Alternate Reality: Magical Forest

[Banackock 7,654]

Alternate Reality: Magical Forest, Part One

 

 

The Magical Forest. Where does one even start to begin when leading you down the path which leads you to the Magical Forest? I'm sure if you've been around in the league for a few seasons to about a career length of time, you've heard the rumors, the myths, the legends and the whispers of a magical, mystical, secretive and so otherworldly place that only a very select group of people have ever experienced. You've heard the tales told from those who heard from a person, who heard from another person, who heard from the source who went themselves that this place is so unbelievable, that once you're there it opens your eyes to the supernatural. The unthinkable. The magical. It's a place where if you stay too long, you might get lost but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's a bad thing. At one point, the Magical Forest was a much more known place and experience. The vibrant echo's were true. People believed. People had gone there. They had seen and felt it. They experienced the hallucinating effects that the Magical Forest can give to oneself. Then, it was abolished and destroyed. Completely erased from having the ability to go there. That was, until today. Until a man that goes by the name of Evil Scientist Dr. Gustav Mattias, who created a portal machine that they had bought off Amazon for $399.99 that was able to change the way the world was. It changed time. It changed things. It changed you. I changed the VHL. It brought back the Magical Forest.

 

Chapter I: Evil Scientist Dr Gustav Mattias Returns

Evil Scientist Dr Gustav Mattias seen laughing as a child.

 

It had been many seasons since the Magical Forest was erased from the grasps of our normal world. Yet, Evil Scientist Dr Gustav Mattias could not find a way to erase the magical utopia from his magical, evil and crazy mind. He was introduced to the Magical Forest while he was on an expedition with his VHLM GM colleagues when he was a young, whipper snapping member. He remembers experiencing the very first moment he and his peers were brought to the forest by those who they followed, the Dark Ozedeth Leaders and Magical Forest Commissioners, Diamond and Bana. They couldn’t believe what their eyes were seeing. Every direction you looked your eyes were overtaken by such magic, such beauty and even more so, hypnotizing euphoria from the effects you felt simply by breathing the air. Gigantic flowers of all vibrant colors and scents grew wildly on the forest floor. Trees of all shapes, colours and forms filled the entire land and sheltered the many, diverse creatures, animals and beasts that called the forest home. It was a place that once you experienced, you could not escape. It had you by the neck. It had you by the balls. 

 

They would visit the forest a few times per season to visit and experience the wonders that the forest had to offer. They would learn about the vegetation, the creatures and beasts and would find ways to document their findings to bring back to the regular VHL members to prove the Magical Forest’s existence. Doktor Funk, a lead scientist who worked with Evil Scientist Dr. Gustav Mattias, would often gather the other M GM’s and frolic their way through the forest paths, often losing track of reality and time itself. Once, one of the Dark Ozedeth leaders brought the group to the forest and they were there for an entire 2 weeks. No one quite knows what happened during those couple weeks, but it’s safe to say some magical shit went down. While it is only legend and a campfire story that circulates, two of the Members who go by the names BigAl and Mexicancow, found themselves stuck in a hypnotic state, lost amongst the fog of the forest’s shadows. They had eaten mushrooms that they found growing on the bottom of a Giant Zidya Oak tree for research and had planned to document what they thought of the taste. 2 weeks later, a whole bunch of tripping balls, and being chased by a beast not even they have the courage to speak of, they finally returned home. Since then, they’ve never gone back. They’ve never been able to go back. The group has always been left searching for the gates to go back. Their minds completely lost, always racing and focused on the thirst the forest has left on their souls. That was until today.It was until Evil Scientist Dr Gustav Mattias finally found a way to bring the forest back. 

 

Chapter II: An Evil Transaction, Scientific Occurrence and Bright, Loud Shit Happening

Science.

 

Earlier in the week, the brilliant madman had stumbled upon a buzzfeed “Top All-time Evil Portal” List when browsing on his phone during his lunch break. When looking, this portal machine quickly caught his attention. It described itself as being able to change anything, do anything and create whatever the heart, mind or soul desired. The price was listed at $399.99 with the option of using bitcoin. He quickly added the portal and a box of surgical masks to his cart and quickly made the most evil, diabolical transaction known to man in recent history. The package would soon arrive on his doorstep, only 2 entire days later. Could this be the blessing of being an Evil Scientist Doctor? No. It’s the magic of using his phenomenal Amazon Prime membership. Later that day, Evil Scientist Dr Gustav Mattias was hard at work with his fellow partners, Doktor Funk, Evil Australian Witch Doctor Berocka and their henchmen, aka the Bruiser Rayzor. 

