ColeMrtz

Rice, Tallinder and Spyro all out here representing the Hounds

It's quite the accomplishment that you've assembled a VHL team that would struggle in the VHLM

Doesn’t help that media spots need to be VHL related and not NHL lmao

LET ME START OFF BY SAYING BEROCKA HAS DECEIVED THE WHOLE LEAGUE INTO THINKING HE IS A COMPETENT GM. THIS MAN IS NOT, I REPEAT, NOT WORTHY OF HIS ROLE AS THE GM OF HALIFAX. THIS MAN IS A FRAUD AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY. FIRST, HE'S AUSTRALIAN. THERE'S NO ICE IN AUSTRALIA. HOW CAN YOU LET A MAN WHO HAS NO ICE GM AN ICE HOCKEY TEAM? HUH? RIDDLE ME THAT ONE BOG? OH OH, AND WHAT MORE, ANYONE KNOW WHERE FONZI'S GONE, EH? JUST UP AND DISAPPEARED, EH? LIES AND DECEIT. BEROCKA HAS KILLED FONZI AND HIDDEN HIM IN "AUSTRALIA", WHICH PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN EXIST, SO WE'RE NEVER GOING TO FIND HIM. HOW CAN YOU ALL BE SO BLIND? HAVE YOU LISTENED TO THE MANS PODCAST? HE EXPLICITLY SAYS THE PHRASE "RIGHT-WING", THIS MAN IS CLEARLY A RACIST OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. DETAIN HIM AT ONCE. REMOVE HIM FROM HIS ROLE. GIVE IT TO ME. I AM CLEARLY THE SUPERIOR GM WITH MY ESTEEMED RECORD IN THE VHL. HOW CAN YOU SAY A MINOR LEAGUE AGM IS MORE QUALIFIED THAN A CLEARLY SUPERIOR PRO AGM. HUH? EXPLAIN THAT SHIT, HUH? man I just want a GM role man... Enough words for a bs article (love you @Berocka)

I specifically did this to irritate you

I tried writing the introduction to this spot while listening to @Berocka's podcast and my brain just could not handle both activities at the same time so I'm starting fresh. Roughly 3 seasons into my original player I ended up going inactive, life and all that jazz did what it does and I decided to set the league aside and regain my footing. I probably found my footing long before I decided to recreate but about a year after my absence I rejoined with a new player, a player who is entering their 3rd (4th?) season. Despite my wavering levels of activity, i.e. claiming welfare for the last month and a half, I think I've found a good balance with the league and my own life. I hope this balance let's me hang around a little longer this time, maybe a couple years at the least. A lot was different about my experience with Mertz and my current experience with Wang, but the things that mattered the most haven't really changed. The community is if anything better than I remember it, and maybe that's just who I was exposed to early on, but regardless its nice to have. It started with a return to my original team, the Halifax 21st, which apparently transformed into a satanic cult while I was away (I blame you @McWolf). There I met the now ex-GM of Halifax, @fonziGG, who was nothing but helpful in helping me relearn the league. Our team's lockeroom wasn't the most active, but Fonzi was always around to chat with, and it was nice having even that small bit of community back right away. It somewhat reminded me of how @ShawnGlade would talk with me during the team's inaugural season, a guiding hand but also a good friend. And then we went to the shitshow. I say this in the most endearing way, I promise. My draft year I was taken by the Mississauga Hounds and was introduced to the beautiful chaos @GustavMattias has managed to orchestrate there. I still spend most of my time on discord in that lockeroom just shooting the shit with anyone who's willing to listen, and there's always someone listening. Berocka, @GlowyGoat, @Cxsquared, hell even Gustav are always active and always creating some crazy conversation that you always walk into at the wrong time. I'd say that my time there was one of if not the best I've had in the league, but honestly it's far from over. Whether or not I have another player on that team ever again I always have friends there, and that's what keeps me coming back a lot of the time. Was I hired before the draft? I think I was hired before the draft. Fuck if I know. I have however been an AGM in New York for I think 2 seasons under @Esso2264, and It has also been an amazing experience. The Americans lockeroom is much more, uh, I guess you could say mature than that of the Hounds. It is undoubtedly a different experience but it's been really fun. When I first started in New York the lockeroom was relatively quiet, but as time went on we became more open and as of late it's been fairly active, and it feels a lot more like a team. Although Wang has never played for the team, working with and just generally joking around with these guys as an AGM has been yet another of my favorite experiences on the site since my return (even though I think I fuck it up a lot). I'm not going to tag everyone on the roster but if any of you boys read this you know I love you. Davos happened. It wasn't as bad as everyone made it out to be, I got to play under Shawn again (when he was around) so it was nice to have a familiar face around again. Our lockeroom was perpetually dead for most of the season, with the start being the only real exception, so I focused a lot more on the Americans during the season, working the AGM position and just being happy when Wang put up points. That's probably why it wasn't bad honestly, because I was kind of neglecting it. Ah well, hopefully Shawn can pull a team together in the next couple of seasons but until then VANCOUVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, the escape from bottom to (potentially) the top. I haven't had a lot of interaction with these guys yet but all the interactions I have had have been positive. Guys like @Beaviss are always around, whether its the site or the various discords he's in (he might be in all of them I don't know) so I've had my fair share of interactions, but obviously him now being my GM makes things hopefully a little better. Most of the roster are names I either recognize or have had a decent amount of interaction with over my latest tenure on the site, so I expect this season to be a good one on all fronts. It's hard to make comments on an event that only just happened but we'll see where it goes from here. If I had to tag everyone who's made an impact on me since I rejoined I'd be here longer than it took me to write all of this, which was... about 45 minutes? Hour? Whatever the point is since coming back I've had nothing but positive experiences, and I've managed to shave off a bit of that perfectionism that burnt me out last time which should keep me around much longer. If I tagged you you've done a lot in helping me come back/keeping me around and I appreciate it, and if I didn't you probably have anyways and I just didn't cover it here. Anyways this is where I stand now, we'll see how she goes from here. Love all you clowns, see you in S70! I also need to add eight more words. 999 words

Forgot about this gem

"G'day mates" 5 Stars

Did I hear steal?

