fonziGG

I look at everyone's lifestyle and I think, nobody is living their life as they should be. Have you seen these old geezers in the VHL? Those semi-retired bums are just smoking weed and farting all day on the ice. Not even protein farts for that matter. Just regular, boring, not as stinking farts bro. Do you know how much that grinds my gears? Enough for me to mention something about it. These dudes are just coasting day to day, playing hockey on a mediocre level. And me? I'm living my life on a ranch in Illinois, I have a god damn horse and I play absolutely atrocious hockey. However, my life is an absolute god-tier Stier-level quality of life. I protein fart, eat all the built bars, squad 3 plates daily, and do it all with style. Can I pass the puck well? Fuck no. Can I shoot the puck well? I don't even know how to do a slap shot. What do you think? I know how to skate, fart, and pass the puck (albeit not very well). The trade deadline has passed. Do I have any comments? Hell yes, I do. Were there some blockbusters? Hell yes, there were. Are there teams that got absolutely fleeced out of their minds? Absolutely. Am I going to reference it? Absolutely not. Do you know why? Because I'm a lazy idiot. If you asked me to squat a plate, I could do it. Get you a couple of links of some fleeces in the VHL? No. Leave me the hell alone. You figure it out, you bum.

CHICAGO PHOENIX PRESS CONFERENCE ANSWER 6 FOR 2 TPE; 3 FOR 1 TPE 1. How has your player been doing so far this season? 2. What are some underrated attributes in the new hybrid attribute system? 3. Who is your dark knight pick in the VHLE this season? 4. Are you a pineapple should be on pizza person, or not? Why? 5. What do you think Chicago needs to take it up a gear? 6. What position do you think we lack the most? How would you go about getting that position?

I like playing in Chicago because I have finally met up with the ultimate bros in @MubbleFubbles& @Shindigs. Have you seen these guys in full force? The amount of protein these dudes inhale is insane. Like, I think right now they're only eating protein and rice. Who needs essential fats, baby? We're hockey players; we're not meant to be the most brilliant folks! Our heads get bent daily. My god, the locker room in Chicago is disgusting as hell. If you're not used to it... It's a violation. Honestly, these dudes have made tremendous progress this year, and sadly I've stalled a bit. See, the thing is, in my rookie year, I've had some things happen that have held me back slightly. However, I don't mind admitting I could be better and that I should be better. I've learned with half of my team breaking up, going to more interesting projects and the such, my life has gone a bit dull. However, it's time to reform a new team. A team that will push each other no matter what. We need a group of folks who will stick around for the long haul. I know I'm meant to be here to be a shut down defender, and I want to be exactly that. A shut down defender is exactly who I plan to be. I get excited by blocking shots, poke checking the puck out of thin air, and hitting the shit out of folks. I guess, we need folks who will be as excited in that as I am.

Sigh. I guess, I'll admit, I've dropped the ball. It's been some time since I have posted on this site. A few months ago, quite honestly, I went through a physical injury which lead me to a mental health downfall. It's been a tough few months between juggling work, real life events and my injury. It doesn't help that there was also a lot of things in my life where I was already being affected mentally. The injury, while now I've officially been cleared as healthy again, had got me not moving as much. I stopped going outside, because I literally couldn't do it. I actually lazed on the couch, albeit maintaining my day to day 9-5. However, I wasn't going outside, I wasn't getting fresh air, my blinds were closed (yes theres clinical proof that literally sun will make you feel better), and I was stuck. Now, my mind runs at a million miles a minute. It didn't take long for me to feel depressed at all. Imagine feeling suffocated and then thinking about the worst shit that's ever happened to you before and the cycle. It was terrible, and the first thing that suffered was my sim league players. Seymour Butts, my pride and glory, had to be sacrificed for my own mental clarity. I was mad and upset all the time. Seymour is meant to be a fun loving, jacked, GTL, and most importantly the protein fart king. Upon reflection, I feel like writing Seymours content was relieving to me at times. I mean, it sparked a creative juice in me that wasn't all bad. I feel like, if I did write content for Seymour every week during that short period in my life, I wouldn't have been so down bad. Honestly, coming up with Seymours antics takes a lot more work than it seems. I have to think of the most outlandish things throughout the week just to create his insane shenanigans. I mean, all of that just for 6 TPE, right? Well, as you can tell, this guy is more than just 6 TPE a week. He's a way of life, a calming presence in my life at minimum. So, I've decided I'm going to be bringing back Seymour Buttocks man. My protein fart of a character thats been created. So, the protein farts will be back as of next week. It's about time Seymour starts putting his weight back into my life again and we start having some fun with Seymour. Now it's just time to come up with some insane stuff he's been doing over the past few weeks so that I can update ya. All I know is the next one is going to be a huge article for 2 reasons. 1st reason being that I'm celebrating my wedding (really its a 1st year anniversary but covid things) so I won't have much time over the coming month and 2nd reason being that Seymour has a lot to update you on. Bring on the summer of 2022. Seymour is about to pop off.

