fonziGG

You know, the last few days, I've been feeling off. Some of my teammates also mentioned that they weren't feeling too great either. So, my mom suggested I get tested for Covid. Well, well, well, guess who was right? My mother, of course. I tested positive. But then, I realized that I was the first case to test positive in the team. However, nobody else was testing for Covid at this time so far. So, I email the results to the Head Coach and General Manager. The next thing I know, the entire team is getting tested. Well, guess what's going on in the Chicago Phoenix locker room? Covid-19 outbreak. Welp, I thought. I don't want any of my teammates to get too severely affected, as well as myself. They say this could slow us down in cardio conditions and other things. Especially since three-quarters of the team is sitting out right now. We have training programs, food getting dropped off for those of us to keep our nutrition on track, and zoom stretch meetings. It's been a hoot in some ways since all of us are spending time together outside of the work as well. Many of us have been playing games, even just speaking over the phone more often. It's been a very different experience. I'd even argue that we have been building a more robust connection as the days come.

CHICAGO PHOENIX PRESS CONFERENCE ANSWER 6 FOR 2 TPE; 3 FOR 1 TPE 1. What are your thoughts on the series with DC? Can we finish them off? 2. Who is the goofiest member on the team? 3. Do you believe leadership has an effect in the sim engine? 4. How gnarly is your playoff beard so far? 5. Do you think we are the dark horse for this season? Why or why not? 6. Who is your favourite player thats not in the playoffs?

ilu2 bud

Understandable really

Mama I made it!

Mama I made it

I haven't heard the pod yet but whats going on folks

Haha I wrote this as I was at my cousins wedding

You know it bud

It's going to be a team of misfits.

You know, it's been a tough few months adjusting back to North America. One of the first things I had to re-adjust to was that I couldn't just walk to a the training facility. In Chicago, I have a driver. I'm not as active. The training facility is getting a face lift so I don't have enough plates to squad heavy. Now, I squat with dumb bells and they have no smoothie section in the cafeteria. I've spoken to the GM and and President of Hockey Operations about installing a smoothie section and they have both assured me that they will install one and make sure there is enough protein for all of us to absolutely rip it in the locker room as a competition. I mean, I think I caught @fromtheinsideabsolutely shred one on the bench the other day and the other team's trainer passed out. I mean, it was intense, musky and insanely impressive. Usually, he holds em in I think. I mean, I think that a protein fart virginity thing or something along those lines. It's funny. Last time I spoke to you was when we all were a team. In fact, all of them had left me back in Europe. Marcus got a job with Team Canada soccer. The rest all abandoned me for jobs in the private sector. Eff them, am I right? I mean, I had philly cheese teaks for days. I had no idea what I would be missing for the rest of my life. Jesus. I'm now only eating Chicago deep dish. However, I need a brand new team. I will be looking into bringing some new staff into the team. It's been tough, even my personal assistant is gone now. It's just me, a 02' Toyota Corolla and a shitty 1 bedroom apartment in the middle of butt fuck nowhere. Also, the irony? I don't even use the god damn Toyota Corolla. Why the hell did I purchase that? You tell me Joe Blow. I am prepared for summer holidays. Is Seymour pissed off about his statistics this season? Is Seymour tired of being a rookie and all the pressure that comes with it? No. I am actually already booked for a holiday to Japan with my protein jacked brother of mine. Thats right, none of you bums actually know my brother. Cosmo Kramer. He's actually in the SBDL over in the SBA playing for the Henderson Honey Badgers. Anyways, in the off-season we're going to Japan to meet up with some Japanese advertisers with our agent in order to build up our "brand". Our first sponsorship is boba protein powder. Have you ever heard of it? Me neither. It's tasty, has pearls in it too! I got taro flavoured powder last week and it spruced up my life in ways I didn't expect. Thank you, whoever in the world made that protein powder. You are a good human being. You deserve my love, happiness, and warmth in love. This has given me major gains. I've never seen such a great pump in my life.

I look at everyone's lifestyle and I think, nobody is living their life as they should be. Have you seen these old geezers in the VHL? Those semi-retired bums are just smoking weed and farting all day on the ice. Not even protein farts for that matter. Just regular, boring, not as stinking farts bro. Do you know how much that grinds my gears? Enough for me to mention something about it. These dudes are just coasting day to day, playing hockey on a mediocre level. And me? I'm living my life on a ranch in Illinois, I have a god damn horse and I play absolutely atrocious hockey. However, my life is an absolute god-tier Stier-level quality of life. I protein fart, eat all the built bars, squad 3 plates daily, and do it all with style. Can I pass the puck well? Fuck no. Can I shoot the puck well? I don't even know how to do a slap shot. What do you think? I know how to skate, fart, and pass the puck (albeit not very well). The trade deadline has passed. Do I have any comments? Hell yes, I do. Were there some blockbusters? Hell yes, there were. Are there teams that got absolutely fleeced out of their minds? Absolutely. Am I going to reference it? Absolutely not. Do you know why? Because I'm a lazy idiot. If you asked me to squat a plate, I could do it. Get you a couple of links of some fleeces in the VHL? No. Leave me the hell alone. You figure it out, you bum.

