Being a Girl in the VHL

[Gustav 6,405]

Great article! I like to think a vast majority of people in the VHL are nice and will treat you (and anyone else) with respect. Obviously I don't have the experience of being treated differently in these online settings, but I've heard a lot of stories from a lot of people and I'd absolutely feel weird if people started getting confrontational/scared/overly nice/mean/creepy/whatever else based on something entirely out of my control.

 

I think this is a great topic to bring attention to and a great thing for just about anyone to read because online culture in general has needed a change for a long time. We're getting there but there's still certainly work to be done.

 

With that said, though, this is something I didn't know before and I have a lot of respect for the fact that you're choosing to be open about it.

[Andre LeBastard 112]

@Brewins15

 

Hi,

 

First of all, I want to acknowledge what you have taken the time and courage to share here. The last thing I want to do is hijack your thread, but I would like to mention that as a black man, particularly in what is seen as a predominantly white and male sport, you could really substitute 'woman/girl' for 'black person' and the article would remain just as valid for me and for my experiences, virtually without changing anything else.

 

I have played more than a few online games covering a couple sports (football, hockey & soccer) for many years. This (vhl), is the first time I have discussed my race with anyone over that span of time. Mostly for precisely the same reasons as you. I find the parallels fascinating, however, I wont go into discussing this too deeply, as I don't want to distract from the powerful message you have shared. 

 

Fortunately, you seem to have found a warm and welcoming community here, as much as I have so far and hopefully both of us (and others), will continue to do so. The people here whom I have shared time with, have given me hope that we can have a safe, fun and inclusive environment made all the richer for the diversity.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience, for me it was evocative, speaking to something that has been in my mind for a long time. 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 8, 2020 by Andre LeBastard

[samx 1,173]

47 minutes ago, Andre LeBastard said:

@Brewins15

 

Hi,

 

First of all, I want to acknowledge what you have taken the time and courage to share here. The last thing I want to do is hijack your thread, but I would like to mention that as a black man, particularly in what is seen as a predominantly white and male sport, you could really substitute 'woman/girl' for 'black person' and the article would remain just as valid for me and for my experiences, virtually without changing anything else.

 

I have played more than a few online games covering a couple sports (football, hockey & soccer) for many years. This (vhl), is the first time I have discussed my race with anyone over that span of time. Mostly for precisely the same reasons as you. I find the parallels fascinating, however, I wont go into discussing this too deeply, as I don't want to distract from the powerful message you have shared. 

 

Fortunately, you seem to have found a warm and welcoming community here, as much as I have so far and hopefully both of us (and others), will continue to do so. The people here whom I have shared time with, have given me hope that we can have a safe, fun and inclusive environment made all the richer for the diversity.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience, for me it was evocative, speaking to something that has been in my mind for a long time. 

 

 

 

 

YES YES YES I agree completely. However I am not a person of color so I am unable to put that in there because I haven't had to experience that. But I totally agree with and understand what you are saying.  Im so glad that you have also found people accepting of you!!! You being a person of color does not and should not change mine or anyone elses view on you as a person. Thank you for reading and replying this I do appreciate it!!

[Oatex 235]

<3 you all

[ShawnGlade 1,010]

Since there aren't many outed females on the site it's sort of a cool moment, because let's be real, most girls don't partake in an online hockey sim league. Shouldn't be treated any different, but it's cool

 

Anyways, go Bruins!

[Spaz 297]

11 hours ago, Brewins15 said:

honestly they got weirder

I feel personally attacked

[Spaz 297]

Really great article though honestly, I think it will help for other girls to realize that they don't have to be afraid to admit it in the present and future, one thing I love about this league is you can fit in fast without feeling judged, in the vhlm and vhl. 

[TheLastOlympian07 2,388]

a girl and a bruins fan? double whammy.

 

jk about either one. or both? who knows.

 

glad to have you apart of the league.

 

@Victor inb4 this is @Megster

[Baozi 1,658]

As one of the main mods here. I feel that you being able to express this makes everything we as staff are trying to do worthwhile. As we move towards making the community all inclusive and a safe space for everyone at the cost of our own personal time, I can't tell you howmuch it means to us that you feel safe enough to reveal this information. As always we strive to continue to be better, because actions speak louder than words and we will work towards making this a better place. Please feel free to reach out if you have any other suggestions/feedback.

