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A lot of emotions...


InstantRockstar

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I contemplated writing this article and how I wanted to write it for a few weeks now. I’ve literally erased so many pieces from time to time, but I decided that the better side of me needs to flourish and not the negative/downside of me. That being said, this article is going to be long, it’s going to be very in-depth, and most importantly, it’s going to be about my gratitude for… a lot of people. So I suppose you guys can grab your popcorn, grab your tissues, and let’s just have a bit of fun!

 

So, to truly open this up, some backstory. Little me, baby Rockstar joined back in 2008, September 28th to be exact, so 12 years ago now. Back then I was an asshole, no other way to sugarcoat that one, I was very young, about 13 years old back then and very new to the sim league experience. I was a brat; I expected a lot and I probably got off on one of the worst starts I ever could. I made more enemies than I ever wanted to, and I had no excuses for how I was acting, I was just a douchey teenager. Fast forward a few years, still a brat, but my life kinda went in a spiral. A lot of people never really knew about my irl life going on because a) no one really asked and b) I was very closed off and not really talkative about a lot of things. I got into some fairly heavy drugs because my friends thought they were cool and of course as a naïve, rebellious teenager, I also wanted to be cool. It did a lot of harm to me mentally, physically and so on, and because of everything that transpired, I was even worse here. Some users probably noticed around S30-something or S40-something I disappeared from the league completely, like all gone, no traces, nothing. This is because of a few reasons. The first was that I lost my fiancé, not the one I am now married to, but one I was with that some people knew about. It was one of the most defeating times of my life, and I got really intense into some bad things, my life spiraled even more. Eventually I checked into rehab and made a huge stint there where I got clean, I got sober, and have been sober from all of my nightmare drugs, etc for a little while now. When I returned, I didn’t know how people would perceive me, a lot of people still held grudges, a lot of people still hated me, or still hate me, but thankfully some people were willing to let bygones be bygones and start anew.

 

The big question on everyone’s mind now is, why does all this matter? Well, because I’m still not perfect and I’ll be the first one to admit it. Have I been a saint or an angel since my return? Absolutely not. Have I gotten into hot water and opened my mouth too many times? Absolutely. Unfortunately, my mind is fucked up, there is no nice way to sugar coat it, I’ve been a lot better as of late, and have been much better than I usually was, but I still have my moments, and I accept that I’m not perfect by any sense of the word. What I want people to hopefully take from this, is that I do not mean any harm when I do what I do, and I never hold grudges, and I never want to be perceived poorly, though I know I am to some already, and for that I am very disappointed but I will live and move on from it.

 

Now, without further ado, before I give a frick ton of shoutouts, my overview of my 10 official seasons as GM, after a long hiatus. It’s not a pretty career, it’s not filled with tons of awards of cups, which I am also disappointed in myself for, but it’s been filled with tons of blessings, good times, amazing members and a community that I am forever grateful for. Let’s get it!

 

[B]SEASON ONE – S66[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 40-28-4 (84 points, 7th in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: Quarter-Finals

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Lincoln Tate (88 pts), Rhys Chism (85 pts), Edgar Tannahill (80 pts)

 

In our first ever season, the new expansion team was able to make the playoffs with a roster that was primarily built with waivers, some drafting, and some expansion draft picks. At this time, there was no set expectation, it was a brand-new team, something new to me that hadn’t been done in a few years, and I was just getting back into the swing of things. I had A LOT of amazing members to give credit to here, despite only showing the top 3 performers of each season, this team was stacked and full of amazing personalities.

 

[b]SEASON TWO – S67[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 26-38-8 (60 points, 7th in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: Quarter-Finals

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Milan Griffin (77 pts), Ryan Busser (64 pts) Alyksander Hunter (53 points)

 

Another playoff birth gives us back-to-back playoff attempts now, this one in terms of production was a little worse, despite still being 7th in the league, we finished significantly worse off with our record and as such, got eliminated early on, the same position we would be eliminated the season prior. It was a good run, with again a lot of amazing users and personalities, just did not get as deep as we would’ve hoped.

