twists

Queefson ready to retire in order to get pension
 
Eric Queefson has reported today that he "can't wait" to hit 700 TPE. We thought that was odd as players should have no sense of what TPE means, but Queefson seems to very much be in the know. He said, "yeah I hate making my creator do PTs, so I'm hoping to notch 700 TPE and retire to get 1/2 players needed for the VHL pension". We asked him why he would cut his career short like that for something known as a "VHL Pension", but he did not offer any further comment. We aren't completely sure what is happening, but it appears that Queefson has broken the third wall. The VHL has launched an internal investigation into how a player has learned about "point tasks" and "TPE". @Josh was quoted saying, "These are just stats on a spreadsheet, how the fuck have they become self aware?". This has become a very real threat to the VHL as a whole. If our players suddenly have sentience, what would happen if they stopped playing and created their own VHL? We'd have to start over completely and create a new VHL-verse.
 
Happy birthday Josh, and happy birthday me

Today, Toronto decimated Los Angeles in a lopsided victory to win the North American Conference finals. The final score was 6 - 2 with an outstanding performance by Mac Atlas who scored 1 goal and 4 assists. Toronto really spread around the goals this game with no players scoring more than one. There were 6 goals all by unique players. This wasn't by accident as Toronto had 49 shots to Los Angeles' 33. Hopefully Toronto can pull of a Continental Cup!

Queefson ready to retire in order to get pension
 
Eric Queefson has reported today that he "can't wait" to hit 700 TPE. We thought that was odd as players should have no sense of what TPE means, but Queefson seems to very much be in the know. He said, "yeah I hate making my creator do PTs, so I'm hoping to notch 700 TPE and retire to get 1/2 players needed for the VHL pension". We asked him why he would cut his career short like that for something known as a "VHL Pension", but he did not offer any further comment. We aren't completely sure what is happening, but it appears that Queefson has broken the third wall. The VHL has launched an internal investigation into how a player has learned about "point tasks" and "TPE". @Josh was quoted saying, "These are just stats on a spreadsheet, how the fuck have they become self aware?". This has become a very real threat to the VHL as a whole. If our players suddenly have sentience, what would happen if they stopped playing and created their own VHL? We'd have to start over completely and create a new VHL-verse.
 
Happy birthday Josh, and happy birthday me

I don't know about you all but my favourite time of year to be a VHL member is the holidays. From the charity drive to the auctions to the free TPE everyone loves the holidays in the VHL!
 
This is officially the fourth year we've done this after @Banackock originally suggested it back in 2019 and we've chosen, as you can see above, Doctor's Without Borders to receive our charity donations for this year. This is, of course, just our league-supported charity. As always, you are free to donate your funds to any registered charity anywhere in the world and count it towards the auction and our total numbers; all we ask is a screenshot proving the donation (though please remember to redact any personal information). 100% of the money raised by the league will be donated to Doctor's Without Borders, and the VHL will not take any cut. On top of that the league has decided to once again match up to $1000 when the final donation is put in. That means if you all donate $2500 total we'll put the donation up to $3500!
 
In addition to the Donation Drive, we will also kick off our Charity Auction and 12 Days of Christmas. How will it all work? Essentially the same as past years, but here are the exact details for each portion of our holiday season for 2023:
 
Charity Drive: December 12th - 24th
Starting tomorrow members can begin donating. Whether you do so through the league, by donating HERE, privately to DWB, or any charitable foundation of your choosing (receipt proof required for donations made outside the league), it will all count towards the overall contribution from the league. From that overall contribution, the league will match donations up to $1000 CAD, and add that to the donation made through the league.
 
Please post all confirmations of donation, including Paypals through the league, auction wins, and private donations to THIS THREAD. Any donation of $5 CAD, or more, will result in an automatic personal reward of 2 Uncapped TPE + a Full Free Week (12 Capped TPE), as well as an entry to each of the first 3 tiers of the 12 Days of Christmas Raffle.
 
Like past years as well we will be accepting blood donations in the charity drive. Blood is in high demand all year round, but especially at this time. Give the gift of life to someone. If you schedule and follow through with an appointment to donate blood that will count the same as a $5 donation and have the same rewards outlined above and below. For proof just post a photo from during your donation, it doesn’t need to include your face if you don’t want it to, a shot of the machine or your arm or whatever is fine, we’ll take your word for it.
 
As this is the season of giving, members may also donate on behalf of one other user.
 
Holiday Charity Auction: December 13th-20th
@Acydburn will be posting the auction items soon but for now the full rules are available here. Go buy something fun offered up by our community members. Auction wins will count as personal donations for the purpose of individual rewards.
 
