Garsh

Quite the scandalavia

Teno and Kardashian on the same team, what sort of unholy alliance is this?

Hello VHL,
 
Not even gonna bother with a members tag on this one since it's pretty minor stuff but for the sake of transparency I'm announcing it anyway; the @BOG is still tackling bigger problems but we do love to discuss random small stuff too.
 
First up, goalies are just too damn good! Okay that's a bit of an exaggeration but because goalies weren't touched when we nerfed the meta and skaters got a bit worse they have been running away with things a bit more than historically. Save percentages have been climbing, Playoff MVP is almost a foregone conclusion, etc. We could change this with huge sweeping changes to goalie stats and adding hybrid attributes and all that, and that's still on the table for testing as a future option, but it's a bit more complicated than what we realistically need right now. From our testing we can bring goalie stats back down to more of historical averages, without making scoring go too insane, by simply adjusting the goals slider inside the sim. This means the amount of shots won't increase (at least not substantially anyway) but the amount of goals will. As always we aren't going to publicly reveal what our slider settings are but we felt like the league should at least know it's getting adjusted so they aren't confused as to why scoring increases. The slider change will impact all 3 levels of the VHL so the VHLE and VHLM will get it as well for consistency.
 
Second, and this one honestly doesn't come up a ton but it's best to get it in writing: We are formalizing that during the week you re-create you are allowed to max earn (that's 12 capped TPE per week) on both your retiring player and your new player. The caveat to this is that you still cannot claim the same task multiple times. So for example if you have job pay and a media spot on your retiring player in a given week and you re-create you cannot claim that same job pay or media spot on the new player. You can write a new media spot, it doesn't need to be a different kind of task, but it needs to be a new task. Does that make sense? We've kinda been doing this for a bit anyway but there was some confusion around it so we figured it was best to clarify. Also, before anyone asks, for multi-week claims you can still use the same task but need to use a new claim week. So for example if you have a 2000 word media spot and you claim week 1 on your retiring player you can claim week 2 during the same week on your new player and then have 2 weeks left. Each claim effectively is just treated as a new task, the same as it is any other time.
 
Like I said, minor stuff but there it is, enjoy.
 
 - @Commissioner

AMERICAAAAAAAA, F*CK YAAA!
 
    My apologies for a late announcement but I am currently vacationing in Hawaii!!!! So I’m gunna get straight to the point cuz we all know this is the roster to beat this season. It’s my pleasure to welcome the following legendary USA players who will be representing our country for the World Cup….
 
F - Daryl Dixon @Ricer13
F - Jimi Jaks @ke1vi
F - Mac Atlas @v.2
F - Napoleon Dynamite @thadthrasher
F - Dogwood Maple @dogwoodmaple
F - Lucas Grey @emidas
 
D - Jacob Stone @scoop
D - Skor McFleury @Alex
D - Mark Calaway @Beketov
D - Kronchy Kardashian @Garsh
 
G - Jesse Teno @aimkin
G - Matt Murdock @Acydburn
 
Thank you all for your patience! Come join the LR if you haven’t already https://discord.gg/cjG9xszw

Daryl Dixon has accepted a Signing Offer from Helsinki:

S94: $2,000,000

Fuukka Rask has accepted a Signing Offer from Helsinki:

S94: $2,000,000

grats DC

Teno needs to be tested for drugs

Teno needs to be tested for drugs

Teno needs to be tested for drugs

Rick Grimes (tinafrombobsburgers) has announced their retirement.

GG London!

gg london

The purpose of the rule, at least the way I see it, is to not give teams with only one goalie a distinct advantage over teams with 2. Let's say I have a 1000 TPE starter and a 400 TPE backup. Obviously, I would want to play the 1000 TPE goalie way more games because that gives my team a better chance to win, but the user with the 400 TPE goalie ends up getting completely shafted by not getting a single game, likely leading to a negative experience and eventually leave the league. Removal of the rule would discourage teams from acquiring a backup because then nobody ends up getting shafted and the team gets to rock 72 games with their starter, leading to a fair amount of active goalies sitting in free agency. Having the rule allows for active backups to actually get signed and play, whilst at the same time stopping one goalie teams from having an advantage over the two goalie teams.

1.  If you were going to put all your TPE into one hybrid attribute which would it be?
Off the top of my head it would either be DK or SH but DK gives defense so I would lean towards that.
 
2.  What is your least favourite way to earn TPE?
Clicking that pension button!
 
3.  Would you prefer longer playoffs? Only 1 simmed game a day to keep the hype going?
I honestly like how we handle it now, get it out of the way if the two teams aren't close but then string it out if there is a close fight.
 