 

[b]SEASON THREE – S68[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 38-31-3 (79 points, 7th in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: Quarter-Finals

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Roadkill Steve (128 pts), Chad Gilbert (127 pts), Will Clarke (97 pts)

 

Anyone knowing a scary trend? No? Well, 3 seasons in a row now we finished 7th in the league, with 3 different point totals and varying records. We also always only make it to the quarter finals, tickle me cursed at this point. This was in my opinion one of the deepest rosters I had to this point, its only 3 short seasons but in saying that, some of the deepest rosters I had built to date and the point production from a lot of the guys on the team was super high. This was my biggest ‘disappointment’ feeling to this time, as I felt I had built an outstanding roster but just couldn’t finish.

 

[b]SEASON FOUR – 69 (nice)[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: UKNOWN (index is corrupted)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: Quarter-Finals

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: UNKNOWN (index is corrupted)

 

So, I can’t speak much on a season I can’t really look back to. Clearly what I can tell based on the forum is that we made it into the playoffs, we again got eliminated in the quarter finals, and again, a likely disappointing season. The only takeaway here, is that we never didn’t compete…we were always a competitive team despite being an expansion team, we could’ve taken the low road and rebuilt for years and years but we never did, so I felt good that I was making it to the playoffs but for me personally, I was not satisfied with the results, always losing in the same spot…

 

[b]SEASON FIVE – S70[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 58-10-4 (120 points, 2nd in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: Semi-Finals

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Roque Davis (154 pts), Kyl Oferson (153 pts), Roadkill Steve (151 pts)

 

When I say I was sick to my stomach with this season, I mean it. This has to be the absolutely biggest slap in the face season, and STHS just literally knocked me down a few pegs here. After having our BEST season ever, our 5th consecutively competing, this should’ve been on our year. Minnesota was at the time, supposed to be our biggest hurdle, they were the top team in the league, and proved it when they won the cup, however it would be Ottawa to dismantle our dreams of winning it all. Kudos to Ottawa for a crazy series, but this one easily still hurts the most. We had an excellent core, amazing depth, this now became my ‘strongest’ team, and the performance shows.

 

[b]SEASON SIX – 71[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 42-28-4 (86 points, 6th in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: Semi-Finals

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Alex Bridges (135 pts), Nikita Kulikovich (126 pts), Ike Bennett (102 pts)

 

Heartbreak pt.2, sounds like an album cover but it’s just my life story as a GM. 6 seasons in a row that we have not missed the playoffs now, every single season was competitive and a grind right until the very end, this one was no different. Ottawa was the top dog this year, and we actually managed to beat Minnesota in a crazy series that we were the underdog in. We had a chance to finally beat the Lynx who crushed our dreams the season prior, but we did not get our revenge. Instead, they would go on to win a much-deserved cup, their season was strong through and through, and we would be left with another hole in my heart.

 

[b]SEASON SEVEN – S72[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 10-60-2 (22 points, 11th in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: DNQ

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Han Jae Kuk (34 pts), Roadkill Steve (30 pts), John Shally (30 pts)

 

After six seasons of competing, burning assets and throwing everything I could into the team, the lack of assets and waiver signings finally caught up with us here. For the first time in our existence, we did not make the playoffs and had our teams worst season record now in history. This was still an enjoyable season thankfully because I had some excellent guys in the LR, but I know it was beyond hard for them to deal with, and it was even hard for me to deal with. I always want to give my guys and girls 110%, and get them the best success we can, and I just was not able to deliver that this season, disappointing on my end for sure.