[samx 1,173]

16 hours ago, Spaz said:

I feel personally attacked

You should.

[samx 1,173]

16 hours ago, Spaz said:

Really great article though honestly, I think it will help for other girls to realize that they don't have to be afraid to admit it in the present and future, one thing I love about this league is you can fit in fast without feeling judged, in the vhlm and vhl. 

You said it perfectly!

[samx 1,173]

16 hours ago, ShawnGlade said:

Since there aren't many outed females on the site it's sort of a cool moment, because let's be real, most girls don't partake in an online hockey sim league. Shouldn't be treated any different, but it's cool

 

Anyways, go Bruins!

It should be normalized. Girls shouldn't have to be afraid to do admit it for fear of what others think

[samx 1,173]

4 minutes ago, tfong said:

As one of the main mods here. I feel that you being able to express this makes everything we as staff are trying to do worthwhile. As we move towards making the community all inclusive and a safe space for everyone at the cost of our own personal time, I can't tell you howmuch it means to us that you feel safe enough to reveal this information. As always we strive to continue to be better, because actions speak louder than words and we will work towards making this a better place. Please feel free to reach out if you have any other suggestions/feedback.

Thank you! Appreciate it!

[ShawnGlade 1,010]

33 minutes ago, Brewins15 said:

It should be normalized. Girls shouldn't have to be afraid to do admit it for fear of what others think

For sure, I just meant there aren't many girls on the site that we know of, and since it's a deviation from our average white guy on the site, it's cool. It's like if a member openly came out as gay. It'd be cool because thats different from the majority here, but they shouldn't be treated differently

[Jericho 917]

As I eluded to in my other post, it seems like this community has kept up with the times and has evolved as we've learned more as a society. When I was at my peak as a member here between 2010-2015 we definitely had a culture that wouldn't stand up to today's standards. We weren't blatantly sexist by any means but the culture was very unwelcoming to women and we saw more than one come and go fairly quickly based on the kind of culture we'd developed.

 

It seems like one of our bigger strengths is the staying power of some of our older members. Back in those days it was a core membership group of guys in their teens and early 20s, most of whom didn't have regular exposure to women in social settings. As we got older though and we learned to be better between the ever changing social landscape that has been the last 5 years as well as our own exposure to people outside of our own little micro-cultures it's really clear how the longer standing members are doing a better job of leading by example for the newer members. A decade ago we had a bunch of angsty teenagers who all had some variety of insecurities or self worth issues who lashed out when we were challenged, and a lot of us have grown into 30 year olds who have learned how to treat people who grew up experiencing different conditions.

 

I may not be around as an active member of this community anymore, but I can say this definitively. I regret a lot of the aspects of who I was over the last decade or so, but being a member of this community still holds up. We had flaws the way I had flaws, but we've grown and become better people. We learned from our mistakes, and that's the first step.

 

Btw none of the growing up stuff applies to @Kesler. In my mind he;s still 14 and nothing anyone says will convince me otherwise.

[samx 1,173]

9 minutes ago, ShawnGlade said:

For sure, I just meant there aren't many girls on the site that we know of, and since it's a deviation from our average white guy on the site, it's cool. It's like if a member openly came out as gay. It'd be cool because thats different from the majority here, but they shouldn't be treated differently

Completely agree.

[samx 1,173]

6 minutes ago, Jericho said:

As I eluded to in my other post, it seems like this community has kept up with the times and has evolved as we've learned more as a society. When I was at my peak as a member here between 2010-2015 we definitely had a culture that wouldn't stand up to today's standards. We weren't blatantly sexist by any means but the culture was very unwelcoming to women and we saw more than one come and go fairly quickly based on the kind of culture we'd developed.

