The VHL Issue that Needs to be Addressed

[samx 1,095]

not claiming just posting here

 

The vhl is said to be a community safe for all people no matter gender, sexuality, race religion, etc. I however do not see this as being true. I'm here to focus on the one that has affected me most. Gender. It is no secret that the vhl is a majority cis male community. There is little diversity within that range. As a female in the vhl, I’ve slowly started to realize how big of an issue the vhl has with gender. After talking to some of the other few women in the vhl I have realized this is not something that is just affected me.

 

The vhl has a serious issue when it comes to female members being sexualized, objectified, and disrespected by other members of the community. I know multiple cases in the last weeks of this happening and although the action was taken in some cases in other cases it was not taken at all. Just because we are the opposite sex doesn’t mean we want sexual comments to be thrown at us from every which direction. It is not and will not ever be okay. Learn boundaries especially when people tell you to stop. If they say stop just stop it is not that hard to do. If you can’t handle that then you really shouldn't be online because that’s just messed up.

 

I'm sick and tired of seeing other women and myself being uncomfortable and little to nothing being done about it. A verbal warning will not do anything. Things like this should not be tolerated at all no matter how small it may seem to you, you are not the one who has to deal with it mentally. I will gladly talk to the commishs and other runners of the league to help this be changed. I want to stay in the vhl. I love it here but you push members away when they feel uncomfortable because of their gender. There all small actions so many members in this community can take to make it a better place for all.

 

I am not mad but rather disappointed and frustrated with this league with how they continue to handle these things. In a world where there is a push for consent and speaking out there isn't that here. People don't say anything because they know stuff wont be done about it or wont be handled in an appropriate manner. It needs to change. I hope this article can start the conversation of change on this matter. Please reach out to me if you have questions or what to know how to you yourself can make a difference. Thank you for reading.

Edited November 2, 2021 by Brewins15

[Horcrux 322]

BEFORE anyone says soemthing stupid. READ IT, try to UNDERSTAND before opening your mouth. 

Edited November 2, 2021 by Horcrux

[BladeMaiden 1,807]

Just want to go out and say I’ve been asking for representation in the bod for years. I have personally been affected by these issues for years. When I joined I wanted to GM and be a member of the Admins one day because I knew that strong compassionate voices were needed in the VHL so that ALL our members can feel safe.

 

shout out to @Josh and @fishy who were supportive last night when i finally decided to come forward with an issue after years of ignoring things because I didn’t want to make a scene after being told for years i just attract drama.

 

but we need more, because we should have more female members but the end up leaving because of things like this. This is not our culture we are better than this!

Edited November 2, 2021 by BladeMaiden

[Beaviss 4,949]

Unfortunately, things in direct messages cannot be policed in real time but if you report said events to the mod team I'm sure they can look into punishments or help avoid those things in the future. 
 

Unless said event was public and I missed it completely. 

[Horcrux 322]

Just now, Beaviss said:

Unfortunately, things in direct messages cannot be policed in real time but if you report said events to the mod team I'm sure they can look into punishments or help avoid those things in the future. 
 

Unless said event was public and I missed it completely. 

I know personally I have gone to a few staff about stuff that has happened in DMS and nothing has happened. 

so this is not entierly true

[samx 1,095]

3 minutes ago, Beaviss said:

Unfortunately, things in direct messages cannot be policed in real time but if you report said events to the mod team I'm sure they can look into punishments or help avoid those things in the future. 
 

Unless said event was public and I missed it completely. 

I know way too many circumstances where going to someone did absolutely nothing and it was brushed under the rug or called being dramatic etc.

[BladeMaiden 1,807]

5 minutes ago, Beaviss said:

Unfortunately, things in direct messages cannot be policed in real time but if you report said events to the mod team I'm sure they can look into punishments or help avoid those things in the future. 
 

Unless said event was public and I missed it completely. 

Well what about nyko calling me a cougar in gen chat, in the middle of when i was asking not to be harassed? Literally we had a member framing me as an aggressor or cougar while i was unable to respond i was so uncomfortable. 
 

this is just from last night.. 