 

[b]SEASON EIGHT – S73[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 51-19-2 (104 points, 5th in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: Semi-Finals

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Pietro Angellini (125 pts), John Merrick (109 pts), Lucifer Olivier Leveque (101 pts)

 

San Diego doesn’t sleep long, let me tell you. With just one season of ‘failure’ under my belt, I was able to thankfully recoup enough assets and some great players to go on another big run. I was also quite thankful that I had recreated at this time and my player played a big part in this run with all of my carryover TPE and such, it really provided a much-needed boost for the core. Unfortunately, we were stopped once again in the semi’s, so close to that pivotal and honestly long desired championship, but it never happened. We’ve been close now so many times, but again it’s the connections I made with this team that I find special. I made a lot of amazing friends, met a lot of amazing people and they blessed me with an amazing season, I am forever grateful.

 

[b]SEASON NINE – S74[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 9-58-5 (23 points, 12th in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: DNQ

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Logan Hoffman (38 pts), Raphael Switzer (37pts), Cowboy Prout (34 pts)

 

For the second time in now 9 seasons, we had a losing season. If this season taught me anything, it’s to cherish every single moment. We did lose, and there is no excuse for that, but there was a lot of friendships and bonds made. This season was special to me for that very reason, and I chalk it up as a one-off, well I guess a two-off for our career statistics. But not too shabby for 9 seasons in the books if you ask me…

 

[b]SEASON TEN (CURRENT) – S75[/b]

[b]REGULAR SEASON[/b]: 7-6-0 (14 points, 7th in the league)

[b]PLAYOFF PERFORMANCE[/b]: TBD

[b]KEY CONTRIBUTORS (TOP 3)[/b]: Cowboy Prout (16 pts), Scotty Kaberle (16 pts), Red Lite (16 pts)

 

This is the current season and honestly, this league became super competitive and it shows. Despite having an insanely deep roster thanks to one of the best recruitments drives we’ve had in recent history, we’re just barely above .500% but our locker room is kicking and screaming every single day. There is so many players that make me proud to be a GM here and let me know that they are with me, willing to work with me, and most importantly, are in it for the long haul. I know I have a good group of guys here this year, and we’re not laying down without a fight.

 

[b]RECAP[/b]:

[b]TOTAL RECORD[/B]: 281-278-32 (Season 4 data is missing…)

[b]TOTAL PLAYOFF RECAP[/b]:

10 seasons, 7 playoff appearances, 1 TBD.

-        3x Semi Finals

-        4x Quarter Finals

-        - 0 Cups (yes, laugh it up…)

 

So, would I chalk up my GMing experience as a good one, or a bad one? Would I call myself a success story, or a failure? Well, it depends what criteria you would use to determine such a feat. If we define success based on cups, then I’ve failed, and I admit it’s been haunting me for seasons now. I’ve been determined, I’ve been active, I’ve been engaged, I’ve been driving myself mental, but alas, no cups have come to San Diego. If we look at playoff berths however, can we call San Diego successful? Maybe, maybe not. We’ve been to the playoffs more than we haven’t, but again those berths have not amounted to a cup, we’ve also got a winning record in the regular season, mainly because of all those playoff berths.

 

On the flip side of it all, however, if we talk about locker room activity, member retainment, connections being made, players just being here because of San Diego, then I would call myself pretty successful. When I look around the league and see so many usernames still around, whether it be pre-existing members who stuck it out or new members on their second players (yes, I’m old, old enough that my young players are now 2nd gen players, ie Phil & Tate & Danger, etc). I don’t label my GM success on any one thing, I don’t label my GM failure on any one thing. At the end of the day, I feel blessed that season after season, players are honored to call me their GM, I feel blessed that I am constantly surrounded by people who want to be around me, who feel joy being a part of the team, who have memories from 6-7 seasons ago that they are still fond of, and most importantly, I feel blessed that I can always know, my environment in San Diego has been, and will always be, a safe, special, fun, exciting and judgement free space.

 

Now that the team stuff is out of the way, a very lengthy thank you to many, many people. Since my return, I have met a lot of people, I have reconnected with others, and most importantly, I’ve gained true friends. This list could be a mile and a half long, even with the enemies I may speak to as well, or the people who may not like me, I feel like it’s time to put some closure on a lot of bullshit, and lay it all to rest. Without further ado, my wall of thank you/happy texts!

