BUST OR LICK - S73 DRAFT EDITION

[gorlab 4,321]

This thread will be a bittersweet celebration of the life of the VHL institution known as "BUST OR LICK". It is with a heavy heart, much soul-searching, and great sadness that I must announce the retirement of the series.

 

The VHL is meant for fun and enjoyment. Articles like this, even when made with good intentions, may turn someone off from the VHL and that just doesn't sit right with me.

 

For anyone drafted in round 1 of seasons 69 to present and labelled a BUST, I truly do apologize if I offended you with my words. I was wrong. You have the potential in you to excel, have success, and prosper as a person. When i cruely and unfairly labelled you a BUST, there was a glimmer growing inside you. That glimmer was the LICK you were always meant to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With that being said...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As always, this is a satirical piece of media. I mean no ill-offence to anybody and it's all just in good fun. This draft is gonna be nasty though. The one thing I will say with 100% seriousness is that Dan Baillie Jr. should have been a top 3 pick. Honorary LICK status to that man.

 

 

 つ ◕_◕ ༽つ BUST OR LICK - S73 VHL ENTRY DRAFT ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

 

 

 

1. Groovy Dood - @bigAL. His name is ringing out in the VHL streets, I will give him that. He seems to be co-signed by some big name VHLers and already seems to have infiltrated at least one VHL clique as a newcomer. 1st overall has never been a bust in BoL history iirc, and despite being a first gen, bigAL's name seems to hold enough weight for me to at least keep the tradition going and crowning our second LICK of the article. I like his Simpsons avatar too.

 

2. Tyler Walker - Legendary VHL member without a doubt. He seems to have roared back after some time (months of inactivity). Not sure if he's still a discord mod or what, but he seems to be grabbing VHL by the balls again............................................. Except Ryan Sullivan Jr. was a bust, and the fact that @Advantage is a decent guy who is trying to get his life right, I would not be surprised if he makes the mature decision and cuts out the toxic growth that is sim league addiction from said life. I told you this draft was gonna be nasty. BUST for Tyler Walker. 

 

3.  Micah Adrienne - A celebrated first genner that had Enorama and Esso nutting in their pants during the draft stream about how Beaviss got such a deal. No offence to @Poptart. Played with him on Moscow IIRC. His last goalie was a good solid player, but let's face it folks, anything Beaviss is associated with is going to be a bust for me. Their other first round pick is a way worse BUST than Micah Adrienne, but there's no way this gets a lick from me.

 

4.  Jordan Tonn - I don't mind @MexicanCow123 in discord but from my perspective his activity has dropped off significantly (maybe he's a VHLM GM or AGM since there's 50 of those now and is more active there) but he ain't on during degen hours in general chat on discord, so he don't exist to me. His last player was a bust for all intents and purposes, and retired early iirc. Better luck to him on this 2nd gen player but this, without question, screams BUST.

 

5.  John Merrick - I commented during the draft that I hadn't even heard of this player before. I checked his profile page and saw it was @Steve with a recreate. Now, I respect Steve and think he is an underrated graphics guy in any league he's active in, but to keep it 100, last VHL player was a bust, he clearly had some kind of falling out with VHL, or maybe a love affair with another sim that drew him away, and he's old. Should hopefully be a contributing player, but he ain't that loveable for me to call him anything but a BUST.

 

6. Grekkark Gryfalcon - Had to look this guy up. I believe @Sharkstrong is a big deal in some other sim league, and surprisingly his last player, Elasmobranch Fish, has some name recognition and I think was a decent sim player. Looks like he used to even run the rigged Lottery too. I don't know much about this member, despite him being active on VHL for almost 2 years. Again, contributing player, but he need to introduce himself and tell me about his hobbies and interests if he wants to get a LICK. Are you silly? Sim player name could also use some work, shit sounds like a bootleg Harry Potter. BUST.

 

7. :chi: Jean Pierre Camus - Graphics god makes an appearance here in BUST or LICK. @solas is a very capable VHLer, has history of HoFers and All-Star players, and is a sig god on the site. Seeing as he's a graphics guy, I'd like to use his entry to tag our fearless leader @Beaviss and ask why none of the expansion teams have emotes yet?  You guys planned these shits in secret for 4 months, ignoring the community's input and ideas, and you guys couldn't even take the 3 minutes to scale down the logos for emotes and upload them? Hate to be a negative member, but Blues fucked it up yet again. solas for me has like an 80% chance of full activity / max capping, and despite wanting to get my bust numbers up bad, I cannot in good faith give a fellow graphics god anything but LICK status. May he be the next MVP goalie of the league.

 

8. :la: Jeffrey Pines - Interesting pick from Josh here. I've definitely heard and seen the name @rory around before. Site post count looking right, I don't want to call him a graphics guy yet because his graphics still need work, but if Josh saw something in him, that is a good co-sign in my eyes. @Josh you couldn't take 2 minutes to make and upload a damn emote for your own expansion team? smmfh. BUST and the player name is on some 'Timothy Brown' types of bland.