 

And sure the mods dealt with the first part of what made me uncomfortable but not with the mentality of the other user trying to flip blame on me.

 

this is a culture issue 

[Horcrux 322]

1 minute ago, BladeMaiden said:

Well what about nyko calling me a cougar in gen chat, in the middle of when i was asking not to be harassed? Literally we had a member framing me as an aggressor or cougar while i was unable to respond i was so uncomfortable. 
 

this is just from last night.. 

 

And sure the mods dealt with the first part of what made me uncomfortable but not with the mentality of the other user trying to flip blame on me.

 

this is a culture issue 

that and the fact said member DMD me and someonelese after the fact playing the whoa is me card. which is manipulation

and being told Nyko was not doing anything...

[Horcrux 322]

and if anyone wants to have a SERIOUS conversation about how things can change. then reach out to @Brewins15

Edited November 2, 2021 by Horcrux

[Josh 1,598]

17 minutes ago, BladeMaiden said:

And sure the mods dealt with the first part of what made me uncomfortable but not with the mentality of the other user trying to flip blame on me.

 

Everything that happened last night is still under review. I'm not privy to that discussion but will double check on the mods progress.

[Baozi 1,635]

As it as been my mission and that of the Mod Team's since its inception to create a community safe for all genders, races and sexualities, I am always looking towards making things better. We take all reports seriously and deal with situations with the utmost effort while protecting the privacy of individuals. While we do have a ways to go, I want to note that we are continually looking to break down the barriers and ways of "old thought" that made such issues "ok" in passed eras. Ourselves just like everyone else will always be learning, but if we miss something or are caught unawares, I do apologize but know that we too are learning and continually evolving to protect the community.

 

While all staff are available for anyone to speak to about issues, the Mod team is specifically here to help anyone that has been troubled by any such situation so please let us know what is troubling you. Unfortunately we just cannot see everything that transpires nor can we see DMs or certain chats all the time, so we need your assistance and that of others to let us know where we can be better.

 

Any inquiries and issues, anyone feel free can reach out to me or @fishy or @frescoelmo

Edited November 2, 2021 by tfong

[Horcrux 322]

5 hours ago, Josh said:

 

Everything that happened last night is still under review. I'm not privy to that discussion but will double check on the mods progress.

j

Edited November 3, 2021 by Horcrux

[Josh 1,598]

1 minute ago, Horcrux said:

you have a bunch of males, talking about comments without a female perspective and POV of why what went down was not okay.

thats the thing

 

Not all of the mods identify as male.

[Horcrux 322]

2 minutes ago, tfong said:

As it as been my mission and that of the Mod Team's since its inception to create a community safe for all genders, races and sexualities, I am always looking towards making things better. We take all reports seriously and deal with situations with the utmost effort while protecting the privacy of individuals. While we do have a ways to go, I want to note that we are continually looking to break down the barriers and ways of "old thought" that made such issues "ok" in passed eras. Ourselves just like everyone else will always be learning, but if we miss something or are caught unawares, I do apologize but know that we too are learning and continually evolving to protect the community.

 

While all staff are available for anyone to speak to about issues, the Mod team is specifically here to help anyone that has been troubled by any such situation so please let us know what is troubling you. Unfortunately we just cannot see everything that transpires nor can we see DMs or certain chats all the time, so we need your assistance and that of others to let us know where we can be better.

 

Any inquiries and issues, anyone feel free can reach out to me or @fishy or @frescoelmo

Prove it then. 

Hire a female mod.

[Horcrux 322]

1 minute ago, Josh said:

 

Not all of the mods identify as male.

I understand that, however in many aspects of the league the male POV is in greater number. more voices can not hurt

[Ricer13 2,592]

Sexual harassment comes in all shapes and forms. Any form of it is completely unacceptable. It should be taken seriously in any situation in life. Whether you play pro sports or play virtual games we need to be considerate of other genders, races and sexualities. Anyone who crosses that line should be disciplined and it should be consistent. People need to learn these things are not okay. I have a wife, 5 sisters and 2 daughters, they shouldn’t have to live in a world not being respected and treated equally. I stand by Sam and the women in this league and support any punishment handed out to those who violate the rules of sexual conduct in this league.

