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The Search for the Greatest Name in VHL History | Part 1

Matt_O

By Matt_O
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Matt_O

Matt_O 897

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Posted (edited)

Throughout VHL history, there have been many legends to step onto the ice, from the early days with Scotty Campbell and Brett Slobodzian, to current day with Matt Thompson and Julian Borwinn. While these players have been remembered through their play on the ice, there is another group of legends that receive no recognition. Their contributions to the league haven't come with their play on the ice, but rather their names. Some modern day names such as MORPHEUS DESTRUCTUS, Tzuyu, and Luc-Pierre Lespineau-Lebrunette are flashes of greatness, but today, we need to start from the beginning. We need to go back to July 18th, 2007, to search for the greatest name in VHL history.

 

 

(S2+S3) Sexy McSexington, D

 

After being picked in the S2 draft as a goalie, he retired and re-created as a defenseman, and entered the S3 draft. He was drafted seventh overall to the Vasteras IK. Overall his career was solid, with 574 games played and 328 points. Unfortunately for him, many people labeled him as a bust because of his high draft position. Sexy McSexington is among one of the greatest names this league has ever seen, and is an immediate contender for greatest name.

 

(S3) Heman Ho, D

 

Despite never playing a game in the VHL, Heman's importance in VHL history cannot be overstated. Heman Ho was the first ever player from the Scotty Anderson agency, and he was drafted to the Toronto Legion 13th overall in the S3 VHL draft. Anderson entered about 20 players in the VHL before getting banned, and Heman Ho was his first player. You can learn more about Scotty Anderson here. 

 

(S3) Lennowitcz Schwalkwinzz, D

 

When Schwalkinzz entered the VHL, he was originally a center, but he changed his position to defense midway through his career. He was picked 11th in the draft, and had a very productive career. He was drafted to Helsinki, and had 302 points over his 430 game career. He is one of the two defenseman that made up the legendary duo that was the Hebrew Hammers, who would shut you down in the defensive zone and could score on you in the offensive zone. He was notably clutch; with 39 points in 41 playoff games, and a championship in S8 with the Calgary Wranglers. 

 

(S5) McLovin, RW

 

McLovin was selected third in the S5 draft, and had a satisfactory career. While he didn't quite live up to expectations, his 460 points in 507 games, including over 300 assists, his time in the VHL was pretty successful. One reason his point total, specifically his goal total, may have been so low was because he switched to defense midway through his career. He was the S4 VHLM MVP, with 80 goals and 144 points.

 

 

(S7) Lazarus Hatzifotiou-Kyriakos, C

 

Lazarus Hatzifotiou-Kyriakos, also know as Layken Heidt, was a premier player in the VHL's second generation of players, with 616 points throughout his career with Riga. He made it to the finals four different times with Riga, and finished with one cup in his career. With 267 goals, 349 assists, and a +255 rating, he made the playoffs every year with Riga and is one of the greatest talents this league has ever seen. In Season 10, the finals went to an overtime in game 7, where the Riga Reign won the cup. In Season 12, the finals went to overtime in game 7 once again, but this time Riga was on the short end of the stick. Kyriakos career was legendary, and his epic name makes it even better.

 

(S10) Da'Brickashaw O'Neal, LW

 

His time in the VHL is best known through his big hits and his many penalty minutes, as he stacked up over 1,000 penalty minutes and 1,000 hits in just 265 games, which he mostly spent in Davos. He and his lesser known brother, Jartavius O'Neal, played on Davos in their continental cup run in S11. Da'Brickashaw O'Neal even had a son in the league, but it seemed to be a shortlived career. While O'Neal wasn't known for scoring, he was a certified grinder that would use the body and throw a lot of hits. O'Neal also holds the record for most penalty minutes in one season, with 356!

 

(S11) Earth Starchild, D

 

Very little is known about Earth Starchild. Besides having a great name, there are only three documents that have his name on it. He was taken 23rd in the draft to the New York Americans, and was the last pick from that draftclass. He ended up doing nothing in the VHL, and his only relevance was in an S10 trade that saw that pick being traded from Toronto to New York, with other minor pieces being moved around in that deal. Other than his great name, we know nothing about Starchild.

