JigglyGumballs

@Caufieldx9come to Vegas, pls and thank you. Jiggs, LVA AGM

Hey there LoganBogan! Welcome to the VHL! The Las Vegas Aces are a team that prides themselves on helping out new players and making them into the best they can be. We would love to have you as a developmental player on our 4th line as we make a run for the cup this season. We've brought on and developed quite a few waiver players such as yourself over the past few seasons, and many of them have gone in the top 2 rounds of the VHLM and VHL Drafts. While this won't be a season for you to rack up the dazzling stats, you'll be a key depth player on our cup run, and we'll help you set the foundation of your player to become a future star. If you have any questions or need any sort of help, I'd be happy to assist you in any way. Feel free to PM me on the forums or just DM me on Discord at ????????_????#5695! If you'd like to sign with us and join the party in Vegas, please quote this offer and type "Down to get lucky!" Best, Jiggs Las Vegas AGM

D - Roque Davis @Jbeezy76

Hey there TheOGShark! Welcome to the VHL! The Las Vegas Aces are a team that prides themselves on helping out new players and making them into the best they can be. We would love to have you as a developmental player on our 4th line as we make a run for the cup this season. We've brought on and developed quite a few waiver players such as yourself over the past few seasons, and many of them have gone in the top 2 rounds of the VHLM and VHL Drafts. While this won't be a season for you to rack up the dazzling stats, you'll be a key depth player on our cup run, and we'll help you set the foundation of your player to become a future star. If you have any questions or need any sort of help, I'd be happy to assist you in any way. Feel free to PM me on the forums or just DM me on Discord at ????????_????#5695! If you'd like to sign with us and join the party in Vegas, please quote this offer and type "Down to get lucky!" Best, Jiggs Las Vegas AGM

Hey there Trunkxolotl ! Welcome to the VHL! The Las Vegas Aces are a team that prides themselves on helping out new players and making them into the best they can be. We would love to have you as a developmental player on our 4th line as we make a run for the cup this season. We've brought on and developed quite a few waiver players such as yourself over the past few seasons, and many of them have gone in the top 2 rounds of the VHLM and VHL Drafts. While this won't be a season for you to rack up the dazzling stats, you'll be a key depth player on our cup run, and we'll help you set the foundation of your player to become a future star. If you have any questions or need any sort of help, I'd be happy to assist you in any way. Feel free to PM me on the forums or just DM me on Discord at ????????_????#5695! If you'd like to sign with us and join the party in Vegas, please quote this offer and type "Down to get lucky!" Best, Jiggs Las Vegas AGM

Los Angeles, CA With the season starting soon, the LA Stars are expected to make some noise this season. It may not exactly translate to the franchise's first playoff berth, but it's expected that LA will soon start to uncover it's young group of up and coming players through the team's draft and develop approach. A particular player expected to make some noise is none other than defenseman Jiggly Gumballs. Gumballs is going into his sophomore season in the VHL and is expected to breakout as the Star's potential franchise defenseman. With 469 TPA, Gumballs is LA's highest TPA defender. And during his rookie season, he had a respectable 35 points in 72 games with 32 of them being assists. He showed glimpses of his playmaking ability which was prominent during his time in the VHLM, so it's reasonable to say that he is poised for a breakout season. Another area of note is his defensive capabilities. He's already proven to be a very capable defender with 178 hits and 153 shots blocked, and his defensive game is expected to improve even more. Yes he may be poised for a breakout in terms of offensive production, but Gumballs has the potential of becoming a great defensive defenseman in the future. During training camp, he was interviewed about the expectations set out for in the upcoming season as well as what his expectations are for himself: " Yeah, I think that I can do a lot more in terms of helping my team score, and that's something I expect to hopefully achieve this season. The pressure of having a breakout season is not really concerning me much as having a good rookie season was much more stressful than this. During the offseason, I was looking at some game film and just taking notes on what I needed to improve on. And ever since I came to training camp, I've been trying to get better and better. So yeah, hopefully I can make some noise coming into the start next season." (338 words)

13. Get really horny. The horny police will automatically be on your ass as a result and everyone will know that you're the horny guy.

I'm pretty sure that already happened with this season's tourney

?

