Naming and shaming people who have never won the cup (or nearly that long)

[Victor 10,829]

The other week I looked at some of the longest playoff streaks members have had in the VHL over the years. There were a few people quite close together with very impressive numbers and then Higgins blew us all out of the water. Fair play.
 

Now let's flip that upside down and do some naming and shaming instead. For every cup won, there is a losing finalist. For every playoff streak extended on the last game of the season there is a soul-destroying return to the golf course for someone else. And with more members than ever but still just one championship to contend for, that means we have an increasing amount of people who have never won the Continental Cup even after years of trying.
 

So who are the league's current unluckiest members? This article is effectively made up of two sections – first I reveal those who have never won the cup at all despite multiple players and a lot of seasons spent trying. Then I also look at some of the longest active cup droughts from members who have won the cup at least once before. So without further ado (and I bid adieu to anyone who doesn't know what word to use in this sentence correctly), let's dive into the 6 members who have spent the most time in the VHL without winning the ultimate trophy.

 

Section 1 – Six members who have never won the Continental Cup

 

@Josh – 27 seasons (Jake Davis, S62-S69, Roque Davis, S71-S78, David Davis, S81-S86, Jasper Davis, S89-present)

Finals lost: 1 (S66 with Vancouver)
 

Coming in at number one is a commissioner, simmer, and portal guru. You would think he would just make it happen by any means necessary at this point. But no, Josh has steadfastly looked to win the big one the honest way and hasn't really come particularly close. Now on his fourth Davis, not only has neither of them won the cup in 27 seasons (and counting) of trying, it's also been 22 seasons since Josh has even made the finals. It's OK though, the breakthrough should be imminent now that he is one of the stars of *checks notes* …. the perennially successful New York Americans.

 

@Gustav  – 25 seasons (Jerry Garcia, S66-S73, Taro Tsujimoto, S75-S82, Art Vandelay, S84-S92)

Finals lost: 2 (S68 with Malmo, S90 with Los Angeles)
 

Gus is currently in the middle of writing his memoir (?) in an act of ego-stroking which I'll be honest puts me to shame and I hope he uses one of his 30 articles to look at his nearest misses at the championship. To be clear, there haven't been many of those but things must have looked so much more hopeful back in S68 when he surprisingly made it to the finals in his and his franchise's 3^rd ever VHL season. It's been far from smooth sailing since then though, with a GM run in Davos undermined by misfortune and then a career spent leading Los Angeles through their greatest ever period. Fourth time lucky Gus?

 

@okochastar – 20 seasons (Guillaume Fontenette, S67-S72, Julian Nouisianen, S74-S80, Left Alone, S87-present)

Finals lost: 1 (S67 with Helsinki)
 

Rounding out the list of those on 2 decades or more with no championship, okochastar benefits slightly from not having a player for a while between Nouisiainen and Alone, but the clock has ticked over 20 seasons now. His 3 players have been on some good teams who just haven't clicked in the playoffs, with no finals appearances since his first player's rookie season. I feel less need to be as mean as I was to Josh and Gus but it might be time to throw loyalty to the wind and start glory-hunting my friend.

 

@Spartan  – 18 seasons (Alex Letang, S73-S79, Nico Pearce, S81-S89, Olober Syko, S92-present)

Finals lost: 2 (S81 with Moscow, S89 with Vancouver)

 

I have no reservations about being mean here though. The record of near-misses here isn't actually as tragic it is on Spartan's GM tenure, but the fact that Nico Pearce literally moved from Vancouver to Moscow the season the Wolves won the cup and then came back to lose in the finals is objectively hilarious. Not quite Marian Hossa but also no happy ending. Spartan is safe from the top 3 here by virtue of other high-profile members also have no sim luck, but also feels closest to having a genuine breakdown. Watch this space.

 

@youloser1337 – 16 seasons (Justin Lose, S76-S82, Scoish Velociraptor Maloish, S84-S92)

Finals lost: 1 (S92 with London)

 

After that top 4 we have a slightly less remarkable case with just two cupless careers from Mr. Lose. I can't lie, it does feel like there is nominative determinism here given the username and first player name, it's almost like he's asking for it. Seeds of hope have sprouted with a Game 7 cup finals loss in Maloish's last game (and to be fair London lost the cup in Game 7 in back-to-back seasons now which feels like something bigger than any of us) so perhaps the third attempt will break the duck.

