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So after having delicious meatballs and perogies for lunch, I went outside to clean up some twine in the cow pasture. My doggy, Marley, came out with me because she's cool like that. So anyway, I'm minding my own business. taking swipes at the ground with my utility knife. It is 2:30 PM. All the sudden, Marley starts going apeshit at some activity on the other side of the pasture. I look over to see all my cows are running from something; a fat motherfucking orange llama. Now, in the almost 20 years I've lived on the farm, I don't even know if I've ever even seen a llama outage, never mind having one right in the gawd damn cow pasture, WHICH IS SURROUNDED BY ELECTRIC FENCE. But here is this fucking llama, chasing my cows around the pasture.

So I'm like, "Fuck this llama" and I hop on my quad and chase after it. My hope was that once it saw some guy flipping out and driving towards it with a 500lb pound noisy 4x4 John Deere ass-kicking machine, followed by his joyous yellow dog, that it would be like, "Man. I probably shouldn't be here. This seems dangerous, and very out of my element." This did not happen. Instead it was more like, "I'm gonna chase around these motherfucking cows. Fuck these cows. Oh, what's this? Some lunatic trying to interrupt my cow chasing? Fuck him, I'm chasing these cows as much as I possibly can. Fuck that guy, and fuck these cows." So the llama avoided me altogether, hardly even acknowledging the fact that it could get plowed. So while I go back to the yard to retrieve an ideal beating stick, it continued running after my poor cattle, destroying practically every single fence that is within the pasture. Even after I sent several projectiles at this motherfucking llamas head, it simply did not give a fuck. I've never seen an animal ever so determined to do something so unnecessary, with a complete disregard of the pain it was sustaining while doing so.

So to wrap this up quickly, it eventually scared a number of cows to break one section of the fence to exit the pasture, and through random people's fields. So I spent most of the day trying to get a llama to leave my poor moo moos alone, and then had to actually locate where they were all chased to and get them back in. They were super tired, and super rattled, as was I, because I don't know why I didn't just immediately grab a rifle and shoot it in the fucking face. Now six cows are MIA. Quite easily the most catastrophic cow-related incident on our farm ever, and the worst 8 hours I've spent in quite a long time.

So yeah, I fucking hate llamas.

user posted image
Seriously man, go fuck yourself.

/rant

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And I thought I had a shitty day today when some wanker in the car next to me went straight on in a right-turn only lane and decided to ram the side of my car in the process.

 

Fuck Llamas indeed #Alpacas4Life

Edited by XaviYEAH! Woods
4 minutes ago, sterling said:

Should have shot it... Not your fault its on your land

 

I didn't really know how at the time. And even if I had, I still probably wouldn't have risked it. It was all up in the cows' grills, missing badly could have been real bad.

" FUCK EVERYTHING

So apparently my mom neglected to inform me that before the llama passed away, it actually got back into the pasture and fucked up more shit. So now we're missing even more cattle, and I hate everything. GOOD NIGHT! "

  • 3 years later...

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