4.  What are your favourite colour combinations? 
Not something I think about a lot, but maybe something like a bright orange and teal?
 
5.  If you could live in any other decade which one would you pick and why?
I'm not sure I really know, maybe in a future decade if we get all our shit figured out?
 
6.  What is your favourite flavor of Slurpee?
I wouldn't be able to tell you the last time I had one, ill just say like strawberry or something.

To be honest, this isn’t even as impactful as some Louth Rule punishments IMO. The punishment here is a slap on the wrist for a class where there’s very much a top 2. Whether that’s appropriate is up to opinion. 
 
The VHL will always have shady GM tactics, whether we’re talking this or trying to fleece new GMs or tampering or even weird borderline insider trading policy change proposals that we have to look out for in BoG. So even though not everything will be caught all the time, I’m glad that there’s some effort made to keep it in line. I’m sure that stuff happened in more places than just Seattle this season, and I’d understand if that’s a reason to keep it mild, but we as players should also be doing our best to make sure we get the playing time we deserve and speak up when necessary. 

Well, its officially the off-season for some while others still hunt for Cup glory.  The VHLE season is over, the Pro-am is gearing up, and I try and slog my way through another Around the League in 500 words segment.  
 
NINEFINGERS WINS A CUP
My player, Logan Ninefingers finally was able to hoist a Cup in the VHLE for the Bratislava Watchmen.  Logan has been in three straight cup finals starting with his re-create season (S90) with the Miami Maurauders where he lost the Cup in game 7.  
 
His next full season in the VHLM was with the Philadelphia Phantoms where he not only enjoyed a 64 goal season but his club made it to the Cup finals once again, only to lose again.
 
Finally, this season despite only decent offensive output he was able to fill a role and win the Renaissance Cup!  He will take it!  Ninefingers had a great time with Bratislava with an active LR and some fun players.  He learned one fact in Bratislava too…. That he wants to win more cups!!   
 
What’s next?  Logan is preparing his bags for the long flight to his hometown of Seattle to see family and friends for a short time before making the 2-hour drive north to Vancouver.  Ninefingers told friends that he wants to get to Vancouver early along with Riley Martin @Smarch, Guntis Gavilrovs @Girts, and fellow Watchmen teammate Vlad Von Carstein @Dom to start hitting the gym to get ready for the show.  It is rumored that he has buried the hatchet with VHLE rival and monster of a Dman, Gavilrovs.  It was scary enough to see these two play against each other, we can only imagine how scary it will be now that they play together and like each other.
 
These four rookies join a Vancouver club with some hungry young talent and one of the best defensemen in the league in Liv Slater @Subject056 and a unshakable goalie in Dalkr Vidarsson @KaleebtheMighty.  
 
HELSINKI DEFENSIVE TRIBUTE
Helsinki has come out to a 3-1 lead over a very tough London club.  London has a scary as hell offense so the fact that the Titans have been able to stop them defensively is a remarkable achievement.  Must give tons of credit to their defensive core and most notably my former teammate, Pierre Emile Bouchard @Gaikoku-hito.  PEB is 5th in scoring with 18 points and has blocked 28 shots.  This is PEB final season, and he’s had a great career.  Not only an award-winning player but a great locker room asset to any team.  Next in line is my favorite Kardashian, Kronchy @Garsh.  KK is shot blocking beast (34) and despite his small size he plays a mean game.  YaBoi Oven @Doomsday, the first overall pick in S90 can also do it all.  He’s been rock steady all season, hitting, fighting, and scoring.  He has shutdown talent that can lead the PP.  I anticipate lots of individual trophies in his future. 
 
Not to be overlooked on defense either is the bone crushing hitter Tommy Sleeves @dasboot.   Sleeves is a monster defensive defenseman that tips the scales at 250lbs.  He leads the playoff in hits (51) and has been great this playoff at shutting down opposing teams’ offense with little or no fanfare.  He shows up every night and plays a hard game for his team.  
 
Best of Luck Helsinki 

1.  If you were going to put all your TPE into one hybrid attribute which would it be?
Off the top of my head it would either be DK or SH but DK gives defense so I would lean towards that.
 
2.  What is your least favourite way to earn TPE?
Clicking that pension button!
 
3.  Would you prefer longer playoffs? Only 1 simmed game a day to keep the hype going?
I honestly like how we handle it now, get it out of the way if the two teams aren't close but then string it out if there is a close fight.
 
4.  What are your favourite colour combinations? 
Not something I think about a lot, but maybe something like a bright orange and teal?
 
5.  If you could live in any other decade which one would you pick and why?
I'm not sure I really know, maybe in a future decade if we get all our shit figured out?
 