 

 

@N0HBDY – 14 seasons (Bob Tristan, S76-S80, Cole Pearce, S82-S89, Thor Reingaard, S92-present)

Finals lost: 0
 

And finally, Spartan's protege (they may both dismiss this title but I think we all know the truth) rounds off our list of those with absolutely nothing to show for their VHL careers to date. Again, calling yourself nobody isn't going to help. Paradoxically, this means that nobody has never made the finals. But nobody actually hasn't. Pick that one apart. To be clear, this is not a commentary on how Warsaw is being GMed so it's not bullying. Not again.

 

Section 2 – Five members who haven't won the Continental Cup in a long time

 

@McLovin – 16 seasons (Ben Hafkey, S68-S73, Gustav Hjalmarsson, S76-S82, Maxim Anisimov, S91-present)

Finals lost: 2 (S73 and S77 with Helsinki)
 

For no particular reason, I have flipped the order for this section in that the cup droughts will get progressively longer, not shorter. We start with a case which is particularly peculiar because McLovin won the Continental Cup in his first ever rookie season back in S67 and has had no luck since. I suppose that is justice for buying a forged ID.

 

@CowboyinAmerica – 17 seasons (Gabriel McAllister, S62, Lance Flowers, S68-S75, Xavier Booberry, S81-S88)

Finals lost: 3 (S75 with D.C., S87 with Davos, S88 with Seattle)
 

This one surprised me a bit, but since the success of Hans Wingate and Gabriel McAllister, Cowboy hasn't won the cup since McAllister's penultimate season. There was particular misfortune in the last two seasons of Booberry, who left the Dynamo before they finally ended their drought, and was part of a rare unsuccessful Seattle trip to the finals. The streak isn't as long in actual seasons due to his penchant for taking nearly a full career's worth off between players, but does add an interesting dynamic to the rivalry I will inevitably try to force between our current players.

 

@Tagger / @MubbleFubbles – 19 seasons (Edwin Preencarnacion, S64-S67, Edwin THE Encarnacion, S70-S76, The Board Game Clue On Skates, S83-S90)

Finals lost: 2 (S70 with Calgary, S72 with Calgary)

 

Again, slightly surprised by this one but turns out it has been a good while now since Riga's cup-winning team in S63. Lots of players peaked that season including Preencarnacion, which turned out to be the last championship in the Encarnacion line (for now?). Mubble has since then switched accounts and has embarked on several more bizarre player building experiments, but maybe the Great One can now break both his and New York's slump.

 

@Advantage – 22 seasons (Dexter Lane, S60, Ryan Sullivan Jr, S64-S71, Tyler Walker, S73-S80, Viktor Jensen, S89-present)

Finals lost: 2 (S68 with Malmo, S80 with Moscow)

 

This one would have been quite a bit longer if not for Dexter Lane's surprising and inactive cup win in S59 – Advantage's previous championship was with Brick Wahl back in S41. Anyway since Lane, Advantage has staged a few comebacks in the VHL and in GM roles, has gone first overall twice, but has failed to get another championship. Most recent disappointments include back-to-back Victory Cups bit little to show for them in the playoffs. But it's not quite enough for first place...

 

@STZ – 32 seasons (Rhett DeGrath, S52-S59, Ike Arkander, S57-S61, Benny Graves, S69-S76, Hard Markinson, S78-S85, Snubbed Analfist, S88-present)

Finals lost: 10 (S53 with Stockholm, S56 with Davos, S60 with New York, S75 with D.C., S80, S81, S82, S83, and S85 with Moscow, S89 with Vancouver)

 

To conclude our streak of VHL Builders who have forgotten how to win, we have a fascinating case here. STZ is another old-timer who took a brief break and while he has not lost his touch when it comes to successful players, his finals record is truly diabolical. On average, since Unassisted retired in S53 (which technically means the drought is at 30 seasons but what does it matter at this point), STZ's players have made the finals every third season they've been the VHL – and they've lost each and every one. The nadir certainly came during Markinson's career with Moscow (another hat tip to Spartan) and it makes sense after a run like that to go to New York and hope for the best. The Americans are carrying a lot of cursed energy this season that's for sure.

[Beketov 8,939]

Thank fuck for that DC win in S92 or I would have been heavy in that shame list having many finals appearances but no wins from 66 to 92.

[Advantage 2,891]

Yeah it's been a brutal stretch...lol

[Josh 1,651]

Thanks for this.

[Spartan 4,274]

1 hour ago, Victor said:

Spartan's protege (they may both dismiss this title but I think we all know the truth)

He should AGM for me, then he'd tear up the league with the unlocked potential. Surprised that it never worked out that way in the past.

 

1 hour ago, Victor said:

closest to having a genuine breakdown

Accurate, if I lose another finals as a player or GM I'm stepping down.