As always there are some amazing auction items that we're looking forward to this year so it should be fun.
 
12 Days of Christmas: December 13th - 24th
This year’s 12 Days of Christmas will be similar to the last two years, where there will be a daily thread to claim “tickets” into our final raffle, which will be drawn on a live stream. As always the raffle will contain 4 tiers of prizes, with each day contributing to your entry into each tier, as follows:
 
Dec. 13 - 15: Post in the corresponding thread each day for an entry into the Tier 1 raffle (1 ticket gained per day)
Dec. 16 - 18: Post in the corresponding thread each day for an entry into the Tier 2 raffle (1 ticket gained per day)
Dec. 19 - 21: Post in the corresponding thread each day for an entry into the Tier 3 raffle (1 ticket gained per day)
Dec. 22 - 24: Post in the corresponding thread each day for an entry into the Tier 4 raffle (1 ticket gained per day)
 
Number of Winners per tier:
Tier 1: 10 Winners
Tier 2: 5 Winners
Tier 3: 3 Winners
Tier 4: 1 Winner
 
As with all our previous raffles if someone is drawn twice they will be considered as having won the higher tier item and the lower tier will be re-drawn. Users may also claim any tier underneath what they have won if they would rather have that item. No rewards can be exchanged for cash but we will ship worldwide as @Berocka found out to the detriment of the league having to ship a jersey to Australia...
 
Rewards and Donation Milestones
As previously mentioned, there will be personal rewards to those who participate in the charity drive / holiday auction, as well as stretch goals to hit which will result in rewards for the community as a whole!
 
$500 Community Donations: 2 Uncapped TPE for Everyone + @twists will stream a declaration of his love for everyone that's been active in the past week.
$1000 Community Donations: 4 Uncapped TPE for Everyone + @DarkSpyro will perform some Christmas themed metal songs
$2000 Community Donations: PT Doubles Week for Everyone +  @Grape will do a full stream of all the Five Nights at Freddy's games.
$2500 Community Donations: 6 Uncapped TPE for Everyone + @Acydburn will stream something, he just hasn't decided what yet.
$3500 Community Donations: 8 Uncapped TPE for Everyone + @Beketov will once again stream Zoo Tycoon 2 Ultimate (which I'll have to re-install) and name animals after VHL members.
 
Additionally, though not a "stretch goal" in the classic sense, for every $100 donated @eagle_3450 will do a lap of the Nurburgring in BeamNG.drive
 
**Disclaimer: Rewards may only be applied to players created on, or before, December 25th, 2023**
 
Let's do this @Members!

This year the VHL has selected Doctor's Without Borders as its charitable cause for the holiday season! Any donation of $5 or more will be eligible to claim 2 Uncapped TPE + a Full Free Week (12 Capped TPE), as well as an entry to each of the first 3 tiers of the 12 Days of Christmas Raffle.
 
You may donate through the league via our paypal - the same as if you were to make a regular donation to the league. Once your donation has been made, please post your proof in this thread in order to claim your donation perks.
 
You may also choose to donate directly to DWB or any charitable organization of your choosing. Should you donate privately, please post a receipt for proof in this thread, in order to claim your donation perks.
 
All donations through the league will go 100% to the charity. The league will also match up to $1000, total, of all money donated, be it through the league or privately.
 
Additionally if you do not wish to donate monetarily you may donate blood or plasma and post proof of that donation (a photo during the donation will suffice) and you may claim the rewards listed above for that as well.
 
Should the community raise the following amounts, everyone will be eligible to claim the corresponding perks:
 
$500 Community Donations: 2 Uncapped TPE for Everyone + @twists will stream a declaration of his love for everyone that's been active in the past week.
$1000 Community Donations: 4 Uncapped TPE for Everyone + @DarkSpyro will perform some Christmas themed metal songs
$2000 Community Donations: PT Doubles Week for Everyone +  @Grape will do a full stream of all the Five Nights at Freddy's games.
$2500 Community Donations: 6 Uncapped TPE for Everyone + @Acydburn will stream something, he just hasn't decided what yet.
$3500 Community Donations: 8 Uncapped TPE for Everyone + @Beketov will once again stream Zoo Tycoon 2 Ultimate (which I'll have to re-install) and name animals after VHL members.
 
Members wishing to donate for others may do so but for one other user.
 
Happy fundraising!

