Doomsday

You did great Jason, thank you for all of your hard work!

You did great Jason, thank you for all of your hard work!

Unfortunate that this had to happen, but establishing a precedent was absolutely necessary. 

Hi everyone! With S90 coming to a close it signals the end of an era in Davos. When I think about it S82 was a very long time ago, and it's been a blast! Since then there has been one player who has been a fixture in the Davos lineup and was my first ever draft pick, a pick that was acquired by trading away the one and only poopy peepants @JardyB10. With that I am pleased to announce the retirement of James Teekirque's @Mongoose87 jersey number!

The 12th overall pick in S82, James Teekirque quickly made the Davos roster appearing in their first game the following season. While S83 was a rough one in Davos as the tank was on, Teekirque remained optimistic and embodied what it means to play for Davos! Since then Teekirque went onto have a very strong career as they would finish with 245 goals and 330 assists for a total of 575 points in 576 games! Those totals put Teekirque 5th all-time in Davos scoring, 5th in goals, and 7th in assists! Additionally, Teekirque was unstoppable in the playoffs as they would score 42 goals and 48 assists for exactly 100 points in 92 career playoff games, the most goals in Davos playoff history and the 2nd most points! Teekirque played a vital role in the S89 Continental Cup win and was nominated for the Kanou for his efforts. Lastly, while they didn't always have a letter on their jersey, Teekirque was a vital member of the leadership group in Davos, and their presence on the ice will surely be missed. Thank you for everything!

Need more vaguely worded punishment announcements going forward, it gets the forum going.

Unfortunate that this had to happen, but establishing a precedent was absolutely necessary. 

It's weird to be pulling this one out but here we are. This rule has been in place for a number of seasons now and despite it being brought up to us a lot since it's creation (like literally any time a team starts a CPU 9 times...) I don't know if we've handed out a punishment for it since it's creation.
 
However we do expect our GM's to do their jobs and follow the rules and we can't be constantly making excuses for them not doing so. Obviously life happens and sometimes you have an extra bot start or two but we saw some cases this year that we just need to address.
 
For that reason, the draft lottery odds are being adjusted as a form of punishment for Warsaw ( @N0HBDY ) who played their bot goalie 8 extra times and Calgary ( @Ricer13 ) who played their bot goalie 3 extra times. In order to keep things fair to the other teams in the lottery (and not give an advantage to some over the others) we have decided that Warsaw will lose 15% odds of first overall pick and Calgary will lose 5%. This 20% will then be re-distributed as 5% each to the remaining teams in the lottery. That means the lottery odds this season are as follows:
 
1. New York - 25.0%
2. Moscow - 20.0%
3. Malmo - 17.5%
4. Chicago - 15.0%
5. Calgary - 12.5%
6. Warsaw - 10.0%
 
It is the hope of the league that this will be a one time occurrence and that it was simply a mistake on the part of the GM's rather than malicious tanking and no further adjustments to the rules will be made at this time so please don't prove us wrong and have to make this a seasonal thing that we punish more harshly.
 
- @Commissioner

Hello fans, haters and those bored enough to read this letter on Twitter,

I have opened my notes app today (Please check the link in my bio to get an exclusive deal on a new Iphone 23XL Super Pro Limited VHL Edition 4.8TB, while supplies last, please contact your local Apple Orchard for more details) to tell you all about my plans for the coming season. Fear not (or perhaps fear, if you’re into that), I will not be retiring this offseason. I will be coming back for more, and stronger than ever next season. I have been fighting some nagging injuries over the last few seasons, and thanks to the hard work of the folks in the London United organization, I have had an extra long offseason to heal, rejuvenate and train my body to grow even beyond my previous 99 point heights.
 
But, I know that this is the beginning of the end. The deals I have struck with Simon are coming to a close, and after one more demon-infused season, I will be forced to return my soul, which is owed to Lord Simon himself, with imminence. I am afraid that I will soon be no more than a husk of meat and bones. This is the cost of becoming a VHL player, and each player must weigh the value of their soul accordingly. Some get the good end of the deal. They work hard and get just enough attention from their patron to make it to the Hall of Fame, where they are allowed to live alongside their soul and one loved one in the glory of their success and Simon’s goodwill forever. Everyone else must forfeit their soul to the dark overlord and return to the world, a mindless prophet, seeking new and impressionable children to indoctrinate into their blood cult.
 