 

1 hour ago, Victor said:

The record of near-misses here isn't actually as tragic it is on Spartan's GM tenure, but the fact that Nico Pearce literally moved from Vancouver to Moscow the season the Wolves won the cup and then came back to lose in the finals is objectively hilarious

This is my 13th reason, the worst sentence I've ever read about myself

[McLovin 451]

Maxim Anisimov will DEFINITELY win a cup in his career… right?

[STZ 5,339]

[N0HBDY 1,108]

27 minutes ago, Spartan said:

He should AGM for me, then he'd tear up the league with the unlocked potential. Surprised that it never worked out that way in the past.

 

Because you picked other people instead of me whenever I asked/applied lmao

[Spartan 4,274]

Just now, N0HBDY said:

Because you picked other people instead of me whenever I asked/applied lmao

No shot lol, I'm pretty sure you only asked once when I already had an AGM and wanted me to fire them

[N0HBDY 1,108]

I don't think i've ever made it past a conference finals with a player, Cole Pearce would be the only one with London but I don't think we ever made the finals with that meta abusing team. Bob Tristan was a dedicated player to rebuilding franchises, Moscow couldn't be where they are without him. I guess we'll have to see with Thor now, 3 players though isn't a lot to account for since I don't really count Bob Tristan since that was a learning player.

[N0HBDY 1,108]

3 minutes ago, Spartan said:

No shot lol, I'm pretty sure you only asked once when I already had an AGM and wanted me to fire them

Ya you're probably right, looking back the opportunity just never came at the right time

[Pifferfish 428]

33 minutes ago, McLovin said:

Maxim Anisimov will DEFINITELY win a cup in his career… right?

We need a Wayne Gretzky vs Ukraine Wayne finals at some point in this god forsaken hellscape we call the VHL... It's all I live for now.

[N0HBDY 1,108]

NEVERMIND I'M RIGHT, here for everyone to see is slide #1 of my powerpoint on why spartan should hire me as AGM of Moscow back in March 2021

[Spartan 4,274]

3 minutes ago, N0HBDY said:

NEVERMIND I'M RIGHT, here for everyone to see is slide #1 of my powerpoint on why spartan should hire me as AGM of Moscow back in March 2021

I just wanted to make sure I could scam WAR in the S90's

[N0HBDY 1,108]

fellow VHLers, would you hire me?

[Frank 5,054]

Time to ban @Victor.

 

Need a shot after reading that. 

[dlamb 1,324]

Skill issue?

[Gustav 6,322]

I saw the mention and knew right away you asshole

[youloser1337 1,089]

4 hours ago, Victor said:

@youloser1337 – 16 seasons (Justin Lose, S76-S82, Scoish Velociraptor Maloish, S84-S92)

Finals lost: 1 (S92 with London)

 

After that top 4 we have a slightly less remarkable case with just two cupless careers from Mr. Lose. I can't lie, it does feel like there is nominative determinism here given the username and first player name, it's almost like he's asking for it. Seeds of hope have sprouted with a Game 7 cup finals loss in Maloish's last game (and to be fair London lost the cup in Game 7 in back-to-back seasons now which feels like something bigger than any of us) so perhaps the third attempt will break the duck.

 

Here is a fun fact about this stretch. The finals run with Maloish was the first time any of my players made it past the first round in the playoffs. This includes my monster season with Seattle with Justin. My player basically has the Toronto curse... Thank you for the pain...  (kidding I don't mind)

[Victor 10,829]

13 hours ago, Frank said:

Time to ban @Victor.

 

Need a shot after reading that. 

I woke up and chose violence

[McWolf 3,114]

Thanks for choosing not to shame me today

[OrbitingDeath 3,106]

16 hours ago, Beketov said:

Thank fuck for that DC win in S92 or I would have been heavy in that shame list having many finals appearances but no wins from 66 to 92.

 

Felt my previosu streak was bad already, 0 cups for idaho and frenchie looked to go in the same direction hadnt @FrostBeardpaid of the simmers again to stop the bad streak.

[Ahma 1,381]

I'd be here named and shamed, but thank god for the S89 Purple Miracle

[Victor 10,829]

32 minutes ago, McWolf said:

Thanks for choosing not to shame me today

18 seasons and I missed you off?? That's my VHL.com for this week sorted.

[CowboyinAmerica 2,840]

I think I'm 18 actually since McAllister went to S63. But yeah, Flowers spending most of his career on NY really did a number there, and Davos is rebuilding so I might be hitting the 20 mark at least before all is said and done