CHICAGO PHOENIX PRESS CONFERENCE ANSWER 6 FOR 2 TPE; 3 FOR 1 TPE 1. How has your player been doing so far this season? 2. What are some underrated attributes in the new hybrid attribute system? 3. Who is your dark knight pick in the VHLE this season? 4. Are you a pineapple should be on pizza person, or not? Why? 5. What do you think Chicago needs to take it up a gear? 6. What position do you think we lack the most? How would you go about getting that position?

I like playing in Chicago because I have finally met up with the ultimate bros in @MubbleFubbles& @Shindigs. Have you seen these guys in full force? The amount of protein these dudes inhale is insane. Like, I think right now they're only eating protein and rice. Who needs essential fats, baby? We're hockey players; we're not meant to be the most brilliant folks! Our heads get bent daily. My god, the locker room in Chicago is disgusting as hell. If you're not used to it... It's a violation. Honestly, these dudes have made tremendous progress this year, and sadly I've stalled a bit. See, the thing is, in my rookie year, I've had some things happen that have held me back slightly. However, I don't mind admitting I could be better and that I should be better. I've learned with half of my team breaking up, going to more interesting projects and the such, my life has gone a bit dull. However, it's time to reform a new team. A team that will push each other no matter what. We need a group of folks who will stick around for the long haul. I know I'm meant to be here to be a shut down defender, and I want to be exactly that. A shut down defender is exactly who I plan to be. I get excited by blocking shots, poke checking the puck out of thin air, and hitting the shit out of folks. I guess, we need folks who will be as excited in that as I am.

Sigh. I guess, I'll admit, I've dropped the ball. It's been some time since I have posted on this site. A few months ago, quite honestly, I went through a physical injury which lead me to a mental health downfall. It's been a tough few months between juggling work, real life events and my injury. It doesn't help that there was also a lot of things in my life where I was already being affected mentally. The injury, while now I've officially been cleared as healthy again, had got me not moving as much. I stopped going outside, because I literally couldn't do it. I actually lazed on the couch, albeit maintaining my day to day 9-5. However, I wasn't going outside, I wasn't getting fresh air, my blinds were closed (yes theres clinical proof that literally sun will make you feel better), and I was stuck. Now, my mind runs at a million miles a minute. It didn't take long for me to feel depressed at all. Imagine feeling suffocated and then thinking about the worst shit that's ever happened to you before and the cycle. It was terrible, and the first thing that suffered was my sim league players. Seymour Butts, my pride and glory, had to be sacrificed for my own mental clarity. I was mad and upset all the time. Seymour is meant to be a fun loving, jacked, GTL, and most importantly the protein fart king. Upon reflection, I feel like writing Seymours content was relieving to me at times. I mean, it sparked a creative juice in me that wasn't all bad. I feel like, if I did write content for Seymour every week during that short period in my life, I wouldn't have been so down bad. Honestly, coming up with Seymours antics takes a lot more work than it seems. I have to think of the most outlandish things throughout the week just to create his insane shenanigans. I mean, all of that just for 6 TPE, right? Well, as you can tell, this guy is more than just 6 TPE a week. He's a way of life, a calming presence in my life at minimum. So, I've decided I'm going to be bringing back Seymour Buttocks man. My protein fart of a character thats been created. So, the protein farts will be back as of next week. It's about time Seymour starts putting his weight back into my life again and we start having some fun with Seymour. Now it's just time to come up with some insane stuff he's been doing over the past few weeks so that I can update ya. All I know is the next one is going to be a huge article for 2 reasons. 1st reason being that I'm celebrating my wedding (really its a 1st year anniversary but covid things) so I won't have much time over the coming month and 2nd reason being that Seymour has a lot to update you on. Bring on the summer of 2022. Seymour is about to pop off.

Yum

Pressers (I’ll help out this week!) 1.) How has your player been performing this season? Are you pleased or are there things you could improve on? 2.) What is your go-to pizza order 3.) Is there any suggestions for the upper management? 4.) How are you enjoying the VHLE? What could be improved? 5.) How curved is your stick? 6.) Who is your bestest friend within the entire community?

Interesting way to lodge your complaints. Sorry to see @Mr_Hatter go as the AGM. Wish you could've at least left your post in better circumstances

Prague Presser! Why do you think we've been starting off so slow this season? Who is your favourite teammate so far? How hard has your coach been working you in practices? Do you think its warranted? Are there any new meals in the team cafeteria you want to try out? If not, then what would you recommend for the team to be fed? Who is your pick for MVP this season? Why do you think it would be them? Do you have a suggestion for the upper management?

I sometimes have high IQ. Happens occassionally

Congrats everyone! What a dynasty you guys were with Warsaw. Can't wait to see your next crop of players

it was THE planet.

it was