[Spartan 3,997]

5 minutes ago, Horcrux said:

Prove it then. 

Hire a female mod.

A cautious note, you don't have to be a girl to understand that being a dick isn't ok. While I'm sure that you're less than pleased that there isn't someone that identifies as a girl on the staff team, it'd be unfair to say that they don't care about a girl's perspective or experiences and take them seriously. 

[Horcrux 322]

3 minutes ago, Spartan said:

A cautious note, you don't have to be a girl to understand that being a dick isn't ok. While I'm sure that you're less than pleased that there isn't someone that identifies as a girl on the staff team, it'd be unfair to say that they don't care about a girl's perspective or experiences and take them seriously. 

I see your point, and i value your position. you have been good to me since I got here. I am not trying to say you dont take it serious

but its also not as easy as "we understand" it just isnt. 

Edited November 2, 2021 by Horcrux

[Spartan 3,997]

Just now, Horcrux said:

I see your point, and i value your position. you have been good to me since I got here. 

but its also not as easy as "we understand" it just isnt. 

Of course, you also want to see clear action. That's probably where your perspective as a member of the league is most important. You've seen twice in as many weeks how a media spot criticizing lacking areas of the league fosters discussion and shines a spotlight on issue. Once by yourself and now by Sam. Just putting stuff out there in public is great, it gives topics the attention they deserve if they aren't receiving them already. 

[Horcrux 322]

4 minutes ago, Spartan said:

Of course, you also want to see clear action. That's probably where your perspective as a member of the league is most important. You've seen twice in as many weeks how a media spot criticizing lacking areas of the league fosters discussion and shines a spotlight on issue. Once by yourself and now by Sam. Just putting stuff out there in public is great, it gives topics the attention they deserve if they aren't receiving them already. 

and thats all I want, I wont speak for Sam

but what I saw last night should have been shut down sooner by Staff of the discord. thats my opinion. Im glad a dialouge is happening. and thank you for being respectful and clear 

Edited November 2, 2021 by Horcrux

[Horcrux 322]

18 minutes ago, Tate said:

Hi everyone,

 

Being that I was at the center of the problem last night, I just want to clarify a few things that were alluded to above.

 

One of the things mentioned by Horcrux was having mods stop the conversation right away, well that happened. I only made one inappropriate comment to Blade last night before it was met with push back, and I did not say anything further to Blade other than how sorry I was and that I hoped she would find it in her heart to forgive me. I felt terrible last night knowing that was how Blade felt and it truly bothered me to my core. I barely slept and my chest is still tight with anxiety because of what happened. I deeply regret making the joke because I greatly enjoyed having Blade as my friend and knowing that she is no longer is such a terrible consequence, just an absolute awful feeling.

 

When I saw this post go up my heart sank because I knew my role in it, and in my defense, context matters:

 

 

 

 

 

Those are just some of the messages you can search for in the VHL discord and there is a lot more in DM's between Blade and I, because for the past two years I have openly (and jokingly) professed my love for Blade on a number of occasions. All of that was meant in good fun as I am a big fan of BladeMaiden as a person and always try to support her as best as I can. I had no idea she was uncomfortable until last night so now that I know, that's that. I understand and accept how she feels. I truly believed at the time that by being playful it would led to Blade and I having a fun back and forth interaction, but I was wrong.

 

I also understand the message in this main post and want to ensure you that I hear you loud and clear. When I logged onto Discord last night for the first time in forever I was just happy to see Blade online. Whatever comment she would have made I would have found a way to twist around into something that I perceived to be playful, because I've always done that with Blade, and Blade only. Like Josh said to me last night, me hitting on Blade was a meme thing, but now it's a no-go.

 

When I messaged Horcrux last night it was to not to play, "woe is me," card but to send this article:

 

https://efl.network/forums/index.php?/topic/20657-top-5-ways-i-would-woo-huddlehussy/

 

Which is also something I wrote in good fun. It's an absolutely ridiculous article but it falls in line with what my perception of fun with Blade was. Perhaps if you could hear me say the words in my voice, instead of reading them, you might feel different? But in the end it doesn't matter. Text is hard to interpret and it's on me to be better in communicating in regards to that. Tough lesson to learn. I am truly sorry Blade. 

