BUST OR LICK - S75

[gorlab 4,321]

Salutations VHLiens,

 

I should have imposed a BoL rule regarding not doing seasons where I, myself, am included in the draft class but it's way too late for that and I'm here to serve the VHL public what they desire. Bust or Lick is back for it's annual appearance in the VHL.com Articles sub-forum. Of course, as it is with every year, this article's main aim is for comedy and talking points and also to reverse-psychology new gens into building great players just to get back at me for calling them busts (see: Jubis, Talinder, most of S69 actually, etc. etc. etc.)

 

Yes, I am the god of the sim league meta-game and willingly sacrifice my normally optimistic and positive attitude, to do this article for the sole benefit of the VHL as a whole.

 

Of course, very little actual research goes into Bust or Lick. People get called Busts for the slightest offenses, and literally have to shake the league after recently joining/creating to get a lick status. If you are upset regarding a player classification listed below, please do not hesitate to contact the @Commissioner team to complain.

 

Anyways, lets get to the list.

 

 

 つ ◕_◕ ༽つ BUST OR LICK - S75 VHL ENTRY DRAFT ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

 

1. Pistil Stamen - @DMaximus - Nothing against DMax here. I think he's a notable league member. Goes about his business and isn't too eccentric or outspoken. Paddywagon was servicable, but regardless of all that, S75 has made history. This is the first edition of Bust or Lick where the 1st overall pick is receiving a BUST status. It's not so much on Stamen, as it is on Josh who passed over, what IMO, should be a sure shot uncontended #1 pick in this draft because he wasn't man enough to compile a late 1st to supplement the selection of a VHL legend/icon. 

 

2.  Jolly Greene Giant - @DoktorFunk - People hated on my meme name, but we see Jolly Greene Giant go to Toronto at 2nd overall. Again, I'm a fan of the member, but like DMAX above DFunk is just a good consistent member, but nothing really legendary about him. He's one of those guys who I think is doing a lot with the VHLM that I don't pay attention to (maybe like DMax above) but he's getting a BUST also because of his GM picking him too high when a more legendary/iconic player is available. If I had to put money down, J.G. Giant will not perform to the heights of Scott Greene's career.

 

3.  Kunibuni UnGuri - @Berocka - Gustav turned some heads here but as a Davos discord attendee, I think this pick was coming from a mile away. In literally any other scenario this would be a sureshot LICK for me as IMO Berocka is an active/contributing VHLer, like DMax and Funk above, but has the Australian edge to set him apart and give him his own lore/mythos on the VHL. Sadly, since he was selected while an all-time VHL legend/icon was available, the 3rd overall pick of his goalie UnGuri will be classified as a BUST. Sorry mate.

 

4.  L - @gorlab - With what could be the best move of his young GM career, Jeff pulled off a whopper here. Getting myself, a quadruple-threat of GOAT reputation, GOAT graphics, GOAT comedy, and not GOAT but highly above average sim performance, at 4th overall has to go down as the steal of S75. Not sure what the above 3 teams were thinking, but it wasn't good. Any other draft where the best player isn't taking the draft hostage / outright rigging the draft due to unusual player demands, this player goes 1st overall no questions. You already know it's a LICK.

 

5.  RJ Thatcher - @jhatty8 - Big fan of jhatty and I really debated with myself hard here, because you guys all know I do expect a certain BUST-to-LICK ratio in my articles, but his graphics have come a very long way and I think he's inching into the top tier bracket of sim league graphic designers. He's also a nice guy and willing to help other VHLers with graphic tips / cNc / etc. I think most seasons his graphic prowess alone is enough to get a lick from me, but with so many GM picks in S75, and his negatives imho being that he's more committed to SBA, and literally has never had a footnote-worthy VHL player before, he lands in the BUST category for me.  Probably the safest non-GM player available at 5th oa though.

 

6.  R - @Kylrad - Fuck you think this is? Am I going to give kyl anything else but a LICK? Very under-appreciated sim leaguer and I'd go into the reasons why, but it would expose more knowledge about him to the masses which is not how he operates. Obviously being a package deal with one of VHL's all-time legendary and iconic members doesn't hurt either, but IMHO in a normal, non-rigged draft, he goes higher than 6th and translates bare-minimum welfare-tier effort into a very effective/winning player.

 

7. Cabe McJake - @RedSus - Not really sure what hedge's fascination with new gens is, but there's tons of warning flags here. First new gen taken in the draft, his username is RedSus (based on a very recent flash-in-the-pan mobile game) which is probably going to be a sentiment shared with his VHL career. Riga may as well have drafted TheFallGuy at this spot. I think the player name sounds like something Beaviss would think sounds cool. Obvious BUST here but all the best to him, I guess.