6.  What is your favourite flavor of Slurpee?
I wouldn't be able to tell you the last time I had one, ill just say like strawberry or something.

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND - 
 
Heads were turned in the hockey world yesterday as an old agency rumored to be defunct made the surprise announcement that they were taking on a new player. The Will Agency (WA), an old agency that represented previously a couple of high profile players before hitching their wagon to a series of relative failures, announced yesterday that they would be representing up-and-comer Tommy Shelby of Birmingham. 
 
In a statement to press, WA spokesperson Robert Roberts had this to say:
 
"We're pleased to make a return to the VHL landscape. On account of our disgust with the poor performance of our most recent client, we needed to take some time to regroup as an organization. We made the not so difficult decision to fire all of our scouts and spent the ensuing months investing heavily in AI and data analytics. Today we are confident that we are  the most cutting-edge and sophisticated agency in the market with 100% of our decisions being made by AI. We hope to make an impactful return to the league and our AI is confident that Tommy Shelby is the man to do it." 
 
While it remains to be seen what kind of an impact the 22 year-old Tommy Shelby will have, the performance of  WA's more recent clients casts significant doubt on the agencies judgement. Let's have a look at WA's previous clients. 
 
[The Original] Don Draper (S38) - A chronic underachiever that never won a cup and whose only real accomplishment was a couple of Top Leader awards, Don Draper was a stalwart force on the Helsinki blue line for a few competitive seasons. 
 
Aleksi Koponen (S45) - Aleksi Koponen was a tough 2-way forward who, unlike Draper, did manage to pick up some hardware. Koponen helped lead Helsink to back-to-back cups is Seasons 45 and 46. Later in his career, he led the league in points with Calgary in Season 51.
 
John Locke (S53) - Known for not spending much time training, John Locke somewhat ironically became WA's greatest success and racked up an impressive awards cabinet. In the VHLM he led the league in Goals, Assists and Points in a single season. He earned Top Rookie upon his entry to the VHL and went on to win 4 Continental Cups with Riga and Helsinki. He led the league in goals twice and took home an MVP and a playoff MVP. 
 
Ho Lee Fook (S54) - Ho Lee Fook had a long career, won a cup and put up some decent numbers....in the VHLM. He just never quite made it to the big leagues. 
 
Will Clarke (S69) - A low impact player, Clarke managed to ride the coat tails of better players to win 3 Continental Cups with 3 different teams but spent most of his time on the bench and contributed little.  
 
Commodus (S81)  - A total failure, Commodus played a season of VHLM in Yukon. During his time in the North, Commodus developed an irrational hatred of ice and determined he could never step foot in a rink again. 
 
In time, we'll find out if Tommy Shelby will be a John Locke or a Commodus. 
 

Lambs aren't goats, they are sheep smh.

Lambs aren't goats, they are sheep smh.

Hello and welcome to one of my most unhinged projects yet. I have scoured through the VHL archives to identify every single instance of a repeated last name in history, the sole criterion being that the players made it to the VHL (i.e. VHLM and/or VHLE lifers are excluded). This also means that whilst the list includes all active VHL players as of S92, it doesn't include anyone who is about to come up to the big leagues or has announced their draft eligibility.
 
268 repeat last names were identified throughout VHL history and then sorted to identify the most common last name in the VHL's storied past. But since the work was done to identify each name, I will make it a countdown from names used twice all the way to the all-time leader at 12. Behold.
 
 
Names used 2x in VHL history
188 names have appeared twice in the past and whilst the list is copied in below, I won't dwell on it for too long. This section contains Hall of Famers and completely forgotten journeymen, it has brothers, fathers and sons, and even families separated by multiple generations. Most frequently, it contains completely random and coincidental repeats, separated by as many as 90 seasons. There are two facts of most interest in this category:
 
Two names have a 100% Hall of Fame success rate – Sterling (father) and Alexander (son) Labatte, as well as the Clegane brothers
There has twice been a pair of Mario and Luigi in the VHL – the Linguinis and the De Rossis
 

 
Names used 3x in VHL history
55 more names added to the list in this category which doesn't really have any fun tidbits to pull out – seems to be a higher proportion of recognisable names than in the first section. What this exercise has been actually helpful in is identifying some duplicates I had in the all-time stats spreadsheet from the 60s. Not sure how those happened but they're gone now.
 
Perhaps one other thing worth mentioning is that in addition to the two Ryans in the above 2x list, there was also a man simply named Ryan in the VHL at one point. Unfortunately that Ryan counts as someone with a last name so the Ryans do not manage to make the cut for the 3x list.
 