 

@BladeMaiden - We had a lot of fights, a lot. We butt heads more than likely a lot of people around here, but before we began bickering and before all the crap went down, you were the very first person to introduce me to the league again, and vouch for me when being considered for my GM job. You didn't know me, you didn't need to know me, but were welcoming and honoring, we finally put bygones in the past, and really hashed it out over a very lengthy conversation just a few short months ago, and it feels good to know the person who was there for me since day one, is back on the good side, and I am not on their bad side, so thank you for that. 

 

@Banackock - You, along with D_A gave me a bit of purpose back here, I can't thank you enough for having faith in me to come back and take another GM position after years away and a lot of bad experiences in the past. Not only did you kind of help me when I needed it, but you became a great friend, and someone I trusted with a lot. We didn't talk super often, but often enough that we could shoot the shit and it didn't just feel like you were the 'boss' of the league, I really respect you, and appreciate what you did for me to give me the job, and now taking me in, in Seattle. I look forward to a lengthy run with you. 

 

@diamond_ace  - Where there is one commissioner, there is two. You and I go way back, to the point that you actually helped me learn the ropes of GMing way back when, when the Lynx were known as the Ice Dogs and the GMing was very fresh for possibly the both of us. You were the one that really got me hooked on the league, and helped me find my footing for all my reigns as GM. I know you played a big part as well in getting me back into a GM spot, and I'm forever grateful for the second chance, I hope I've been deserving ever since. 

 

@Beaviss - Vancouver is a place I called home since I was drafted there, and you were the very big reason that I enjoyed it as much as I did. You were an engaging GM who really kept things light in the LR and really kept people there because they WANTED to be there. You have been nothing but accepting of me, and have been there whenever I needed ya, for little or big things, so thank you very much for having an open door policy and thank you for such an amazing experience in Vancouver, the experience will be unmatched. 

 

@Josh - Yeah, you hate being pinged, suck it! You took me in as an AGM before I got the opportunity to become a GM of my own, and in all seriousness I feel like that experience in Yukon is what truly lead me to wanting to be a GM. Without having experienced that time in Yukon I do not think I would be half the GM I am today, I do not think I would be half the person I am in these leagues, so I really respect what you did there and achieved, and I appreciate the guidance. 

 

@MexicanCow123 - My first ever AGM, it's sad to say how long ago it actually was. Having you in San Diego made the time fly, and it was super enjoyable. You've made some hiccups along the way as GM, but I feel encouraged to see where you've come in such a short period of time. You brought a lot of positivity, fun and experience to the locker room every single season you were with me, and we bonded a lot, I'm very proud of you, and keep doing an amazing job ❤️ 

 

@Viperxhawks19 - My other AGM buddy, I was very depressed when you decided to leave in all honesty, no BS. After having lost Mex, and then I lost Alex due to school, you stepping down really sucked. You were so helpful and just there whenever you were needed, or even if you just felt like being around, you were a great presence for the team, and very active and engaging with the locker room and the players. They appreciated you, and so did I. 

 

@Alex Bridges - You are, and will always be a little shit for leaving me, but I'll forgive you eventually :P  All jokes aside, it was unfortunate to lose you as soon as we did, but it didn't go without its good times. You helped the team along as much as you could and proved you were willing and able to be a great AGM. You had everything in the making to be successful if school wasn't putting so much weight on you, I think we would've continued to be a great team. 

 

@IamMOOSE - How can I leave out my current AGM? You bring back flashbacks of Mex if I am honest, when it comes to how involved you love to be and how active you are, and how engaged you are in the locker room. You're that bright light that the team was missing without a consistent AGM and you've done a lot of good for the team. Your scouting helped us build one hell of a team this year, and you nailed it. I am very blessed and proud to call you my partner in crime. 

 

@Sonnet - You're gone now (unless you came back when I wasn't paying attention) and I can't say we had the greatest relationship. To say I pissed you off is an understatement, but hopefully you can forgive me for it, I swear it was not against you personally, I'm just a stubborn ass person with a thick skull and too much time on my hands lol. That being said, my time as GM is not complete without having you as commissioner for a short period of time, and you did some good in the M, that wouldn't have been done without you in power, so thank you for being a part of the journey. 