 

8. Addison McLaren - @tcookie25 - Default forum avatar, never heard of him before in my life. Again, not sure what hedge/RIG is thinking with these new gens, but I probably would try a flyer on them too this far down in the 1st round. Can't tell the user's gender based on the player name OR username, so I guess that's a positive? BUST here but all the best to him. Hopefully one of these first gens works out for Riga, but I've seen nothing to indicate that to me.

 

9.  Taro Tsujimoto - @GustavMattias - I think Davos had one of the best S75 drafts and the quality of pick here at 9th can't be denied. Gustav has been an active/contributing VHLer since joining, and I think he's very dedicated to his team and the league. He's gone through a full career of failure due to not knowing how the sim engine works, and hopefully has learned a few tips which should propel Tsujimoto to being a good, and possibly great, player. Fantastic value @ 9th overall for a team. I also fully acknowledge that I was going to give everyone BUST besides L and R, but Victor is in the 1st round, so that plan went out the window, and earns Taro Tsujimoto LICK status.

 

10. Dolant Fertitta - @Dolant - Yeah, this one ain't for me. Probably an SBAer or some type of affiliate member? I see he does graphic reviews, which is positive and a contribution to the league, but I've never seen him post a graphic and all the historical posts are dead links due to beaviss' "upgrade" of the forum. Hey Dolant, you could have won me over with some mid-level graphics but I got nothing. Riga with another first gen BUST imho. Hedgehog off the mids bad in this draft.

 

11.  Scott Kaberle - @fromtheinside - This guy is literally as close to a lick as a first gen could get. I hate that he had to get drafted by a black hole franchise like Toronto, but I love that he pandered to me by doing Jet Jaguar's HoF article. He's the first new gen on this list that I've kind of seen on discord/forums and taken note of, but nothing insane. Did he do the HOF article in a bid to achieve a very very rare first-gen lick status? If so, that's a genius move. I acknowledge there is something about this guy's aura that tells me he could become a regular / semi-famous VHLer, but with all that being said, he's a first gen player. BUST.

 

12.  Joe Kelly - @emidas - Shouldn't be a 1st rounder and the only reason he is, is because SBA commishes for some reason get auto 12 tpe. Never had anything against him personally, and I thought we got along pretty well, but he was complicit in my SBA permaban regardless of his commentary that says otherwise. It's also Riga again. MID-PACK-DRAFT. BUST but the best SBA commish you could have selected in this draft by a mile.

 

13.  Muffbeav - @.sniffuM - Good pal of mine. GM pick. Nothing at all wrong here. The fact he was able to guide his (i assume) bad team to the 13th overall draft pick is shocking enough. A classic sim league member that borders on legendary/iconic status across multiple leagues, so even though it's fucking up my ratios, the perogie man gets a LICK in S75.

 

14.  Sirkants Klamasteris - @hedgehog337 - Riga finally hits on their 5th pick in the first round. How does a single team get 5 picks in a 16 pick first round? Pretty nasty. It's possible this is all according to plan for the LAT legend, who I think has cemented himself as one of VHL's all-time best GMs. He's also made numerous successful players in the past, including Kriketers in goaler position. I think it's an absolute no-brainer for a GM to make a goalie, as it takes care of a massive massive need of the team. Despite his love of mids and Riga's pretty miserable S75 draft, this pick is a LICK. Player name very hard to even say, let alone remember, though.

 

15. It's Gucci - @frescoelmo - Oof. I gave this one a couple thoughts, but I'm going to be honest in saying that I get frescoelmo and fonzi confused for each other all the fking time. This is an OG VHLer who's join date even predates my own.  I think at 15th overall this is a great value play for LAS as they pick up a vet member who should remain active and servicable. I don't really remember much of fresco's previous players, I dont think there are any world beaters though. Fresco i'm sorry but since Victor is up next, he's getting the last lick which leaves you as a BUST.

 

16. Rara Rasputin - @Victor - Possibly the smartest man in the VHL. He's once again pulled a cheeky move and used the very last possible pick to select himself, who should be a cornerstone player for the Moscow franchise for the next 8 seasons. A fairly reserved man, but best believe he wields the weight/power to literally ban beaviss if he wanted to. I think he's got one of the furthest grasps in the VHL and maneuvers himself and his team in the VHL like a grandmaster maneuvering his chess pieces. Enough of me blowing his horn, let's just give him a LICK status to wrap this bullshit up.