 

It seems like one of our bigger strengths is the staying power of some of our older members. Back in those days it was a core membership group of guys in their teens and early 20s, most of whom didn't have regular exposure to women in social settings. As we got older though and we learned to be better between the ever changing social landscape that has been the last 5 years as well as our own exposure to people outside of our own little micro-cultures it's really clear how the longer standing members are doing a better job of leading by example for the newer members. A decade ago we had a bunch of angsty teenagers who all had some variety of insecurities or self worth issues who lashed out when we were challenged, and a lot of us have grown into 30 year olds who have learned how to treat people who grew up experiencing different conditions.

 

I may not be around as an active member of this community anymore, but I can say this definitively. I regret a lot of the aspects of who I was over the last decade or so, but being a member of this community still holds up. We had flaws the way I had flaws, but we've grown and become better people. We learned from our mistakes, and that's the first step.

 

Btw none of the growing up stuff applies to @Kesler. In my mind he;s still 14 and nothing anyone says will convince me otherwise.

Im glad that the platform has grown and changed and become more accepting.

[Jericho 917]

3 minutes ago, Brewins15 said:

Im glad that the platform has grown and changed and become more accepting.

 

Yeah like I said I think we were still ahead of the time for the time, but internet forum culture a decade ago was fucking terrible.

[Baozi 1,658]

30 minutes ago, Jericho said:

As I eluded to in my other post, it seems like this community has kept up with the times and has evolved as we've learned more as a society. When I was at my peak as a member here between 2010-2015 we definitely had a culture that wouldn't stand up to today's standards. We weren't blatantly sexist by any means but the culture was very unwelcoming to women and we saw more than one come and go fairly quickly based on the kind of culture we'd developed.

 

It seems like one of our bigger strengths is the staying power of some of our older members. Back in those days it was a core membership group of guys in their teens and early 20s, most of whom didn't have regular exposure to women in social settings. As we got older though and we learned to be better between the ever changing social landscape that has been the last 5 years as well as our own exposure to people outside of our own little micro-cultures it's really clear how the longer standing members are doing a better job of leading by example for the newer members. A decade ago we had a bunch of angsty teenagers who all had some variety of insecurities or self worth issues who lashed out when we were challenged, and a lot of us have grown into 30 year olds who have learned how to treat people who grew up experiencing different conditions.

 

I may not be around as an active member of this community anymore, but I can say this definitively. I regret a lot of the aspects of who I was over the last decade or so, but being a member of this community still holds up. We had flaws the way I had flaws, but we've grown and become better people. We learned from our mistakes, and that's the first step.

 

Btw none of the growing up stuff applies to @Kesler. In my mind he;s still 14 and nothing anyone says will convince me otherwise.

 

I was 25 a decade ago btw.

[eaglesfan036 4,598]

6 minutes ago, tfong said:

 

I was 25 a decade ago btw.

Boomer

[Fire Tortorella 2,653]

1 hour ago, Jericho said:

We weren't blatantly sexist by any means but the culture was very unwelcoming to women and we saw more than one come and go fairly quickly based on the kind of culture we'd developed.

 

I don't think it's an accident that those who typically stayed around were A+ shit disturbers.

 

Meg

Jamie

Caillean

[Kyle 667]

On 6/7/2020 at 3:20 PM, Victor said:

We have a pretty long history of females here - not many but over a pretty long period of time there's usually been 1 or 2 around in most seasons. It's always been a source of pride for me that the other members here are not fucking animals and I don't recall many incidents over the many years which would suggest otherwise.

 

So I suppose I'm glad that hasn't changed and I hope you continue enjoying your time in the VHL. If anything does come up, please don't hesitate to reach out - we take any incidents which impede members' enjoyment of the league very seriously.

 

Pretty much this, the league's membership has always done their best to not treat any of our women members differently even since we started.

 

I hope you continue to enjoy your experience here.

Edited June 9, 2020 by Kyle

[STZ 5,358]

We’ve come a long way of accusing every female on this site of being Meg..

[Baozi 1,658]

8 minutes ago, STZ said:

We’ve come a long way of accusing every female on this site of being Meg..

 

Or every Asian...Anderson

[samx 1,173]

24 minutes ago, Kyle said:

 

Pretty much this, the league's membership has always done their best to not treat any of our women members differently even since we started.

 

I hope you continue to enjoy your experience here.

Thank you!