1. How are you feeling right now? Pretty good now that I'm out of Davos and with a contending team 2. What do you think we could have done better? Not much considering Shawn was not around for the picks he traded for anyways, kinds of ended up fleecing him 3. What do you think was our downfall? I mean we won the trade so I don't think there was one 4. What should we do to fix that issue in the future? Trade more with Shawn I guess 5. Do you think we did something wrong or just the sims just hated us this season? Sims hate everyone, ask NY 6. What is one good thing about Seattle? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I mean they can't beat NY in regulation so that's pretty neat I guess

Off Szn Press Stuff 1. A lot of moves were made this offseason, some bigger than others, but overall who do you feel had the best offseason? 2. One of the aforementioned moves brought @McWolf back home to the Americans, how do you feel about his addition to the squad? 3. Young guns Ristenen (@Maasa) and the Gutzwiler brothers (@Gwdjohnson & @DaftRaincloud) join the squad as well via the VHL Draft. How do we feel about the rookie additions? 4. Although you never really know with our lord Simon, we look poised to make a run at the cup this season. How far do you think we'll go? 5. With training camps now open, who pushes you to work the hardest off the ice? 6. Does Flowers set a career high in hits and/or PIMs this season?

Yup

After a rough S69 with the HC Davos Dymamo, Jerry Wang has packed his bags to head out to Vancouver following a massive trade between the Wolves and Dynamo. Wang, alongside the FA rights to Blacker Velvet and and a S72 2nd go to Vancouver while Davos receives Jagger Philliefan, 4 S70 3rd rounders and a S71 2nd. The trade sets Davos’ incredibly shallow roster up for quantity over quality, aiming to add bodies to their pool over the next two seasons while Vancouver picks up picks in what aims to be a much deeper draft down the line as well as expiring rookie Jerry Wang and the rights to unsigned Blacker Velvet. Wang is aiming for a career season with the wolves, and hopefully a push for the cup with what appears to be a very strong roster. “Davos was rough, there’s no sugarcoating it,” Wang said, “but you still grow close with the team you play for and leaving is always hard.” With Davos aiming for the rebuild phase hard, Vancouver looks aimed at the cup, and Wang hopes he can be a part of that run. 189 words

Holy fucking trade that’s a lot of assets

Ask questions because Davos doesn’t have a team presser

Oh of course my mistake, that makes way more sense

Oh so we got a real funny guy eh? A real comedian up here

Im sorry dad

Uh this was supposed to be in media spots and I forgot to switch over before I posted what do

For a long time the VHL has been victim to a common misconception. Most members of the league have been led to believe that the acronym AGM stands for “Assistant General Manager”. After both studying AGMing at both the minor league level as well as at the pro level, being an AGM myself, I can say with 100% confidence that this is simply not the case. But if the ‘A’ doesn’t stand for Assistant, then what does it stand for? That’s right, it stand for Actual. Starting with my minor league research, we look at the Hounds Actual General Manager, @Berocka. Berocka for starters is the most active member of the Hounds discord, more than the believed GM @GustavMattias. He has a positive impact on all members of the team, beloved by rostered and alumni players alike. Gustav on the other hand, is a point of ridicule from all who come in contact with him, and even managed to inspire multiple revolutions against him. In an attempt to mask his clear shortcomings to the esteemed Berocka, he has levied claims of “racism” and “not being real” against him. These campaigns have had varying levels of success, but Berocka, being the Actual General Manager that he is always manages to take back to lockeroom. In fact, he’s even taken the channel that he does all the Actual General Manager work and made it appear that he’s doing the work for Gustav in order to quell his rantings, naming it “AGM Slave Work”. To further this research we come to my own role, as the Actual General Manager of the New York Americans. You can ask anyone of this fact, and they will tell you right away that I hold the team over @Esso2264. Specifically @HulkHogan and @Dil have been adamant about spreading this truth to the league. Even Esso himself has said that his AGM (Actual General Manager) does all the work, stating “all I know is I don’t GM and it’s my AGM”. Even roles generally thought to be handled by the GMs are carried out by the Actual General Manager, with myself doing lines more often than not (and successful lines mind you). I rest my case. What more proof is needed? Clearly AGMs are running their respective teams throughout the league while the GMs reap the credit. Actual General Managers will no longer be FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY by GMs, and will instead be given the true respect and recognition they deserve. Due to these undeniable truths, I propose that AGMs deserve their own color on discord. That is all. For legal purposes and so that I do not get fired this is all satire and jokes I’m legally bound to make these statements none of the people named in this article have done anything to implicate themselves I’m bullshitting a disclaimer to hit word count thank you very much. Oh and also I’m going to ping @ShawnGlade because he needs to let the boys know what’s good. 502 words

I’ll apply

So berockas hiring a new AGM?

Real sad hours PC 1. After a hard-fought series, the Bears come out ahead in Game 7. How do we feel about the series? 2. With the season officially over, it's golf season. Who's the best golfer on the team? 3. Is it better to lose to the cup champs or watch the team that beat you also lose it all? 4. What do you want to improve in the offseason? 5. What are you most excited about for S70? 6. How was everyone's New Year's?

4 pls

Welpfare