 

 

 

 

There you have it folks. Another season, and another crop of VHL prospects who have had their unplayed careers judged and categorized by someone who barely remembers anything about the VHL other than what my own player does. Hope everybody had fun, and congratulations to all the recently drafted players. May you find your time in the VHL to be a LICK even though I've already confirmed that it's a BUST.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

(6 LICKS  /// 10 BUSTS) 

 

Edited November 15, 2020 by gorlab

[jhatty8 663]

8 minutes ago, gorlab said:

and his negatives imho being that he's more committed to SBA

 

 

catch me missing tpe here lab

[MexicanCow123 906]

You literally just said Lick to the people who would touch you. Everyone who is a bust does not enjoying touching you.

[Spartan 4,276]

waiting for alex letang to be reclassified as a lick

[Enorama 2,030]

11 minutes ago, gorlab said:

6.  R - @Kylrad - Fuck you think this is? Am I going to give kyl anything else but a LICK? Very under-appreciated sim leaguer and I'd go into the reasons why, but it would expose more knowledge about him to the masses which is not how he operates. Obviously being a package deal with one of VHL's all-time legendary and iconic members doesn't hurt either, but IMHO in a normal, non-rigged draft, he goes higher than 6th and translates bare-minimum welfare-tier effort into a very effective/winning player.

 

biased af, you just lost a subscriber

[gorlab 4,321]

Just now, MexicanCow123 said:

You literally just said Lick to the people who would touch you. Everyone who is a bust does not enjoying touching you.

 

fix your damn signature, Cow. 

[JigglyGumballs 1,056]

13 minutes ago, gorlab said:

It's not so much on Stamen, as it is on Josh who passed over, what IMO, should be a sure shot uncontended #1 pick in this draft because he wasn't man enough to compile a late 1st to supplement the selection of a VHL legend/icon. 

Josh ruined it

[MexicanCow123 906]

Just now, gorlab said:

 

fix your damn signature, Cow. 

Not my fault Josh switched over the forums and broke everything. Tell him to fix it.

[a_Ferk 764]

20 minutes ago, gorlab said:

11.  Scott Kaberle - @fromtheinside - This guy is literally as close to a lick as a first gen could get. I hate that he had to get drafted by a black hole franchise like Toronto, but I love that he pandered to me by doing Jet Jaguar's HoF article. He's the first new gen on this list that I've kind of seen on discord/forums and taken note of, but nothing insane. Did he do the HOF article in a bid to achieve a very very rare first-gen lick status? If so, that's a genius move. I acknowledge there is something about this guy's aura that tells me he could become a regular / semi-famous VHLer, but with all that being said, he's a first gen player. BUST.

This man writes a HOF article for you less than a day after the induction and still isn't a lick?

 

[Jubis 1,341]

Stopped reading after L and R were insta licks

[Peace 1,518]

4 minutes ago, Jubis said:

Stopped reading after L and R were insta licks

Your mistake was starting to read it in the first place. 

[Gustav 6,324]

Tsujimoto be like

 

[ThePerfectNut 563]

To make it short. All VHL GMs are lick with his parter in crime, but everybody else is a BUST

[Enorama 2,030]

1 hour ago, Tate said:

I’d say Riga does well with first gens, considering they took me first overall. 
 

 

and I

[fromtheinside 1,289]

bookmarked this post for when me @tcookie25Addison McLaren and @RedSusCabe McJake  and future D partner @DoktorFunk Jolly Greene Giant make you look silly  Non-recreate users can be good too you know! 

[frescoelmo 1,268]

4 hours ago, gorlab said:

 I don't really remember much of fresco's previous players, I dont think there are any world beaters though. 

 

 

First gen was a HOF

[DMaximus 1,046]

I think it's an honor to be named the 1st First Overall BUST. Thank you.

[Ledge 1,131]

Cabe???? BUST??????You must not have followed the VHLM playoffs. Decent article other than the instant licks for L and R

[DoktorFunk 810]

12 hours ago, gorlab said:

If I had to put money down, J.G. Giant will not perform to the heights of Scott Greene's career.

Yeah, but to be fair, winning 4 Continental Cups is kind of a tall order for anyone

[tcookie 878]

@ BLUE TEAM GORLAB IS BEING MEAN

[rory 1,877]

4 hours ago, tcookie25 said:

@ BLUE TEAM GORLAB IS BEING MEAN

are you kidding!? this is @Victor's greatest accomplishment of his life.

[Victor 10,837]

Strong Victor energy emanating from this post, 10/10 would read the Rasputin paragraph again.

[Josh 1,655]

On 11/14/2020 at 8:45 PM, JigglyGumballs said:

Josh ruined it

 

To be fair, bust is better than lick.