 
The Top 24
 
We are now in the top end of the ranking, as at 4 appearances each, the pool dwindles considerably. There are 13 names which show up exactly 4 times:
The Bakers (Abel, Joseph, Patrick, and Shane)
The Carters (Alex, Donny, Jared and Jared the 2st (sic))
The Clarkes (Daniel, Dean, Jon, and Will) – two of whom, Dean and Will, are unrelated but were both of the cup-winning S70 Moscow squad
The Downeys (Bahr, Jeff (both the S1 and much more successful S68 incarnation) and the original Jeff's brother Ryan)
The Eagles (two Gregs, Henry, and Tom) – brought to us exclusively by @Greg_Di. Greg Eagleowski sadly doesn't make the cut.
The Funks (brothers and Builders Dust'n and Raymond and decades later playoff hero Rayz and the less notable Frank Jr)
The Kings (Kevin, Markus, Roctrion, and Thomas)
The Komarovs (Evgeni, Pavel, Sergei, and Vladamir) – also the sole work of one man, @Gooningitup
The Matthews (Anthony, Luke, Mitchell, and Wesley)
The Millers (Alec, Jackson, MF Percy, and Nicholas)
The Syndergaards (two Aksels, Thomas, and Tomas)
The Williams (AJ, Justin, Robinson, and Tyrone)
and the Youngs (Alex, Christopher, Naomi, and Zachary)
 
5 names then, fittingly, show up 5 times over the years:
Davis (David, Finn, Jake, Jasper, and Roque) – almost entirely hauled up the list by @Josh's obsession with the name
Hamilton (brothers Phil, Jeff, and David (Phil and Jeff making the Hall) and also the lesser-known Drew and Josh)
Knight (Blake, David, Jordan, Ricky, Steven) – remarkably only once used by either @Phil or David @Knight – the actual Knight brothers choosing to be Hamilton brothers in the VHL instead
Reinhart (Asher, Jerome, Reylynn, Tobias, and Tyler all being prominent in the 80s)
Tremblay (Dan, Danny, Pierre-Marc, Steve and the man himself (not really), Simon Tremblay)

 
Then in joint fifth place...
6 Hunters (Alyksander, Blade, Braxton, JaKobe, Jeff, and Kurtis)
6 Jokinens (Alvaro, David, Diego, Erlantz, Fabio, and Fernando) – courtesy of the Finnish fiends @Ahma and @jRuutu
6 Smiths (Cody, Jacob, Josh, Lucas, Steve, and Trevor) – all extremely forgettable just like the name

 
In joint third place we have the Wilsons (Aaron, Al, Connor, Dusty, Jesse, Josh, and Wade), 7 completely unrelated and largely irrelevant players, and the Gow brothers (@Fire Tortorella and @eaglesfan036) who have brought 7 Gows (Austin, Bernie, Jeff, Jim, Robert III, Robin, and Shayne) to the VHL before branching off into more creative names.

 
Jones is the second most popular last name in VHL history with 9 players (Bob, Casey, Dallas, Dan, Davey, Jay, Kered, Mason, and Ty) over the years. Davey Jones as part of the 30s Dynamo and Casey Jones who had a Labatte-winning rookie season in S57 and then was part of the USA's most prolific World Cup years are easily the most successful of the Joneses.

 
Clear at the top it's the Johnsons though – 12 of them specifically. We've had Bossman, Brent, Gabrial, Gabriel, Kobe, Leroy, Michael, Miles, Phil “The Rock”, Regie, Reid, and Ricky. Yes I was also hoping for a more impressive list but Michael and Phil have definitely elevated the Johnsons' profile in more recent season and Kobe is active in the VHL as we speak. Will anyone catch them? Only time will tell.

1.  Did you watch the NHL All-Star festivities?
I did not, been kinda checked out from the NHL for a couple seasons now.  I need to pick it back up here in the last bit of the season since the Avs are doing good.
 
2.  What did you think of the All-Star Theme Week?
Head empty no thoughts since I never do Theme Week.
 
3.  Should the league bring back the All-Star Game or even an All-Star Tournament?
I'm pretty indifferent, it depends on who has to run it and sim it since those types of people deserves the break that the off-season brings.
 
4.  Are you a shoe person?  Do you like to mix it up or buy 3 pairs of the same shoe cause they work?
I'm not, outside of if I am dressing up I wear the same pair every day until i get new ones.
 
5.  Do you have siblings?
Yes I have 2 sisters, well actually they are half sisters but we have never really referred to ourselves as such.
 
6.  What in general does the VHL need more of?
I'm not sure, maybe the league needs more KRONCHY!