 

(S12) Virgil Quincey-McDienenberg, D

 

While the player may not have been as memorable, the member behind the player certainly is. @Edgar has been around for a long time, and is known by the older members of the community. He was the Toronto Legion GM and was also the maker of many mediocre players. His time in the VHLM will forever be remembered, in large part due to his trolling leading to many rule changes in the minor league. Virgil Quincey-McDienenberg won the cup with Helsinki in S15, but overall his player career wasn't very notable. The member behind the player is what makes this guy important to VHL history.

 

(S12) Somalian Tiger, LW

 

This is another player with very little impact on the VHL, similar to Earth Starchild. He was drafted 17th in the S12 draft to the Americans. In S18, Tiger was traded to Toronto for Rocky Stork, who was notable for his clutch playoff performance. Tiger's rights were traded three times throughout his VHL career, and the only remnants of his existence was in a "VHL best names thread" , where he was mentioned as one of the best names. Besides his name, we know hardly anything about Somalian Tiger.

 

(S13) Blocka DaPuck, G

 

Another player we know nothing about. The pre-S20 players are very tough to find information, because we don't have indexes before S20, and the old VHL website was taken down. The only thing we know about him is that he was taken 17th overall in the S13 draft, where the Legion picked him up. That, and also that he has a great name. 

 

(S15) Wu Tang Fan

 

To put it lightly, this guy sucked in his time in the VHL. He was taken 10th overall by the Reign, but signed with the Americans. In S20, he had one of the worst seasons in VHL history; a .840 save percentage, and a 6.98 GAA. Not much shade can be thrown due to his great name, but as a player, this guy was trash. 

 

(S16) Teatime McScones

 

Teatime McScones is most known for his time in the VHLM. After being taken 12th in the draft by the Wranglers, he spent his career in the minors, with his peak being in the S22 VHLM season. As a member of the Brampton Batallion, McScones stepped up in the S22 playoffs, a whole six seasons after his initial draft. He scored late in the first period of the deciding game four in the founders cup finals, which brought the game to within one heading into the locker room. The Batallion ended up winning 6-5 in game four to complete the sweep. McScones time in the VHLM wasn't very well remembered, but this single moment is his lone highlight.

 

(S18) Totes Magotes

 

This guy should be in the hall of fame simply for his name, but his very solid career help build his case. Taken ninth overall by Vasteras, he was traded to the Legion and had a 60 point season in S20. In S21, he found his way onto the Reign after being traded three times, and had another good year, with 57 points. Unfortunately in S22, he had a poor year, with only 20 points. This would be his last year in the VHL. He deserves to be in the hall. What a legend.


(S20) Fantastic McAwesome

 

My personal favorite name. After being taken 10th by the Americans, he lived up to his name. Despite a poor rookie year, his sophomore season saw him drop 77 points, including 52 assists. He had nearly 70 points in S24, and then a 50 point season in S25. He (somewhat) lived up to his name, with multiple good years in the league. One could say in S23, he was fantastic. He also was a part of the elite S19 Minot Gladiators of the VHLM. 

 

This is the first generation of great names in the VHL. The second generation consists of players in S20-S40, while the modern era is S41 to now. What was your favorite name? Check in two weeks from now for part two of the search for the greatest name in VHL history.

 

 

Thanks to @TheLastOlympian07 for his work on old time draft classes, which gave us a lot of the information used in this article

 

Edited by Matt_O
.sniffuM

.sniffuM 1,741

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, .sniffuM said:

Snakés

 

In case anyone had any doubt, I present to you the greatest sig I ever made.

 

snakessig1_zps9a7447eb.png

 

Also it's clear that I'm a scrub and the player name was snákes, not snakés.

Kyle

Kyle 667

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, diamond_ace said:

Srraxxarakex, Leeroy Jenkins (actually good), Captain America, Genghis Khan (half decent, was a good VHLMer), Kim Bong Ill...

 

omg Srraxxarakex lmfao I forgot about him. Has to take the cake.

diamond_ace

diamond_ace 3,112

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Kyle said:

 

omg Srraxxarakex lmfao I forgot about him. Has to take the cake.

I only remembered him because he came back recently and made Srraxxarakex 2

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