 

9.  Patrik Laine - Sneaky pick by Jubo07 here at 9 and I think he gets good value with the pick. I've seen this @PatrikLaine guy zippin around all over the site, seems like he can do a basic graphic and does writing too many. Seems to have an unhealthy obsession with Patrik Laine though. Literally every text entry field this guy could get his hands on he wrote 'Patrik Laine' in. No offence to him, Jubo runs a nice system and he could become something, but giving this guy anything besides BUST a would be out of character for me.

 

10. :war: Dakota Lamb - Very active on discord. Has impressed me with his graphics. Seems to be muff's main man for his team setup. Has all the makings of a lick here honestly. Him and his EHM friends are a little weird and piss me off sometimes though. @dlamb seems to be the least offensive of the bunch. Hate to give away a lick but thanks to the expanded first round size, I have one more to let off and this guy did enough on discord and with graphics to earn it from me. LICK picked up by GM Muffinski.

 

11. Kosmo Kramerev - A couple things jump out at me about this prospect. @Mongoose87 is an intriguing username, and I was born in 87 so maybe he's an old shit like me. Also I noticed his player is Ukrainian just like Jet Jaguar and all my old players. Seems to be running a comedy angle with Kramer as his render, I don't hate it. Unfortunately he was drafted by Calgary, and much like his new GM, he will see himself named a BUST and hopefully like his GM, he can use it as motivation to go on and become a fringe VHL superstar. 

 

12. :lon: Alec Volchenkov - A returning first genner looking to have more success with his second player. I did have some good times with @SirRupertBarnes when he was in S66 draft class with me. We played Junior together iirc and were both drafted to Moscow. Victor actually preferred this guy to me, which is ridiculous both then and now, but his last player got drafted 5 spots before  Jet Jaguar. Jet Jaguar went on to be a HoF and the best forward of S66 draft class. SirRuperBarnes went totally inactive. Sorry Barnes, hope you have a better go of it this time, but Volchenkov clearly getting a BUST here. @McWolf and @Sonnet don't either of you have site powers? Could it have killed you to make forum emotes for the expansion teams? 

 

13.  Wolf Stansson - Unsure if Victor or eaglesfan pick here. I know there was a player within the last ~5 seasons named Wolf Stansson Jr. but I think this @ahockeyguy is a different person. Username is so basic it's comical and I love how he's still rocking the default avatar image on the forum and has an absolutely massively sized signature with some crude graphic editing on it. Looks like he somehow won his S72 VHL Fantasy group, so maybe he's got the touch... Hopefully he makes it work and somebody makes him a better avatar/sig, but pick 13 shouldn't even be a first rounder and the Cardinal of the Kremlin can't be lick hitting every draft. BUST in my humble opinion.

 

14.  Shawn Glade III - Horrific pick by Beaviss here. This guy both voted for Shane Mars in S66 ROTY and then got fired from DAV for gross incompetence. It took Gustav seasons to clean up his mess and get DAV to the playoffs again. If there was something lower than a BUST in this article gimmick, I would give it to him. I'm not even going to give him the respect of tagging him. Jaguar 4 S66 ROTY and fuck Shawn Glade III and all his players past and present. @Beaviss how tf is the Vancouver emote still using the text shortcode que? Wow. Just wow. BUST but worse.

 

15.  Andre Lebastard - Yeah we're getting late in the article here. Don't have much to say about this guy. It definitely looks like he puts effort into his articles/media, and has little graphic elements included which is nice. Seems pretty dedicated for his VHLM career. Hopefully he can drag Prague out of the dumpster and lead them to success. Obviously going down in BoL history as a BUST though. Only way you're getting a lick after like pick 10 is if you're a commish. Sorry about that @Andre LeBastard good luck in your career.

 

16.  Marshall James Frostbeard - One of the most well-liked members on VHL. Always friendly and professional. Latvia produces some great members for sim hockey and @FrostBeard is no exception, rising the VHL ranks quickly and looks to be primed for a successful GM career. This really should be a lick in all honesty, but we've come so far in the article and I'm tired. John Frostbeard got a taste of some cups but had his career cut short (GM job-related, but still). Frostbeard is a lovely guy who contributes to the VHL community, but i've already fucked everybody else off with busts, so Frosty, hate to say it bud, but MJ Frostbeard is going down as a BUST for me.

 

 

 

There you have it folks, another seasonal instalment of your favourite member's favourite article series. Not sure why everyone was going hog wild over this draft class, because I honestly don't see it. I think this is one of the worst drafts in BUST or LICK history, but I'm too lazy to go stat digging through the other articles. I think we had 3 licks and 13 busts in the first round. S73 will be remembered as an average draft class.

 

Salute round 2 LICKS Dan Baillie Jr. and pride of India Ajay Krishna. Thanks to some questionable GM decisions causing you to slip to the second round, you will both be omitted from the lick record books.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading and see you next season.