Sorry it was all supposed to be read in sarcasm. I didn't realize how much shit Moon and others had been getting. Bad timing, and I'm sorry @Moon

Damn why you gotta come in here with your facts lmao

I will tell every member of the VHL that has been active in the past week that I love them live on stream. I don't know how anyone could turn this down

Reasons why Grape should take over as Moscow GM
 
As we all know Spartan is very good at losing and I don't think Putin likes that very much. In a previous article I wrote about why he should be fired. I've found the perfect replacement, I think we should hire Grape. Here are my reasons why:
 
1. He actually wins in the VHLM. Our lord and savior Grape consistently has good results in the VHLM, without having to "rebuild" like our current GM Spartan. Rebuilding is only for losers and thus Grape gains the edge here.
 
2. Grape is seen as a leader in our locker room. Unlike Spartan, Grape provides valuable intel and feedback to players looking to improve. Spartan barely posts anything in our locker room and that leaves it almost completely devoid of activity.
 
3. Grape can actually commit time to the team. Unlike Spartan who holds like 3 or 4 jobs, Grape can focus solely on our team and make sure we have a winning atmosphere. Spartan is currently too busy being Grape's boss to actually run our team properly.
 
@Grape

Reasons why Grape should take over as Moscow GM
 
As we all know Spartan is very good at losing and I don't think Putin likes that very much. In a previous article I wrote about why he should be fired. I've found the perfect replacement, I think we should hire Grape. Here are my reasons why:
 
1. He actually wins in the VHLM. Our lord and savior Grape consistently has good results in the VHLM, without having to "rebuild" like our current GM Spartan. Rebuilding is only for losers and thus Grape gains the edge here.
 
2. Grape is seen as a leader in our locker room. Unlike Spartan, Grape provides valuable intel and feedback to players looking to improve. Spartan barely posts anything in our locker room and that leaves it almost completely devoid of activity.
 
3. Grape can actually commit time to the team. Unlike Spartan who holds like 3 or 4 jobs, Grape can focus solely on our team and make sure we have a winning atmosphere. Spartan is currently too busy being Grape's boss to actually run our team properly.
 
@Grape

Yeah, yeah. I was going for the most blatantly untrue points for humor value

Didn't even use the GOATed argument of finals losses, what kind of journalism is this?

Sim was rigged against me and I couldn't do anything about that. Simmers just hated me that season because I had so much success.
 
 
You have a 3 year lead on me and focus on the other channels. Sorry, I only focus on the team-related channels, not Apex Legends
 
 
It has a name. Use it.

twists just wants him because they both like cartoon pr0n

Lmfao

Reasons why Grape should take over as Moscow GM
 
As we all know Spartan is very good at losing and I don't think Putin likes that very much. In a previous article I wrote about why he should be fired. I've found the perfect replacement, I think we should hire Grape. Here are my reasons why:
 
1. He actually wins in the VHLM. Our lord and savior Grape consistently has good results in the VHLM, without having to "rebuild" like our current GM Spartan. Rebuilding is only for losers and thus Grape gains the edge here.
 
2. Grape is seen as a leader in our locker room. Unlike Spartan, Grape provides valuable intel and feedback to players looking to improve. Spartan barely posts anything in our locker room and that leaves it almost completely devoid of activity.
 
3. Grape can actually commit time to the team. Unlike Spartan who holds like 3 or 4 jobs, Grape can focus solely on our team and make sure we have a winning atmosphere. Spartan is currently too busy being Grape's boss to actually run our team properly.
 
@Grape

🤔

Reasons why Grape should take over as Moscow GM
 
As we all know Spartan is very good at losing and I don't think Putin likes that very much. In a previous article I wrote about why he should be fired. I've found the perfect replacement, I think we should hire Grape. Here are my reasons why:
 
1. He actually wins in the VHLM. Our lord and savior Grape consistently has good results in the VHLM, without having to "rebuild" like our current GM Spartan. Rebuilding is only for losers and thus Grape gains the edge here.
 
2. Grape is seen as a leader in our locker room. Unlike Spartan, Grape provides valuable intel and feedback to players looking to improve. Spartan barely posts anything in our locker room and that leaves it almost completely devoid of activity.
 
3. Grape can actually commit time to the team. Unlike Spartan who holds like 3 or 4 jobs, Grape can focus solely on our team and make sure we have a winning atmosphere. Spartan is currently too busy being Grape's boss to actually run our team properly.
 
@Grape

?
 


 
??????
 
@hedgehog337 I'll pay you a 2nd rounder

Getting too expensive with all that activity and earning, what a big headache for me

I will as always #blamecole

Sorry it was all supposed to be read in sarcasm. I didn't realize how much shit Moon and others had been getting. Bad timing, and I'm sorry @Moon

*angy twists complained here*

Queefson otb when

EVERYONE BLAME @Moon!