I can feel my mind tugging me towards a young child. Please keep this in context, I promise I’m not weird, I’m just in a cult. I cannot find them, as if they were in the Latvian 3rd tier league or something. They are completely shrouded in ice dust, and play in a flurry of incomprehensible motion. At the conclusion of S91, my time is up and I must venture forth into the world to find my charge. It will likely take me a few weeks to find and induct them, but soon there will be another loyal servant among us (sus?).
 
I have narrowed down my search a small amount, as I imagine that I am looking for a defender. But something tells me that this isn’t just one defender, but perhaps 2. Or maybe just one particularly large one. I can’t really tell. I feel as though I will need the help of a trusty feline companion to fully uncover this mystery. If anyone knows of a particularly talented hockey cat that I can align my goals with, please contact me in my Instagram DMs, or Saturdays  on Snapchat from 1:00 am to 1:37 am, excluding 1:11 to 1:23 am as that is my designated levitation and sleep paralysis time.


Love,

Landon Wolanin

1. I haven't heard any rumors... all I know is that what's supposed to be two weeks will feel like two months.
 
2. USA! USA!! USA!!
 
3. None of them selected me, so they will all lose. The fact that I probably wasn't eligible is entirely irrelevant.
 
 
1. Which team had the most shocking exit from the VHL Playoffs?
 
2. Why are the New York Americans so cursed?
 
3. What is your favorite Chuck Norris fact?

Hello hello,
 
After putting up an application for the SSK GM job yesterday, Gus and I have made the decision to hire @Berocka! Berocka has experience as a former M GM and has been on our radar for a few seasons now, but waited for the right time to make a return to the VHLM. We're excited to bring back a strong GM to continue to better the VHLM and the Saskatoon organization!
 
Please congratulate Berocka!
 
- @VHLM Commissioner

1. I think the first thing would be to just explore the Portal and forums, get a feel for everything, especially returning members, as a lot has changed over the years. Joining Discord and acclimating yourself with the community is also a great (or terrible depending on who's around) idea.
 
2. Daniel Janser, no doubt about it. Absolutely dominant and consistent throughout his entire career.
 
3. Thankfully, I have not been caught outside in one, but I've had to deal with the aftermath of quite a few of them!
 
1. What's your favorite part of a player's career in the VHL?
 
2. Can you think of a coach in any sport with a shorter reign than Mike Babcock's in Columbus?
 
3. What is a slang word that you can't stand, yet can't stop using?

"What in the wide world of sports is going on here?" says @GoodLeftUndone, the SBA household name who's the last elected MAYOR of Salem. He catches @rory, undoes the noose, and dies. Since stepping down from office, he's been moonlighting as a BODYGUARD, and not a particularly good one either. He's saved only one life this time around, and it's the POTION MASTER.
 
There will be no lynching tonight, but we'll very likely be down to either zero or one Town, all of Coven, and an incredibly suspicious SOUL COLLECTOR. Ptyrell will transform tonight if he targets GLU, but Coven has the majority and knows who to kill. So, we get together and agree that there's no point in continuing.
 
 
CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WINNERS, THE COVEN!
 
 
I'm going to come out and tell those of you still alive that the dead chat consensus is that this wasn't a good game, and I agree. But that's just what happens sometimes. I'd still like to run ToS2 again at some point in the future, because I'm unconvinced that this was a bad game because it was ToS2--there's a mix of things that I'll talk about on Discord if you're curious.
 
But, even though you might not have had the greatest time on earth this time around, thank you as always for being part of it. I don't regret trying--it gave me something to do this weekend (one more negative tomorrow morning, and Covidstav can officially no longer be Covidstav!) and I hope all of you learned a thing or two about the rules and can get excited for a replay at some point in the future.
 
 
Until next time!
 
