BUST OR LICK - SEASON 76 DRAFT EDITION

[gorlab 4,321]

Salutations VHLiens,

 

It's that time of year again. The most controversial forum topic of the off-season is back for it's 7th-annual satirical judgement of the next generation of VHL stars. Despite this being largely a comedic / groaner type of media, my unquestionable status as a sim hockey legend does lend some weight to the status I give out to the rookie crop of VHLers every season. In a future BUST OR LICK, we will be analyzing the results of previous BUST OR LICK articles (or maybe I'll bring in an unbiased third-party researcher) to really show how accurate my ability to predict sim careers is. Today, however, we just have a normal edition of BUST OR LICK.

 

The formula is simple: I don't pay attention to anything having gone on in the VHLM for the past 1-2 seasons, use marijuana, and categorize each pick in the 1st round of the VHL entry draft into one of the following two categories:

 

BUST - A bad selection, meaning the selected prospect's career will not pan out or be considered a success. This can be the fault of the player themselves (going inactive, building wrong, etc.) or the team selecting them (cursed, GM'd by beaviss, located in Davos, etc.) will not be experiencing much success in the tenure of the selected player's career.

 

or

 

LICK - A good selection, meaning the selected prospect will likely experience a successful career with any combination of stats/cups/awards. This is usually down to the powerful aura of the user themselves, but can sometimes pop off if the team is looking good/contending.

 

 

Now, without further ado....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*** TRIGGER WARNING ***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*** TRIGGER WARNING ***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BUST OR LICK - S76 VHL ENTRY DRAFT

 

 

1.  Red Lite - @Tate - Tate coming off of a sneaky HoF calibre career with his first gen (I think Lincoln Tate was his first gen player anyways) so it's very hard to give this pick a bust, when you also consider how hot his wife is. Tough break on going to NYA but esso still got hope to turn things around for the franchise. Last season was the first time the 1st overall pick received bust status, and it will remain the sole example of such freak phenomenon because Red Lite gets LICK approval for NYA. 

 

2.  Battre Sandstrom - @Acydburn- Another re-create I am pretty familiar with. I believe Acyd is also coming off his first-gen effort, which was far less successful than Tate's, but he did manage to claim a couple of cups with Acyd Burn. Good guy imo, pretty decent with graphics but gets lazy with it. Tough call for me, because I think his allegiance is with some other sim leagues and he's an Affiliate claimer, which to me has red flags. Tough break on the draft destination as well.  This is going to be a BUST for me, but I hope Acyd has a good time with his second player. 

 

3.  Tom Eagles - @Greg_Di- Uhh, is this draft all first gens going to their second player or wtf is going on here? Greg_Di back after a pretty good run with Greg Eagles, quite a bit of hardware and cups. Pretty rare for a first gen goaler to hit a lick like Greg Eagles did, and even moreso since he played half his career on Vancouver. Don't know too much about the guy, and he's kept his forum avatar as a default image - hence we have another BUST.

 

4. Hulk Hogan Jr. - @Beaviss - Look, another first gen member coming into their second player.... ahueueueuee, Beaviss coming with another effort here. Not sure how Beav manages to have multiple players on the go in the VHL at basically all times, but since his only HoFer (HHH) is like, 3 players ago now, this can't really go down as a lick. Hopefully Beav and Josh combine like Voltron and take LA to some sort of mediocre success, because the franchise looking like it's falling behind it's expansion counterparts bad. BUST.

 

5.  Kristof Welch - @Juice - Literally never heard of this player/member until right now. Peace likes to think he's got a pulse on the VHLM / new gens, which is fine by me. Pretty much the safest BUST of the first round thus far. New member coming into a rotten franchise, that's a big yikes for me.  Good luck to ya though. Maybe you are the missing link that takes Toronto back to relevance (not likely though).

 

6.  Frank Funk Jr - @Rayzor_7 - Now here's a much better shot at bringing Toronto to some level of relevance. First-gen on their second player seems to be a running theme in this draft. Rayzor, for me, probably had the most successful first gen career of all the draftees thus far, and imo elevated Seattle into a dynasty team with his last player. Dude has some good info in the finances & stocks discord channel, has gotten into some trouble in his career, and seems to be disliked by a decent chunk of the community. This is a recipe for success in my opinion, and as much as I don't want to do it, Toronto has found themselves a rare LICK here.   We'll see if Rayzor can translate his goaler success to skater success. I think he prob can.