Edited July 17, 2020 by gorlab

[Steve 1,925]

4 minutes ago, gorlab said:

and he's old

WTF

[.sniffuM 1,741]

Picked one of the three licks of the first round and had my next pick get an honorary mention lick as well, it can't get much better than that. 

[McWolf 3,115]

1 hour ago, gorlab said:

@McWolf and @Sonnet don't either of you have site powers? Could it have killed you to make forum emotes for the expansion teams? 

I don't but it needs to happen. Thank you!

 

Also, that's a terrible lick:bust ratio.

Old grumpy gorlab is back, hooray!

Edited July 17, 2020 by McWolf

[mediocrepony 1,216]

Bust go Bye-bye

Edited July 17, 2020 by GrittyIsKing09

[Jubis 1,349]

So many busts lol 

 

Always enjoy this read tho 

[mediocrepony 1,216]

i know i was drafted nowhere near the 1st round but am I bust/ Lick @gorlab

[Quik 4,113]

1 hour ago, gorlab said:

I'm not even going to give him the respect of tagging him

[DMaximus 1,046]

Come for the Busts, stay for the Licks.

Glad to see the general anger of 2020 reflected in the Bust/Lick ratio. Perfect ratio this year. Best one yet!

[Plate 386]

@gorlab

Do one for S74, but only review me and no matter where I go or what team I go for label me as a bust. 

[Beaviss 4,957]

I'm not surprised by the Gorlab bust rating on Glade but I am surprised about the lack of a lick just for associating with me for Adrienne.

[MexicanCow123 914]

2 hours ago, gorlab said:

his activity has dropped off significantly

 

2 hours ago, gorlab said:

he don't exist to me

2 hours ago, gorlab said:

without question, screams BUST.

 

 

Geez. You are a nasty guy.

[SirRupertBarnes 220]

3 hours ago, gorlab said:

Volchenkov clearly getting a BUST here.

Oof. I was shocked you dropped to 10th but Moscow got a steal. Hopefully I don’t live up to your bust tag. Cheers bud

[SirRupertBarnes 220]

37 minutes ago, Plate said:

label me as a bust.

That’s already a guarantee

[Andre LeBastard 112]

Glad you put the cowardly disclaimer at the start, otherwise I might have told you I got something you can lick.

 

In all seriousness, it looks like you know jack shit about most of the players you write about. I can't see any relevance, benefit or need for this piece.  Further, you clearly have no understanding of the term 'satire', this is not a satirical piece, in any way shape of form. So you can't claim satire, which to me leaves a poorly executed, self serving TPE grab, based on insulting people you know nothing about.

 

FYI

 

The Oxford English Dictionary defines satire thus:

 

a. A poem or (in later use) a novel, film, or other work of art which uses humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize prevailing immorality or foolishness, esp. as a form of social or political commentary. Frequently with on, of, against.

Originally distinguished from lampoon in being directed at a fault rather than at a person who has that fault, though there is now considerable overlap between the two terms.

Dude, I'm a shit writer, but at least some of my stuff can conjure a smile from time to time, this shit is just grim. 

 

Therefore, I an awarding you a never before awarded 1.0/10 for this piece of puerile journalism. 

 

It's not even funny. Fuck you.

 

 

 

[FrostBeard 2,054]

I wanna say this - I find this amazing. This post is great. I always loved Bust or Lick series just because it sometimes makes no sense. Also, as Malmo GM I should be angry now that all 3 picks are labelled Bust, even my own player? Wow... I am so annoyed now, damn @gorlab. Amazing as always and keep up the good work! 

I know you will retire "Bust or Lick" and for that reason I hope we will see something amazing return! 

[Advantage 2,892]

Love it @gorlab

 

Thankfully I've learned to actually be able to balance real life and sim leagues and now that i no longer have to do media spots and podcasts on my phone (that was my reality with most of Sullivans career) its easy for me to max again.

 

So many busts in here lol

[Beaviss 4,957]

 

@gorlab when creating this list

 

[McWolf 3,115]

1 hour ago, Plate said:

@gorlab

Do one for S74, but only review me and no matter where I go or what team I go for label me as a bust. 

this guy gets it lmao

[bigAL 2,176]

Fuk u @gorlab I’m gonna use this as fuel and become the biggest BUST the VHL has ever seen. How did everyone in the first round get the big B except me?! 1.0/10 article, may this list rest in *whatever the opposite of peace is*

[bigAL 2,176]

4 hours ago, gorlab said:

Him and his EHM friends are a little weird and piss me off sometimes though. @dlamb seems to be the least offensive of the bunch.

Darren Lamb: “not that weird”

[ahockeyguy 110]

I'm only replying so everyone can see my bland username and giant picture. :D

[ThePerfectNut 563]

S74 next my dawg! Great article and really funny to read ahahaha

[Victor 10,954]

7 hours ago, gorlab said:

Unsure if Victor or eaglesfan pick here.

There is no Victor or eaglesfan picks. Only Moscow.

[Gustav 6,433]

8 hours ago, gorlab said:

I must announce the retirement of the series.

 

8 hours ago, gorlab said:

see you next season.