-read Sun Tzu.
In total, it lasted about 4 seconds but for that kid, it must have seemed like time was frozen. The long-term severe brain damage which he no doubt suffered, only added to that effect.
When finished with my bidness (i.e. forcing a little boy to huff my farts), there was a silent, pregnant pause. The kid was clearly shocked and stunned. No one had ever stood up to this dwarf sociopath in his whole life. I had taken the words out of his mouth and filled it with fart.
I make my move first, picking up the toy I was "reaching for" off the low shelf, take a few steps forward and stare at it for a few seconds. On '2 alligator,' the only thing the kid could manage to do was burst into tears. My friend senses danger 'the jig is up' and his head darts for cover. The mom turns around to see her kid with an open toy, crying on the floor and me minding my own business.
She walks up to him and asks what's wrong but the kid can't speak. All he gets out is, "BAWAWAAAWAFARTBAWAWA." It took every fiber in my body not to laugh. I put the toy back on a middle shelf, turn around, give a final nonchalant looksy and then begin to take my exit.
Sensing that his assailant was getting away scot-free, he somehow managed to compose himself for a moment. He shouts, "HE FARTED ON ME!" I could feel him pointing at me but I continued to act like I was just browsing. I was ALMOST around the corner when the mom goes:
"Excuse me....sir....SIR!"
I turn around nonplussed, "Uh...who? Me?" while pointing to myself.
"Yes. Did YOU just FART on my son?"
Weighing my options, I played dumb. "What? I mean, I did fart."
"On my son?"
"Well, I mean, technically speaking...I mean...what is 'on'?"
"Why did you fart on my son?"
At this point the little kid has the look of schadenfreude on his face, happy to see me in trouble. Fuck you, I'M A MAN! I WILL FART ON YOU IF I PLEASE! I turn my attention to the little kid and stare at him, "Because the whole store could hear him being a little, rotten asshole to his mother so I thought I'd come over here and treat him like one."
The mom looks at me, her son and the scattered GI JOE/wrappers/box on the floor. The mom is puzzled as to what to do and says, "Just..just go." That's my cue! I turn around, walk away with little extra step. I look up to see the black orb of security cameras and all the stories on reddit about unjustly having to register as a sex offender flash before my eyes. As soon as I turn the corner, I book it outside as fast as I can while dialing my friend. Like a true friend, he is right out front with the engine running and Risk in the trunk.
We laugh on the car ride back about the whole scene. With a slight hint of seriousness in his tone, my friend asks me:
"Do you do that a lot?"
"Ahhh, not that much. Like once every 6 months or so."
We both knew I was lying. We got to our other friends house, played risk until 4 in the morning while drinking scotch. Overall, I would say it was a preeeetay preeeeetay good day.
 

[boubabi 4,725]

4/20 blaze it 

[Frank 5,212]

Yessssssssssssssss

[gorlab 4,321]

On 4/20/2017 at 2:21 PM, boubabi said:

4/20 blaze it 

 

[Tyler 885]

lowering the price of a 24 from 44 to 36 at the end of the month patience is a virtue

[Guest daBenchwarmer]

Got drunk for the first time in a long time, snuck into a closed down public part, sat on top of the gazebo and smoked an entire pack of darts with a couple of friends before we played four rounds of pool at a nearby bar.

 

didn't yak but had a killer hangover.

 

boys are back 

[Frank 5,212]

Jameson is probably the best shit I've drank in a long long time. So smooth. 

[BOOM 8,758]

Hello. Is there where I post?

[Gudnason 607]

3 minutes ago, BOOM said:

Hello. Is there where I post?

 

Obviously, you're not intoxicated enough yet if you found your way here.

[BOOM 8,758]

Your right because I can still see what's on TV.

[Exlaxchronicles 415]

You know what makes doin renos so much better? Fuckin alcohol.Makes ya not work as fast but the task is much more satisfying.

Bot my first case of beer in over a year.$ 21 fuckin dollars for a 12 pack?!!  My last batch taste like whisky so I bot a case.Shit man, I get 70 beers for about $ 20 when I make it. K man back to alcohol.Pretty good game this is.

[JardyB10 4,865]

Hey guys. It's been a while. Yet here I am pooping at the bar. So here's my thoughts. 

 

Currently I'm in a humorous situation. If I remain where I am, there's a strong chance I can hook up with a nice girl I've hooked up with before.

 

If I go to a different bar, there's a very small chance I can hook up with a girl I know well and always kind of wanted to hook up with, but admittedly would be weird because we're good friends and play D&D together and she used to live with my ex.

 

If I go to a different bar, there's an unknown chance I could hook up with a more or less unknown girl who I feel is pretty neat at the moment but who knows.

 

What a Friday!

[Kendrick 4,741]

7 minutes ago, JardyB10 said:

Hey guys. It's been a while. Yet here I am pooping at the bar. So here's my thoughts. 

 

Currently I'm in a humorous situation. If I remain where I am, there's a strong chance I can hook up with a nice girl I've hooked up with before.

 

If I go to a different bar, there's a very small chance I can hook up with a girl I know well and always kind of wanted to hook up with, but admittedly would be weird because we're good friends and play D&D together and she used to live with my ex.

 

If I go to a different bar, there's an unknown chance I could hook up with a more or less unknown girl who I feel is pretty neat at the moment but who knows.

 

What a Friday!

Invite them all to another separate bar and when they get there you gather them all to a table and say "I'm glad I gathered you all here today". You go home with all three.