 

7.  Caitlyn Catowize - @CrazyCaityCat -

 

8.  Hex Rose - @Hex Universe - A really really really really enthusiastic first gen. Annoyingly so. Seattle seems to have a knack of turning this misfit-type member into success, but SEA dynasty is over and not starting up again any time soon. Don't know, or care, what Hex did in the VHLM, and I don't read his articles, sooooooo.....  BUST. Hold this L for now and maybe you'll be lucky enough to throw it back in my face in a few seasons, but I doubt it.

 

9.  Phoenix Dawson - @Toast - Ahhhh, finally we get to a historical member who was putting in that sim league pain long before any of the previous draftees. Salute to Toast, always been a good guy to chat with, and when he's active, can be a really enjoyable/driving force in the league. I haven't followed his VHLM career, and unless he's incognito on Discord, I haven't seen him much there either. I clearly have a huge bias for historical members, but let's keep it 100 here. He's on Seattle, and he's probably going to go back inactive. BUST.

 

10.  Robin Galante Nilsson - @RomanesEuntDomus - Another somewhat historical member. I've clashed with him numerous times over the past ~10 years or so, but I can't deny he knows how to build an STHS player, and **CAN** be a big/active member of the community. Pretty sure he still calls SHL home and treats VHL as a side-piece, which is a flaw for me. For anybody who knows our history, this is going to seem like a massive heel turn, but I'm willing to say that if VHL was his main league, and he wasn't welfare'ing, this would be a lick. Even being on Welfare, and being on Vancouver, this guy does have the capability to produce a dominant sim league player. BUST anyways though. GL to you RED. 

 

11.  Gunnar Odinsson - @BOOM - Best pick of round 1 full-stop. When you factor in that BOOM is one of the most iconic VHL members of all-time AND you have the enigma Jubo07 popping up, out of literally nowhere, to take him @ 11th overall, which I think was surprising for a lot of people, makes this a very volatile LICK for me. VHL has changed a lot since BOOM's peak of activity era when he was posting beautiful topless women without a care in the world, but I HOPE he continues activity for the career of Odinsson just because he's a great community member to have around. Jubo might have cracked the code and entered the matrix with this pick. Look for Helsinki to be a force again shortly. BOOM the only VHLer in history to be willing to cop plane tickets to come run a fade. If that ain't lick status IDK what is.

 

12.  Phil The Rock Johnson - @Phil - Back-to-back iconic VHL members at 11 and 12 here. In the current VHL gen, Phil has fallen back a bit, but he definitely has the ability to crack off a HoFer and be a positive, enjoyable member of the community if he's regularly active. I do have some activity concerns, but his pedigree is unquestionable. I don't want to fuck up my lick ratios, but for a member as iconic as Phil, exceptions need to be made. Sorry about going to SEA, phil.  LICK.

 

13.  Philip Stein - @IHateBobNutting- Going to assume this guy made an impact in the VHLM. Hopefully McWolf unearthed a gem for himself, as LDN finds themselves with LA, lagging behind the rest of the expansion teams. Obvious BUST though. We got VHL legends at 11 and 12, then somebody who hates BobNutting enough that he made it his username. What's so bad about Bob Nutting anyways?

 

14.  Magnus Verlander - @Jbeezy76 - Username is sort of familiar to me, so they might be a recreate, or from another league.  Calgary can't update their new logo as an emote though???   Have nothing coming to mind when I think of this player / user. Good luck in your career I guess? BUST.

 

15.  Abe Roque - @Abe Roque - Now this is a first gen I like. Same name on the player and user. I know nothing about this guy, but he seems like a meat & potatos type of player. Nothing fancy, just hard work and dedication. Obviously not a lick, but hey, could be the next great VHL member? Probably not but I guess d_a can dream. BUST.

