eaglesfan036 4,598 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Everyone who doesn't live under a rock (so everyone but Patrick Star) knows that there is a new sheriff in town in the European Conference, as the Moscow Menance had a historically great free agency haul, picking up the VHL's award winning best defensemen in Smitty Werbenmanjagermanjenson (I spelled this without looking, @flyersfan1453 let me know if this is accurate. Additionally, Moscow also acquired the best mascot in sports history in Gritty, who should immediately step in as a stud number 2 center for Moscow. But enough talking about how great Moscow is, let's start shitting on Malmo. 1) Winning a Cup is Not Malmo's #1 Goal From the words of Malmo's GM, "Thompson has no regrets. We set him up better for his statistical needs. When he came in he literally said winning a cup was a bonus." Malmo spent the entirety of last season trying to pad one player's stats rather than focus on the true goal of winning a cup. Now that word of this is out, we predict that the Malmo locker room will riot, as management's decision to try to boost the stats of one player as an appallingly selfish decision. 2) Speaking of Thompson - He is no longer on Malmo In the words of Malmo's GM, "Having an elite playmaker helps tho." Thompson certainly was an elite player, but old age has caught up to him and he is currently spending his days in Moscow's finest retirement home (he secretly told me in confidence Moscow is his favorite city). While Moscow is gaining elite playmakers in free agency, Malmo is losing them to retirement. 3) Lack of Depth This is not the VHL of old, as increased salary cap and some excellent recruiting has led to teams being much deeper than usual. 30 seasons ago, Malmo would be considered a very deep team with 4 defensemen and 7 forwards, but that is no longer the case. There is a large gap in the skill difference between a bot and say a 300 tpe player, and Malmo will be paying the price any time they have to trot one of the scrubby bots out. 4) Cup Losing Syndrome A wise man once said, "The team that loses in the finals of a sporting event often does not meet expectations next season due to the emotional trauma of being so close and not making it." That wise man was me, but look at the #facts. I am a big NFL fan and after their dramatic collapse in the Super Bowl, the Falcons have been on a downard spiral. Ever since the Rams put up 3 points in the Super Bowl, their offense has not been the same, and they are hovering around .500. 5) They no longer have the simmer on their team Only kidding with this one, if I ever thought the simmers rigged I would just leave the league. While we are on the subject of sims, @Beketov, where are the sims? wcats, Mr_Hatter, Matmenzinger and 8 others 8 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dil 1,758 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 6 minutes ago, eaglesfan036 said: While we are on the subject of sims, @Beketov, where are the sims? fuck off eaglesfan036, ColeMrtz, okochastar and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gustav 6,395 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 18 minutes ago, DilIsPickle said: fuck off Beat me to it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zepheter 586 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 SIMS. eaglesfan036 and Cxsquared 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorlab 4,321 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 If Malmo didn't have the parts to get it done last season, they certainly don't have the parts to get it done now. eaglesfan036 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dil 1,758 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 6 minutes ago, GustavMattias said: Beat me to it I’ll beat you off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gustav 6,395 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 3 minutes ago, DilIsPickle said: I’ll beat you off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berocka 2,263 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 46 minutes ago, eaglesfan036 said: Everyone who doesn't live under a rock (so everyone but Patrick Star) @DoktorFunk why is eaglesfan targeting you? DoktorFunk and eaglesfan036 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devise 4,475 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 I love when you guys tempt STHS karma like this. Playoff live sims will be the justice of all. gorlab and eaglesfan036 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Victor 10,911 Posted November 11, 2019 Admin Share Posted November 11, 2019 1 hour ago, Devise said: I love when you guys tempt STHS karma like this. Playoff live sims will be the justice of all. The fuck you on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diamond_ace 3,110 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Not only were you very wrong on Smitty (it's Werbenjagermanjensen) you opened parentheses and didn't close them. eaglesfan036 and ColeMrtz 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorlab 4,321 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVHLM-GM 1,858 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 2 hours ago, gorlab said: Please explain the joke, i dont get it gorlab 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorlab 4,321 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 2 minutes ago, OrbitingDeath said: Please explain the joke, i dont get it I'm not exactly sure I get it either. Gustav and NotAVHLM-GM 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrostBeard 2,049 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 This is the most brilliant post every written on VHL Forums. I can't agree more. This is on the same level for me as The Communist Manifesto! DoktorFunk, eaglesfan036 and gorlab 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gustav 6,395 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 1 hour ago, gorlab said: I'm not exactly sure I get it either. I don't get it at all, but I like it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVHLM-GM 1,858 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 34 minutes ago, GustavMattias said: I don't get it at all, but I like it anyway. It's a big on the large side, but two gorlab signatures for one player. I feel blessed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoktorFunk 810 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Quality read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Advantage 2,891 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 Moscow trying to become the rival when Seattle has that shit on lock eh @Banackock Also holy words out of context The playmaker I talked about was Sullivan and the first quote was to me saying Beketov didnt expect us to be that good last year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Victor 10,911 Posted November 12, 2019 Admin Share Posted November 12, 2019 13 hours ago, Advantage said: Moscow trying to become the rival when Seattle has that shit on lock eh @Banackock Rivals can win playoff games against each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Advantage 2,891 Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 17 minutes ago, Victor said: Rivals can win playoff games against each other. So make the playoffs this year and we will talk. fonziGG 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Victor 10,911 Posted November 12, 2019 Admin Share Posted November 12, 2019 1 hour ago, Advantage said: So make the playoffs this year and we will talk. No one wants to be rivals with some sickly eagles. Matmenzinger and Devise 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eaglesfan036 4,598 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Share Posted November 12, 2019 2 hours ago, Advantage said: So make the playoffs this year and we will talk. Same to you. I dont see any room for malmo in the playoffs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Advantage 2,891 Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 54 minutes ago, eaglesfan036 said: Same to you. I dont see any room for malmo in the playoffs sure man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eaglesfan036 4,598 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Share Posted November 12, 2019 53 minutes ago, Advantage said: sure man Ill get you some popcorn when malmo is watching the playoffs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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