 

I'm not looking to debate in the forums and if you wish to DM me, please do.

 

I hope all of you can accept my humble apology as I am genuinely very sorry. 

 

 

 

 

You conveniently also left out the messages where you said the inappropriate comment was "Having fun"

 

And how you messenger both of us saying how sad you are. How hurt you are. 

 

I have screenshots too. They are not mine to share.

 

Give the whole story or none of it. 

Edited November 2, 2021 by Horcrux

[v.2 1,260]

My man’s was down horrendous on the cord

[Horcrux 322]

1 minute ago, Tate said:

 

"for the past two years I have openly (and jokingly) professed my love for Blade on a number of occasions. All of that was meant in good fun"

"I truly believed at the time that by being playful it would led to Blade and I having a fun back and forth interaction"

"Whatever comment she would have made I would have found a way to twist around into something that I perceived to be playful"

"Which is also something I wrote in good fun. It's an absolutely ridiculous article but it falls in line with what my perception of fun with Blade was."

 

It's there.  

And what you perceive to be playful is inappropriate which I and a few other tried to tell you many times last night. 

[Horcrux 322]

Just now, Tate said:

 

Expressing that it hurts to know that I made her uncomfortable and lost a friend is a pretty standard way of saying sorry. Those are true feelings so go ahead and share them. 

They are not mine to share. 

 

You are married and this behavior comes off as creepy and inappropriate. As has been said a few times last night.

Edited November 2, 2021 by Horcrux

[samx 1,095]

48 minutes ago, Tate said:

Hi everyone,

 

Being that I was at the center of the problem last night, I just want to clarify a few things that were alluded to above.

 

One of the things mentioned by Horcrux was having mods stop the conversation right away, well that happened. I only made one inappropriate comment to Blade last night before it was met with push back, and I did not say anything further to Blade other than how sorry I was and that I hoped she would find it in her heart to forgive me. I felt terrible last night knowing that was how Blade felt and it truly bothered me to my core. I barely slept and my chest is still tight with anxiety because of what happened. I deeply regret making the joke because I greatly enjoyed having Blade as my friend and knowing that she is no longer is such a terrible consequence, just an absolute awful feeling.

 

When I saw this post go up my heart sank because I knew my role in it, and in my defense, context matters:

 

 

 

 

 

Those are just some of the messages you can search for in the VHL discord and there is a lot more in DM's between Blade and I, because for the past two years I have openly (and jokingly) professed my love for Blade on a number of occasions. All of that was meant in good fun as I am a big fan of BladeMaiden as a person and always try to support her as best as I can. I had no idea she was uncomfortable until last night so now that I know, that's that. I understand and accept how she feels. I truly believed at the time that by being playful it would led to Blade and I having a fun back and forth interaction, but I was wrong.

 

I also understand the message in this main post and want to ensure you that I hear you loud and clear. When I logged onto Discord last night for the first time in forever I was just happy to see Blade online. Whatever comment she would have made I would have found a way to twist around into something that I perceived to be playful, because I've always done that with Blade, and Blade only. Like Josh said to me last night, me hitting on Blade was a meme thing, but now it's a no-go.

 

When I messaged Horcrux last night it was to not to play, "woe is me," card but to send this article:

 

https://efl.network/forums/index.php?/topic/20657-top-5-ways-i-would-woo-huddlehussy/

 

Which is also something I wrote in good fun. It's an absolutely ridiculous article but it falls in line with what my perception of fun with Blade was. Perhaps if you could hear me say the words in my voice, instead of reading them, you might feel different? But in the end it doesn't matter. Text is hard to interpret and it's on me to be better in communicating in regards to that. Tough lesson to learn. I am truly sorry Blade. 

 

I'm not looking to debate in the forums and if you wish to DM me, please do.

 

I hope all of you can accept my humble apology as I am genuinely very sorry. 

 

 

 

 

I would like to say that although the problem last night played an influence it was not the main reason this was posted