 
@Adrest245 - RETRIBUTIONIST
@Advantage - SEER
@Alex - PSYCHIC
@Berocka - ILLUSIONIST
@Doomsday - POISONER
@eaglesfan036 - SHROUD
@GoodLeftUndone - BODYGUARD
@jhatty8 - PROSECUTOR
@Lemorse7 - COVEN LEADER
@omgitshim - VIGILANTE
@Ptyrell - SOUL COLLECTOR
@Ricer13 - ADMIRER
@rory - POTION MASTER
@Subject056 - TRAPPER
@vincentlg2007 - SHERIFF

I'm sorry mate 

1. I think the first thing would be to just explore the Portal and forums, get a feel for everything, especially returning members, as a lot has changed over the years. Joining Discord and acclimating yourself with the community is also a great (or terrible depending on who's around) idea.
 
2. Daniel Janser, no doubt about it. Absolutely dominant and consistent throughout his entire career.
 
3. Thankfully, I have not been caught outside in one, but I've had to deal with the aftermath of quite a few of them!
 
1. What's your favorite part of a player's career in the VHL?
 
2. Can you think of a coach in any sport with a shorter reign than Mike Babcock's in Columbus?
 
3. What is a slang word that you can't stand, yet can't stop using?

You did good, kid.

Maybe stop killing him? 🙃

Hi friend, I'm the friendly neighborhood Tavern Keeper! Celebrating a victory beverage with you from our SBA win, and because I knew you'd report being roleblocked so I could confirm my presence with you. Very glad that roleblocking you did not result in your death, however.

True.  
 
Vote @Advantage!

Hi friend, I'm the friendly neighborhood Tavern Keeper! Celebrating a victory beverage with you from our SBA win, and because I knew you'd report being roleblocked so I could confirm my presence with you. Very glad that roleblocking you did not result in your death, however.

I said I wanted to be entertained, not that I wanted you to be smh

Wawa is eternal.

Let's face it, VHL is unreadable at the moment. Every other post/article has a mention of a circus monkey performing an act that has no place in the VHL of today. If you read the official code of conduct, you can find the following part: "Sexual content, including explicit or suggestive references to genitalia and sexual acts, should not be shared or directed toward another user".
 
It is my understanding that the mention of a circus monkey performing a certain act is automatically swapped in when you use a certain s-word, so whoever happens to write the s-word is automatically going to get verbally, mentally, and spiritually assaulted when the league automatically forces you to read the statement about circus monkey doing something so vile.
 
 If you still happen to have the code of conduct open, I encourage you to find the following part: "Additionally, we aim to create an environment that welcomes minors and members who browse the forums or discord during work/school. "  If you now go browse the Media Spot section, you will quickly notice at least five topics with a title that leaves very little to the imagination.  What kind of impact does reading such titles have on the random reader?  I can only speak for myself here, but I sometimes browse VHL with my phone when I am in public places. I have to now think twice if I want to do that.
 
It is fair to say not all the users who created the topics knew that using the s-word could lead to the word being swapped with a disgusting line. However, it is also fair to assume that at least some of the users knew this would happen and they used the word anyway.  
 
The question in my mind right now is: Why is something like this allowed to happen? What happened to the code of conduct? Why is VHL as a league grooming their users into thinking something like this is decent behavior? Fisting can cause serious injuries, and the negative impact mentioned statements have on the reputation of circus monkeys can not be underestimated. Fisting belongs to marriage. Monkeys belong to the wild.
 
It is not a surprise that the hiring thread for moderators was bumped a moment ago. The sheer number of traffic in Discord and in the forum lately has forced many of the moderators to really stop and think: "Is it worth it to push myself to the limit?"  As we now see with the state of the forum,  when the moderation team is burned out - the consequences can be significant.
 
Code of Conduct used to be the crown jewel of VHL, everybody in the league, in their own ways, participated in creating the rules and guidelines that we should all follow to make VHL a nice place to be in. It seems those efforts are now forgotten. VHL of today is a circus with out-of-control monkeys performing foul acts.
 
In solidarity with those who will be fisted in the future after having the misfortune of crossing paths with people who browse VHL - I have written this post while standing up.