Yum

Pressers (I’ll help out this week!) 1.) How has your player been performing this season? Are you pleased or are there things you could improve on? 2.) What is your go-to pizza order 3.) Is there any suggestions for the upper management? 4.) How are you enjoying the VHLE? What could be improved? 5.) How curved is your stick? 6.) Who is your bestest friend within the entire community?

Interesting way to lodge your complaints. Sorry to see @Mr_Hatter go as the AGM. Wish you could've at least left your post in better circumstances

Prague Presser! Why do you think we've been starting off so slow this season? Who is your favourite teammate so far? How hard has your coach been working you in practices? Do you think its warranted? Are there any new meals in the team cafeteria you want to try out? If not, then what would you recommend for the team to be fed? Who is your pick for MVP this season? Why do you think it would be them? Do you have a suggestion for the upper management?

I sometimes have high IQ. Happens occassionally

Congrats everyone! What a dynasty you guys were with Warsaw. Can't wait to see your next crop of players

it was THE planet.

it was

True. One time I farted while on vhl gen voice chat and a planet exploded apparently

RIP

Congrats @InstantRockstarand @Doomsday My brothas. Wheres that yam gif again??

The Prague Presser! 1. LA and Toronto have new GMs. Do you have any experience with them? 2. Who is your favourite GM in the league so far? 3. It sucks to lose out to the Reign, do you think they will win it all? 4. What are your plans this off season? 5. Which fast food restaurant is your favourite place? 6. Any advice for any of the rookies on the team?

Yeah I believe it limits your hits so if you’re investing in checking, it’s actually a backwards move

I think there is a misunderstanding here, and I apologize if I was not clear in my writing. All I am trying to say is that GM's make the calls in the personnel decisions in their franchise and will have to live with the consequences. If you are gunning for the cup and make all the necessary Oh definitely however I was just merely discussing further. My bad! Was definitely not offended haha.

I completely disagree with this point in regards to selling your future to win a cup. I'm a former VHL GM and there could be some bias since I am currently contracted to Chicago but if you're in contention for a cup, you do everything you possibly can to go out and win that cup. It's the risk you take but you do it. In terms of technicality, Jeff hasn't done anything wrong as a GM for Phoenix. Why wouldn't you want to win a cup? Then you'll have people on the site saying that the GM didn't do enough to win it or put out his potentially best roster? If we're going to talk about opportunity cost, then it's worse in my eyes that he's gunning for the cup and doesn't buy more to shore up a win. It's all about assessing and understanding why GM's do what they do. He sold his future to win what we all hope to win in the VHL. Even if Chicago didn't win, it was worth it because you don't build up to that moment only to hold back. Remember, you own the responsibility to that roster, team and each player individually. Could he have done better in FA during the rebuild? Maybe. But that has no relation on whether or not he sold assets and went for a cup. Just my 2 cents anyways haha

I had it as a friend once and it fucked me, best friend. So be careful!!!!

The Prague Presser! 1. How are we going to turn this 3-1 deficit around? 2. How are you planning to slash Battre Sandstrom's tires so he doesn't make the next game? 3. Riiga has proven to be a tough team to face, do you think it'll become easier if we get past them in this round? 4. What is your favourite animal and why? 5. What is your go-to subway order with the sauces and seasonings? 6. How are you doing with COVID-19 and the pandemic so far?

Is the shop still open? If so.... Player Name: Seymour Butts Preferred Render (NHL Player, IRL person, etc): Moe from Homer Simpsons Current Team: Chicago Phoenix Preferred Text (If any): I'll leave all the creativity to you.

Screw DI bro

DI?