 

16.  Jivere Zolnek - @Sixersfan594 - This guy is actually a sim league legend as well. Beaviss MIGHT have caught himself a lick here, because even though sixers aka taron aka tomer aka DYMO (like I said this guy has a rich sim league history) I think is primarily on SBA and doing affiliate PT here, he does have STHS experience and can both build a productive player, and be a productive LR guy. He's a good guy and I consider him a friend, especially from my SBA days, but he might fuck off on beaviss or beaviss might misuse him. Hate to not give him a lick, but he'll get over it. BUST for me, but really a solid pick for 16th overall IMO.

 

 

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There you have it folks. Another season, and another crop of VHL prospects who have had their unplayed careers judged and categorized by someone who barely remembers anything about the VHL other than what my own player does. Hope everybody had fun, and congratulations to all the recently drafted players. May you find your time in the VHL to be a LICK even though I've already confirmed that it's going to be a BUST.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading. Cya next off-season. 

 

 

[ 4 LICKS  /// 12 BUSTS ]

[Acydburn 1,607]

1 minute ago, gorlab said:

 

 I think his allegiance is with some other sim leagues and he's an Affiliate claimer, which to me has red flags. 

VHLM Commissioner and Updater = Affiliate Claimer.. SMH My Head

[McWolf 3,115]

1:3 is a good gorlab ratio. Good to see you back, man

[Juice 641]

4 minutes ago, gorlab said:

5.  Kristof Welch - @Juice - Literally never heard of this player/member until right now. Peace likes to think he's got a pulse on the VHLM / new gens, which is fine by me. Pretty much the safest BUST of the first round thus far. New member coming into a rotten franchise, that's a big yikes for me.  Good luck to ya though. Maybe you are the missing link that takes Toronto back to relevance (not likely though).

[gorlab 4,321]

3 minutes ago, Acydburn said:

VHLM Commissioner and Updater = Affiliate Claimer.. SMH My Head

 

See, I was right.  VHLM != VHL.  Affiliate league.

[Spartan 4,402]

2 minutes ago, Juice said:

he called me a bust too, take it with a brain of salt lol

[Enorama 2,038]

Just now, Spartan said:

brain of salt

 

League of legends will do that to ya

[Juice 641]

3 minutes ago, Spartan said:

he called me a bust too, take it with a brain of salt lol

Ah damn, so his predictions are accurate?

[Jubis 1,348]

1 minute ago, Juice said:

Ah damn, so his predictions are accurate?

Lol No 

[Hex Universe 253]

If I'm annoying to Gorlab, then I must be doing something right lol

[diamond_ace 3,112]

imagine making a commie a bust

[mattyIceman 1,213]

Was L a bust?

[gorlab 4,321]

Just now, MattyIce said:

Was L a bust?

 

ask Christian Stolzschweiger.

[bigAL 2,176]

4 licks?! That Christmas charity drive did melt gorlab’s heart, he’s getting soft (or better at predicting future success)

[Toast 887]

I will work hard to make @gorlabwant to lick Dawson

[Sixersfan594 247]

No LICK for me??? Gorlab... our friendship bro....

[Blazzer 759]

BUST BUST BUST

[Peace 1,531]

23 minutes ago, bigAL said:

4 licks?! That Christmas charity drive did melt gorlab’s heart, he’s getting soft (or better at predicting future success)

Just better at pissing off the right people. 

[Mr_Hatter 1,608]

My man taking no prisoners with this edition

[CrazyCaityCat 65]

19 hours ago, gorlab said:

7.  Caitlyn Catowize - @CrazyCaityCat - 

 

 

 

You are actually disgusting. Go away.

Edited January 17, 2021 by CrazyCaityCat

[Jubis 1,348]

10 minutes ago, Tate said:

 

 

Well look at mr. BRAGY PANTS

[a_Ferk 766]

3 hours ago, Spartan said:

he called me a bust too, take it with a brain of salt lol

He called me a lick. This man knows what he's talking about tbh 

[Jayrad28 396]

The most anticipated piece of satire each offseason!

[gorlab 4,321]

3 hours ago, CrazyCaityCat said:

You are actually disgusting. Go away.

 

I'm sorry if you are offended by the gender commentary, I guess it's possible to misconstrue my intention but I assure you malice was not intended. I bust on like 10-15 guys every off-season. 

[stevo 792]

waiting for your take on pick no. 50