 

Rain was pouring down the window of his evil lare. Lightning lit up his surroundings inside and the thunder slowly crackled and rolled in the dark skies above. Their evil laughs roared like hyenas throughout the hallways. They were working on setting up the portal and following the instructions that came with the package. Thankfully, the manufacturer did not take a page out of Ikea’s book and the instructions were rather easy to follow. Within 4.25 hours, everything was set up. All they needed was a bolt of electricity to run through the machine to power it up. Evil Australian Witch Doctor Berocka climbed to the top of the 11 foot portal, holding a metal wand in his hand, screaming “strike me, mate. Strike me, mate”. The heavens struck him. They struck hard. 900 million volts of electricity running through his muscular Australian, Steve Irwin like frame. He dropped to the ground grabbing his chase screeching “I wish I never ate so much maccas”. The machine made a loud noise as the gears started moving. The lights flickered on and off and suddenly, a massive burst of energy surged through the portal machine and evil lare. Everything went white as the light blinded absolutely everything. Everyone went cold. Everyone went numb. Everything was silenced by the blinding light and loud ringing noise. 

 

Chapter III: Holy Fuck, We’re Back? What Have You done?!

Henchmen Bruiser Rayzor looking around for what smells like shit

 

The blinding light  and the deafening ring slowly faded. Henchmen, Bruiser Rayzor, looked down at his hands and legs. Yep, they were still there. He also noticed he shit his pants but that actually happened before the portal went all fucky. He was just hoping that whatever was happening would erase the fact and evidence that he did shit his pants. He looked around. What the fuck? Peace? Fonzi? Dmax? MexicanCow? All of you old Magical Forest lads are here? What the hell happened? Some serious Evil Transactions, Scientific Occurrences and Bright, Loud Shit Happened. Anything of the VHL was totally erased. The forum, Town of Salem and all the drama completely vanished. The portal was down and this time it wasn’t the commissioner's fault. Even Trivia itself was gone and Josh had nothing to do with it this time. The VHL Discord General and #finance-and-stonks ceased to be visible. Where did everything go? If everything is fucked up.. How come Anderson still isn’t allowed back? What the hell happened to the machine? Where did it go? Was it supposed to do that? Everything that we knew of the VHL was gone? 

 

After shitting his pants again, Henchmen Bruiser Rayzor opened his gaze, looked up and realized he was sitting on the ground of the Magical Forest. He squinted his eyes passed where Peace was sitting and saw other VHLers falling from trees. One by one they slowly started dropping down from the Giant Zidya Oak trees, plopping on their asses, backs, tummies and even one dumb ass (hogan) landing on his head (not the first time he was dropped on his head, fyi). Dakota Lamb was heard pouting “this is what I get for testing free agency” when in the background you could hear a drunk bird tweeting “tweet, tweet, drunken burp, tweed”. A further way down caught in his peripheral, you could see BigAl encouraging a group of VHLers to “try the mushrooms, man. They’re the best things you will ever taste and it will blow your mind”. Beside him was Hylands and Gorlab, who already found their way into the Magical Forest’s medicinal herb. “Puff, Puff, Pass, man I love this magic grass” you could hear them singing.Then, out of nowhere, the loudest fucking screams you ever heard. It came from members Juice, Thadius Sales, Tate and Ferk. Standing beside them, hunched over and laughing their ass off was BigAl. “I told you those mushrooms were crazy, man”. 

 

Evil Scientist Dr Gustav Mattias, who had fallen from a tree but had his fall broken by Hogan’s face, rose himself off the ground to all of the commotion. Quickly, his heart skipped a beat. It could be arrhythmia but we believe it was from the immense happiness that electrified his entire body (minus his dong because Horny Police said so). He finally made it back. After seasons and seasons of searching the internet, researching evil methods to conquer a path to returning and failing Amazon Prime products, he’s finally found a way to bring back the Magical Forest. He starts running, with his tongue hanging in the wind (possible side effect from the portal), latches onto Evil Australian Witch Doctor Berocka and lands a fat kiss right on his lips “We did it, you silly bloke. We made it back”. Berocka immediately turned red, giggling that giggle we’ve all come to love hearing on his podcasts. For a moment, everything was good. Everything was perfect. The power of the magical forest’s air was flowing through his body and lungs. The colors of the trees, plants, animals, sky and everything there were making oh sweet love to his pupils. Then, it struck him. Where the fuck did the entire VHL go? Did the portal and everything that happened in his lair completely erase the existence of the VHL and bring absolutely everyone that was involved with it here? Was this karma for the evil commissioners erasing the Magical Forest in the first place? 

 

 

Spoiler

@GustavMattias @Berocka @DoktorFunk @Rayzor_7 @Juice @dlamb @TXC @diamond_ace @fonziGG @Peace @bigAL @Hylands @gorlab @thadthrasher @a_Ferk @Tate @Esso2264 @MexicanCow123 @DMaximus and maybe others.

 

THEME WEEK

1,836 words (3 weeks)

Apr 12-18

Apr 19-25

Apr 26-May 2

 

Edited April 13, 2021 by Banackock

[Hogan 1,333]

i read all this shit just to have jokes made about me hitting my head 3 times

[bigAL 2,176]

[Gustav 6,126]

[gorlab 4,321]

nightmare fuel