 

@Rayzor_7 - When it comes to friendships, I'd say I found a pretty good one in you. We don't talk 24/7, its not really that kind of friendship, but we both talk when we need to, get along really well, and now you're on the team with your player so that's really fun. You are always around if I need to vent or just get something out in the air, and I feel like I do that for you too, so there is that as well. I do want to thank you for your friendship, it's an amazing one, wouldn't trade it for the world. 

 

@Ricer13 - I didn't really know you too much until you got hired to be GM, we hadn't talked that much up until that point, but I feel like we both think scarily alike, and its kind of brought that bond on at the GMing level that I've thoroughly enjoyed having. You are an excellent GM and a very great LR guy, you really know how to keep guys engaged and active and I respect the hell out of that. Keep being an excellent GM, you've done great things already and the sky is the limit! 

 

@Spartan - Another GM I've grown mad respect for, over the seasons now. You are constantly a fighter, a warrior and someone pushing and striving for greatness. There isn't a season that you want to fail (really, do we ever want to?) and you are always ensuring to the best of your ability that failure is not an option. Las Vegas has had some inconsistencies with GM's over the time now but I am glad they finally settled with you, one hell of a GM. 

 

@Doomsday - I had the pleasure of having you on my team as a player, one of, if not THE best Marlins two-way forward I have ever had the pleasure of having on my team, and if not one of the best in the minor leagues as well. You turned into an amazing user, and now an amazing GM. You clearly work your ass off, and it shows a lot, you should be and I am sure very proud of your accomplishments as GM in your short tenure, keep up the excellent work, I am very proud and happy to see you succeed here. 

 

@ColeMrtz - Still mad about the Yukon loss, but nevertheless it can't be held over your head forever (or can it? lol). I am really happy you got chosen to pickup Mississauga tbh, you're a great user and you have a good head on your shoulders. I think with some time the Hounds will be as great as they were in the hands of our boy Gus, one of the best GMs in history. You have some shoes to fill, but so far so good, keep up the good work with the team. 

 

@Hylands - Honestly, we haven't talked all that much outside of the VHLM GM chat, however I do have to say I think they made an excellent call with hiring you as GM. While we've never had too many run-ins together, you make a fine choice for GM and I'm sure you'll have a lengthy career at the helm, just don't smuggle too much of your own product over the border, okay? Need to keep you on this side of the line, not the other...ha. 

 

@DoktorFunk - Another GM I haven't had a ton of personal interactions with, most of which come in the VHLM GM chat as well, but nevertheless I can see the good you're doing in Ottawa and that is not hard to find. You are without a doubt an excellent GM, you do what needs to get done, I hear a lot of your players rave about you over the time, and winning a cup is no feat to laugh at. Keep doing you, and keep making Ottawa great! 

 

@Dil - You are, and will forever be a little shit, and you know it lol. You like to push buttons, but at the same time, you're a very smart kid. I think you're gonna go far, but I think you have some lessons to learn and some things that could be done differently, but its not my place to tell you how to GM haha. Either way, I envy your drive and I envy your abilities, I think you're gonna go places and really hit it big when Halifax comes to fruition, its just a matter of time for you to find that success. 

 

@DMaximus - A similar boat to some of the other GM's, our talks are mostly transactional, or in the GM chat, there isn't a lot of personal talks but that's absolutely okay. I feel like we've got a mutual respect for one another (maybe we don't and I'm just in my own little world lol) and we work well together when needed. Philly is lucky to have you at the helm, and I wish you, and Philly nothing but success and a good time! 

 

@a_Ferk - I think you're the only AGM I associate with outside of the GM chat lol, so you make the list! I respect the hell out of you and I was super impressed when Doom hired you. You've done an excellent job by his side and really helped put Saskatoon on the map as a threat. There is no doubts in my mind that one day you will be a GM in your own right, you have all of the characteristics to be one, and you're gonna make it big. 

 

@Tate - You single handedly go down as one of my favorite members I've ever had the pleasure of having on my team. You had such a successful career and I am honored to have been a part of it. You somehow landed on the team twice which makes it even more amazing, and you are a great user. I really have nothing but good things to say about you, and I can hope that you continue to be apart of the adventure one way or another. 

 

@DangerGolding - Another guy I've known for a while in multiple league, I also have had the pleasure of watching you with two players and having both of them on my team. You are also another member that I've gotten a long with very well and have had some good chats with. You're a dedicated user who really enjoys himself and helps others enjoy the league in return. Never, ever change, you were and still are a great experience in the league and on the Marlins. 

 

@Phil - 1/2 of the Knight bros (where tf is your brother man, been too long!) and a favorite of mine. When I seen you were available this draft as the picks continued to pour in, I was astonished, but also very happy. It was a no brainer to bring you back to the team after Marleau found success on the team your first time around. You bring a good vibe to the team and its always a blast having you in the LR, talk more though, we need that Phil energy!! 

 

@Cowboy - How do I write up a speech thingy and not include you? Such a short tenured player but yet have made such an impact. If there is a freaking gold star award for most active, engaged and willingness to learn, it goes to you. You have impressed me immensely, you are so attentive and your need for education on things is above and beyond. You surely keep me busy, and I love it haha. You've been a very welcomed edition to the team, and we're very proud to have you leading the pack! 

 

@fromtheinside - Another welcomed short tenured member who has made a huge impact early on, even nabbing himself an AGM job because of the impact you've made. You are just like Cowboy, a quick learner, someone who WANTS to learn, someone who WANTS to be a part of the league and someone who just enjoys the hell out of being here. Just like Cowboy, you were a no brainer to bring onto the team, your presence in the LR alone has been worth it, and your production and time has made it even more worth it. You will make one hell of a GM one day. 

 

There is a billion people I am sure I could write-up here, some I know I am missing but my mind is going numb trying to find every single person that I can possibly think of to thank for the experience I've had here. There is however one more person that I want to mention,

 

@Tape-to-Tape - Thank you for putting up with me and honestly, making me open my eyes. While I still have no clue if you're an alias, or if I know you from elsewhere personally, you really made me shed some light on who I am, reflect on myself and change for the better. I appreciate you being honest, and the way I handled your situation was horrible, a very low point for my GMing career, but I am actually glad it happened, because I now know it'll never happen again, because you took the time to put me in my place and show me how I was doing things the wrong way. If you still hate me, all the power to you, I'd hate me too, but hopefully you can learn to forgive and forget, I hold no hard feelings either way. 

 

And yeah, that's me in a nutshell. Thanks for reading ❤️ 

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Yo you were a cool GM I know I wasn't always the most active in chats all the time but you and mooseage did your best to make it the best introduction to the leauge possivle. Thank you for the time in San Diego. You've been through a lot in this league n I respet that. 10/10 on the feels man. 10/10

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@InstantRockstar very brave of you to put yourself out there like this my dude. I don't think there's a single person here who can look back without a single thing they'd want to change, but at the end of the day the past is what leads you to the person you are today, and all you can do is try to be better for it. Happy that you've gotten the help you needed, and that things are much better for you now, congrats man :)

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 11/23/2020 at 7:53 PM, InstantRockstar said:

 

@Alex Bridges - You are, and will always be a little shit for leaving me, but I'll forgive you eventually :P  All jokes aside, it was unfortunate to lose you as soon as we did, but it didn't go without its good times. You helped the team along as much as you could and proved you were willing and able to be a great AGM. You had everything in the making to be successful if school wasn't putting so much weight on you, I think we would've continued to be a great team. 

Haha, I may not have been a great AGM, but wow, did you see me on the ice when I played for you? I had over 2.5 points per game in my career with you! Youre a great GM, ill never forget you!

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