“Treat your men as you would your own beloved sons. And they will follow you into the deepest valley.” - Sun Tzu The calm before the storm. As the 74th VHL season came to a close, not much was heard from the self proclaimed Prank Master. As he decided to lay dormant for the majority of the season. Now that it was the offseason, a dark storm of despair headed towards Tampere. For the horrors of war - prank war, draws closer. I knew that he wasn't going to be able to take on the entire offseason tournament on his own. Especially since the tourney expanded to 4 teams. No. I needed to gather my forces. The Minott Minnotaurous. A team formed by my own LA teammate Drew Minott. Consisting of the talents of Chris Reynolds, Arthur Dayne, Darius Marimoto, James Rose, legendary door opener Trent Gibson, and more. A small army would be formed, and they would wage war on the newly renamed Victory ProAM offseason tournament. First were the Montreal Raiders. They were a team that consisted of players I was also familiar with. Lee Xin, Doug Dimmadome, and Riley Knight Gee. The plan was simple. Tape all of their skates. And I mean all of them. I still remember when they played their first game, they would all stumble and fall onto the ice, and they continued to struggle to skate until they all realized what was wrong. It may or may not have caused a blowout game in the process... Next were the Saturn Steelheads. That involved a combination of pouring water to some of the sticks, and completely wrapping the entire stick with multiple layers of hockey tape. It was probably one of the most time consuming one, and we also made sure to do this to ALL of the Steelheads' sticks. The match would end up being over an hour late since the Steelheads took a long, long while for them to remove the pranks we did. Finally, it was time for the Victoria Monarchs. This one was probably the most colourful. Sticky notes filled the locker room, covered the jerseys, the helmets, and even underneath the seats. What's worse was that people's bags were filled with their individual glitter party. The glitter wasn't ultra fine or anything, but it was still a hassle to deal with. I also personally filled @PatrikLaine's car with fart spray. I did give him a bunch of air fresheners though. All in all, it was fun getting the Minnotaurous involved with my schemes. It made pranking the other teams much, much more easier. Though the catch was that we sucked in the tournament, as the teams probably put two and two together and probably wanted our heads. At least we only did the pranks once and didn't do them on a daily basis. This was coming out of my wallet afterall. Anyways, after staying quiet for so long, I wanted to come back to the pranking scene with a bang, and so I did. The pranks were never elaborate, but they were effective, and that is the important part of pranking. It being effective. Also you're welcome to my fellow Minnataurous teammates for lending you my abilities to sneak into locker rooms. (I am not mentioning everyone I mentioned here lol. Also 553 words)

Las Vegas Aces Press Conference 11/16 - 11/22 Answer these questions for 2 Capped TPE 1) As the start of S75 draws closer, how excited are you to start the new season? 2) What are your early playoff predictions? 3) What do you normally do each week in terms of TPE earning? How do you manage to keep it consistent? 4) How many points do you think you are going to get this season? 5) How do you feel about the new Junior team system? What do you think it'll be like for players if they do play in Juniors? 6) Any fun childhood memories you like to share?

F - Mikko Lahtinen @MexicanCow123

Taco Bell Hall sounds like a toilet emporium

Can we get Pines to be Time Magazine's Person of the Year already?

I do like the ideas given, but the Juniors is a way for teams to actually have room to sign new players rather than not having any. It's a sorta failsafe incase teams do fill up again. The reason as to why I do like the juniors a lot is that not only does it fill the needs of having enough space for new players, but it also uses a system already built into the sim engine. Now I'm not sure how much more work it gives to the simmers but I assume that it's going to be less than actually holding a tournament. I do think that being sent to a junior team is a bit off-putting for new players, but it also gives an opportunity for them to slowly learn the process more easily since they are part of a junior team. It is the first season that this is being implemented afterall, and we'll all get a better understanding of how things go hopefully by the trade deadline or the end of the season. I think the main point of juniors is giving teams space so that they can keep signing new players if need be.

Because I wanna see how dumb the article can be so I can maybe think of something even more dumb ?

Review: This article is honestly great. There aren't a lot of people who go around and put the effort on making an article about a specific day. My only issue is the rather long paragraphs, but otherwise I really enjoy the perspective you give as well as a good narrative. Also you should totally use this as a short story for like English lol. 9/10

Review: I really like the concept of detailing future breakout stars for the VHLM. I don't too many media spots actually putting those players in the spotlight. I really suggest doing one for the VHL as well if you can. The formatting is also really good and easy to read. My only suggestion is to add a little more colour to make things pop a bit more. Otherwise really good read! 9/10

Halifax anyone?

Josh ruined it

FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY

Wait I haven't kept my word yet FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY